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  1. #181
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    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    Thanks Trixie! I will when life gets less crazy and I finally start getting ahead. I miss ya!
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  2. #182
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
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    Virginia
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    7,752

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    I want to come up to see you, but it seems like life doesn't slow down until the winter and winter is when it's really freaking cold in PA.
    ---
    They're small hearts.



  3. #183
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2000
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    Full time in Delhi, NY!
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    6,392

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    I'm glad things are working out for you! It's so important to realize how much stronger you are now. The next boyfriend will be better, but if he turns sleezy, you will recognize the signs sooo much earlier and the pain will be so much less. When you do meet 'the one' after you've been together a while you will look back on this guy and his name will mean...nothing. You will remember you were in pain, but you won't remember the pain itself.

    Welcome to the sisterhood, and it's COTH chapter
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"



  4. #184
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2007
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    Ontario
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    Glad to hear things are working out well for you
    Riding the winds of change

    Heeling NRG Aussies
    Like us on facebook!



  5. #185
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    Mar. 5, 2007
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    Pontiac, MI
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    TD, that's so good to hear - I just read this whole thread at once, and at many points I was inwardly cringing and/or shaking my head because it sounds so much like what I went through with a guy for FAR too long.

    To make a long story short(ish?), we met when he was a customer at my store, and we were always friendly. I had a crush on him but didn't do anything about it. We lost touch with each other (I moved, he moved, I moved back, he moved again) but found each other again on Facebook a few years ago, and found out that he'd had a crush on me as well. Started hanging out, going out on mini-dates, but he would.not.kiss me. Hold hands, cuddle, hug - but no kissing. Two months into that, he tells me that he REALLY likes me, wants to get to know me better before we move into "physicality," - BUT - his ex wanted him back and he was - and I quote - "having a hard time making a decision between [the two of us]." I told him in no uncertain terms that I would make his decision for him, and she could have him. I was FURIOUS! With good reason, of course. I cut him off completely. Well, a month or two passed and he texted me out of the blue, and we got to talking again, and yes, hanging out, and no, still no kissing. And then he got freaked out because "I wanted too much from him," and so I stopped talking to him, deleted his number/contact info, deleted him from fb, etc. Again. I'll just cut to the chase and tell you that I let him do this to me SIX TIMES over the course of two years. Literally. We'd stop talking, he'd text/call/email me out of the blue, we'd start talking again. Each time, it got more and more romantically-themed. If I got freaked out/overfaced and withdrew, he came at me that much more, until I got comfortable in the assumption that we would end up dating, and then HE would get freaked out/overfaced and withdraw and I would give up and stop talking to him. Each time we stopped talking, it got less and less easy to ignore the fact that he was somehow absolutely playing me. He played me like a sixteen piece orchestra. But I still let him do it. And at some point last year, I found out/figured out that every single time he and I were in one of our not-talking phases, he was back with the ex.

    Pretty much exactly a year ago, he FINALLY told me he wanted to give "us" a real, honest chance. I was beyond elated. I was also stupider than s**t for falling for that line, because that lasted all of two weeks, if that. Things fell apart between us rather quickly. Well, that time he broke my heart was the last time I would let him. I told him it was over, that I loved him (first time I'd ever told him, but now I know it wasn't love but something else) but I couldn't play this game anymore. I haven't talked to him since then. This is the longest length of time we've not spoken.

    The funny thing is, I met my now-boyfriend while I was embroiled in all this last year. I liked him then and he liked me, but I told him that I was sort-of-but-not-really-involved with someone I had quite a history with and I wanted to see how it would pan out, and he completely understood. He backed off, but not as a friend. We hung out a few more times, still talked, and a few times when he knew I was having HORRIBLE days, he went out of his way to let me know he was thinking about me (sweet emails/text messages). When the s**tstorm with the other guy finally blew over, I couldn't believe that I'd missed out on a chance with now-boyfriend by letting myself fall into the same old trap I'd been in before with other guy. I even TOLD now-boyfriend that, and the response was something along the lines of "it's okay! it happens. we're cool!" which I took to mean, "thanks for not stringing me along, but I'm no longer interested" so we continued our regular friendship, and I casually dated in the meantime. Around NYE, I realized that now-boyfriend was the only person I really wanted to see at the dawn of a new year - even with all the mega parties that my friends throw. I asked him if he had plans, and he did, so I spent NYE by myself and went to bed before midnight (also a mitigating factor in that is that I'm old). But that "he's the person I want to be around" thought made me grow a pair of balls and ask him out on a real proper date, and we have been together since then. He knows all about my situation with the other guy, not least of all because he was my friend while it was happening (for the sixth and final time). He has his own ghosts-of-relationships-past, and given my ghosts, I've had some difficulty dealing with that at times, but I can honestly say I have never been happier, and I've never looked back and regretted asking him out (thoroughly modern ohrebecca!)

