up the hill from the little river (that floods alarmingly often)
I'm 30 ... every now and then I will think maybe I should have a child, but more in the "wow, I'd love to show you some of the really cool things in this world" kind of way. DH really doesn't want kids, and I know an occasional wondering is not nearly enough of a reason to have one.
So I fully expect that it just won't happen for me, and I'm pretty much OK with that for now. Perhaps it'll change later, but I'd far rather regret not having kids than regret having kids.
My niece never ever wanted children. She was always very adamant about that. Her SO felt the same way.
Just recently, about a year ago when she turned 30, she had a complete change of mind on that. Freaked the heck out of her SO, who still didn't want any. She was so convinced she wanted children all of a sudden that she was a bit of a wreck for a short time there.
But...6-8 months later she changed her mind back again and was happy she hadn't gotten pregnant during the time she felt she really did want children.
I'm not sure but I think just the idea of turning 30 was a bit tough on her...sorta an early female midlife crisis moment.
Other than that, every woman I know who didn't ever want kids and never did have any has been fine with the decision. 2 have admitted that once or twice they were missing out on something but never enough to change their decision and both were glad they never did change their minds.
And sometimes those who didn't want kids have ended up pregnant and while freaking out during pregnancy...they end up happy and proud parents. (who just make sure it never happens again, LOL)
It's different for everyone and many can/will change their minds at a later date. If that happens, just wait a year before going ahead and trying to make sure it's not a short-term thing. Because once you have the baby...there's no changing your mind.
Also never change your mind/decide to have a child because of an SO. Not to keep an SO, not to please an SO, not as a compromise to an SO. That's never fair to the baby, the SO or yourself. Just make sure the decision to have a child is 100% your idea and your wish. That is IF you change your mind.
Oh, and never ever let anyone...family, loved ones, friends, etc...tell you it's selfish, unnatural, whatever to not have children. I have *never* understood why anyone for any reason would try to guilt/talk someone into reproducing. Any person who says anything like that to you is most definitely NOT caring one bit about you or any potential child. Just smile sadly, shake your head and say you can't. Most people shut up then, if someone pushes tell them some fantastic story (government experiment gone wrong).
FWIW, I am a mom and always wanted to be one. But the decision to be a mom is a very personal one and only *you* should ever have to make it. And nobody can judge you for that...and not even if you do change your mind.
You jump in the saddle,
Hold onto the bridle!
Jump in the line!
I am a teacher, so every year, I get to spend all my love on them. And they are middle school kids...so they are hard to love sometimes
Ain't that the truth!
Middle school teachers should get hazard pay. Holy dramatic hormones!
Grandchildren are awesome...not that I have any yet but someday not too far in the future hopefully. (I have grown daughters) You get every single perk of infants, toddlers, children, etc and you get to concentrate on all the fun stuff. And children ADORE their grandmas!
I just hope like heck I get a horse-crazy grandchild at some point. My girls weren't interested in horses at all. *gasp*
You jump in the saddle,
Hold onto the bridle!
Jump in the line!
If someone DOES change their mind, I hope they remember there are a gazillion kids out there who need a safe home and I hope that the mind-changers can take one of those instead of making yet another new one. So many great kids are living in starvation/poverty/abominable situations -- if you want to parent, please give one a chance!
I sometimes wonder about this. I'm in my mid/late 20s (over the halfway mark but who's counting?!) and kids just don't quite seem to be in the cards for me. I'm happily single (men suck!!!) and am re-applying to university for next year. I'll be (almost) 27 starting 4 years of university all over again (that is more than a little daunting). Kids? I don't think so.....
Um, let me think a while on the original question...
Yeah, UM,... NON Je Ne Regret Rien!!!
Some of us are programmed to be breeders and some of us aren't. There's a whole bunch of good reasons not to have children these days...and I can't think of a single unselfish one to create more kids on the planet.
One of my co-workers brought her 8-month-old son into the office today. I suppose he's cute, if you think babies are cute. (I prefer puppies myself). In the short time he was there, he puked, loaded a diaper, and screamed his lungs out.
I pretended to be on the phone the entire time so as to have an excuse to not go and coo over the thing and - god forbid - be asked to hold it. (Now, when someone brings their DOG in, I am all over that)!
Not having kids is on of the best decisions I ever made. I'm 56, and never had one second's regret.
I knew by the time I was in my late teens that I didn't want children. When DH and I started to be serious about getting married, I was brutally frank about kids. It wouldn't be fair to make him give up having a family if he wanted one.
I wish we had kids. I've always loved kids and am one of those people that kids tend to gravitate to (maybe because I'll get down on their level and play still ).
I didn't want kids for quite a while. And then when I did start wanting kids (late 20s) there were a lot of things that made it really, really hard. I was pregnant once briefly, and I think that made it harder emotionally to not have them.
But such is life. Few people are 100% happy with everything in their lives. I have other things I love that I likely wouldn't have if I had kids.
Lesson Junkie - are you me? Also 56, married 33 years. I knew when I was 15 that kids weren't for me. I got my tubes tied when I was 28. I have to say, very few days go by that I don't think - thank God I don't have children!
But I may be a somewhat extreme case - I always thought babies were completely gross (still do) and I just do not enjoy being around children at all. When I was trying to convince a doctor that the tubal was right for me, I was asked many times - but what if you change your mind? I always knew that that was not going to happen. And I was right. As my husband says - I don't have a maternal bone in my body.
And I never, ever refer to my pet/s as "kids". That is disturbing to me.
I am right in there with Miss T and Lesson Junkie, minus the DH. I must have been. oh, a super mature 7-8 years old when i realised two things: I would never marry, and sure as hell didn't want kids because I couldn't stand my age-mates save the few that worked as hard at that age as I did (still friends with them too, 50+ years later). I have never changed a diaper, fed a kid, or held a gross baby in my entire life. No regrets whatsoever.
Founder of the Dyslexic Clique. Dyslexics of the world - UNTIE!!