I started a thread a bit ago about something I missed in an omnibus listing, poking fun of myself!!
A few people replied, and using veiled sarcasm, proceeded to, once again, make me feel dumb for posting on here.
Recently there was a thread about civility, and maybe if we weren't anonymous we would be more civil to one another.
I have been REALLY attacked on here, and yes, have indeed gone to bed, and had a good cry.
I am, really, a human being with feelings. I have never attacked a single person on here. I have never been rude to any of you. I HAVE, on occasion, before being non-anonymous helped one or two of you out at a show.
I have, on the other hand, had opinions. I have had good, which no one notices, and I have had negative. I have come across, to most, as being concerned only with eventing practices as it relates to my daughter. The people who REALLY know me on here, know how untrue that is. I do draw from my expierances with modern eventing, based on our expierances.. Because that's what I see.
I was surprised to find no true rider divisions, and I could go on. But the one thing I have never done is treat someone on this board with disrespect, being mean, or rude or, the worst hurtful. I can say, SEVERAL people can not say that. Because I have been their target.
I think each person has an opinion, and just because it differs, doesn't mean they are wrong and I am right. It means two people see things differently.
The problem with eventing isn't PRO, it's not money, it's not the loss of land, or the short format. It's that people are getting ruder to one another. That we find it entertaining to be mean, spiteful and cruel. I have really cool things going on, my daughter has her first sponsor, our horse is going Amazing, we just were given some really nice horses. I would love to come share that...be more positive...but if EVERYTHING I say is twisted...why bother?
Last edited by gold2012; Sep. 29, 2011 at 09:15 PM.
I am new to this board and I will admit I belong to another horse forum and with forum like this and like the other one I belong to you have to take what one person says with a grain of salt, and you kinda have to have thick skin. I recently ran a thread on the other forum about people getting snarky with one another and I got replies that said no that I wasn't the only one that noticed. And I think it is because we can't put a face inless you have it for your avatar you can't put a face with the poster so therefore they feel like they can be rude.
But I think it also depends on what the topic is will depend on if the rudeness is called for or not. My perception of 'being rude' and your perception of 'being rude' could be totally 2 different perceptions.
Does that make sense.... when you post a thread or you reply to a thread be careful of your words, reread and reread again before hitting that send button. If you think someone might take offense maybe step away and rethink it.
If you would like to be more positive, I think a good start would be revising your post and actually doing so! Post about the positive things you hardly mentioned at the end of the OP. It came across to me as mostly whiny and negative, to be honest (not attacking). If people are nasty or cruel, ignore it, let it go, they're not worth the tears!
"I decided I am going to live, or at least try to live, the way I want,
with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure."
Thank you for posting this! I find it amazing at some of the Snarky comments that people come up with on COTH. You DO need thick skin. Therefore I rarely post.
Sometimes I think it is not just our sport...but a National epidemic.
The way I look at is is that this is the internet. You can learn a lot of great things. You can also be inundated with a lot of crap. Keep your head up, be aware of who is trying to make your life miserable and who actually wants to help. Most importantly, before you ask for help or advice, make sure you actually WANT it. It is so frustrating to spend ages typing out a thoughtful reply to a poster asking for feedback, only to have the OP argue with me.
Some replies may come across as snarky, but as I said, it's the internet. Big whoop! Figuring out the tone that someone is using when you aren't talking to them face to face or even over the phone is tough. It's a written word and who knows, maybe you're taking it in completely the wrong way.
People being nasty to each other is not an eventing problem. It's a society problem. "Be the change you want to see in the world." Lead by example and tune out the negativity. You will be much happier!
I think it is as much the internet bulletin board medium as eventing. I have seen trainwreck-bullying threads on boards covering all sorts of non-horse topics, complete with alters and inside jokes like COTH. It's the whole "knowing" someone from their posts, but not in real life thing. Even just reading the "comments" on CNN articles etc. can be pretty painful.
I do agree with you that this board is going through a particularly critical phase which I hope is not permanent.
