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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2008
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    Default Wedding Question: Etiquette (or rather "tacky, acceptable, or not?")

    We are getting married this August. Our DJ that we hired is AWESOME. They are also the only 501(c)3 non-profit event service in Atlanta because they also have an animal rescue. 100% of the proceeds from their DJing (minus gas costs, of course) go towards their animal rescue.

    The etiquette part comes into play with us wanting to create some sort of cute "tip jar" for them to display at the reception. Don't most DJs have "tip jars" at receptions and such for song requests, etc.? If they do, I am going to have my ab-fab god-sister who LOVES animals and LOVES crafts make a tip "jar" for them. I know she will enjoy doing it as she has Down's Syndrome and loves being helpful and being artistic

    So: yes or no for a "tip jar?"
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
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    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.



  2. #2
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    Sep. 2, 2008
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    Greeley, Colorado
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    I say yes! But I would be sure to specify that all tips go directly to the horse rescue, not into the DJ's pocket.
    **Friend of bar.ka**

    Fils Du Reverdy (Revy)- 1993 Selle Francais Gelding
    My equine soulmate



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2005
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    England
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    I don't think it's tacky at all. You could ask them to bring some info along on their rescue if you're worried about people getting the wrong idea.
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  4. #4
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    Jul. 20, 2004
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    I don't see a problem, but I would maybe find some way to notify attendees in advance that they will have the opportunity to donate and let them know where the funds are going (maybe a mass e-mail heads-up).

    Or, you could do the traditional dollar dance and just have the DJ announe that all money collected will be donated to the rescue.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 12, 2000
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    Proud owner of one Lunar acre! (Campanus Crater, The Moon)
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    Never seen a tip jar. It would be tacky if the DJ was doing it to take requests, etc. after the bride and groom paid them to play at the wedding. BUT, if you're doing it to raise money for a rescue, and you tell people ahead of time, it's not tacky.
    "Relinquish your whip!!"



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 24, 2007
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    837

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    I will be the one who says no, I think I wouldn't do it. I just think that you could let people know they are a non-profit and what they benefit (maybe with a small very pretty flyer) and allow them to decide if they want to track them down and donate. I don't think I would feel comfortable having guests feel "guilty" if they don't donate...



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2006
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    2,420

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    I don't find it tacky at all, but I would perhaps let people know what the tip jar is for. Even if that means you or hubby hop on the mic before the party gets too far underway and explain.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 10, 2008
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    1,915

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    Quote Originally Posted by dani0303 View Post
    I say yes! But I would be sure to specify that all tips go directly to the horse rescue, not into the DJ's pocket.


    Agreed! Just make sure it's clear that the 'tips' go to the rescue. Your DJ sounds awesome, will he come to PA?! I'm DJ shopping for my September wedding and the guy we wanted can't do it.
    Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

    PONY'TUDE



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2008
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    North Georgia
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    The DJ is a dog rescue actually They are quite legitimate and well-known in the area for being one of the handful of rescues who deal with "bully breeds" (especially after the investigation into and closing of "Pit Prints Rescue.") We are having a fairly small wedding: most of our guests are family members with a handful of close friends. They are all aware who the DJ is.

    I didn't want people to feel pressured or guilty if they didn't donate, and I didn't want "you must tip in order to request a song," but I thought my god-sister could create just a little decorative jar with a note that says 100% proceeds go to the 501(c)3 licensed rescue group and some information on it as well.

    As for traveling, I'm pretty sure PA is a little too far away They are based out of midtown Atlanta so tend to stick around Atlanta. Although our wedding is in North Georgia, we are paying them their travel rate. It's a husband and wife team

    All-in-all, it would just be a way for them to earn a little extra on top of what we're paying them (which I think is way too reasonable, but we donate on the side to them as well.)
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
    DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.



  10. #10
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    Jan. 12, 2000
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    Why not place some envelopes on the tables that are addressed to the rescue and let people take them if they want to? Write a little note with what they do and why you are supporting them and having the envelopes on the tables. Then leave it to the people to decide. Tell them they can mail them or they can go ahead and leave them with the DJ, who is a rep for the rescue?

    That would be a LOT less pressure on the people.
    "Relinquish your whip!!"



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2004
    Location
    Ontario
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    My daughter is getting married in June and has decided that, instead of favours, there will be a donation to the Donkey Sanctuary (actually the only rescue that is really a non-profit and that we trust in our area). There will be a card on the tables and brochures introducing the Sanctuary as well.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2009
    Posts
    73

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    I think a tip jar on its own is tacky. I am tipping them, I don't want them asking my guests for money.

