The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 22
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    In Trouble with Dad...
    Posts
    29,831

    Unhappy Bummed

    I just opened a message from an online friend:
    She just lost her baby girl of a few month.

    I have her phone number, but really don't want to intrude at such a terrible time.

    If you have some good vibes to send to 'Chewy' ....
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,506

    Default

    So sad. Prayers to the bereaved.
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 21, 2009
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    460

    Default

    How horribly sad! Many prayers to them!
    When people show you who they truly are, believe them. Maya Angelou



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2009
    Location
    Near the cupcake shop
    Posts
    1,992

    Default

    It is quite amazing how we can form such strong bonds with our e-friends. I am sorry to hear about her loss. Do you have her actual address? If not, I would say it appropriate to send her an e-card expressing your condolences.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2006
    Location
    Eastern WV Panhandle
    Posts
    1,246

    Default

    I would send a card, give her a few days to cope with the funeral and everything, and then call.

    Many people don't know how to act or react to someone who has just suffered a great loss, so they avoid that person figuring that they'll help more than hurt if they initiate contact. This has the unintended consequence of someone who is grieving being left alone by friends at a really traumatic time.

    I'll pray for your friend.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    In Trouble with Dad...
    Posts
    29,831

    Default

    I only have her cell number, which she gave to me when Bama got clobbered by the tornadoes.

    The joys and pains through online life:
    About a year ago, one of my online kids had a baby girl....now one of my online buds lost hers.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2008
    Posts
    1,289

    Default

    call, all you have to say is "I'm sorry"

    don't say:
    "It's part of God's plan" or anything like that
    "I know how you feel" unless you have lost a child
    "I lost my ______" parent, sibiling, pet etc.

    also some find great comfort in this group: Compassionate Friends it is for those who have lost a child, regardless of age or reason and they really do know how it feels

    http://thecompassionatefriendsfw.com/



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    In Trouble with Dad...
    Posts
    29,831

    Default

    thank you guys.

    I am just feeling sick right now. I can't imagine losing my kid. I can only offer her my condolences and maybe a shoulder to cry on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2002
    Location
    way out west
    Posts
    3,048

    Default

    I agree that you need to contact her. Not knowing what to say isn't a good reason not to. Just say that you don't know what to say, but had to call her anyway. It is extremely hurtful when people leave you alone when you most need their concern.

    If they respond by saying they want to be left alone, don't be offended. The mere fact that you tried will resonate with them, and in time will give some comfort.

    It's what friends do.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2008
    Posts
    1,289

    Default

    Alagirl, thats all you need to say

    give her the link in my above post, my parents found that group VERY helpful



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    In Trouble with Dad...
    Posts
    29,831

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Burbank View Post
    Alagirl, thats all you need to say

    give her the link in my above post, my parents found that group VERY helpful
    Thanks
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 11, 2000
    Location
    Chantilly,va.
    Posts
    10,785

    Thumbs up personalized

    so horrible; I can't even imagine the pain; I agree, a personal note, possibly about an experience together included in a card; a good strong hug when you see her.
    breeder of Mercury!

    remember to enjoy the moment, and take a moment to enjoy and give God the glory for these wonderful horses in our lives.BECAUSE: LIFE is What Happens While Making Other Plans



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, California
    Posts
    4,086

    Default

    Wow, I'm so sorry for your friend's loss, how devastating. You are wonderful to want to communicate with her without intruding. I can't offer any advice since I can't even imagine the pain she must be feeling, but I can say I think it's great that you want to help her any way you can.
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2002
    Location
    Dungeon of the Ivory Tower
    Posts
    20,394

    Default

    So sorry. I know you will be a good friend. Sometimes, there is nothing you can say, and maybe the time she will need you isn't now, but down the road when others forget (because she won't, and she will need that acknowledgment of her child).
    www.specialhorses.org
    a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues




  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,214

    Default

    I have a friend spending the night in my house right now who lost her baby last year to SIDS. And then her husband had an affair as his way of making himself feel better, so she's packing and moving tomorrow. All I can say, after being friends with them both after it happened, and now friends with her and I'm not sure what with the male half, as we work together, is just be there. Call, email, whatever.

