Jeff Cook kept referring to one horse at a clinic as "that little RAT" -- for some reason the fact that he called her that throughout the entire clinic just cracked me up. She was kind of being naughty.
Another BNT that I won't name observed that a rider in his clinic appeared to be preparing for a proctologist exam over every jump. My trainer thought that and some other remarks were a little over the top, esp as the session wasn't all adults, but it did get the point across!
My all-time favorite came from none other than General Jonathon Burton, at a clinic when I was so new to riding that I had no idea who he was (and he was very kind to me). As a rider exited the ring, he said to the watching crowd, "There's an example of a person who will buy a very expensive horse to cover up a basic inability to ride." Ouch!
My favorite said to me? By a very BNR, after I let my horse stop at the top of a bank. "KIM. JUMP. THE. FU**ING. BANK." I hear that in my head each and every time I come to a down bank. I've never had a stop at one since.
I wish I could remember who the trainer was who said this - it was a jumping clinic at the Ohio Equine Affaire back in the 90's. They'd already been having the riders put together a small course, and told them to "jump it in reverse."
The first rider to go took that a bit too literally and actually jumped one of the lines backwards, going over a rather large oxer back-to-front, while the trainer stood and watched dumbfounded before he was able to stop her and corrected.
Once she realized her mistake and people stopped chuckling, the trainer said, "It's only funny because you survived."
I still use that phrase. . .usually relating to some of my adventures out on trail.
Please copy and paste this to your signature if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a smack upside the head. Lets raise awareness.
A woman I took a couple dressage lessons with shared a line with me from a trainer she rode with. He was trying to make a point that there's no reason to get upset when a horse doesn't "get it" right away, and that it's okay to go through those ugly spots.
"Eh, remember: if you were to just get off your horse right now, he would probably just roll and break the tree on your saddle, step on your reins and snap them, and then run off to play."
So not as gut-busting as a classic GM, quote, but it makes me smile
I cannot remember who said the following but I use them often:
"There are no fleas breeding in that mane, if you would like to count them, you may dismount and do so."
"I assure you, you will be the first to know if your horse is no longer under you."
"Around here we no longer earn our spurs, we earn our brooms!"--this applies more to the women in our barn!
"If heaven has no horses, then I am not dying."
To the kids in my lessons when I need their attention: "Remember guys, I am 150 years old, I have eyes in the back of my head!!!" You should see those eyes get wide..and of course I am just howling! Nothing like teaching 8 year olds going on 30!!! One of them said to me the other day when I had her ride one of the unruly ponies: "Princess will be good, she will be very good, because being bad is not an option!" That's my girl!!!!!!
Even though she is not a BNT, the quote that my trainer used that stuck with me is "quit making excuses and ride your horse!"
I am the queen of, "he can't do that because...." she does not allow me to have an excuse anymore and I have found we really can do whatever she is teaching us!
This really has nothing to do with riding, but has always made me chuckle even after 40 years: my paleotology professor in Norfolk, UK was trying to explain the extraordinary special circumstances needed for a fossil to be created, starting with the location and circumstances of the dinosaur's death. He explained that dinos dying in a tar pit or swamp might turn into fossils, but "dinosaurs dying out in the open had virtually no chance of survival at all..."
This thread reminded me of that.
BN dressage T from Germany - "Dream Girl, why are you dreaming?" for the rider who didn't listen/pay attention to his instructions. Or "This horse has a neck like a roooober snake." for the horse with the long neck that was difficult to keep in front of the leg in a consistent shoulder fore.
BNT/R from the US - "Just RIDE!!!" after suggesting about 1000 ways to fix an intricate problem with a disobedient horse and nothing was working... Jeez - that's what I was trying to do...
One of my mom's (she's my full time trainer) - "There is no instruction manuel in the mane, so quit looking for it."
And from a lady who had a string of horses to trail ride on the beach in Bermuda for the tourists - "Pull on the left rein to turn left. Pull on the right rein to turn right. Pull on both reins to stop. Kick gently if you want to go forward."