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  1. #261
    Portia is offline Schoolmaster Premium Member
    Original Poster
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 1999
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Posts
    11,621

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer:

    I am among those who have always liked and admired Beezer and Merry. However, this disressing news that not only has Beezer bought a horse off of the internet without the assistance of a professional and payment of an appropriate range of commissions, but now Merry is riding said domestic and not imported horse western distresses me immensely.

    What can be done to set the sisters back on the path of rightiousness?

    Signed -- Hesitant to Be Seen Talking To Them
    "I don't want to sound like a broken record here, but why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?" Dave Barry



  2. #262
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 1999
    Location
    Someplace Wet
    Posts
    8,506

    Default

    Ahhh it could be worse

    they could be riding dressage

    http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_razz.gif

    _\\]
    -- * > hoopoe
    The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.



  3. #263
    Join Date
    Jul. 10, 2001
    Location
    12th floor of the Acme building in a city that knows how to keep it's secrets.
    Posts
    5,239

    Default

    *****
    You will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of training.



  4. #264
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2002
    Posts
    223

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer,

    I have recently purchased your fine system but for the life of me cannot find the "tack adjustment" feature. How tight should my martingale be so that my show horse, Cha-Ching, doesn't lift his nose that 1/4" too high to miss out on the blue?

    Signed,
    Flustered about Fitting



  5. #265
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2001
    Posts
    5,653

    Default

    Dear PT,

    Do youse gots a way to get me off the suspended list?




  6. #266
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 1999
    Location
    Someplace Wet
    Posts
    8,506

    Default

    Gone south to sunny climes for the "vacation season"

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/storydispl...toryID=3542031

    _\\]
    -- * > hoopoe
    The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.



  7. #267
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2001
    Location
    Trailer Trash Ammy!
    Posts
    19,520

    Default

    LOL Hoopoe, you sure did!! Excellent detecting! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif

    ______________

    Thoroughbreds! Everything else is just a horse. :-)
    "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief



  8. #268
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 2003
    Location
    Zone 5
    Posts
    319

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer, what cheese would you select for a wining student. Oh, merlot by the way. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_smile.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

    Some days they just call me Broomhilda

    Flying Horse Feathers
    Flying Horse Feathers



  9. #269
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2000
    Location
    In the best barns everywhere!
    Posts
    217

    Default

    Dearest Horse Show Brethren!

    It has come to our attention that some who are, shall we say, involved in horse shows may suffer from an occassional altercation with the law. Why some people might even find themselves a target for local law enforcement quite possibly due to prior behavior.

    While Pocket Trainer feels for these people to a certain degree. There is just no way one looks their best when handcuffed and starring in the local news broadcast.

    But in spite of our stellar products (Pocket Trainer Legal Aid and Consultation - $4995 implementation plus $300/hour consultation and usage fee), that are so helpful when dealing with all your legal issues, we here at Pocket trainer must draw the line at certain behaviors. Standards are so helpful when deciding what jacket goes best with your ratcatcher, or when deciding what goes up your nose, so to speak. Sadly we will not be able to offer this service in these circumstances.

    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)



  10. #270
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2001
    Posts
    5,653

    Default

    Dearest Pocket Trainer,

    I was hoping to be wearing my industrial strength Pocket Trainer COTH-proof Tailored Sportmans with the Depends insert before I read your latest post.
    Alas, it is too late.

    The Horse Show Announcers union needs to take a serious look at their members.

    Your slave forever - with wet breeches,
    BH1




  11. #271
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2000
    Location
    NE TN, USA
    Posts
    6,201

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer:

    I urgently need your help! A certain cable channel (OLN if you haven't already guessed!) has suddenly ceased carrying show jumping -- and right in the middle of the Florida Circuit!

    Oh! The humanity! I'm now watching bull riding -- and NASCAR!

    My question is -- what wines would be appropriate for these sports?

    (Signed) Perplexed in TN
    “There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.”
    John Adams



  12. #272
    Join Date
    Oct. 24, 2003
    Location
    The rolling hills of Virginia
    Posts
    5,892

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer:

    I have recently been made aware of you professional services. The glowing recommendations from my less fortunate relations had me quite excited about the prospect of forming a long exclusive relationship with your entire line of Pocket Products and Services.

    However, as a diligent consumer, my recent research has uncovered a shocking and unacceptable bias in you Pocket line offerings. How could one possibly fail to support one's clients in the pursuit of open country riding? Why I am appalled by your lack of vision and taste!

    How could one possibly expect one such as I to spend my hard inherited assests on a product which would fail to fill one's flask, properly tie one's stock, oil one's mount's hooves and properly color coordinate one's catered breakfasts simply because they are located on one's back lawn?

    Please contact my staff when you have rectified this gross oversight in regard to proper tradition.

    Yours truly "steeped" in tradition,

    Tally-Ho!

    A Leg at Each Corner
    The above post is an opinion, just an opinion. If it were a real live fact it would include supporting links to websites full of people who already agreed with me.

    www.southern-cross-farm.com



  13. #273
    Join Date
    Jan. 7, 2001
    Location
    Usually too far from the barn
    Posts
    8,963

    Default

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Frank B:
    Dear Pocket Trainer:

    I urgently need your help! A certain cable channel (OLN if you haven't already guessed!) has suddenly ceased carrying show jumping -- and right in the middle of the Florida Circuit!

    Oh! The humanity! I'm now watching bull riding -- and NASCAR!

    My question is -- what wines would be appropriate for these sports?