Actually, Gold, to be fair, some of the things you've posted haven't been all that nice and positive. Just an example: you ranted all over the AECs and the course there, really putting down those of us (a true "Rider" division eligible rider, as well as an amateur) who thought it was challenging and fun and who had the time of my life out there. It would've been one thing to have been disappointed that your daughter wasn't standing higher in the division, but if you go back and look at what you wrote, it was pretty much a put down of the rest of us competing against her. Not that I was going to let you rain on my happy place, but your rant left a poor taste in my mouth.
There are a lot of awesome people on this board. Some of them are some of my best friends in real life. Others are folks I see and cheer on at events, and they do the same for me. And there was a whole community of folks here who I'll never meet in person but who were supportive and kind and awesome when we lost our advanced horse - and to whom I am incredibly grateful. I can't pretend that I'm always the least snarky person on here (or in real life), but I think in general most of the folks are pretty legit and genuinely awfully decent, and heck, probably kinder than they need to be.
Gold2012, maybe you should back away from the keyboard and take some time away from COTH. It's an internet message board, and if you are letting it get to you enough to "go to bed and have a good cry" over what people have said, perhaps it's best to go about your business without sharing it over the interwebs.
As nice as you may be in real life, you do yourself no favors on here. People have a long memory, and for a long time, you have whinged and complained about how your daughter is SO talented, but she just can't get ahead, owners pull horses even when she works for free, you are treated unfairly, you sacrifice everything, etc etc etc. The last time I read your post was to see you whine about how "easy" the prelim AEC XC was, and that your daughter was screwed. Again. Even in this post, you did the same thing, but again you are the victim.
The only thing people on an internet message board have to judge you by is what you post. If their perception is that you "have come across, to most, as being concerned only with eventing practices as it relates to my daughter", there is a reason for that.
Sometimes when you think the problem is everyone else, it helps to look at yourself.
Gold, I don't know you or your daughter. The ONLY thing I know about your character is what I've extrapolated from your threads. If you want honesty then you get honesty.
I, for one, have long grown weary of your martyr routine (up all night braiding, too cash-poor to eat anything other than peanut butter, hardest working daughter in the sport, going out of your way to rescue kittens, changing a tire with a bale of hay). It's too much. Everyone in this sport is sacrificing something for the luxury of participation, yet do you see anyone else mirroring your continuous "woe is me"?
Perhaps your self-perception is growing too dependant on the opinions expressed here, I don't know. It is just an internet BB, after all.
A few people replied, and using veiled sarcasm, proceeded to, once again, make me feel dumb for posting on here.
There was nothing whatsoever 'veiled' about my response to you on the other thread.
However, I wasn't being sarcastic. It makes sense that if one wants to win prize money, one would look in the omnibus listing to find out where prize money is on offer. You claimed to want the former but also claimed you don't do the latter.
First, I am going to apologize to those people who took my AEC thread to mean anything about thier riding. What I was TRYING to say, was WHEN WHEELED, SEVERAL PEOPLE, NOT JUST US came up between 500 meters shorter than they did. That is odd, and I felt a bit weird at a championship event. Find anywhere I made comments on Stadium. I was disappointed in how WE DID in Stadium, but it was a great course. Several people looked AMZING on XC.
About Prizes JER. I don't find it odd to like winning money, but not look specifically at it in the omnibus. Actually we are still very nervous at shows, and I try to minimize pressure on both of us. I also don't look at dressage scores if I think we did well. It felt very much like a put down.
Star house, I suspect you come closest to nailing it. My last thread was suppose to comedic. I was making fun of my inability to read, well, lack of attention to detail. In reference to Peanut butter, I was being goofy. Anyone sitting in my living room would have heard the humor. Unfortunately, that did not come thru in my post to some people. The same people who often read things into my posts that I don't mean.
West coast, MANY times I have come here, asking for help, advice, trying to, in as short a way as possible explain my situation, to see if others have gone thru this.....At the time, I was new to these boards. I read other posters, and MANY of you had great advice. It was a compliment to many of you, Deltawave, JER, Flutie, to ask what to do.
