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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2000
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    CT
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    2,496

    Default Growing Old Alone

    Or...
    When do I become the lady on the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercial?

    Musing about keeping myself safe and happy as I age with no kids to help (or hurt). Who knew growing old could get so complicated? Keep house? Hire help for yardwork etc? Moving south sounds appealing right about know (except I might be too Yankee for that)

    It kind of dawned on me that I don't have to be that old - If I got hurt, the dogs are not yet trained to dial 911 And my cell is not always on my person, especially in and around the house. And all these snow days give me time enough to wonder if the dogs would feed on my carcass - and if that might be appropriate



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
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    7,762

    Default

    that will be me too....
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6,373

    Default

    It gets scary thinking of what it will be like to be elderly and alone the way things are going - almost certain cuts to medicaire and SS, inability to count on appreciation of your property as a nest egg...etc..

    Recently a discussion has popped up between myself, my partner, my best friend of 32 years, her sister and partner. My best friend is most likely soon to be divorced so we have 5 people who are very close, like family, who have known each other for eons and complimentary in skills. Our ages range from 44 to 54. I'm the baby! None of us has children.

    Our plan is to buy a decent sized property with either a large house or a house which could be added onto in such a way that we would all have our own space and a common living area.

    I just saw a property listed that at first glance looks doable - 5800 sq ft colonial with 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms under 20 years old. A finished basement which could be easily made into large living quarters for one couple. A first floor with large kitchen, LR,Dr etc, a second floor with bedrooms which could serve as living quarters for the second couple and a third floor with a huge MB -great room combination with a kitchenette which would be perfect for my soon to be single friend or two people should she couple up again one of these days. 78 acres, two ponds, two barns..

    The plan is that we all take care of each other, the last person left inherits and has enough to pay for home care, whatever is left after that gets distributed according to the original persons wishes for their share of the estate.

    We all like our own space which ironically is what we think might make it work, figuring one of the issues that would make an arrangement like this not feasible is living with people who don't understand the need for space.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
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    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
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    Default

    10 years ago I had enought friends to do that...we were going to call it Broad Acres....lol
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
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    6,373

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mroades View Post
    10 years ago I had enought friends to do that...we were going to call it Broad Acres....lol
    HAHA!!! That's good!

    So why did you never do it? Too hard to get everyone ready to jump at the same time?



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
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    Default

    I have managed to isolate myself pretty badly...and we all grew apart. One turned into a holy roller (as an atheist , thats a bit too awkward) and the rest have moved away. Frankly I think i will be just fine in a nursing home, provided I can pay for it.
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    20,935

    Default

    Long term care insurance. Best investment ever. And I think the new health care law has a provision for it in the next two years.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
    Posts
    24,725

    Default

    It's always good to think of these things ahead of time.

    And you're never too young to plan ahead either.

    Usually the main decisions come down to finances and/or lifestyle.
    Can you afford to hire people to do the things you'll no longer be able to?
    Does it make more sense to eventually sell the house/farm and get a condo and board? (removing all property and horse care)
    If you change location to a new area, will you have a friend or relative network to count on as a just in case?
    Are there are PUDs in your area that cater to an equine lifestyle that's affordable? (a horse community)
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 16, 2005
    Location
    Elmwood, Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,380

    Default

    Just curious about an idea. My neighbor built a very nice assisted living facility which opened just as the recession hit. It has very few residents so far. The facility is on a nice farm by a small town. I wonder if it might appeal to retiring equestrians if they were to build either a boarding stable or a competition facility. It would not be for the residents but for younger folks. The residents would be encouraged to come watch the younger folk either training their animals or competing. Do you think this could appeal to people who like horses and want an assisted living facility?
    Robin from Dancing Horse Hill
    Elmwood, Wisconsin



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
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    Default

    Someone could make a small fortune making an assisted living facility or development for retired horse folks. Somewhere they can board and live without maintenance required.


    Of course that's IF they can find a way to get a bunch of older horse women to live near each other without major battles, LOL!
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 2007
    Location
    Beyond the pale.
    Posts
    2,957

    Default

    The plan is that we all take care of each other, the last person left inherits and has enough to pay for home care, whatever is left after that gets distributed according to the original persons wishes for their share of the estate.
    I believe that scheme may be termed a "tontine", which are not allowed in canada or the USA.

    The tontine is named after Lorenzo Tonti, a Neapolitan banker who started such a scheme in France in 1653, though it has been said that they were known in Italy earlier. Each subscriber paid a sum into the fund, and in return received dividends from the capital invested; as each person died his share was divided among all the others until only one was left, reaping all the benefits. In the original scheme, the capital reverted to the state when the last subscriber died, so it was really a kind of national lottery. The idea was taken up enthusiastically in France and later in Britain and the USA; it was used to fund buildings and other public works. (There are still several hotels and other buildings in Britain and the USA with the word in their names.) Later there were private schemes in which the last survivor got the capital as well. Tontines were eventually banned in Britain and the USA, because there was too much incentive for subscribers to bump each other off to increase their share of the fund, or to become the last survivor and so claim the capital. For that reason, it’s a wonderful plot device for detective story writers, who can use it as a motive for serial murder.
    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
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    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
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    Default

    of course its not legal...it makes too much sense
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 10, 2001
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    1,861

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    Someone could make a small fortune making an assisted living facility or development for retired horse folks. Somewhere they can board and live without maintenance required.


    Of course that's IF they can find a way to get a bunch of older horse women to live near each other without major battles, LOL!
    LOL! A GF and I actually talked about doing this. I run an equine retirement farm, she runs a assisted living home. I get a lot of owners asking if they can come live here with their horse And some who just want to send their husbands But I don't do humans I do often think about taking dogs tho. I love them second best, next to horses.

    We could not figure out how to make it work, as we live over 100 miles apart, and our husbands do not like each other. So I guess it is up to someone else to take it on.
    OLD FRIENDS FARM-Equine Retirement-We LOVE Seniors!! Spoiling Retirees since 1998
    http://www.angelfire.com/oldfriendsfarm/home.html
    Charter Member of UYA!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2008
    Posts
    4,565

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CatOnLap View Post
    I believe that scheme may be termed a "tontine", which are not allowed in canada or the USA.
    wait.....someone can tell you that it's illegal for 3 or 4 women to live together? What? And they can tell you that you can't leave your stuff to whoever(s) you want?



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6,373

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CatOnLap View Post
    I believe that scheme may be termed a "tontine", which are not allowed in canada or the USA.
    Why on earth would it not be legal? Not that I don't believe you as there are plenty of stupid and archaic laws out there. But I would hardly call it a 'scheme'. There are no profits to be had or outside entities to be funded or whatever a tontine refers to.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2000
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    2,496

    Default

    Being a single when most friends have SOs and many have children, puts you a little on the outs on group arrangements. Most are planning their later years with relatives - tho we all know that might not work.

    I suspect a lot have decisions have to wait for the circumstances to evolve. I have financial plans, but it is hard to predict what I will want and be able to handle. And as a cancer survivor I dont take any of that for granted!

    I think part of getting older is thinking more about the "what ifs".



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
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    Default

    crazy stuff for sure..I have no family no real friends..the horse business has pretty much eaten me alive....oh well, I just try to live each day as if it were my last
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2005
    Location
    Spotsylvania, VA
    Posts
    13,790

    Default develop the habit

    Quote Originally Posted by MsM View Post
    Or...
    When do I become the lady on the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercial?

    Musing about keeping myself safe and happy as I age with no kids to help (or hurt). Who knew growing old could get so complicated? Keep house? Hire help for yardwork etc? Moving south sounds appealing right about know (except I might be too Yankee for that)

    It kind of dawned on me that I don't have to be that old - If I got hurt, the dogs are not yet trained to dial 911 And my cell is not always on my person, especially in and around the house. And all these snow days give me time enough to wonder if the dogs would feed on my carcass - and if that might be appropriate
    I fell a few years ago....in the garage! It would have been really bad if I had been alone.

    Since then I have made it a point to keep my cell phone ON MY BODY at all times
    I wasn't always a Smurf
    Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
    "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
    The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug. 10, 2010
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    1,723

    Default fight it every step of the way

    MsM, do you have any neighbors/co-workers that would be aware of your routine (if you fell and couldn't get up...)
    I am planning for my future by just making everything as manageable as possible, in terms of the animal care.
    I want to stay independent for as long as possible. I'm extra cautious when doing chores alone..dumb stuff happens!! It's so easy to cut corners because I "know" my horses...but I constantly remind myself not to take unnecessary chances.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
    Posts
    24,725

    Default

    You can leave property to live-ins if you have it on the deed as owners through tennants in common. Or one owner and leave a lifelong right to live to a room mate. There are ways to do things depending on state and asking a real estate attorney.

    Good neighbors can be a big help too. Never isolate yourself too much...get to know your neighbors, next door and in town and make friends. Having even a casual support system is a good thing to have.

    My neighbor is solo and in her 50s. 8 horses, 10 acres. Bad back. She budgets for "handy man" help as it's needed, just like she budgets her for hay, mortgage, etc. Good investment is the right machinery...let hydraulics do a lot of work for you. And having a horsie neighbor helps. She knows if the manure hits the fan, to call me. She also knows I'll walk over once in a while and check in...and that if I don't hear her mini-donks hollering at the right feed times or hear them hollering off of feed times, to hightail it over there and make sure everything is okay.

    And on her big hay delivery days (she gets 6 month-1 year of hay at a time) my DH, her handyman and myself all show up to help put it up.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



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