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  1. #1
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    Sep. 1, 2007
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    Default Cash Shower and Wedding - How Much to Give

    I have to go to a shower on Sunday and it's a cash shower. I have no idea, how much I should give. I was thinking $80-100??

    This girl and I used to be best friends but we've totally lost touch in the past 10 yrs (we were besties in high school). I'm not in the wedding party just an invited guest.

    Does anyone know a ball park figure of how much should I give??



  2. #2
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    Dec. 4, 2002
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    Default

    Oh my gosh, that's in really, really poor taste..... not sure I'd attend.



  3. #3
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    Mar. 1, 2007
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    upstate new york
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    I have never heard of such a thing, but I would say $50 would be what I would give. I would give more if she was family or still a close friend, but I think $50 is more than generous for someone you haven't been close to in a long time. I usually give $100 per person at weddings (so it would be $200 usually because it would be me and my husband attending).



  4. #4
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    Dec. 12, 2004
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    Massachusetts
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    Wow, that's incredibly tacky. I too, would top out at $50.

    Asking for gift cards to some place is one thing, asking for cold hard cash from those who extend beyond immediate family is another thing. (IE, I find it perfectly acceptable to say "Hey mom/Auntie/Grammy, what we really really could use is some money to take a nice trip somewhere/pay off some bills as a new couple/etc." Whole 'nother story to ask random people for cash.)



  5. #5
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    Default

    totally tacky!



  6. #6
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    My mom and I discussed it last year when my cousin got married.

    Since my cousin already has a household of her own they requested we not give them presents, fair enough, who needs ten toasters...

    Mom was fretting, worriing how it would look next to my dad's gift.
    I am of the consideration that you give what you can without putting yourself in dire straits.

    If you are comfortable with giving 80-100, good, if 50 is more your class, that's fine, too.

    We found a funny card to put the money in and tied it to a bottle of champagne from the vinery next door.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  7. #7
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    Oct. 3, 2007
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    Really tacky. You've lost touch too? I don't think I'd go unless I wanted to treat it like a reunion. I would also top out at $50. I can't believe people have the nerve to just ask for cash.



  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by lcw579 View Post
    Really tacky. You've lost touch too? I don't think I'd go unless I wanted to treat it like a reunion. I would also top out at $50. I can't believe people have the nerve to just ask for cash.
    Well, I am considering different cultures were it is custom to pin the money onto the bride...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  9. #9
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    Oct. 3, 2007
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    Yes, but that is at the wedding and you are given a choice - I'm thinking it is like the dollar dance? At a shower where you are told "no gifts - just cash" that's a bit different.



  10. #10
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    Mar. 10, 2009
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    I'm torn between saying "tacky" and considering the other side of the matter: the bride and groom returning 3/4 of the wedding gifts for the cash. It spares everyone those awkward moments when the giver visits the new couple expecting to see their gift either on display or in use. . .



  11. #11
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    Jul. 17, 2008
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    Default

    I'm getting married next month and I haven't known how to bridge this subject either with my guests.

    I too find it really tacky to straight up ask for cash, I've read a lot of wedding etiquette stuff and apparently if you would like cash as well, you let the mother of the bride/groom tactfully put it out through word-of-mouth that we have a registry, but we could use money to put towards a house more. I even still feel kind of weird about that as well just because I hate asking people for money.

    A lot of people are apparently doing a "Money Dance" during the receptions as well where they pay to dance w/ the bride. My DJ suggested that and said he did it when he got married & they got enough to more than cover their honeymoon. That rubs me the wrong way as well so I'm not sure we're going to do that.
    Friend of bar.ka!
    Quote Originally Posted by MHM View Post
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  12. #12
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    Sep. 1, 2007
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    I know right? It even stated on the shower invite...cash shower. They didn't even try to make it sound better.

    I have no idea how much to give. My mom was like $50 and not a penny more.

    And yes it's a total cash grab but they already have everything that they need, house wise etc... We were really good friends but she moved out of state and we drifted apart. I would like to skip it but I'm very good friends with her sister still. If I had zero ties to her, I wouldn't be going.

    I just feel that if I don't give enough...that I'll be judged. I know it's stupid but that's how I feel.



  13. #13
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    Jul. 11, 2004
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    Tacky!

