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  1. #1

    Default Anybody else not particularly thrilled with life?

    Posting under an alter, obviously.

    I'm just not super impressed with life right now. I feel like I've completely lost my sense of direction. It used to be, I had goals and a plan. Now, it seems I've sort of lost the plot, so to speak.

    I graduated from college a couple of years ago. I've been working ever since. I have a decent job, with decent pay and benefits, but without any real upward mobility. So no real direction there.

    I still live in the town I went to school in, mostly because I couldn't think of a reason to choose any other place in particular.

    I'm in a longterm relationship that doesn't seem to be going anywhere fast either. 5+ years, lots of talk about the "m" word and moving in together, very little actual action on the part of SO. Not particularly happy about this either. I feel like it's getting to be time to move forward or call it quits.

    So, basically, I'm lost. I don't have any sense of direction in my life and it's making me a little crazy. And a lot depressed.

    Any advice?
    Anyone else?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 23, 2003
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    1,180

    Default

    No advice here - I feel the same way. Only I've never really had goals or much of a plan, so perhaps that's catching up with me.

    I graduated from college in May and I'm back home living with the parents. I do have a legit non-retail, non-food service job, but the money is lousy. I was sort of excited about at least getting to ride regularly and show some while building a resume, but of course the week I got my job, horse went mysteriously NQR.

    And my father just decided to throw a tantrum about the bill for Horse's SI injection. The bill I'm paying. And while I realize that since I live here (which, let's face it, thrills me as much as it thrills them), the parents are in effect subsidizing my life, I'd rather they mind their own business.

    I still don't actually know *what* it is I want to be doing with myself. So I'm feeling a bit stymied lately with no way out.

    Is sleepwalking through the next 6-12 months an option?
    "Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense!"



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    33,594

    Default

    Oye veh, do I hear you.

    Not going anywhere fast.
    One thing that gets me out of funks like that is to do something nice for somebody else. does not really matter what. Random act of kindness, or a deeper commitment with a charity.

    Also, do make sure you get enough sleep and stuff, light.

    I have been dragging butt since Christmas last year basically. If I remember and can drag my butt out, i shall finally see a doctor and get a checkup.
    Take care of yourself, do a little soul searching. You still have a long road ahead of you!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 1, 1999
    Location
    flyover country
    Posts
    2,193

    Default Hmmm

    you didn't even mention here on this board if you have a horse that you ride or even have acess to. even just to brush or relieve stress. Do you have friends? Is there a spiritual componant to your life?
    Personally, I have hit bottom and been draggin for about the last two years. A nonpaying job has opened up at my church which I am over the moon about. It gives me a reason to get out of bed and take a shower and get dressed. Plus they will be TEACHING me what to do, so I do not need to feel guilty for taking their money for not knowing what to do.
    Get back on the meds. Dr. Feelgood has me try everything that comes down the pike. Eventually we will hit pay dirt. But nothing will work as well as a paying JOB. What my friends tell me is true No one will love me if I don
    t love me. But that is a very hard thing to do. You must try.
    Another killer of threads



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2011
    Posts
    2

    Default

    I do have a horse that I ride daily, as well as an active social life. Although, I have been doing some editing on the friends front lately...

    I'm a person who needs to have goals and a direction. Everything else is ancillary. And right now I feel lost...

    I just don't know where my life is going. Or how. Or why. And that scares and depresses me.

    I do feel a little better now, though, knowing that I'm not the only one...

    Larksmom - I was never actually on medication. My SN is a play on the old "Off Topic Day = Off Meds Day" joke. And I'm not clinically depressed. I've been clinically depressed. This isn't it. Now quite yet, anyway.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2008
    Location
    At the office
    Posts
    732

    Default

    OMDA - I hear you. I think with the economy the way it is, there are a LOT of people in a similar boat. For someone used to moving forward (and really thriving on that), it can be very difficult. There are a lot of people repeating the mantra, "At least I have a job, at least it pays well, at least I'm getting my bills paid..." etc.

    And of course those things are true and good things to be thankful for. When you've been working your rear off just to tread water, which a lot of people have to do these days, as they may now be doing the job of 2-3 people, it can become exhausting. Feels like you'll never get that farm or home, never afford kids, etc. Throw in another curve ball or two, and it gets pretty hairy.

    I think these times are all about learning to be grateful for what we DO have, and jettisoning anything that we have, but don't need, that makes us less happy. I think above all, we can be grateful when we have our health, and so do our loved ones.

