Anyone deal with dysthymia Update: Made a Doc appointment
I'm in my mid-twenties and for as long as I can remember (since at least 12 yrs old probably earlier then that) I've been a pessimistic, glass half empty, moody, gloomy and sad person. I feel like I have good days once in awhile (maybe even a few weeks) but always end up back in the dumps.
In general it doesn't effect my day-to-day activities but I know I could perform better, despite not wanting to do most things I can usually force myself to get it down (though now that I think about it I haven't gone out with any of my friends since well before Christmas).
I know people with Major Depression and Anxiety disorders and can't help comparing myself to them and thinking I'm not that bad so I don't need to go to the doctor about this. It's hard to figure out if what I am feeling is normal and this is an unfortunate character flaw or if there is something wrong with me that could be 'fixed'.
I know the only way to figure this out would to actually see a doctor about it but I'm one of those people that is always hesitant to go to the doctor for anything (I hate making appointments and I hate talking about myself especially about something that seems silly and trivial).
If anyone could share their experiences with this it would be much appreciated.
Last edited by Leather hAlter123; Feb. 14, 2011 at 06:03 PM.
Honey, have you considered that your dysthymia (or whatever) is making you drag your feet about getting it checked out and treated or evicted from your life?
I know the "cup is half empty" lifestyle all too well. In my case, I don't know whether that's a biochemical thing, up-bringing, no spiritual life taught to me until I was an adult, yada yada, or an unfortunate mixture of these things.
I can tell you that you can correct the "cup is half empty" and "well, no matter what I do it won't matter/won't change things/won't be that great or worth the effort." But it will take some work, no matter what kind of external support you get.
I realized that 1) The cup is, by definition, half full and half empty at the same time; those who see "full" just have a better time, day to day. 2) The little voice that says "Yeah, but really and truly, it's half empty" isn't the truth so much as a habit of interpretation.
I did things to break that habit of interpretation. For me, that started with making a "gratitude list" and another of "things I did right today." These things can be large or small. But you need to scrounge up a few of each. It worked best for me to do that before I went to bed when I wasn't "in charge" of fixing anything anyway. That seemed to mean that the "cup is half empty" voice had dropped its guard enough to let me feel something other than my usual vague pessimism.
So let me start you out: You have horses in your life that's pretty damned good. It's also part luck, part effort on your part. That led you to COTH-- luck-- and then COTH had OT day-- more luck-- that let you ask this question-- your good.
I've been diagnosed with it... along with major depressive disorder at one point, along with various anxiety issues. Yeah, I'm a barrel of fun!
Currently I'm on no ADs, but probably should be. Knowing myself the way I know myself. I don't know that I'd describe myself as pessimistic; for me it's a lower level "meh, I don't give a flying crap about much of anything". And oh, my... the lack of motivation is startling.
Dysthymia sucks. Doctors suck. Put those two together, and getting treated for it sucks. But on the bright side, once you actually get treated for it, things stop sucking so much. So if you can actually boot yourself in the can to call someone and then attend the appointment, it can be worth it.
I second finding a doctor and/or counseling. If you don't find a counselor who seems to be helping, don't be afraid to try someone different. The same goes for medications. There are so many good antidepressants available today that finding one that works for you is easier than in the past.
You might also try the Equestrians with Disabilities thread. Emotional as well as physical disabilities are discussed there and the posters are supportive and very helpful.
I would say go to the doc. The scary truth is that people with dysthymia are more likely to commit suicide than people with major depression. They deal with it for so long, and eventually cant take it anymore. NOT saying that you would go down that road, but why risk it?
One doctors appt could change your life. Cant hurt to see what your options are! Good luck!
Thanks for the comments everyone. I guess I really know that I should/need to see someone (part of me just really doesn't want to). One of my biggest regrets is not getting help for this when I was still in high school. I think I would be at a very different place in life if I had.
One of the reasons I struggle with not wanting to get help is that I don't like not knowing what to say, what will be asked, what will happen from there.
What I find funny is that what I know is not my best performance at work, is still better then most people in my department.
You've gotten a lot of good advice so far - I'll add myself to the list of those who suggested seeing a doctor. My DD is 20 and had a very stressful year which brought on panic attacks in October. She just had two, but it took 3 months for her to be able to seek medical help - 3 months of not being able to do normal things like work, school, going out in public places... I could go on with how this impacted her, but she was able to see a doctor and during that visit she said there were a number of things had she noticed - symptoms that had she known she could have gotten help before this major impact happened. I never knew how many people deal with this until it hit our family. One of her biggest issues was what /how to talk to the doctor about this. She wrote down in a note (2 pages) what she was feeling and how it was affecting her and gave it to her doctor so if she could not talk during the visit (panick) the doctor would have the info.
Please don't regret - hind site is always 20/20. Just know there is help out there.
Update: After putting it off for another month I finally have an appointment with my GP on wed morning. Words can't even express how nervous I'm feeling. Next step telling him what I really want to and not just chickening out by only mentioning the lack of energy. Lately I'm totally drained after being on the horse for 20 mins or after taking my dog for a walk.
The more I've thought about it I've realized that I'm totally kidding myself thinking it hasn't effected my life very much. Even this weekend, my horse is a saint for putting up with me on his back. Every time I couldn't see a distance I'd freak out and pull him up.
So thanks for the encouragement. I made a point form list of the symptoms I can think of that I have, don't know if i will give that to him or just try to say it. A decade of putting up an emotional brick wall sure makes it hard to want to open up.