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  1. #21
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    Oct. 25, 2008
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    I was told the way to handle gift registries and the like is NOT to include any mention of them ANYWHERE on any invites, at least not invites sent by the couple or their parents. It's the job of the bridal party to "get the word out" re: registries, gift ideas, etc.

    So, a note to shower invitees, from the Maid of Honor, informing guests that the happy couple are registered at The Expensive Kitchen Store, or have a honeymoon registry at Mysweethoneymoon.com, is acceptable. Any similar note/mention from the bride/groom/MotB, is NOT acceptable.
    *friend of bar.ka

    "Evidently, I am an unrepentant b*tch, possible trouble maker, and all around super villian"



  2. #22
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    Feb. 6, 2003
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    But as someone who lives, unmarried, with an SO, the honeymoon registry is understandable to me. Otherwise we'd be dealing with folks giving us unwanted towel sets or yet another juicer, etc.
    And don't forget the bread machine, the crystal frog and the 50 lb ceramic picture frame.

    That is a pisser about weddings...nobody wants to receive a bunch of useless gifts. I agree with that.

    Unfortunately though, it's what couples get. Hence the start of registries. If it were me getting married again I'd probably register at Home Depot if I bothered registering at all, LOL!

    We did the no gift request on our invites. It was my husband's second marriage and I had been out on my own for over a decade. We didn't *need* anything so we did put in the invites that our gift was the honor of their presence.
    I did end up getting a candle snuffer and a...well, we're still not sure what it is. It's either some weird piece of art, an alien artifact or a medieval weapon.

    I do have issues with some registries though. What is it with people registering somewhere and there's *nothing* on the registry under $250??? Not everyone attending a wedding and/or shower will be established adults who can afford that amount. Brides need to take into consideration who they've invited when registering. They also need to realize that a young couple starting out does not need a china set that's $250 per setting for 24 people.

    cnvh...you are correct on gift mentions.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  3. #23
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    Feb. 25, 2008
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    Definitely tacky. However, I attended a wedding earlier this year where you had the option to put money towards the honeymoon online (sort of like a registry) but they also registered other places as well. You could sponsor certain activities on the honeymoon like swimming with dolphins, snorkeling, etc. I thought that was pretty cool and perfectly acceptable.
    Go Vols!!



  4. #24
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    Jul. 24, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    We did the no gift request on our invites. It was my husband's second marriage and I had been out on my own for over a decade. We didn't *need* anything so we did put in the invites that our gift was the honor of their presence.
    Sorry, but even that is really tacky. It makes it sound as though you are relieving them of the obligation to bring you a gift, when no such obligation exists.



  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by saultgirl View Post
    Originally Posted by MistyBlue
    We did the no gift request on our invites. It was my husband's second marriage and I had been out on my own for over a decade. We didn't *need* anything so we did put in the invites that our gift was the honor of their presence.
    Sorry, but even that is really tacky. It makes it sound as though you are relieving them of the obligation to bring you a gift, when no such obligation exists.
    Although it's potentially rude and can be seen as expecting gifts, weddings are an occasion where gift giving is common and nearly everyone who attends brings a gift. Rather than seeing it as relieving them of obligation, the guests may have seen it as getting to save a bit of money. It's preferable to the "gimme gifts" mindset that seems to be so common lately.



  6. #26
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    Nov. 2, 2006
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    I think it is really tacky to ask for money--heck- why not just start charging people to come to your wedding?

    I think the best response I heard of to someone who recieved a request for $ for a wedding present, was that the guest gave a donation to a charity in the couples honor.



  7. #27
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    Jul. 14, 2006
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    A couple years ago, I was invited to a wedding in which the happy couple had registered not only for activities on their honeymoon, but activities for the first year of their marriage! Their honeymoon registry website was filled with things like "we'd like to take couples cooking classes at Expensive Chef School" and "We want to attend 6 shows at the theater downtown this year" and even "tickets to 10 movies for date night." I think the best was "Bride wants to take painting classes to destress after the wedding and get in touch with her creative side".

    I mean talk about tacky! Your wedding is not a way to fund your social life for the next year! You want to go to a show downtown, take a class or go on date night with your SO, YOU pay for it, just like the rest of us.

