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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 14, 2010
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    Deep in the Heart of Texas aka Houston
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    377

    Default spinoff from the I don't want kids thread... does anyone regret not having kids?

    I'm pretty sure that I don't want to have kids but I'm only 28. Does anyone that decided not to have kids regret doing so when they were older?
    Quote Originally Posted by Sithly View Post
    do NOT give your 5 year old child a big bag of apples and send her out alone into a herd of 20-some horses to get mobbed. There are better ways to dispose of unwanted children.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 15, 2007
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    (throw dart at map) NC!
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    5,344

    Default

    Ummmmm...... no. No, I don't.



  3. #3
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    Feb. 14, 2003
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    Windward Farm, Washougal, WA- our work in progress, our money pit, our home!
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    Default

    Yes, yes I do. I'm 43 and my SO has two kids from his first marriage. He made no bones about the fact that he didn't want more. (and he *can't* anymore, either).

    I had to come to grips with that, and I'm ok with it...sort of. I really wish I had at least one of my own. I dote on my nephews, and hope for step-grandkids to spoil one day.

    I am a teacher, so every year, I get to spend all my love on them. And they are middle school kids...so they are hard to love sometimes
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 8, 2001
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    up the hill from the little river (that floods alarmingly often)
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    Default

    I'm 30 ... every now and then I will think maybe I should have a child, but more in the "wow, I'd love to show you some of the really cool things in this world" kind of way. DH really doesn't want kids, and I know an occasional wondering is not nearly enough of a reason to have one.

    So I fully expect that it just won't happen for me, and I'm pretty much OK with that for now. Perhaps it'll change later, but I'd far rather regret not having kids than regret having kids.
    Full-time bargain hunter.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
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    NorthEast
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    Default

    My niece never ever wanted children. She was always very adamant about that. Her SO felt the same way.

    Just recently, about a year ago when she turned 30, she had a complete change of mind on that. Freaked the heck out of her SO, who still didn't want any. She was so convinced she wanted children all of a sudden that she was a bit of a wreck for a short time there.

    But...6-8 months later she changed her mind back again and was happy she hadn't gotten pregnant during the time she felt she really did want children.

    I'm not sure but I think just the idea of turning 30 was a bit tough on her...sorta an early female midlife crisis moment.

    Other than that, every woman I know who didn't ever want kids and never did have any has been fine with the decision. 2 have admitted that once or twice they were missing out on something but never enough to change their decision and both were glad they never did change their minds.

    And sometimes those who didn't want kids have ended up pregnant and while freaking out during pregnancy...they end up happy and proud parents. (who just make sure it never happens again, LOL)

    It's different for everyone and many can/will change their minds at a later date. If that happens, just wait a year before going ahead and trying to make sure it's not a short-term thing. Because once you have the baby...there's no changing your mind.

    Also never change your mind/decide to have a child because of an SO. Not to keep an SO, not to please an SO, not as a compromise to an SO. That's never fair to the baby, the SO or yourself. Just make sure the decision to have a child is 100% your idea and your wish. That is IF you change your mind.

    Oh, and never ever let anyone...family, loved ones, friends, etc...tell you it's selfish, unnatural, whatever to not have children. I have *never* understood why anyone for any reason would try to guilt/talk someone into reproducing. Any person who says anything like that to you is most definitely NOT caring one bit about you or any potential child. Just smile sadly, shake your head and say you can't. Most people shut up then, if someone pushes tell them some fantastic story (government experiment gone wrong).

    FWIW, I am a mom and always wanted to be one. But the decision to be a mom is a very personal one and only *you* should ever have to make it. And nobody can judge you for that...and not even if you do change your mind.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte


    4 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
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    Feb. 6, 2003
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    Default

    I am a teacher, so every year, I get to spend all my love on them. And they are middle school kids...so they are hard to love sometimes
    Ain't that the truth!
    Middle school teachers should get hazard pay. Holy dramatic hormones!

    Grandchildren are awesome...not that I have any yet but someday not too far in the future hopefully. (I have grown daughters) You get every single perk of infants, toddlers, children, etc and you get to concentrate on all the fun stuff. And children ADORE their grandmas!

    I just hope like heck I get a horse-crazy grandchild at some point. My girls weren't interested in horses at all. *gasp*
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 2, 2009
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    North Carolina
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    Default

    No, absolutely not.

    If someone DOES change their mind, I hope they remember there are a gazillion kids out there who need a safe home and I hope that the mind-changers can take one of those instead of making yet another new one. So many great kids are living in starvation/poverty/abominable situations -- if you want to parent, please give one a chance!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2007
    Location
    Ontario
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    1,953

    Default

    I sometimes wonder about this. I'm in my mid/late 20s (over the halfway mark but who's counting?!) and kids just don't quite seem to be in the cards for me. I'm happily single (men suck!!!) and am re-applying to university for next year. I'll be (almost) 27 starting 4 years of university all over again (that is more than a little daunting). Kids? I don't think so.....
    Riding the winds of change

    Heeling NRG Aussies
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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 24, 2009
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    289

    Default

    I worried that I would hear the mystical biological clock ticking at 30... but I'm almost to 31 and nothing yet! Glad every day that it's just DH, me, and four legged 'kids'. No regrets so far.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    Default

    31 and MORE convinced I did the right thing....for me that is.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
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    Sep. 16, 2010
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    In the windmills of my mind
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    88

    Default

    Um, let me think a while on the original question...
    Yeah, UM,... NON Je Ne Regret Rien!!!

    Some of us are programmed to be breeders and some of us aren't. There's a whole bunch of good reasons not to have children these days...and I can't think of a single unselfish one to create more kids on the planet.
    If it ain't broke- TRAIN IT!



  12. #12
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    Dec. 4, 2002
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    Dungeon of the Ivory Tower
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    Default

    Not even for a minute. I pride myself that I am a pretty awesome aunt, godmother, and mentor. But my "kids" will all be four legged.
    www.specialhorses.org
    a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues



    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
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    Mar. 10, 2009
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    Default

    Never. Not for a millisecond.

    One of my co-workers brought her 8-month-old son into the office today. I suppose he's cute, if you think babies are cute. (I prefer puppies myself). In the short time he was there, he puked, loaded a diaper, and screamed his lungs out.

    I pretended to be on the phone the entire time so as to have an excuse to not go and coo over the thing and - god forbid - be asked to hold it. (Now, when someone brings their DOG in, I am all over that)!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2008
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    Default

    Not having kids is on of the best decisions I ever made. I'm 56, and never had one second's regret.

    I knew by the time I was in my late teens that I didn't want children. When DH and I started to be serious about getting married, I was brutally frank about kids. It wouldn't be fair to make him give up having a family if he wanted one.

    We've been married 32 years, by the way.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Jul. 21, 2006
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    South Carolina
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    Default

    Turning 51 soon and nope, never regretted not having any. Despite being warned for decades that one day I'd wake up old and alone and regretful. Ain't happened yet!

    But if that day ever comes? I'll adopt one of the thousands of foster kids in our social services system.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
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    Oct. 12, 2001
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    Center of the Universe
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    Default

    early 40's and nope, not once. In fact, was forced to spend some time with young niece recently and was oh so happy I could leave and didn't have to go home to one of those.



  17. #17
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Lorena, Texas
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    Default

    I wish we had kids. I've always loved kids and am one of those people that kids tend to gravitate to (maybe because I'll get down on their level and play still ).

    I didn't want kids for quite a while. And then when I did start wanting kids (late 20s) there were a lot of things that made it really, really hard. I was pregnant once briefly, and I think that made it harder emotionally to not have them.

    But such is life. Few people are 100% happy with everything in their lives. I have other things I love that I likely wouldn't have if I had kids.
    Visit us at Bluebonnet Equine Humane Society - www.bluebonnetequine.org

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  18. #18
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    Sep. 29, 2009
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    Default

    I will be the big 5-0 come this November. Husband of 26 years is 50 now.

    Neither of us regret having kids. Nope, notta.

    I have many friends who do not have kids. NONE of them regret it. Those with kids, regret.

    I am sure since I didn't have children the species of human will still continue onward and survive.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Posts
    115

    Default

    Lesson Junkie - are you me? Also 56, married 33 years. I knew when I was 15 that kids weren't for me. I got my tubes tied when I was 28. I have to say, very few days go by that I don't think - thank God I don't have children!
    But I may be a somewhat extreme case - I always thought babies were completely gross (still do) and I just do not enjoy being around children at all. When I was trying to convince a doctor that the tubal was right for me, I was asked many times - but what if you change your mind? I always knew that that was not going to happen. And I was right. As my husband says - I don't have a maternal bone in my body.
    And I never, ever refer to my pet/s as "kids". That is disturbing to me.



  20. #20
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    Mar. 28, 2002
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    I am right in there with Miss T and Lesson Junkie, minus the DH. I must have been. oh, a super mature 7-8 years old when i realised two things: I would never marry, and sure as hell didn't want kids because I couldn't stand my age-mates save the few that worked as hard at that age as I did (still friends with them too, 50+ years later). I have never changed a diaper, fed a kid, or held a gross baby in my entire life. No regrets whatsoever.
    Founder of the Dyslexic Clique. Dyslexics of the world - UNTIE!!

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