    (Signed) Perplexed in TN<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    For NASCAR I recommend anything with a screw top. For bull riding, well what ever it is, it must be kept in the brown bag.

    Pocket Trainer knows little of such wines. Pathetic souls like myself who haunt racetrack backstretches and local circuits and who ride PMU babies feel qualified to answer such queries.

    Resident racing historian
    Founder of the Mighty Thoroughbred Clique
    F O.B
    Resident racing historian ~~~ Re-riders Clique
    Founder of the Mighty Thoroughbred Clique



  14. #274
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2000
    Location
    In the best barns everywhere!
    Posts
    217

    Default

    Dear Perplexed!

    Pocket Trainer FEELS your pain! The concept of bull riding or Nascar actually causes physical pain to Pocket Trainer. However if one is forced to watch such things, Pocket Trainer understands that cheap American beer is the way to go. Have something that is vaguely aassociated with a clydesdale, and maybe you can pay homage to the fact that they are airing bull riding instead of the American Invitational. I'm sure the Busch family will appreciate it either way.

    But if you simply cannot be caught drinking beer, perhaps a fine Charles Shaw, aka "Two Buck Chuck" is more in line with this event. We always recommend a visit to Trader Joes for more information on Two Buck Chuck...

    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)



  15. #275
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2000
    Location
    In the best barns everywhere!
    Posts
    217

    Default

    Dear Wet Breeches!

    You know we live to entertain you!

    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)



  16. #276
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2000
    Location
    In the best barns everywhere!
    Posts
    217

    Default

    Dear "steeped" in tradition,

    Pocket Trainer would truly consider something so very suited to the Pocket Experience as the Hunt Tradition. We at Pocket Trainer know EXACTLY who to thank for our mindless devotion to fashion, tradition and just the right coat (we DO have an issue with the SAME coat year after year though). And don't think for a minute we aren't grateful.

    There is just a small problem with the Pocket Experience and Hunt Country... These people INSIST on being able to ride (sober or not) and make no apology for it. However would Pocket Trainer survive if we were not able to constantly find and fashion mounts that cover for one's insecurities and inabilities?

    But we here at Pocket Trainer feel that we could surely bring something to the table when it came to the appropriate wine. Although we fully understand the need for something with a little more "kick" in the wee hours prior to the hunt, the post hunt experience could be improved.

    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)



  17. #277
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2001
    Location
    sonoma
    Posts
    575

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer,

    Whatever am I to do? As I always love to flash cash for all my extravagent purchases, my desire to let the world know I'm loaded had resulted in a bit of a quandry. Apparently some of my $100 bills were used in a manner other than that which they were intended, resulting in my $250k horses testing positive for some drug violation or some such nonsense. How shall I remedy this?

    Powder Puff



  18. #278
    Join Date
    Oct. 24, 2003
    Location
    The rolling hills of Virginia
    Posts
    5,892

    Default

    My Dear Pocket Trainer,

    While it is true that you seem to sport an amusing little wine cellar, I find it quite unfortunate that you believe my wardrobe budget is smaller than the combined GNP of several third world countries combined. You simply must spend more time on Tailor's Row. “The SAME coat,” my, you silly child.

    And while it is true that as a seventeenth generation rider I was simply born with ability, what is one to do with one's guests? I tire so of endless shopping trips to the Mother Country in search of sane talented horses with the ability to completely disregard any annoying nuisance on their backs. “Renard’s Revenge” and “Blown Away” must retire someday. I was so hoping you could help.

    Even properly mounted, of course, guests are in constant need of, ahem, guidance. Concerning both survival, of course, but also the ever-important protocols of terminology and demeanor. Any assistance you might be able to provide would bring the greatest of relief to the staff and the hounds alike.

    There may be hope for the Pocket Experience, if only you can find just the right vintage to keep our guests aboard, without that horrid habit of screaming in terror.

    Yours truly, “steeped” in stirrup cups

    The Hon. Tally-Ho

    A Leg at Each Corner
    The above post is an opinion, just an opinion. If it were a real live fact it would include supporting links to websites full of people who already agreed with me.

    www.southern-cross-farm.com



  19. #279
    Join Date
    Nov. 19, 2000
    Location
    The Southern California freeway system, stuck in an endless commute
    Posts
    5,902

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer:

    I am a fan of Two Buck Chuck. I am gratified to learn that you, too, have discovered its delights. I find that the sauvignon blanc, served well chilled, offers a pleasant end to a day spent alongside a dusty show ring.

    However comma my snooty friends think it is beneath them. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/uhoh.gif Is there a way that I can disguise the labels? Can I put it in decanters? Doing so would make me feel a bit like I did when I put one of those fancy brands on my quarter horse's butt, but hey, whatever scores me points with the judges, you know!

    Signed, A Fan of Chuck's but Wishing He Were Charles

    ***** Currently assigned to the mouth-gaping, lip-flapping, head-twisting, wood-chewing, boot-shredding phase of baby greenie ownership! *****
    Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!



  20. #280
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2000
    Location
    NE TN, USA
    Posts
    6,201

    Default

    Dear Pocket Trainer:

    Thank you for your most insightful assistance. I was fearful you might suggest something along the lines of Ripple, Thunderbird, or Mad Dog 20-20 -- which we'd found to be considered a bit gauche even for the occasional cock-fight -- even if kept in the ubiquitous brown paper bag.

    BTW, do you write wine reviews for The Wall Street Journal ? There seems to be a similarity in preference here.

    Appreciatively Yours,
    No Longer Perplexed in TN
    “There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.”
    John Adams



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