    About other guy? I'm honestly surprised/impressed that I've managed to avoid him for almost a whole year. We have a LOT of mutual friends, and one of his best friends is like a brother to me. We lived within a mile of each other, and often ran into each other at bars/restaurants in the area. Now I live a half hour away, so the "threat" is removed, but now I feel I can honestly say that if I were to run into him, I would be able to sincerely say "hope things are going well for you," and leave it at that. No catching up, no cat-and-mouse, no flirting, no hot-and-cold, nothing. I'm happy, and I'm secure. He is my unfortunate past and I can't erase that, but boy did I learn a lot from those two years.

    So, sorry to babble, but I thought you might like to hear that it DOES get better and you DO move on. Your last update absolutely did sound like you are the right path, and as MHM said, it's so rare that so many people here agree, that I think you know you're doing the right thing And of course, if you ever need a reality check, you know that we're here to provide it for you! Wishing you continued success in washing that man right out of your hair!!



  6. #186
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    Thank you all so, so much. I really appreciate it beyond belief and I'm positive I would have taken a much longer time and made much dumber decisions without the words of wisdom and support from everyone here. Thanks a billion! Ohrebecca, it does indeed help in knowing that it will absolutely get better and I will find someone that's worth my time and energy. The Adele song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qemWRToNYJY) "Someone Like You" kinda gets me to me at times, but it also helps me get through and stay strong! think the kicker for me as well was in talking to his best friend who he's completely screwing over, not to mention his brother(who I'm still very close with) who gave him a place to live for free, when he had nowhere to go... what a tool.
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  7. #187
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2010
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    Earth
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    I am SOOOOO happy to hear this!
    Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
    W. C. Fields



  8. #188
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    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    You and me too! It feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I just went and read through my updates....I was such a moron!
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  9. #189
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2007
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    Somewhere Under the Radar
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    425

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    You are listening to the wrong Adele song. Try Rolling in the Deep!



  10. #190
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    Dec. 22, 2000
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    NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by TatteredDaydreamer View Post
    I just went and read through my updates....I was such a moron!
    You said it, we didn't!

    Seriously, glad to hear you've moved on.

    And yes, considering that the crowd here could argue about whether or not the sky is blue, it's a pretty clear sign when everybody has the same opinion.



  11. #191
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    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    MHM, in reading back over this thread your comment about "You know when everyone on COTH agrees about something..." made me laugh out loud. I really was a dumba**, but live and learn and I do feel like I'm a much better/stronger chick for it. I met a guy a few months ago that displayed the same type of issues/personality and very very quicky was like, "Next!!" If nothing else I can certainly pick out asshats much faster. LOL!!
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  12. #192
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2000
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    NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by TatteredDaydreamer View Post
    If nothing else I can certainly pick out asshats much faster. LOL!!
    Hey, that's a useful skill to have! Saves lots of time.



  13. #193
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    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    Absolutely! Saves a lot of time I could be spending riding! That's another good thing that came out of this, I've started riding again and lordy lordy, I think it's kept me sane!! Can't believe how much I've missed it!
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  14. #194
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    Update time, and a good one now!

    I spent quite a bit of time getting to know and like myself, hanging out with my friends, enjoying life and my new OTTB, Nemo.


    About 2 months ago I was introduced to a fantastic guy by one of my work friends and we've totally hit it off. He's the complete opposite of my ex. Very intelligent, very caring, very witty, fantastic sense of humor. Great job down in the DC area, great family(treats his mother and sister like gold. ) and a super head on his shoulders. Taking things very slowly, but my family adores him and vice versa. Plus, he loves Nemo and thinks the fact that I ride is just awesome.

    Thank you ladies for all of your support and guidence. You were right, the right one is out there!
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  15. #195
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
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    11,712

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    Glad to hear the nice update!



  16. #196
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    Thanks! Couldn't have done it without the great support system.
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  17. #197
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    Mar. 5, 2007
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    Pontiac, MI
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    oh WHEW!!! I admit, I opened up this thread again with some trepidation - "is she at it again?" I actually let out a big WHEW when I read that you met someone else!!!!

    Congratulations!! See how amazing guys/relationships can be when they're not full of s**t??



  18. #198
    Join Date
    Nov. 28, 2011
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    Eventless. in North Dakota...
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    424

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    Quote Originally Posted by BLBGP View Post
    Why is he moving so far away from his kid?
    This is your first hint honey, unless he's on some kind of SERIOUS financial hardship, you don't move away from your kids. Anyone who can leave their kid, will leave you.



  19. #199
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2002
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    NoVa, finally!
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    'nother good update! I'm now living in VA with the guy I met that's a good one. He's really one of the good ones and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. I can't believe it's been a year+ and I still get butterflies. Talk of marriage in the not so distant future. For those going through relationship garbage, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!


    10 members found this post helpful.

  20. #200
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2008
    Location
    Alberta, Canada and South Australia
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    2,529

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    Aw glad to see another happy update! Best of luck for the future too.

    P.



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