Holy crap, I've been a wreck the last 24 hours. I was crying within 5 minutes of opening my eyes this morning, and randomly at lunch just broke down sobbing. My 5yro son walked over and hugged me, and I cried on him. He later brought me two Breyer horses, saying, "Here Mommy. These two horses can keep you company."
I've agonized over this, but my husband and I agreed...it is time to say goodbye. GAH it kills me to say that. Still. But, she is in pain, even with the medication. She is walking and using the leg now, but tonight, spending a lot of time with her, I could see...she isn't right, and not just in gait. She is dull; languid. She just wanted to put her head in my lap and seemed unusually disinterested in grazing (I led her 10' out of her stall and sat in a chair with her lead rope in hand--just to let her out). She grazed, don't get me wrong, but seemed to just want to go back to her stall. She nickered for and readily ate her dinner, but again--something is different in her demeanor. My sweet baby.
I made the appointment for Friday at 10am. I figured it gives me time to say goodbye and love and spoil her until then, and then I don't have to go back to work the next day to try and function. Her pain will be managed in the meantime.
I knew this day was coming as I recognized she was growing older. I just didn't think it would be today.
Last edited by Lauruffian; Sep. 26, 2011 at 08:55 AM.
So sorry. I knew you would know what to do. Please remember that euthanasia is the greatest gift you could ever give. It is literally taking their pain away and making it your own so wear that pain like a badge that shows just how deep your love went. Godspeed.
The very sad merit badge earned by a true horsewoman: the one where the horsewoman puts her horse before herself. The most gracious final reward any horse can hope for, and lucky are those horses who receive it.
I am so sorry. Make sure you spend this week, not just for her, but for you and family as well. Take lots of pictures, get some of her hair, gmnaybe even get a hoof print with plaster of Paris. Buy her a carrot cake and groom her. . When Chocomare had to put her Star down, we gave her a carrot cake, and spent a long time grooming her and taking pictures, before the vet arrived. Which brings me to another point - do have a close friend with you, who is willing to be there to the end, in case you can't.
I am so sorry for your pending loss and your sweet mare's pain. I admire and support your decision and courage. This will be both the longest and shortest week of your life I imagine. Love and spoil her rotten for the week and try and remember the happy times. We are all here for you.
My heart breaks for you - this is very very sad. But like others have said if you can, take comfort in knowing you are doing the right thing by your lovely mare. It's just so damned heart wrenching to do what is right.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". - DAVE BARRY