    HOWEVER, I think a tip jar that is clearly labeled about what the DJ is and how they are a rescue and stuff is a great idea! If that was me, it would really showcase what my husband and I are like since we have adopted all our animals.

    Just make sure it is cutely and clearly labeled, and not something people would be pressured into doing!

    What a great DJ company/option for you!



  13. #13
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    Mar. 3, 2007
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    North-Central IL
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    Have you sent out the announcement things that list where you're registered for gifts yet? (Sorry, I know very little about wedding stuff but I remember getting these) If you haven't maybe you could put a note on there, something like, "The bride and groom are registered at so-and-so. There will also be an opportunity to donate to such-and-such rescue at the reception if you would wish." Or not. But I wouldn't be offended at all at that.



  14. #14
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    Nov. 5, 2008
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    North Georgia
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    The DJ husband-wife team is the rescue director. We made a note on our knot.com site as to who our DJ is, and on our wedding registry (independent registry) we made "gifts" out to donations to the rescue and a few other organizations we're a part of. I didn't want to advertise a "tip jar" nor mark it as such. The jar would just be marked as for the rescue and some brief info on them. If people want to drop some money in, they can, if not - no worries.

    The DJ did not request it nor is expecting it, by the way.

    We volunteer with the group when we can (home checks, foster, etc.)
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
    DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.



  15. #15
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    May. 6, 2003
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    Ok, first, do not send out announcements saying where you are registered (I know you didn't say you were doing this, but it came up and we hates it, Precious ), that is BEYOND tacky.

    Second, I wouldn't do it. It's a very sweet idea, but I wouldn't go there. Given how much people tend to pay to attend and buy gifts for weddings/showers/bachelorette parties, etc., putting out a jar requesting (however subtly) even MORE money will end up rubbing some of your guests the wrong way. If all the guests already know about the DJ and who he represents, guests can seek them out later if they want to give.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.



  16. #16
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    Mar. 3, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post
    Ok, first, do not send out announcements saying where you are registered (I know you didn't say you were doing this, but it came up and we hates it, Precious ), that is BEYOND tacky.
    Sorry, I said I didn't know a whole lot about wedding stuff! I HAVE gotten those though...



  17. #17
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    North Georgia
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    I think what we will do is keep the rescue group on our registry (which we have our knot.com website linked to) as an "in lieu of a wedding gift for US..." you get the idea.

    As far as sending out where we are registered, we only have our registry listed on our knot.com website. I hadn't planned on putting the registry announcement cards in our invitations, but I didn't know that was a "no-no." We aren't registered at any stores. We have an online independent registry in which we added various items from different stories, donations in honor of, etc. type of items.

    We're kind of atypical that way

    Thanks for the insight.

    P.S. No showers, parties, etc. for us either.
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
    DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.



  18. #18
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    Oct. 27, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post
    Ok, first, do not send out announcements saying where you are registered (I know you didn't say you were doing this, but it came up and we hates it, Precious ), that is BEYOND tacky.
    Just curious- why is it bad to announce where you're registered? I'm not planning a wedding at all, but several of my friends who've had weddings recently have sent out little cards with info about their registry and it didn't bother me at all.
    Cascadia- OTTB mare. 04/04-05/10
    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever



  19. #19
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    May. 6, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lone View Post
    Just curious- why is it bad to announce where you're registered? I'm not planning a wedding at all, but several of my friends who've had weddings recently have sent out little cards with info about their registry and it didn't bother me at all.
    It is a serious etiquette no-no. In American wedding traditions, including a request for gifts (which is what a registry listing is) is considered greedy. Some people say this is because wedding gifts are, of course, optional. Others says it's because it is never polite to request gifts (or assume people will give them to you).

    On the other hand, listing registry information on a wedding website along with other practical wedding information is considered entirely acceptable.

    The jury appears to be out on whether it is polite to ask for cash, but most folks seem to come down on the side of "yes."
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 9, 2010
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
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    Congratulations on getting hitched! The current trends seems to be for the Bride and Groom to give a donation to their favorite cause in lieu of wedding favors. My husband and I have attended several weddings lately that have opted for this route. Maybe you could take the money you would spend on favors and donate it? And of course leave nice place cards on the table stating that this is what is being done.



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