    I suggest $5 more than the meal costs. It's like hearing from neices and nephews when they're graduating and want some money (and you haven't heard from them in 5 years since the last graduation ceremony).
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  14. #14
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    I'd say $50 as well in a nice card. Or $25 and a nice bottle of wine?
    Friend of bar.ka!
    Quote Originally Posted by MHM View Post
    GM quote of the day, regarding the correct way to do things:
    "There's correct, and then there's correct. If you're almost correct, that means you're wrong."



  15. #15
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    Dec. 12, 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by RxCate View Post
    I'm getting married next month and I haven't known how to bridge this subject either with my guests.

    I too find it really tacky to straight up ask for cash, I've read a lot of wedding etiquette stuff and apparently if you would like cash as well, you let the mother of the bride/groom tactfully put it out through word-of-mouth that we have a registry, but we could use money to put towards a house more. I even still feel kind of weird about that as well just because I hate asking people for money.
    .
    I think having someone put out the word that cash would be appreciated isn't really tacky....most people chose to give cash anyway, and maybe more would feel less pressured to pick something off the registry if they can just slip a $100bill in a nice card. Flat out asking for it or referring to your shower as a "cash shower" is tacky, in my opinion.

    I think cash at a wedding is a completely different deal, honestly. Personally, I cannot stand showers.....I am going to a cousin's wedding this summer, and have been invited to the bride's shower. I have met her maybe three times, and yet I have to shell out some money to get a nice gift for the shower in addition to the wedding gift. Shower's should be, in my opinion (and will be, when I get married) small gatherings of the bride's closer friends/family, not every female on the wedding guest list. They shouldn't be an excuse to ask for more presents/cash.

    -sigh- Can you tell I'm a poor college student bitter about having to shell out precious cash for both this random girl's shower AND the wedding a month later?



  16. #16
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    Oct. 3, 2007
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    RXCate - don't say anything. The people who know you well and can afford it will give you cash. The people who can't give cash but can charge a gift will do that. We had a mixture of both way back when we got married. The cash was great but we still use some of the wedding presents. Actually some of our favorites weren't even gifts we were registered for.



  17. #17
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    Nov. 2, 2006
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    I had a childhood "friend" that had a shower, invited tons of people- I didn't go but sent a gift...

    then she decided she couldn't handle the pressure of a big wedding- and only invited 30 people to the wedding--her mom used the deposit for the reception to have some lame party that none of us were invited to...



  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by lcw579 View Post
    RXCate - don't say anything. The people who know you well and can afford it will give you cash. The people who can't give cash but can charge a gift will do that. We had a mixture of both way back when we got married. The cash was great but we still use some of the wedding presents. Actually some of our favorites weren't even gifts we were registered for.
    Exactly, totally agree. I think my mom has only mentioned it to those who we figured would probably give us cash anyway (like grandparents & aunts/uncles) and that was it, if she mentioned it at all. I haven't said a word to anyone and have actually had fun stalking my registry on Bed Bath & Beyond to see what's been bought so far (horrible of me I know, but the curiosity is kililng me!) - My shower is next weekend and I've heard my bridesmaids have done an awesome job putting it together so I can't wait

    If we get money, awesome, if we don't get much but get lots of our registry stuff, awesome too cause we really need all that stuff LOL - I wanted the whole ordeal to just be more like a huge party for us and that's pretty much what it's come down to. The ceremony will be the only super formal part.
    Friend of bar.ka!
    Quote Originally Posted by MHM View Post
    GM quote of the day, regarding the correct way to do things:
    "There's correct, and then there's correct. If you're almost correct, that means you're wrong."



  19. #19
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    Jun. 11, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by RxCate View Post
    A lot of people are apparently doing a "Money Dance" during the receptions as well where they pay to dance w/ the bride. My DJ suggested that and said he did it when he got married & they got enough to more than cover their honeymoon. That rubs me the wrong way as well so I'm not sure we're going to do that.
    My husband and I got married last summer. Trust me, we got no where near enough $$ to cover our honeymoon costs. Maybe enough to cover a nice dinner or two (depending on how expensive the restaurant was) but we're talking about like double-digits, not triple or quadrupole.

    I, too, think "cash showers" are tacky. We had a registry (actually three) and those who wished not to go off that gave us a check. Mostly got the checks at the wedding itself, not at the shower. The shower was all gifts .

    But, I'd go with what you're comfortable with. Perhaps a nice card and some wine too, if that's your style.
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  20. #20
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    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Cash shower ----> crass.

    I would skip that.

    I would gie a gift of MY choosing when I atend the wedding...even at a regular shower I would bring a small gift... no way cash unless I am the Parent and letting bride choose between cash or big wedding.



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