    Personally, I think I should be able to register for a bunch of clinics and trips to various horsey events, and a year's worth of riding lessons. Pixie will register for a year's supply of Dumor's, a new jelly soft curry and some premium sand for rolling. Any takers?
    BES
    Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares
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  8. #28
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    Jul. 19, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by saultgirl View Post
    Extremely tacky to make any mention of gifts in a wedding invitation. I might attend and give a card with my best wishes.
    This. It's not that preferring cash to gifts is inherently tacky (if anything it makes more sense for an older or previously-married couple who probably have all the tea towels and pitchers they need). But mentioning any kind of gifts at all in an invitation is rude. The same reason it's typically inappropriate for the bride's immediate family to host a shower--it looks like a gift grab.

    It's actually fine to go and not send any sort of gift. You're not paying to attend. Or just send regrets and a card. My parents will sometimes send a token gift for weddings like my first cousins once removed or other distant relative I wouldn't know if I tripped over. (Fortunately those relatives haven't seemed to figure out where I live yet so I'm off the hook. For friends I make something personal as a gift and the cousins I actually recognize are all married or their kids are too young yet.)



  9. #29
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    Nov. 12, 2006
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    OMG the "register to pitch in for our luxury honeymoon activities" is really tasteless.

    As noted, it's as if people are somehow entitled to a vacation. At least the idea behind gifts is to assist in "setting up the household" even if it's not warranted.

    When I think of cash gifts at weddings I think of Karen and Henry's wedding in "Goodfellas."




  10. #30
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    Nov. 13, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    ...
    However...even if it is today's trend...the invite itself is tacky. And tons of folks are doing this these days. They *know* if they send out an extra 50-100 invitations to barely-casual acquaintances those people will most probably not go but feel obliged to send money or a gift. It's a freebie for them...no shelling out for the meal, no extra guests they don't really know and don't really want there but a whole lot more money/presents. ...
    My mother-in-law was very vocal about me and hubby doing this at our wedding. Of course they were all people who lived within 20 minutes of where we initially intended to have the wedding, and half of them were super-trashy. I said NO, very clearly, and crossed those people off the guest list. I wanted small, not 50 extra people MIL had met once.

    I did get a wedding announcement from someone who used to be a good friend, but who didn't even invite me to the wedding. About a month after the fact, I got an announcement complete with their new mailing address. She had said "it would be an honor just to be invited to the wedding", then didn't invite me, then sent what looked like a request for gifts. They had been on their own for several years, no need to set up a house. Given the situation, I thought that was beyond rude. Haven't spoken to that "friend" since then.



  11. #31
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    Oct. 31, 2001
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    Thumbs down

    Quote Originally Posted by Tha Ridge View Post
    Yep. Absolutely agree that this is tacky, and I also agree that the OP has no obligation to send a gift or attend...

    But as someone who lives, unmarried, with an SO, the honeymoon registry is understandable to me. Otherwise we'd be dealing with folks giving us unwanted towel sets or yet another juicer, etc.
    Ummm, I think the whole point of receiving wedding gifts is to be grateful that people remember you and t hink enough of you to send a gift - any gift - rather than to criticize the quality of said gift. You sound very much like the tacky couple the OP mentions. Nice.

    OP, if I weren't comfortable going to the ceremony, I'd send a very nice card with my best wishes - period. Trolling for money in the guise of a wedding gift is tacky in the extreme, and off-putting to boot. Classless people.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by ESG View Post
    Ummm, I think the whole point of receiving wedding gifts is to be grateful that people remember you and t hink enough of you to send a gift - any gift - rather than to criticize the quality of said gift. You sound very much like the tacky couple the OP mentions. Nice.
    Haha, are you kidding me? You know *nothing* about me. Just because I don't think a honeymoon registry is tacky doesn't mean I'm going to have one! (And, sorry, but while people have good intentions when sending gifts, they don't have to store them in their 600 sq. ft. NYC apartment either!)

    FWIW, my SO and I will likely not register and have long discussed having guests make a donation to a charity of our choice instead. I know; we're so tacky.



  13. #33
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    Jun. 25, 2007
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    I would send my regrets/RSVP to invititation that you are sorry you can't make it but thank them kindly for the invite and leave it at that.

