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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2008
    Location
    Greeley, Colorado
    Posts
    4,222

    Default First Motherless Mother's Day

    Like the topic says, this is my first motherless Mother's Day. Mom passed away somewhat unexpectedly last August after a very brief illness at the age of 53. I am now 23 and about to experience my first mother's day without my very best friend and my Dad lives 5 hours away.

    How do I cope? I planned to spend the day with friends but they're all busy with family obligations. Luckily I'm off work so I'm free to do whatever.

    Ideas? Hand holding??
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6,506

    Default

    I'm sorry, that's rough.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
    Posts
    8,332

    Default

    you can have mine....
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2008
    Location
    now in KCMO, and plan to stay there
    Posts
    3,253

    Default

    I am so sorry. I lost my Mom in 1997, and continue to miss her terribly. The only comforting thing I can think of to tell you is, the acute pain eventually subsides to an ache. What has helped me over the years is remembering her and honoring her memory by (instead of WWJD) thinking 'what would Mom do' or 'what would Mom think of this'. In that way, although not physically present in my life any more, her spirit remains.

    On the what to do on this first time without her, depending on how fragile you feel right now, I can think of a couple things that might be good. One might be to write a long letter to her, of all the things you wish you could or could have told her. If that is too painful to do right now, I would recommend you find a nursing home in the area, and go visit anyone who might not have any family left and seems to need a visitor.
    hugs,
    Jeanie
    Jeanie
    RIP Sasha, best dog ever, pictured shortly before she died, Death either by euthanasia or natural causes is only the end of the animal inhabiting its body; I believe the spirit lives on.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2008
    Location
    Greeley, Colorado
    Posts
    4,222

    Default

    Thanks guys. It's very hard for me, as Mom and I were VERY close and I was an only child. Dad is wonderfully supportive but lives down in SC where I grew up and going down to see him for the day is not really an option.

    I think what I might do is take my dog and head up to the mountains (about an hour away) for a hike. If I don't do that, I'll probably head down to my boss's lake house and borrow their dock for a little alone time outside.
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2000
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    2,699

    Default

    I'm sorry you are facing this. Different people handle things in different ways...

    I faced this a couple of years ago (although not as young as you!) I was still too raw to find comfort in just thnking of my mom or talking to her. So I thought of what she and I would do. And that meant retail therapy! My mom was always one who would urge me to buy something that I otherwise wouldnt. So on Mothers Day I went shopping and when I found a dress that I "didnt really need" I listened to my mom and bought it in her honor!

    My advice: Find something that would have made your mom happy that you are happy - and then do it in her honor.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
    Posts
    14,849

    Default

    (((Hugs.)))

    Spending time with the animals is usually good.

    You might also consider visiting a nursing home with some flowers, and ask someone at the front desk if there is a resident that doesn't really get any visitors that might like a visit. I find that old people can be fascinating to talk to and hear about what things were like when they were younger. And they really like to talk about the younger years, and are so appreciative of something different, to break up the monotony.
    Hillary Clinton - proven liar, cheat, traitor and defender of rapists! Anyone but Hillary 2016! https://www.facebook.com/AntiHillary2016



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Lorena, Texas
    Posts
    4,114

    Default

    It is my second - and for some reason, this year is worse than last year. (I think it may be because I have other things going on that are bothering me/upsetting/hard and this is just piling one more).

    I had to shut down Facebook for the day because I couldn't handle all the Mother's Day messages. A friend of mine who lost her mom young, too, told me that I might hate Mother's Day for a few years and that it was ok. It would pass... so I remind myself of that!
    Visit us at Bluebonnet Equine Humane Society - www.bluebonnetequine.org

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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2004
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    21,434

    Default

    I am sorry. That is something I don't even let myself think about. Hugs to all of you who are feeling the pain. Maybe drink a toast to all the good times?



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 1999
    Location
    land of enchantment and chile
    Posts
    1,476

    Default

    Guys, I promise you it will get better with time or perhaps I should say it gets more peaceful and accepting with time. My mother passed away in 2006. And I still miss her greatly. I have already planted another iris on her grave today and have already talked to her in my mind. Also have exercised the dog too.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr. 15, 2008
    Posts
    1,861

    Default

    My mom died the week before Mother's Day 15 years ago; it will always be hard. Just know that she is still with you. Of the 4 daughters, I'm the only one that looks like Mom, so we play that up and I'll do my mom impersonation of the "crooked finger" she used while scolding us as kids. She's never more that a thought away.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep. 25, 2008
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    217

    Default

    This, too, was my second without my mom and it was definitely more difficult than last year. I must have been still in a fog last year because every little post on facebook or twitter sent me over the teary edge this year!
    Cowgirljenn...I hope your friend is right and we will appreciate mothers day again soon.
    As for me, I spent the day with my furry 4 legged kids in the sun! I do hope all mom's had a terrific day.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2008
    Location
    Greeley, Colorado
    Posts
    4,222

    Default

    Thanks for all the kind words guys. Today wasn't too bad. Spent the morning at the lake with my dog and my best friend. It was nice to get away, at least for a little while. I also got to talk to my aunt (mom's sister) for a long time and that helped too. I must be in that fog because I haven't really been emotional at all, just numb. They say time heals all wounds but this is a LARGE wound.
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 1, 2009
    Posts
    504

    Default

    It's been 7 years since my mother died. I don't have any children, so I just don't celebrate mother's day. I remember my mother and honor her, but honestly, it's just easier to treat it like any other Sunday.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2005
    Posts
    2,642

    Default

    I don't cope. I would really like to ignore it altogether - as it is also very near my mother's birthday- and it's been awhile.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2000
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
    Posts
    1,824

    Default

    I am very lucky to not be in your situation, but many of my friends are and my heart ached for all of them today. Too late now, but for next year - there are parents who have lost kids, too - I'm sure one of them would be happy to "adopt" an adult child and have someone to share the day with. Or there are always people at the local hospital who don't have family to visit them. I find that for me sometimes helping others is the best way to help myself. There's certainly nothing that will (or should) make your loss go away, but hopefully with time you will remember all the happy memories instead of the sadness.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2005
    Location
    Spring, TX
    Posts
    556

    Default

    I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2002.

    People say it gets "easier." They lie.

    *hugs*



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