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  1. #241
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    Jun. 18, 2007
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    About whether you regret it as the door gets closer to closing, I've actually got "reverse biological clock."

    When I was a kid, I never wanted them. Not just neutral, but actively against the idea.

    When I was in my teens, I never wanted them.

    When I was in my 20s, I never wanted them.

    When I was in my 30s, I never wanted them.

    Now that I am on the cusp of turning 40, I am looking forward to that future day when it is no longer a biological possibility, not even by the minutest of chances, and I wish it would get here faster. When it is no longer possible at all for me, I will celebrate because I have escaped a (for me) horrible experience.

    No regrets whatsoever. What always surprises me is that most "I don't want kids" people can appreciate that others can be wired totally differently and love kids, but in my experience, very few people who love kids can comprehend how other people might feel differently.



  2. #242
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    Jan. 16, 2002
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    West Coast of Michigan
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    It's not that uncommon, nor is it pathological or "abnormal" to not want children. And it doesn't have to be horses vs. kids--plenty of people choose to not have kids for reasons other than having other passions. It's all good.

    I wish people would put half as much thought into becoming parents as those who struggle with the decision and ultimately decide NOT to seem to do! Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
    Click here before you buy.



  3. #243

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    very few people who love kids can comprehend how other people might feel differently.
    I think it's a biological/hormonal thing. Once you have kids, you have these chemicals that start up that make you completely unable to imagine not having kids. If all the people who've told me that once they had kids, they couldn't imagine not having them is anything to go by. Or the people I hear who say "it's different when they're yours". And stuff like that. (Disclaimer: this paragraph is at least half tongue-in-cheek.)

    That said, I've never really been overly interested in kids. I like my space. I like not having to give up what I want to do for someone else. I'm grateful, of course, that my parents did for me but that doesn't mean I want to do it for someone else. I always figured if I got married some day and we wanted to have kids, I'd try to adopt.

    Frankly, the idea of being pregnant and giving birth terrifies me.



  4. #244
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    Jan. 16, 2002
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    I'm the OP. old thread is an understatement!! Just ask my four year old kid, lol!
    Now I'm LOL and reminding myself to check dates. I hope all is well for the OP and her 4yo kid. When I say "it's all good", sometimes that can also mean surprises. Or changes of plans. Humans have been coping with kids for a pretty long time, and still making advances in things besides horses all the same. Or not. Families come in all shapes and sizes. It's still all good.
    Click here before you buy.



  5. #245
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    Nov. 18, 2004
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    Catonsville, MD
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    I think there's a lot of unthinking conformism at work in the pressure some of us are subjected to regarding having kids. Some people can't bear for others NOT to make the same choices that they do. Which is annoying and sad, but I don't get bent out of shape about it.

    I have been surprised at how little grief / nosy inappropriate comments I personally get. (thank you, mom) Hallelujah. I love being an aunt, I'm learning how to be a stepparent, and I can be a crazy animal lady to my heart's content. There are many other ways to contribute to a new generation's wellbeing and upbringing other than having them yourself. I try to increase the amount of turnout and activity they get and reduce the grain (and television) in their lives, as much as I can.
    I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
    I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09




  6. #246
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    Nov. 5, 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by deltawave View Post
    Now I'm LOL and reminding myself to check dates. I hope all is well for the OP and her 4yo kid. When I say "it's all good", sometimes that can also mean surprises. Or changes of plans. Humans have been coping with kids for a pretty long time, and still making advances in things besides horses all the same. Or not. Families come in all shapes and sizes. It's still all good.
    well, the baby was a big surprise, to say the least, LOL! but we are doing well, and I agree families come in all different varieties.
    One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. - Virginia Woolf



  7. #247
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    Apr. 10, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lori B View Post
    I think there's a lot of unthinking conformism at work in the pressure some of us are subjected to regarding having kids. Some people can't bear for others NOT to make the same choices that they do. Which is annoying and sad, but I don't get bent out of shape about it.
    Very true! It is amazing how there is a well ingrained feeling that women should pop out kids, cook meals, and do laundry. Oh and work full-time, too. And not have any interests outside work or kids or home. The stereotype is alive and well regardless of how many people want to say it is long gone....

    I work two part time jobs but am essentially stay-at-home, as I work mostly out of my house. Other SAHM's cannot fathom the idea that I have a passion outside of my kid. I go to playgroup every week and they are chatting about the latest and greatest stroller or cloth diapers or something while I smile and nod and dream of a new girth and some monogrammed baby pads...
    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.



  8. #248
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    Jun. 17, 2002
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    Go Bucks!
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    I put off a family (currently in my mid 30s) for a variety of reasons, including riding, but later found out it didn't matter because I can't have children anyway. I'm okay with it though!