    Me? I went over on a nearly daily basis and chatted, talked about work or my parents or my SO. They appreciated the normalcy as opposed to others who came by to commiserate and get them all worked up and crying again. It's a horrible, horrible thing, and really they just need to not be left alone. A lot of people didn't call or come by, thinking they were "giving them space," and really they were puzzled and hurt at the absence of friends.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2005
    Location
    Back to Normal.. or as close as I'll ever get
    Posts
    8,645

    Default

    Please do call.
    No need to say anything other than how sorry you are to hear this news.

    If you feel up to it, offer to help by contacting people she might not have told yet.

    When my husband died it helped to have friends make some calls for me as retelling was so painful.
    *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
    Steppin' Out 1988-2004
    Hey Vern! 1982-2009
    Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009



  17. #17
    Join Date
    May. 31, 2004
    Location
    Fayetteville NC
    Posts
    395

    Default thank you for posting this..I too needed advice

    I learned this week that my old vet (we moved away 3 yrs ago and had lost contact) lost his 16 yr old son in a terrible car accident. Just kids...wonderful fun loving, big future teenage boys leaving a church youth group on a Sunday night who took a curve on a dark country road too fast. Now 3 are dead and 1 is in critical condition. My heart is broken for their parents and grandparents and as a Mom I cannot fathom their loss.

    I have sent a card and a gift to the memorial fund for them but haven't called. We were not close personal friends but after years of he and his brother taking care of my horses, you form a bond and I want to reach out to them somehow without intruding.

    From this thread, it sounds like I should call--but do I look up their home phone number? or wait and call the office--which is probably closed for a time now. I'm not sure they would remember me as I was just a client but I feel like the OP, wanting to say how much we care and will continue to pray for them but not overstepping professional/personal boundaries.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep. 8, 2007
    Location
    The Old Line State
    Posts
    272

    Default

    I am very sorry for your friend's loss. I am sending prayers up for her.
    it's really something how our on line friends can become such an important part of our lives...
    "One person's side effect is another person's desired effect." -The Vice Guide to Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 1999
    Location
    land of enchantment and chile
    Posts
    1,372

    Default call her

    find out if she is nearby. Go to the services if you can. Take some food especially things that can be frozen or used later. She may not want to do anything right now so see if there are basic needs that you can minister to. A gravesite? If the cementary will allow it, help her at some point decorate the site will bulbs or what not.

    As for the person whose vet lost his son, do these things too but also if you knew the boy, write a letter (not email) about your memories of the boy. Paper copy is very precious. As I have buried three relative over the last three years or so I have appreciate the ability to have a physical copy of someone's thoughts. Having gone through family papers, one consistent thing I have found are letters and cards sent after a death were lovingly kept, even 70 years later.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2009
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    444

    Default

    I lost my son 5 years ago, and I can tell you from experience, that a call, a hug, a card, just acknowledgement of his existence is what is needed. In the coming days, a shoulder or an ear is good. Just ask what you can do for them.

    MediaMD, I would send a card right now, in a week or two call if you want. Right now I promise they are overwhelmed. When my son died I actually stopped accepting phone calls, my family started taking messages, I just couldn't talk to so many people, especially if I didn't really know them.



Similar Threads

  1. Bummed about my Butet....
    By HorseLuvr in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: May. 18, 2012, 10:54 AM
  2. Bummed and in need of jingles
    By BlueEyedSorrel in forum Off Course
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: Jun. 5, 2011, 11:25 AM
  3. Bummed
    By xrmn002 in forum Dressage
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: Nov. 11, 2010, 09:55 AM
  4. I'm Bummed
    By Hunter Mom in forum Equestrians with Disabilities
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: May. 23, 2010, 07:41 AM
  5. I am so bummed...
    By short strided in forum Off Course
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: Dec. 5, 2008, 12:11 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness