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  1. #1
    leatherh-Alter Guest

    Default Dating woes-- How did you find your SO?

    I went through a good portion of my early adulthood where I wasn't super into dating and certainly not serious dating. Now that I've reached a point where my priorities have shifted, I am having trouble meeting people. I have been set up, used a couple dating sites-- go on dates and they just don't work out. I'm running out of resources, so wondered if I am missing somthing. So, back to the title question-- how did you find your SO?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2006
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    Northern Indiana
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    SO = old friend from high school. I wasn't too interested in him then, but we met up awhile after graduation and he had done quite a bit of maturing so we got together and it's going exceptionally well

    In my family, all the women joke that the best way to meet a guy is to swear off men. Every. Single. Woman in my family has done that and married the next guy.....it's an amusing pattern, to say the least!

    Good luck
    To be loved by a horse should fill us with awe, for we hath not deserved it.



  3. #3
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    Dec. 31, 2009
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    How did I find my SO? When I wasn't looking At a bar, actually, hah! Not my norm, either. One of my girlfriends and I had just finished a good kickboxing workout at the gym (venting some frustrations, hahaha, so I wasn't exactly in the mood to be chatted up, either!), changed, and grabbed some food at the bar next door. Few drinks later...

    I couldn't ask for a better man, he's amazing (especially when it comes to the horses and supporting my passion and career) and I definitely intend to say yes when he asks (we're definitely planning a life together)

    Get yourself out there (ie, join a gym, go out for drinks periodically just to relax, engage in other activities where you might stumble across other people, etc) and just focus on yourself in the mean time. You'll stumble over him one day when you're not looking. Also, you'll attract someone amazing (well, a few frogs too probably ) if you are striving only to better yourself and present yourself as independent, etc. Stop looking.

    ETA: I wouldn't recommend going to a bar specifically to meet "the one", because there's a good chance you won't find him there That is just where my SO and I happened to cross paths. My point was just to get out there, whilst doing your own thing
    Last edited by naturalequus; Feb. 6, 2011 at 11:04 AM.
    ....horses should be trained in such a way that they not only love their riders, but look forward to the time they are with them.
    ~ Xenophon, 350 B.C.



  4. #4
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    Jun. 22, 2008
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    Outside Ocala FL - Horse Capital of the World
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    Quote Originally Posted by randomequine View Post
    In my family, all the women joke that the best way to meet a guy is to swear off men. Every. Single. Woman in my family has done that and married the next guy.....it's an amusing pattern, to say the least!

    Good luck
    Worked for me too! I met my husband at work (we worked for a major insurance company in different units), and after a rocky few years, I broke it off. A year later, he contacted me, we started dating again, and 17 years later here I am.

    I will say, that after I broke it off with him, I was perfectly happy with my single life with my horse and my dog. So I surprised myself actually.
    There are friends and faces that may be forgotten, but there are horses that never will be. - Andy Adams



  5. #5
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    May. 8, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by MunchkinsMom View Post
    I will say, that after I broke it off with him, I was perfectly happy with my single life with my horse and my dog. So I surprised myself actually.
    Me too! I had just gotten to that "I don't need no stinkin' man" stage.....go figure
    To be loved by a horse should fill us with awe, for we hath not deserved it.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2001
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    I met my fiance 10 years ago, just out of college. He was in town visiting his best friend from high school, who had become my closest friend at the office. We all hung out for the evening, and then I didn't see him again- he went home the next day, I moved across the country for a job shortly after that.

    Two years ago, the three of us ended up in the same city for the weekend, and he and I just hit it off. He deployed a week after that, we talked/emailed while he was away, and I moved up to his city a month after he got back.

    If someone had told me at 22 that he was the one I was going to marry and live happily ever after with, I would have NEVER believed it. Life is funny like that.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug. 3, 2004
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    San Francisco
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    online.

    By being honest, I could cut to the chase and say what I wanted and who I was.

    And I mentioned that my horse was my primary relationship.

    now after 8.5 years, there is a tie for primary!
    A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame or money, but even practices it without any hope of doing it well.--G. K. Chesterton



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 19, 2001
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    My method isn't going to work for you. I met mine on the school bus... we were in 5th grade. Knew him through high school, then during the summer between freshman and soph years of college, ran into him in the 7-11. Since he lived on the next island and had to wait 5 hours for the next ferry, I invited him up to the house for the evening. Well, he ended up missing the ferry and we stayed up all night talking. We were engaged about 5 months later. Still married 33 years later .

    My 3 brothers-in-law all met their wives in bars. So now the family refers to bars as "the wife store".



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2006
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    I met my SO through a friend at work. Work friend was a super nice guy who already had a GF. I asked him one day if he had any single friends figuring they would be like him.

    JACKPOT!!!!!!!!! My SO is 8 years younger than me, super nice guy, willing to take on me and all my pets. We are now going on 2 years of wedded bliss.

    Another good way I have met people to date is to join the local singles group if you have one. The one I was in had bowling, darts, pool and other activities that would get you out there to just plain meet people and have fun. I made a lot of friends, both guys and girls doing that.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2005
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    Rochester, NY
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    Like a few others have said, when I wasn't looking.

    I had come out of a bad relationship from college, and pretty much gave up on men. Completely focused on myself, and got a job as a Barn manager at a local H/J stable. Threw myself into horses. And I was the type who didn't really go out much, so never really bothered to try and meet somebody.

    Then I met the Farm operations manager at the barn I worked at.

    Been together 3 1/2 years, and just got engaged this past Christmas.
    <3 Vinnie <3
    1992-2010
    Jackie's Punt ("Bailey") My Finger Lakes Finest Thoroughbred



  11. #11
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    Oct. 24, 2003
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    Hunt Country Heaven, VA
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    Match.com
    It can either be a lot of work or you can view the weeding out process with a big sense of humor. I had nicknames for the line up of fish I tossed back.....Snaggletooth, Munchkin, Precious...shudder....My friends and I had a lot of fun talking about the process. If you do this without the desparation of "got to find a man" as a goal, it can be quite entertaining.

    My SO and I have been together for over 2 yrs. now. We are more compatible than any other man I have been with and do a lot of outdoor activities together. We have a pack of beagles and foot hunt together and he also supports my horse activities enthusiastically. He KNOWS about having a passion for a sport and needing the time to do it.

    Too bad we are rooting for opposite teams going into the Super Bowl!
    Lost in the Land of the Know It Alls



  12. #12
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    Dec. 31, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Belgian View Post
    Too bad we are rooting for opposite teams going into the Super Bowl!
    Hehehe, some of us do that on purpose My SO and I are VERY competitive, so we're always betting against one another (never money, always activities or fun things we'd like to try ie, dinners, hockey games [where of course MORE bets will be placed ], movies, a day at Spruce, etc - most things we would do anyways, but nonetheless it makes it fun!). I won last night's UFC bet to take the horses out together the next warm day we both have free together I did not follow NFL this year so I'll wait to see which team he is rooting for to bet against him

    On the internet thing, I actually did that for awhile in the past and it DID work. Not in the end obviously, it just was NQR to me to warrant saying yes when he asked, but I did meet some great men through it and some very compatible ones. Lots of sifting and just "okay" dates though! Just another way to get yourself out there, to network and cross paths. BUT, then you're doing the whole "looking" thing...
    ....horses should be trained in such a way that they not only love their riders, but look forward to the time they are with them.
    ~ Xenophon, 350 B.C.



  13. #13
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    Apr. 4, 2010
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    yonder a bit, GA
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    We met at the dog park! We're not the only couple to have met through that same park, too- there's a good number of us couples now!
    'Course, I knew his dog's name for a month before I could catch HIS name!
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)



  14. #14
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    Oct. 21, 2003
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    8,698

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    Asked him out at a red light about 13 years ago. He looked so cute sitting in his truck with his dog in the passenger seat. Rolled down the window and asked him for his phone number. I called him, went on a date that week, and we started dating, living together, now married for 5 years.



  15. #15
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    Jul. 18, 2009
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    I bought a lame horse from mine! I was looking for something suitable as a first horse for me and my young daughter to putz around with while we were learning. He had one that was recovering from a muscle pull and could handle an hour in the ring. Perfect horse for us but then he and I started trail riding together and had to get another horse! Milestone in our marriage is that we've finally been married (12 yrs) longer than he's had his favorite mare! I couldn't have ever found a better partner!



  16. #16
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    Mar. 9, 2006
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    I met my husband in the office. I'd already been through a few icky relationships and breakups, and I was totally over the get-swept-off-your-feet thing. I was totally non-romantic about the dating process at that point. I had started selecting dates like I was screening a business partner. The one I agreed to start dating had the following attributes:
    -Good worker respected by his co-workers and manager (I figured this cut down on the chances of me having to support an unemployable deadbeat.)
    -Got along with female colleagues in a male dominated industry. (I didn't have to educate him about dealing with career track females.)
    -Good with old fashioned Yankee customers: the kind who don't whine, who instead give you one chance to make it right (if that) and then take their business elsewhere forever. That's my style, too, and it's nice to have a partner who reads subtle signals.
    -Liked animals
    -Intellectually curious

    We actually didn't have a whole lot in common as far as interests. Instead, we started exploring the other person's interests as our relationship developed. I learned to ski because he was a skier. He got a kitten because I had a already had a cat, and he wanted his own cat. He started coming to the kinds of concerts I like. I let him take $8k out of our joint checking account to get a little used sports car in his favorite color. We have our ups and downs, and we bicker constantly (to the amusement of people who know us,) but it's a solid relationship based on respect and shared ethics.



  17. #17
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    met DH on yahoo personals....there ARE (cute sweet educated) guys on there....maybe NOT many, but some! LOL



  18. #18
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    May. 2, 2006
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    Chicagoland
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    I met mine on St Patrick's Day at a hole in the wall bar. My friend and I had gone out for food and drinks somewhere else, and then were meeting up with some of her old friends from school, most of whom I'd met at some point or another. I was quite schnockered when we got to the hole in the wall bar. My now-SO, who is one of my friend's old friends, started talking to me and I realized I'd met him several years ago at a Halloween party. Apparantly I'd said something to him at that party that led him to believe I was a total beyotch, although now neither of us can think what it may have been.

    We started dating and it got fairly serious pretty quick, then I had a minor freakout for a month or so where I wasn't sure what I wanted and was second guessing the relationship. But that didn't last long and we started seeing eachother again. This coming St Paddys Day will be four years, so I guess we're doing okay.



  19. #19
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    Jul. 14, 2000
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    My now husband (30 years this September) took me out because he REALLY wanted to date my roomate. Taking me out gave him a reason to be at our apartment and he was hoping Mary would see how darn swell he was.

    Two girlfriends used eharmony to date. Both ended up marrying guys from the referral and both couples- over age 40- seem like they have been together for years and years instead of just a couple years. Uncanny matchups on both accounts and very impressive! And both couples had toys in their attic from previous marriages but they have met their soulmates.



  20. #20
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    May. 26, 2009
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    I met my guy in graduate school. In some ways it's helpful to have your social life completely built in by a grad school or work cohort, although we had no small amount of anxiety initially about awkwardness should it not work out. (Luckily for us, it did, but I'm still not sure I'd recommend it to anyone else!)

    Quote Originally Posted by randomequine View Post
    In my family, all the women joke that the best way to meet a guy is to swear off men. Every. Single. Woman in my family has done that and married the next guy.
    QFT! A few months before SO and I took up together, I had just gotten out of a very toxic long term relationship and had sworn up one side and down the other that I'd stay single for a few years. Interestingly, my now-SO had sworn off dating too. But we had already become good friends, and by the time I became single, it only took a few months for our resolutions to go out the window.

    I think the success of the swearing off men strategy (to the extent that it can be called a strategy, since its success is always accidental!) lies in the signals you send out. That kind of strength and independence is very sexy to the right kind of man.



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