    As to advice, maybe you can shake things up a little, in small ways? Try doing something you've never done before, or going somewhere you've never been before. Just a thought, anyway.
    Fear is the rocket sauce.
    Jack Black



  7. #7
    Join Date
    May. 10, 2009
    Location
    NC piedmont
    Posts
    2,200

    Default

    Yeah, I hear you. I'm working my ass off to get into a business where it's all about who you know and not so much about how good you are. I work with these people and I know I'm better than at least half, but no job for me because A) I don't know all the right people, B) I don't sleep my way anywhere, and C) I'm not 21, blonde and oh-so-cute. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that really is true in this business. I moved 900 miles for this, and four years later I can't even find work in the industry for free.

    In the meantime, I'm also a sports journalist with a major national press award to my name, and no dice there, either. Again, I'm very good at what I do, better than a lot making a living at it, but no breaks despite my qualifications.

    So I'm (just barely on a good day)scraping out a living proofreading technical manuals and trying to find more writing work (doesn't have to be sports, and I have extensive editorial experience as well) while trying to pay my bills and still feed my animals and sometimes even me.

    And it sucks. I'm tired of being stuck with no real job despite the fact that I am qualified and then some.

    And relationships? I can't remember the last time a guy looked at me. I'm not a size 4, but I'm not unattractive, either. And I'm funny and smart and love sports. Lots of guys love being my friend. Bleh.

    So yeah. Remind me what I'm doing here, again?



  8. #8

    Default

    Oh yes, raising my hand here.
    I'm 26, working in a job that pays okay, just okay, but I'm embarrassed to even tell people what I do. Because it's totally ok for a college student summer job but ppl, all ages, are shocked to find out I've graduated already, i do this full time, year round... I know, it's lame and embarrassing and I should be doing MORE with my life, damnit! But I'm stuck here in a really rural area with few options. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy but there's a long waiting time until he graduates and we can move away and try to start our own business. So I feel like I'm stagnant. Marinating in my own self- bashing.
    I could move away, I'm sure my parents would be thrilled for me to move in with them so I could save money and they could micromanage my life, ha. They live in an area I really want to move to... But I have too many pets/animals. Boyfriend would be... Understanding about it I think, but it would take its toll. And whose to say I'd find a CAREER type job there.

    My mom sends 2 emails a month saying all the stuff that's in my head already, clanging around up there,... I need to take this time to go back to school for a masters (for what?? In what field?? You tell me because you must have a better clue than I do of what I'd like to study). My car will be dying soon, I need money saved to buy a new one. I'm no kid anymore I need to figure out what I want to do for a living. I have to find something I enjoy, but it has got to make money, because we all know how much I enjoy my vacations and luxuries. People don't need money to be happy, but will I really be happy not being able to afford things I've grown up with???.... All these are things she says in the emails... And crap, i get it! I'm thinking them too! Aaaaahhhh!!



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 27, 2009
    Posts
    937

    Default

    I feel the same way.

    I'm in a graduate program that I don't particularly enjoy- it's not 'bad' or anything, but I'm not sure it's a great fit for me and my interests. I have a job, that pays okay and the people are great, but the work I'm doing is menial and feels pointless which is very frustrating.

    The relationship side of my life is completely non-existent. Not sure why I'm such an epic failure there, but I am!

    More than anything I miss having a horse and riding. I had so many goals and plans that were completely destroyed. Sometimes I wish I could just skip the next couple years and fast forward to when my life will have (theoretically) improved!
    Cascadia- OTTB mare. 04/04-05/10
    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
    Posts
    9,143

    Default

    Try feeling lost when you're 42. bought a farm last summer with family... family broke apart this spring and now it's just me. Trying to continue to build on it because really... what else am I going to do? Put off buying another horse because of trying to build on the farm (buy more land this fall) and have access to horses whenever I want to ride, but haven't gotten very many rides in. Was in a play this spring that quite honestly probably saved my sanity (if not my life) when the family broke apart... we did our last show yesterday -- and didn't get to finish as it was an outdoor show and it started raining (of course finished raining and the sun came out as we packed up the last of the sound equipment).. so ti feels all unfinished. but having been doing this show for the last 8 months basically... I have a feeling of now what? Work is busy and I usually enjoy it, but lately (the last several months) it's been a bit of a chore to get moving. I'm not anything special when it comes to programming so trying to find a niche I enjoy again is difficult. Family came to me at the end of June and wanted to "try to find a way back" but with all kinds of scheduling issues, I'm nto sure where we stand and it really eats at me. Part of me wants to say to hell with it all ... but I really miss them a lot. I loved my life with them in it and it's hard to think of them not being there, especially hubby.

    I know I have a lot in my life that i really should be focusing on and being thankful for... and I am thankful for it. But I know I've been dealing with some significant depression since hubby started us all down this path in February... and I'm nto sure where to go from here to get back to really liking my life again.

    Sorry to dump... must be the full moon on a monday.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2010
    Location
    On The Farm In New England
    Posts
    870

    Default

    Me! Too many issues to get into but you are not alone!



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2001
    Location
    Almost Aiken
    Posts
    2,774

    Default

    Try feeling lost when you're 50.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2006
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    464

    Default

    No advice, but lots of empathy. I feel directionless as well. Or rather, I feel like I'm drowning. Finished grad school last year, moved cross-country (away from all family/friends) for a job, long-term boyfriend broke up me with a week later, and so it goes.

    It turns out that my job, while it pays well/has great benefits, is not as advertised and the company transferred me internally against my wishes to a struggling department where I have no real leadership or projects. Every effort to find the good in my situation has been followed a month later by another change that stymies that and makes my situation worse. My department is hiring, otherwise I'd worry about losing my job.

    Riding is much more expensive where I am than what I'm used to and that's combining with my total lack of talent to kill what riding goals I had. I enjoy riding the horse I'm leasing, but when I'm not actually riding, it just makes me more depressed.

    I've always been a go-getter who has a plan and tons of motivation. Now I just sit around unhappily, feeling like an animal who is debating whether I should chew my leg off to escape a trap or just give it up and die. I know it could be worse, but I have no hope for it ever getting better either.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 8, 2011
    Posts
    10

    Default

    I think lots of us here feeling that way.

    Have you considered a total change? Moving somewhere new and exciting? Maybe look for jobs somewhere you have always wanted to go. Talk to the significant other. See if it's time to commit or move on. If it's time to move on...perhaps change a lot. If I were uncommitted and without children I would really consider s change if scenery.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Oct. 21, 2003
    Posts
    8,698

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 237 View Post
    I think lots of us here feeling that way.
    Most of the country feels this way, and it's not IMO because of anything external to ourselves. The fact is over the last 20-30 years we have totally destroyed the fabric of our society. Our sense of purpose and community is totally lost. We were sold a bunch of BS that money, power, and material things at the expense of the things that truly make people happy (love, purpose, community) should be the goal.

    A big house that looks like a pottery barn advertisement wont make one happy. A new BMW wont make one happy. A Prada purse wont make one happy. Constantly comparing and competing with others (instead of collaborating and sharing) wont make one happy.

    IMO we have totally lost the plot, and so many are suffering inside, feeling like something is wrong with THEM because what we have been told should make us happy, doesn't. I hope the one thing that comes out of the current crisis we face is that we will once again find our way.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 21, 2007
    Posts
    688

    Default

    Try to develop a grateful heart. When you get to the end of every day, find something in that day that was good, or made you smile. (Some days for me it's just that the dog wanted to cuddle with me.) But when you look around and find the little things every day to be thankful for, life starts to look better.

    (A grateful heart was something I was trying to develop and then 911 happened and my son walked out of Tower 1, safe and sound. I now know the full meaning of a grateful heart.)

    Prayer and meditation can help. Be open to the possibilities of the universe. Ponder the scripture, "Ask and it shall be given; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened unto you."

    When things are not going well, I ask myself, "What am I supposed to learn form this and when I don't like the answer to that question my next thought is, "I wonder what adventure God has planned for me this time." Sounds hokey I know, but it definitely helps me through the rough patches.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Sigh. Add me to the group. Various things, mostly related to lack of finances and a lousy job. I need to do several things, but I can't seem to muster the strength of will, and the lack of progress and then the self-recriminations for failing to do these things are making me a little crazy.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2011
    Posts
    978

    Default

    OffMeds (and everyone else!) -- I was there -- well, can't really quite honestly say I'm out of "there" yet, but getting much closer! My current job (teaching for a community college) is flatlining, and I need to start branching out. I knew that . . . but then I decided I needed some "kickstart" and picked up this book called "Caught Between a Dream and a Job." I know, I know -- another self-help book, ugh -- but this one really did change my outlook on everything. Rather than letting myself be at the mercy of the college, which is threatening to cut my teaching hours and pay next year, I'm working out a plan to get more independence. The book walks you though all the mental steps you need to take in that direction. It did have a sort of Christian slant to it, but as an agnostic, I didn't find it too bad.

    Anyway, just throwing it out there! Hope things get better for you soon.



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