    I would have absolutely NO problem or guilt doing that and not sending a thing. My husband and I have done that many times when invited to "random" weddings.

    One such that we declined included this on the registry: a BIKE - yep, a women's bicycle for the bride...right there next to the towels, sheets and waffle maker, LOL. Seriously. I need to buy you a BIKE because you are getting married?? And it was her 2nd marriage. Just plain old weird....



  14. #34
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    May. 8, 2004
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    What a grub.



  15. #35
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by Tha Ridge View Post
    Haha, are you kidding me? You know *nothing* about me. Just because I don't think a honeymoon registry is tacky doesn't mean I'm going to have one! (And, sorry, but while people have good intentions when sending gifts, they don't have to store them in their 600 sq. ft. NYC apartment either!)
    You're still missing the point. Either that, or you're sorely lacking in basic etiquette.

    Let me spell it out for you simply - people give gifts because they think you will like and use them. Not because they're worried about how you'll store them. Not because they're asked to on a shower or wedding invitation. And a gift, in any form, is never to be expected, only appreciated. If you're so gauche that you can't appreciate that someone took the time and effort to pick something out for you that they think you'd like, you deserve neither the gift nor that person's regard.

    FWIW, my SO and I will likely not register and have long discussed having guests make a donation to a charity of our choice instead. I know; we're so tacky.
    Or is it because you're still worried about the storage problem?
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  16. #36
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    Sep. 20, 2005
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    Yeesh, I've never seen the word tacky so overused in my life. "This is tacky...that is tacky..."

    It seems to me that weddings are the one life event where everyone else gets to put on their judgey pants and decide what is tacky. The decorations were tacky, the dress was tacky, the invitations were tacky, the registry items were tacky... It's a wonder anybody here gets invited to weddings anymore. I surely wouldn't want the Tacky Police in attendance on my big day. Wouldn't want to offend their delicate sensibilities.

    Instead of worrying so much about whether something is "tacky" or not, maybe you should be grateful that somebody cares about you enough to want you at their wedding. Gifts are never required, so you can always attend (or not) without sending anything. No need to justify it. And certainly no need to declare the ones who invited you "tacky" on the internet.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris



  17. #37
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    Feb. 18, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by ESG View Post
    Let me spell it out for you simply - people give gifts because they think you will like and use them. Not because they're worried about how you'll store them. Not because they're asked to on a shower or wedding invitation. And a gift, in any form, is never to be expected, only appreciated. If you're so gauche that you can't appreciate that someone took the time and effort to pick something out for you that they think you'd like, you deserve neither the gift nor that person's regard.
    Well, it's a good thing you won't be invited to my wedding then.

    (*You* are the one who's missing the point. I've never heard of someone go "Dammit, I really wanted to spend money on a bread maker for Mr. and Mrs. Smith," but perhaps we run in different circles. The bottom line: no gifts at my wedding, regardless of their cost, size, or "time and effort.")



  18. #38
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    Mar. 20, 2001
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    Tacky, tacky tacky.
    A few years ago some remote acquaintances, sort of friends, hosted a 'destination' wedding where everyone was supposed to get themselves to Hawaii for the ceremony.
    Word was that if enough people attended the hotel would put them up and cater the wedding for free.
    Did not attend. I don't go to those seminars where they sell you DVDs on how to flip houses either.



  19. #39
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    Oct. 31, 2001
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by Tha Ridge View Post
    Well, it's a good thing you won't be invited to my wedding then.
    Indeed.

    (*You* are the one who's missing the point. I've never heard of someone go "Dammit, I really wanted to spend money on a bread maker for Mr. and Mrs. Smith," but perhaps we run in different circles. The bottom line: no gifts at my wedding, regardless of their cost, size, or "time and effort.")
    Really? Then why the comment about not being able to store gifts in your 600sf apartment?

    I call BS.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  20. #40
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    Try to keep an open mind. It may not be tacky, but practical. I know of a number of wedding traditions where you give money. I went to a Philippino wedding where you danced with the bride or the groom and pinned money on them. Everybody has their thing. I know when I first came to the states I was appalled by the tackiness of registering at a store and making a list of things you wanted. But it's just cultural.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).



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