[LostFarmer]

Most of the trail riding I do is dealing with a cow. Leading a pack string with salt, moving cattle back to the correct range, or doctoring a critter. One time I had a couple of hot shot bikers come barreling down through a bunch of cows and calves I was pushing back to better grass. These two fools scattered the bunch (about 20 head) and then went laughing down the trail. I was PISSED to say the least. I gathered the group and finished moving the bunch. The same two riders tried it again on another trail a few weeks later. This time I took down my rope and roped a calf streching him on one side of the trail and me on the horse on the other. The two bikers had a choice to make go off trail around us, or get closelined. The speed with which they were traveling made both choices bad. Both riders opted for the close line. Both became dissconnected from their bikes. Now take into account I had time to undo my rope and rope a calf after I saw the riders.

Whenever I need a laugh I remember the OH Sh!T look on the riders faces when they realized they were about to be ejected. Priceless

LF

[appaloosalady]

Originally posted by RTM Anglo's:
http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gifI gots me one friend. Her horse is most talented. It can fart too on demand, real stinky. Well, I likes her a lot, cause she never judges me. We have fun on the trail, drinking beer, doing shots of whisky and smoking maryjowanda. We likes ta walk in the woods a bit, see all the prudy animules, talk to the birds….run some greenies over for fun whens we bored. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif

We don’t have wide horse like some of the people here does, but we hold hands (nothing funny now…we ain’t that sort you know http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif) and we holds tight…real tight and we screams at the tops of our voices (sounds like a flute I swear http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif) and bowl right over on them. Sometimes it hurts our arms real bad. But we just have another shot, and tell them greenies as they be running after them there horses of theirs to “buck up ladies, your butts was getten big and you needed to walk there�. Smoke a little more maryjowands and look for more greenies. Is real peaceful here.

Yup, that’s what we do in the big town of OR ton Ville. We have a lot of fun…you all should come on by sometime, we could fix ya up real well. Honest, I bring the beer.
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RTM- Were you at Ortonville Rec Area this weekend? I'm sure I saw you at least once when we flew past each other, I was the one throwing the man-eating chihuahua at all the greenies and swearing at everyone who wouldn't gallop up the blind, rock-infested hills http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by LostFarmer:
Whenever I need a laugh I remember the OH Sh!T look on the riders faces when they realized they were about to be ejected. Priceless
LF

LF, I already pointed out that you NEED to join in the other thread. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif How could we ignore someone who CLOTHESLINES people on the trail?!? I mean, come on, you are an inspiration!! Of course you must be a part of our rude little club! http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif

[AlmostDun]

This thread is really amusing. Yet another clique I'm not cool enough to join. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/cry.gif I ride a fat, slow QH because I like my adventures to occur at 6 mph. I think my horse needs some excitement to get his blood stirring. Can I volunteer to be a greenie? Horse and I are very good at standing crosswise on the trail while grazing and looking clueless. (Usually because one of us is, in fact, grazing, while the other is, in fact, clueless.)

[3fatponies]

Originally posted by AlmostDun:
Can I volunteer to be a greenie? Horse and I are very good at standing crosswise on the trail while grazing and looking clueless. (Usually because one of us is, in fact, grazing, while the other is, in fact, clueless.)

Almost Dun, as a greenie, do you promise to try and put some effort in making sure that your grazing occurs in the MOST annoying spot you can find? Alternately, think about allowing your horse to graze and then dump next to parked cars, right at the driver's side door. If your horse is spectacularly fat, perhaps the "Clash of the Titans" clinic event would appeal to you? It's not really dangerous, since you get to wear a "Fat Sumo Man" suit.... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

[AlmostDun]

One of our favorite spots to graze is a five foot wide alley between two wild rose hedges which are taller than I am on horseback. Is that appropriate? We also left a pile in my landlord's driveway while he was cooking dinner on the grill.
I don't think the clash of the titans thing would work. My horse isn't spectacularly fat, just kind of pudgy. He's also only a little over 15 hands. (In addition to disliking speed, I also dislike falling off from great heights.) I think I'd need something draftier to really get the thunder rolling.