  9. #249
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    Apr. 5, 2007
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    Tampa FL
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrs.smith View Post
    I'm the OP. old thread is an understatement!! Just ask my four year old kid, lol!
    This is so great



  10. #250
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    Mar. 23, 2005
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    the evergreen state!
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlashGordon View Post
    Very true! It is amazing how there is a well ingrained feeling that women should pop out kids, cook meals, and do laundry. Oh and work full-time, too. And not have any interests outside work or kids or home. The stereotype is alive and well regardless of how many people want to say it is long gone....

    I work two part time jobs but am essentially stay-at-home, as I work mostly out of my house. Other SAHM's cannot fathom the idea that I have a passion outside of my kid. I go to playgroup every week and they are chatting about the latest and greatest stroller or cloth diapers or something while I smile and nod and dream of a new girth and some monogrammed baby pads...
    Yes! I work in a corporate office and i am routinely made fun of because I play "horsey" and dont have nor want to pop out children. People ask me why all the time and in my head i say "because i dont want to end up like you" and out of my mouth comes "because i dont feel the need to populate the world with more humans, thanks."

    To them, my life is not serious. i just got married, and they cannot believe my husband thinks my (ours...but to them its mine) is ok. when in fact hubby wants children less than i do, LOL. Add to it that i dont spend $$ on the latest fashions and i never have any clue as to what tv shows our celebrity gossip they are talking about. I just sit there quietly and listen (and think *thank god*)

    Thankfully, my manager, who does not have children either but small pets with his partner, understands and treats my necessary time off to be the same as those of my co-workers who need time off to tend to their children.

    I dont mind that they have kids, but what I do mind is that they think they are somehow better or special, requiring to talk ad nauseum about them expecting me to care. LOL sometimes i want to talk about my horses like they talk about their kids "my 3 yr old crapped in his bed last nite and bit his friend at day care"... but i restrain myself.

    who knows, maybe one day we'll change our minds and have a kid or 2. but for now, life is good the way it is, and i hope for the same for everyone else.



  11. #251
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2001
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    Almost Aiken
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    2,516

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    Originally Posted by xeroxchick
    There are a lot of things they interfere with.
    Quote Originally Posted by gotabuk View Post
    wow....that's kind of....heartless is the only word that comes to mind.

    I was indifferent to having kids for a long time. If it happened, great. If it didn't happen, great.

    But I'm currently 5 months pregnant with out first and I would NOT trade this experience for anything in the world. We recently found out that we're having a girl, and to see her little profile, her little fingers and toes on the ultrasound brought tears to my eyes.

    And my horse...well, he's on vacation, fat as a tick and happy being a temporary pasture potato. I haven't ridden in about a month and yes, I miss it, but I'm also enjoying the vacation from it as well.

    I'm 34 and have been riding since age 7, and I plan to continue riding, no matter how many kids we have. Where there's a will, there's a way. There is always a way to make it work. I know plenty of people who ride and have babies and kids and they all make it work. I have no doubt that I will too.

    Horsey love is great, yeah, but I don't think it can be compared to the love given by a child. But that's just my 2 cents.

    I don't think that's heartless, I think it's true. Face it - kids interfere with sleep, free time, your love life on occasion - basically the ability to do what you want when you want. Some people are willing to accept and even want the "interference" of children because they see it as a worthwhile trade off.

    Personally I'm in the no-kids-for-me camp. I don't mind kids, I used to teach them even (and enjoyed it ), but I'm VERY selfish about my alone time and frankly some days even being married is a challenge. At 47+ I don't think I'm likely to change

    I have many animals in my life, horses, cats & dogs. They are NOT surrogate children, they are dear friends and part of my family. Their love isn't the same as human love, of course, but again if I'd wanted childlike adoration from something I would have had kids. I don't. I prefer the companionship of animals, and their version of love. Far fewer strings


    Congrats on your own pregnancy, and I'm happy for you. It's not my bag, as they say, but if it's what you want then heaven bless you and may you enjoy every moment of it (And I'm not being snarky or tongue in cheek saying that, I mean it, truly. That goes for all those who are moms now!)
    Last edited by saje; Jul. 2, 2009 at 04:41 PM.



  12. #252
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    Apr. 14, 2007
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    Pen Argyl PA
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    i'm 40 almost 41. my hubby is 44. We have been married for 14+ yrs of Childless bliss. NEVER wanted kids, either of us. But that is not in relation to my horsey hobby. i think if i DID have kids i probably could not afford a horse and i much prefer the company of my horse. when you have no kids, you have TIME, you have peace and quiet, take a nap if you need one, no running the kids all over for sports, etc.. I LOVE having no kids. While all my friends with kids are pulling their hair out, i'm relaxing on the trail.



  13. #253
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    Nov. 3, 2008
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    344

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    Put me with those that haven't ever really had the desire to have children. My brother is holding a huge grudge right now because "I dont like their baby". So untrue...how could I dislike a baby? But yes, I'm not overly intruiged by her or any baby. She's cute, but I have no idea how to interact with her. I dont fawn over her and bring them gifts every visit. But it's certainly nothing personal.
    It's also not a matter of choosing horses or lifestyle over children. I've just never had an interest. I have the time off work, the financial stability, the whole bit, EXCEPT for whatever's missing in me that would make me want to raise a child. My 33rd birthday is coming up very soon and my mom was putting the pressure on recently. She says that once I have a child, everything will change, and it will be wonderful. I worry that may not be true! And if so, pity the poor child that gets brought into that sort of life. I'm sure I could do a respectable job if I had to, but I don't think I'm great parent material.
    My mom says it's self centered/selfish not to have them, I think in my case it's practical not to, and she's the one being self centered- she just wants grandkids!



  14. #254
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    Apr. 17, 2007
    Location
    Mineral, VA
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    39

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    Quote Originally Posted by fullmoon fever View Post
    Me, me, me!

    I decided when I was 12 that I didn't want any children; got a tubal ligation at age 25
    You can do this?? I've heard that most doctors won't allow this if you haven't had a child... shoot, they won't even let you have Mirana (sp?), that IUD. I'm interested because I'd be all for it!

    I have no desire to have kids... I like my life the way it is. I feel like I am just too selfish.



  15. #255
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    Jul. 20, 2007
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    Rising Sun, MD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard Ridge View Post
    Two questions:

    1. WHY was this thread raised from the dead? It began and ended (until a few minutes agao) in 2003.

    2. How many of the avowed childless from 2003 now have little bundles of joy dangling from a Baby Bjorn?

    Inquiring minds want to know.
    Answering #2
    Avowed childless then- still childless today- I am 100% positive it will stay that way
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain



  16. #256
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    Jul. 29, 2006
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    Colorado- Yee Haw!
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    2,550

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard Ridge View Post
    Two questions:

    1. WHY was this thread raised from the dead? It began and ended (until a few minutes agao) in 2003.

    2. How many of the avowed childless from 2003 now have little bundles of joy dangling from a Baby Bjorn?

    Inquiring minds want to know.
    I don't think I was on this thread - pretty sure I wasn't a member in 2003 - but I would have said no kids then. Today, my belly is in the way of my laptop. My horse loves to nuzzel my growing belly - he even has sympathy belly.



  17. #257
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    May. 8, 2004
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    Vienna, Austria
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrs.smith View Post
    I'm the OP. old thread is an understatement!! Just ask my four year old kid, lol!
    I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!!



    Congrats, mrs. smith.

    By the way, my official position on the topic is that if you don't want kids, don't have them. They are huge time suckers, cost centers not to mention that they barf frequently. And unlike dogs, there's no chance they'll clean up the mess if left alone with it long enough.

    That said: I was one of those people who KNEW they did not want children. Ever. Ick. Ew. I grew older, met the person I married at age 36, did a 180, and had two children when I was age 38 and 40. So forgive me if I snicker quietly when I read all of these young whippersnappers insisting that they will never, ever have children. I was you once, y'ung un!



  18. #258
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    Jun. 11, 2006
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    Berryville, VA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard Ridge View Post

    That said: I was one of those people who KNEW they did not want children. Ever. Ick. Ew. I grew older, met the person I married at age 36, did a 180, and had two children when I was age 38 and 40. So forgive me if I snicker quietly when I read all of these young whippersnappers insisting that they will never, ever have children. I was you once, y'ung un!
    I was too! I never in my life thought I would EVER want kids. After a miscarriage several months ago, DH and I can't wait to pop one out. If you would have told me a year ago I would have these feelings, I would have said you were nuts. Funny how things change as we grow older.
    Boarding for Show, Pleasure, and Retirement horses. www.LockeMeadows.com



  19. #259
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    Oct. 18, 2000
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mudder View Post
    You can do this?? I've heard that most doctors won't allow this if you haven't had a child... shoot, they won't even let you have Mirana (sp?), that IUD. I'm interested because I'd be all for it!

    I have no desire to have kids... I like my life the way it is. I feel like I am just too selfish.
    Even younger.

    Don't feel very comfortable disclosing medical info but since we're all having a frank girl talk....

    Mr. JSwan and I discussed various options and procedures and decided that a vasectomy was the best choice. He was 20 - maybe had just turned 21.

    Neither of us have ever wanted children.

    We eloped at 19. Really.

    That was over two decades ago.

    I think we had been married about 13-14 months when he met with the doctor. Dr. asked to speak with me and Mr JSwan gave his permission - Dr asked me in and barely got the question out when I started yammering.

    Congrats to the ladies who got knocked up in the intervening years this thread has lain dormant - and congrats to the ladies who are knocked up now. Shame on you - I know what you've been doing!

    But for me - I am content.



  20. #260
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    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    Man...I'm 27 and my doc won't even consider a TL for me. Oh well.

    I don't want kids. I ADORE children, but I have no desire to be pregnant, to push something out of my uterus, I don't like infants. I like to leave when I want to leave, sleep when I want to sleep, etc. I'm in a fairly dangerous and busy profession and won't want to leave for a long time. I like my new pony. I like my new BF. My life is full and happy and won't be changed for the better by a child.

    No thanks.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



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