Acme.....I don't know you, but if posting about some kittens, or using hay for a jack is seen as being martyr like....well...I don't know what to tell you. Look around, at the rest of the posters. As much as we argue, not one I know would have done anything different about those kittens. As for the hay...really, I titled that small brag, cause ya know what, that was a cool idea! As for her being a hard worker, never said she was the hardest worker....but she does work hard. I hear many MANY complaints that the kids today don't know what hard work is, they don't work for what they get....most times I have said anything about her work ethic, is because I wonder if someone who works really hard, today, can get where you could 20 years ago.
Having said all this, many people come on here and whine. Some of it is so absurd to me, that I just laugh and move on. Some people are so rude to others, I just cringe and am grateful that I DON'T do that. That I don't use anonymity, or the Internet to bully. We came to eventing just under four years ago, because the people were so kind to us. Those friends we made those years ago, come stay w us now and then, and send notes when we do well, and notes of support when we don't. But the atmosphere is slowly changing...it makes me sad. I don't know if it's the Internet slowly creeping into real life or what....but I don't think being snarky on a bulletin board is good for anyone. I try to give individuals he benefit of the doubt.... I suspect if you were to walk in someone else's shoes....
Gold - I would hope that if a friend of yours knew how you were feeling and reacting to posts on COTH, they would tell you to turn off the computer, go outside to the barn and enjoy something real and pleasant, your horses.
It isn't worth the hurt and angry feelings you seem to be having, especially since you deem it necessary to argue w/ those who don't see your side as you wish it to be seen.
When when I'm upset about something someone else said or did, I try to remember it's my choice to feel how I feel. No one can make me have hurt feelings. e.g. water off the back of a duck, no?
Sarcasm, thinly veiled or otherwise.
Referring to old grievances when convenient.
Leaping upon errors of fact or judgment.
Giving, or not giving, the benefit of the doubt.
HUMAN NATURE, and probably MORE prevalent in a group of people who are fairly comfortable with one another than in a group of actual "strangers". Do any of you have large family gathering where, after the first couple of days, you are all still hugging and making chit-chat?? Not MY family. We argue non-stop, pounce on one another's weaknesses, tease MERCILESSLY, take sides, and never let a matter rest. EVER. And I know that I can call on any one of them, day or night, and ask them for ANYTHING and the answer will be "yes, of course".
Maybe COTH is not quite the same as a family, but it does share some features . . . both the good ones and the slightly sticky, ragged, musty and unsavory ones. I often disagree somewhat strenuously with some people on COTH (usually on Horse Care) but would do any of them a favor if ever I could, without question. Human nature. Shiny happy people holding hands is for sissy pop songs. Real human beings are a lot more complicated. Why not talk about some of the good things COTHers or eventers have done for you?
What I was TRYING to say, was WHEN WHEELED, SEVERAL PEOPLE, NOT JUST US came up between 500 meters shorter than they did. That is odd, and I felt a bit weird at a championship event.
I remember some sort of comment about how the AEC was a "glorified dressage show". Maybe just saying that you found the XC wheeled too short would have been more direct and to the point?
So let me tell you guys about this one REALLY cool COTH person.
She has to be like one of the BUsIEST people.
I sent her an email and asked her, I barely know her, if she could please look over my daughters sponsor proposal. I didn't want it to be whiney, or poor us, or any of that stupid stuff! I wanted it to be intellectual, and smart. Full of positives, but not diminishing what has been achieved. And what obstacles were overcome.
So, this 10 page proposal is sent out, and comes back with some gramatical changes, things to expound on, things to cut shorter. PEOPLE LINE BY LINE this lady did this. There were lots of unchanged parts, and lots of great ideas, and stronger words.
This went back and forth for two weeks.
The end result of this collaboration was a proposal that IS amazing. John Nunn said of it..."quite brilliant"!!!
This is someone I would drive cross country to help....
I won't say who she is, she can tell you...if she so chooses! But to her...SALUTE!