[3fatponies]

Well, the driveway pile while your landlord was cooking dinner gives me hope. Since he's pudgy, do you think your horse would be able to master the fart on command thing?

If not, I still see no reason that you can't join, but we will have to work on what your contributions can be to the group. Perhaps you and Lost Farmer could work the clothesline trick together? Your horse sounds like the job of anchor might be a natural choice. Da Fair Hill Bomb could also be a good choice for you, as we could station you at one end of the trail (where there is ample grass, of course) and you could peg hikers, bikers and greenies as we drive them out into the open. How's your arm strength?? http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...s/winkgrin.gif

[AlmostDun]

I feel so inadequate. I don't think I'd be very good at Da Fair Hill. I throw like a girl. Could I be a klutz with a backpack? I envision filling the backpack with apples, my lunch, cans of bug spray, water bottles, a walkman, geologic survey maps, a GPS, etc. and forgetting to close the zipper. Then the contents of the pack could come raining down on my horse's butt, causing him to spin like a Catherine wheel while ejecting even more stuff from the backpack.

[3fatponies]

That's a great idea, but let's replace the useful items with Ziploc baggies of kitchen garbage. Your job will be to master the amount of force required to bounce the bag off your horse's rump and on to another person, where it will burst. Kind of like Da Fair Hill Bomb, but without the throwing.

Another contribution could be verbal aggression. It's important to create as much havoc as possible so that everyone understands that we are more important than they are, and coincidentally, our needs are the only ones that matter. The trick is to be completely unpleasant, while not quite crossing over the line to where the authorities will become involved. Here are some exercises to help you prepare:

1. Go to a shopping mall and verbally attack the first person you see, screaming things like "You a$$hole, you're in my way!! Move, larda$$, before I kick you so hard I drive your spine out the top of your head!!" It is imporant that you start on the easiest people to get your confidence up, so begin with the elderly, small children and anyone who appears unsure or anxious. You can also combine that verbal assault with threatening gestures, or a "runaway" shopping cart("Ooops, was that your foot? Too bad you couldn't get the hell out of my way! If any of that blood gets on my boots, I'll be back to beat you senseless, Mom").

2. Visit a fast food restaurant staffed by bewildered teenagers, place your order incorrectly and then blame them. Incorporate throwing the food you received, screaming generalized obscenities and if the furniture is not attached to the floor, threaten to use it as a club if the right burger is not delivered PIPING HOT, right now.

3. Call any state agency and demand that you be heard by "the person in charge." You may raise your voice, but make sure not to use or obscenities or threaten them, to avoid the state police becoming involved. Politicians are great for this, as you can throw out random accusations of graft and threaten to go to the media. Make sure to personally insult the person you are speaking with--anything about their intellect or geneology is always a good choice.

When you can manage all of the above without feeling uncomfortable or being arrested, you are ready to take it to the trail!

[RTM Anglo's]

Great laughs folks! http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif

I have been a busy girl. Went up-north for a two-day reprieve, and my daughter has been ready to have a baby. The stress has been amazing. Got back and the next morning she was scheduled to induce labor.

Short of long, she had a baby girl, after two days of hell. Should be coming home today. So the driving back and forth and sitting and waiting for three days is coming to an end. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif


appaloosalady, so you too live in MI? Where at? Obviously you know of Hadley hills area. No I wasn’t in the area last weekend. I went to southbranch on the Shore-to-Shore trail. Great place to go if you haven’t already checked it out. The countryside is very pretty there, with the river running close by.

I met some pretty nice people there over the weekend. Some of our kind in fact. The camp was packed and we had some good neighbors. Took my green mare, and guess what? I took responsibility for the crazy thing too…can you imagine that! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif

Got a good story…late one night our neighbors crashed our fire. One couple were the young sort in early twenties. We were all pretty lit-up if you know what I mean. The girl, Mandy stated that her BF liked fireworks…so on the 4th…when her BF, Travis was lighting them up…they got this crazy idea to have him drop his pants and shoot a bottle rocket off the crack of his A$$. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/uhoh.gif

Well, all went according to plan the A$$ was exposed, Travis bent over and the rocket was placed between his cheeks. Mandy lit the fuse…but there was something they didn’t think about. As the rocket released and shot out into space…the fuse burned his A$$ on the way out! Ahahhahahahhaha This guy was so funny! Said he had 2nd degree burns on his cheeks all the way up! Ahhahahahhah I think they might have learned something there! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

So great to met people that can laugh at themselves and share their stupidity. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif

We also met people of all degrees of riding. The sort that knows what they are doing, and the sort that think they know what they are doing, AND the sort that think they own the trail. Whaaa Hahahahhah. Well I got to plow through with my greening…yelling out as I go… “green mare…green mare…don’t get close…get out of our way…we be coming through.� Well most liked this and got the hell out of the way…and then others just looked sorta surprised like…What the hell is a green mare? And why do I need to watch out? http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/dead.gif

Well, they figured it out right quick…as we swung side to side and Miss Magida laid back those ears and barred her teeth. She just didn’t understand that other horses could use the trail too. And that her and the talented horse were not the only ones in existence. Imagine the surprise of folks too when I laid into her A$$ and set her straight for each occurrence. What? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif What was that…that woman hit that horse! What is she doing…oh my. Ahhh yes people it is called training. I don’t go for that crap. And Miss Magida is a tall Arab…15.2 and about as flighty as they come. So we snorted and did the side pass throughout the day, while we watched peoples eyes get big. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_razz.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif

Yes, folks. I was the rude one. I inconvenienced some people, and made a scene or two. Rode out 10 miles to the store, and rode back. The twenty miles doesn’t seem to do too much on a horse with adrenaline. Them Arabs can go and go. This one will be a good one, she just has much learning to do.

And no…she couldn’t handle the burlap bags at this point! Ahahhahah She'd be running the trails all by her lonesome I am sure, cause she’d have done left me up in some tree or on the back side of a mountain. Hmmmm http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gifOh yeah, that is what it is…taking responsibility for my actions. What a concept. Can you believe it…ride a green horse and you might have issues. Gosh I must have learned that to from my fine edamacation in Or TON Ville.

Party on Garth.
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[RTM Anglo's]

Got another one and NOT for the innocent of heart. http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif

This is back in the day of my youth, whens I wasn’t so smart and all. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

I was 15 and wanted to ride to the local beach where all my friends were hanging out. My mom didn’t let me do a lot of things so I always took my horse and rode to friends’ houses and such so she never knew. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif So my friend and me rode out on two of our horses. One was very well trained and had his merits. The other was a crazy boy that was born with limited brain space. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...s/winkgrin.gif

Well we rode out 10 miles to the beach and everything was good. Minus the kid that ran out of his house screaming at the top of his lungs “horsey…horsey…I want to pet the horsey�. This sent us down the road about a mile faster than I had anticipated. But we got there. Then the problem…how do I tie the horses up and hang out with my friends on the beach? http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/sigh.gif

I looked around and all there were was small trees, trashcans, and picnics tables. The trees wouldn’t do it, and the cans were not heavy enough…but the tables…hmmmm they were the heavy-duty type, and very heavy. So using my fine 15 year-old underdeveloped ecamacation, I thought…. why don’t I just tie him here? So I did. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/uhoh.gif

I was walking away and watching him at the same time when something particular happened…. the horse pulled a little…and the table lifted up some. I thought…well that doesn’t look too good…but my friends were a few more feet away and I had my priorities. So, I kept walking. Then I hear a snort come out of him…you know the one that says, http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif “What the hell is that?� http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif. I turned around to see him lurch back, and the table…well it hopped forward. He didn’t like that…as the table was coming alive and was looking to eat him. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/uhoh.gif

I started to change my mind…maybe I didn’t have my priorities right. I started to walk back…real fast like. The horse pulled back faster and harder this time…the table reared its legs at the horse. Oh…man…horse really didn’t like that. Whoa I said…and started running. $hit…said the horse and pulled really hard and that table lifted right up. The next thing I know the horse is running…and the table is flying next to him. He runs through the park…people staring. My friends are screaming “Holly isn’t that your horse�…NO $hit Dick Tracey. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_mad.gif

He blew by me, down the boardwalk and straight to the lake. As he jumped off the sidewalk, (2 ½ feet drop to the beach) I couldn’t see him anymore, as I was too far back. I freaked…were did he go? He should have been running down the beach. Past the concessions and down the boardwalk I ran. I reach the sidewalk and looked down. Holey crap! The picnic table had lodged its leg straight into the ground about 2 feet and was broken into pieces and my horse was OUT COLD lying on the beach. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/cry.gif

I thought…oh god…I killed him. Got to his side and picked his head up, no response. Looked at his legs, and everywhere and there were no cuts, or broken bones. A guy ran up and said he never seen anything like it. The horse jumped out…and the table soared above him. Then the table crash straight down, and flipped the horse right around in mid-air. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif

Oh god I thought, he broke his neck. I untied him and pick his head up again…yes he was still breathing. Then all the sudden his eyes opened and he jumped up and looked at the table with the biggest snort I ever heard. I agreed with him and we decided to get away from that horse eating picnic table. As I walked him I looked him over; he looked fine, no problem. I decided that maybe the beach wasn’t for us. So we went back and saddled up and started to leave. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif

Just then the park rangers came. I gave them my name and number and left. Surprise surprise when I got home…my mother knew all about it. Crap. And I had to pay restitution of over $400 for the table.

http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gifGosh…you think I learned something that day?
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[RTM Anglo's]

gtd

Yes, our whole family is full of stories...we like to entertain each other. Laughing at yourself is good for the sole. Laugh and learn.

What happened to your signature? Did you leave our clique?

[3fatponies]

RTM,
I swear I would ride with you anytime, simply because I think I would end up laughing like an idiot, seeing what mischief you got into. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

However, if you have gotten some ideas and want to bring fireworks, I may have to reconsider.... http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif

[3fatponies]

Ah, but here's the thing--that IS how we act when confronted with lovely, polite people, so you need to just pick that crown up, bend it back into shape and slap it on your head, lady! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

For all our joking, you have just conveyed the true nature of us "trail queens!" http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif

[appaloosalady]

rtm- I'm up in Lapeer, used to live in Davisburg. Also used to raise endurance Arabs, have a few by my stallion out on the circuit http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_smile.gif

Give me an email at hmfappies@aol.com if you ever want to meet at Hadley, hubby and I have excellent greenie proof mounts http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif

3fp- you are absolutely right about gtd, that really is what we are all about!! http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif

[RTM Anglo's]

Gosh o mighty appoloosalady,

You are but a stones throw away.

Sure thing...would love to ride with ya.

I am kinda strapped right now in time...back in school for my masters, and my daughter has the new baby...but in a couple of weeks I will have some free time.

Do you ride in the winter?

What breeding was your stud? Did you ride GLDRA? Brigton has a ride in Oct, you should go.

[appaloosalady]

RTM - We do a little riding in the winter, more if it isn't below zero http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif Try to ride every weekend during the fall though (at least until deer season http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gif)

My stud is a Bask/ egyptian cross. He has some babies doing GLDRA rides. We used to go to the spring and fall Brighton rides, but the hubby's horse is getting too old, will probably do it again with one of our young appys when it is old enough.

[MissBri]

OK I just reread this thread and I think I qualify as a TQ...or at least my mare does!

One time we were forging a new trail, well, actually kinda lost the trail we were on so just started bushwacking through the woods. We come down a heavily wooded STEEP slope, crashing bushes and saplings, sending rocks and deadwood tumbling, then burst through a thicket onto a trail to the wide eyed horror of three mountain bikers, two hikers, and a couple of green riders, all huddled together, just staring at us. "Oh my GOD we thought it was a Bear or something" one of them stuttered - in Northern Essex county, not likely. My old mare just pranced a little, snorted, farted, pooped, then spun and trotted right off - me giving a huge wave with my whole arm and shining a smile that just split my face. Oh what fun!

[VCT]

You know... after reading this thread (and laughing hysterically) I came to realize.. I love where I live!

I remember reading a post earlier in the year near July 4th where people were bitching about fireworks scaring their horses. Now some of them said the trash from the fireworks was coming onto their land so I can understand that... but the noises? Quit whining. sheesh.

Also, I read in this thread about how someone who drives can't even warm up at a show because the ridden horses will get scared.. oh CMON.. how lame are they? I'd be so pissed if I was you.

I live in the middle of Amish country and theres a lot of "country folks" around here too. Theres gunshots, fireworks, groundhog holes being blown up, machinery, logging, Amish buggies, cows, steers, chickens, pigs, peacocks, all other manner of poultry, screaming rednecks hanging out of cars blazing down the road at warp speed, etc etc etc.

My horses are so used to all this crap.. and I sure am thankful for it!

[RTM Anglo's]

So, I gots me another story to share. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif

This one happened a few years ago, whens me and my friend with that talented horse was on the trail. You sees, in my riding area…we share the trail with snowmobilers, hikers, cross-country skiers and hunters. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif Yup, we lives just on the outskirts of the big city wheres it starts to get woodslike. Many of the local hunters come to our woods during deer season, as it’s closer to their homes and such.

Our little area can become filled with these deerhunting mens. Making their little porta shacks and looking like Rambo. Somes, well theys real serious…and they yells at us when we go ridding by cause we scares the deers an all. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif Can’t understands why theys be hunting on a bridle trail and becomes confused when a horse goes by…but theys do!

Anyways, back to mys story.

So, we be doing the normal thing…you know…drinking and doing shots and riding real fasts though the woods…hollering and looking for greenies. Well, “us� being the daisy duke type (I tolds you all that before) saws a couple of horses…being rodes by mens. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_razz.gif Yee Haw…we thoughts. So we wanted to catch them, but we was on another trail and they was on a different one. So we took off running really fast and tried to beat them to the connecting trailhead. We gots to the trail head…and missed them….so we tracks them like the Indians we are…and picked another trail. We blasted down this one, and saws them down on the lower trail. I guess our Indian spirits weren’t that good. So’s we decided to crash through the woods and jump on the trail. (They was right cute so we’s thought) http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif

At the bottom we ran down the trail. These guys were really good riders cause they was moving. Whens we got to the trail head…well we was disappointed again…as they had cleared the head…and we was left to our Indian spirit…so we stopped and laughed. At that points we decided to go potty…the trail was right there. We jumps off…pee’s and gets back on. We lights up this maryjowanda and voices our disappointment that we didn’t caught them cute boys. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/cry.gif

Just then…this hunter stands up about 20 feet from where’s we been standing. He’s all painted and craps in his hair…he looks like he’d fallen down a steep steep hill, cause theres trees and stuff coming out of him all over. I heards somewhere they call this camouflage, but I’m not rightly sure of that.

Anyhows…as he stands he points like the scarecrow in the wizard of oz, and says “they went that way�. Oh man, we was really startled. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...s/winkgrin.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif Thank goodness we just pee’d cause I sure would have then. Instantly we both brakes out into uncontrollable laughter. Although the horses didn’t think so…see this there hunter…well he scared the bee-jezzers out of both of them. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif Well, that talented horse, he let his fart out…and low and behold! He picks the right way to go and hits about mach 5. Well, my horse wasn’t going to be left behinds. So we blasted off too. We should have listened to them horses all along…cause talented horse knew all along. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

We learned two lessons that day. Be carefules when peeing in the woods during hunting season. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif Them hunters…live up in trees…and make houses all over. I think they likes spying on us horse riders. And the other lesson…listen to your horse whens you need to pick a way to go. They’s usually right. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif