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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,157

    Default When things begin crashing around you, where do you turn?

    DH and I are facing foreclosure and have immediate plans to put our farmette on the market. I have been fighting a viscious virus for over 2 weeks: DH has it now. He cannot get his work done (self employed consultant). I can't teach. My income is what gets us by day-to-day. DH is showing strong signs of alzheimer's, which the virus is making worse.

    Much snow, much cold. Three horses, three cats and a dog. Family is aware, and is wonderful, but spread all over the world. Help over the holidays was never forthcoming - help clearing out 35 years of trash and treasures, help painting some rooms in our plain little house.

    I am paralyzed by not knowing where to turn, where to begin. Medical evaluation of DH easier said than done, as he refuses. Living will, power of attorney, etc would be the logical step to go, asap. But what will an evaluation do?

    He is 74, I am 64. We need to be in a supportive community that we can afford - read really inexpensive, but how does one go about that? Moving to VA, NC or SC where it is warmer and there is opportunity for me to continue teaching would be wonderful. Realistic? God knows.

    Anyhow, would welcome any suggestions. Please, no flames. Prayers and jingles.

    I feel so incompetent.
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 17, 2007
    Location
    Meadowview VA
    Posts
    2,198

    Default

    I know when I worked in Vermont, some of the independent living apts had income-based rent. They were very nice.
    (Burlington area). Would that possibly be an option?

    The cost of living is less expensive in the South. If you can access it, go on virginiaequestrian.com and see if you can rent a place?

    What do you teach? Could you be a substitute? Have you ever thought of teaching in a prison? I taught in a state prison for a year and it was certainly safe enough.

    Thoughts and prayers are with you.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2001
    Location
    Trailer Trash Ammy!
    Posts
    19,520

    Default

    Many, many prayers for you and yours, Boosma.

    I know you're feeling totally overwhelmed right now, but it may help to just reorganize the problems in an order that makes more sense.

    Snow: It will melt. Maybe later rather than sooner, but it will. It's a temporary problem beyond your control, so "x" it out of your long-term concerns.

    Cold/flu: Sorry you're feeling poorly. Have you been to the doctor? If not, please do so. They have a lot of better drugs than they did in my (and your) day; two weeks is a long time to be suffering w/ this. And as you say, you can't think long term while you're sick as a dog. So this might be a short-term issue to address rather soon, if possible.

    Estate planning: This probably needs to be your top priority once the snow melts and you feel better/can get around. You need to see a lawyer for this, not a doctor, which hopefully should help DH get on board. You're going to have to have that painful, frank discussion with DH about what your future holds. Which is very, very hard, but it MUST be done - just not right NOW while everyone's feeling rotten!

    DH's situation: Would it help if you could get him to a doctor for his cold and let the doctor try to convince him to have an eval?? Just a thought.

    Please do NOT feel incompetent. You're just unwell at the moment and feeling down. You haven't gotten as far as the ages of 64 and 74 by being incompetent!

    Are either you or your DH involved in any church groups? Is there one near you that you could ask for help w/ the cleaning and painting? The older I get, I find the less hesitant I get to play the "pitiful old lady" card, and frankly it usually works. Short of that, what about college students to help?

    I wish you the very best and hope you and DH feel better very soon.
    "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,274

    Default

    On the retirement home thread on page 2 MsM said something about an uncle in a retirement home that is a rental, and nightsong has a place in Virginia that is $515 a month, you might PM them for more information. You need to move before the foreclosure disqualifies you from getting into a rental. I would downsize everything possible before moving, and might sell all furniture and buy new for the smaller place with the proceeds and save the moving costs that way. Get rid of everything you don't need so your place looks uncluttered (I'm an HGTV addict as if you can't guess), and put it on the market now for a price to cover things and you might get lucky. Then you only need clothes and your kitchen stuff, plus the few linens you need, and you can get a new bed, small dining set, and a sofa or so and you'll be good in most apartments. I wish I could do something to help you, but I think War Admiral's suggestions are great. In fact I might just leave a few things to 'stage' the house, with the understanding that a seller can have them for a really good price.

    Maybe moving to a state that has no pension income tax would be better too. I know Alabama, Florida, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, and others don't tax pensions.
    Last edited by JanM; Jan. 16, 2011 at 10:17 AM.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 24, 2007
    Posts
    989

    Default

    The first thing you should do is call elder services in your town. They can help with almost everything. You certainly would qualify for their assistance because of your Dh's age. They can help you speak with lawyers/doctors and i would guess just about anything else. Its what they do.

    Don't lose hope, just keep asking for help, it will be forthcoming!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,157

    Default

    Thank you so very much, my friends. I know being sick is keeping the clear thoughts at bay (yes, had tests Thursday, and it is a virus. No sign of bacterial infection.)

    An estate company is coming Monday to begin taking the stuff away. Everything is for sale. I am looking to rehome our lovely yellow lab who needs a life. The horses are the tough thing, but I'll begin inquiries tomorrow. Cats will stay with us come hell or high water.

    I teach riding part time. Would be looking to continue that. Not an ambitious/pushy/ aggressive instructor, maybe there's be something somewhere. Used to teach school, but not cut out for that anymore!

    So many areas. You have helped me.

    What is the deal of rental/foreclosure timing? We have a lawyer helping us. What do I need to know?? I do not have direct contact with him, only through my son.

    Yeah, a horseperson feeling incompetent...go figure.
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2003
    Location
    Windward Farm, Washougal, WA- our work in progress, our money pit, our home!
    Posts
    7,116

    Default

    Catholic churches/dioceses often have free elderly services, including mental health care, and respite care at low cost. Get on the web or pull out the yellow pages to find free help for yourself and your situation.

    Take a deep breath. And another. Make lists, take stock, make a plan and follow it. Be flexible. Your mental health is essential right now, so concentrate on being calm and confident---even if you aren't! It is ok to fall apart, but pick yourself up afterward and gather your resolve.

    Downsizing is hard. These decisions are hard. I don't have much advice beyond kind words and prayers. Jingling for you and yours from the PNW!
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2000
    Location
    Somewhere in the Midwest
    Posts
    2,143

    Default

    I second talking to someone with your local senior services office. They are very helpful and you will discover all kinds of programs and things that will help.
    As far as your living situation, I second looking at income based senior housing. Almost all allow pets (especially if your doctor writes prescription for your cats to be deemed "service animals"), many are brand new, clean, roomy and affordable because they are income based. The senior services office should have a list of area housing solutions.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    33,602

    Default

    No ideas, just best wishes and big hugs!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2004
    Location
    Pottstown, PA (East Coventry)
    Posts
    3,228

    Default

    I know nothing about them what what about a reverse mortgage? Or is that only available when you own the home outright?
    There are companies that buy houses as is. In our area the signs are "We buy ugly houses". They buy the house, fix it and flip it. I don't know how much they undercut the market value. It might at least be worth having them come in and give an offer. You can alway say no.

    Have a few Realtors come through and evaluate your property before you list. Have them provide comps to show you where they are coming up with their suggested asking price.
    Since you have a farmette try to go with an agent that sells a lot of horse properties. If you go with one that does regular residential make sure you can work with them with the wording for the ads & the pictures. Most people looking at horse properties care more about the barn amenities, barn pictures, fencing and acreage. The house is the afterthought.

    Most residential Realtors put most of the emphasis on the house and mention in passing "cute 4 stall barn" or "bring your horses".

    In my state we can negotiate the realtor's percentage. Normal is 6%. (3% to seller's agent & 3% to buyer's agent). We negotiated it to be 2% for our agent and 3% to the buyer's agent. The house we bought had it as part of the listing that the commission for the buyer's agent was 2.5%.

    Good luck.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 3, 2009
    Posts
    871

    Default

    Boosma47, my heart is open to your pain and worry. Please take comfort in opening your own heart to others, here, on this forumz, for help. People do want to help and do do the right thing, only if they know. With that in mind, if you have not already done so, let the people around you know and perhaps know more, your clients, friends, neighbors, doctors etc., let them know your need for help. This group of folks maybe able to help with solutions or assistance.

    There are many good suggestions here. Sending healing thoughts and prayers for better days ahead. I too, at the moment have a cold/flu and know how it can drain you, breathe and know you will get through this.... Blessings



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,157

    Default

    Bless you all for clarity and lovingkindness.
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  13. #13
    Join Date
    May. 5, 2006
    Posts
    2,986

    Default

    I have no words of wisdom to share with you regarding the challenges you're facing. But I did want you to know that you have my well wishes and supportive thoughts.
    Sheilah



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2008
    Location
    Snohomish, WA
    Posts
    4,273

    Default

    I don't have any great suggestions either - sounds like you are doing the best you can at the moment.
    I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
    Hugs and prayers.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 2, 2007
    Location
    Upper and Lower Canada
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
    Location
    Lakeland, FL
    Posts
    203

    Default

    " I feel so incompetent. "

    Although I can sympathize please know it is impossible to do it all alone. Take help when it's offered, be kind to yourself and know no matter what it will all work itself out in the long run. Nobody, not even me really is ten feet tall and bullet proof.

    On a side note, check out South Carolina. Some how I think they could use you down there!

    Hugs
    "Gypsy gold does not chink and glitter, it gleams in the sun and neighs in the dark"



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    2,035

    Default

    No more lucid thoughts than what has been given, but my thoughts are with you. Make lists, organize, and take help that is offered. When you are ready, consider listing your lab & horses on the giveaway board here- so many little rehoming miracles have come through that venue, and you may be able to find a home with someone you "know", at least in the CoTHland sense.

    Hugs.
    bar.ka think u al.l. susp.ect
    free bar.ka and tidy rabbit



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 11, 2007
    Location
    Central VA
    Posts
    1,408

    Default

    I have no advice other than what's already here, but am sending jingles for you. I do have to ad, if you don't like cold/snow, don't move here (VA)-- move to SC (plus the cost of living is lower there). We used to have decent winters but the last few have sucked with cold/snow.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2010
    Posts
    6,374

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HealingHeart View Post
    Boosma47, my heart is open to your pain and worry. Please take comfort in opening your own heart to others, here, on this forumz, for help. People do want to help and do do the right thing, only if they know. With that in mind, if you have not already done so, let the people around you know and perhaps know more, your clients, friends, neighbors, doctors etc., let them know your need for help. This group of folks maybe able to help with solutions or assistance.

    There are many good suggestions here. Sending healing thoughts and prayers for better days ahead. I too, at the moment have a cold/flu and know how it can drain you, breathe and know you will get through this.... Blessings
    I so agree with this. People DO want to help. I had some really bad times starting about five years back. I hid and didn't tell. That's a bad thing to do. I have a friend having a really bad time now and trying to hide. I will not leave her alone.

    I know it's HARD, but keep reaching out and talking to people. Let EVERYone know and let them help. Think about how good it makes you feel to helps someone else. Now let someone else have that good feeling and help you.

    We're here for you, and so are a lot of other people. Reach.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2010
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    2,352

    Default

    The COL in NC may actually be surprisingly higher than you would expect. VA or SC may be less expensive.

    To answer the question at face value, I turn to God when my life comes crashing down. While that may sound foolish it is my saving grace at all times. I and my family have suffered many trials and heartaches. Sometimes I have wondered how we will make it the next month, but we always manage to. Perhaps someday we won't, and that will be very scary. However, I will rely on God, the talents he has provided me and my husband and the resources I know are out there for us, should we need them. I try not to ever take any of the blessings we have for granted.

    To answer your question more specifically, I would speak with someone at your social services center - they have services for the elderly. I would also speak with any private groups, such as Catholic Charities or Jewish Family Services, both which serve people who are not members of their faith. If you can, put things up for sale on Craigs List and consider offering riding lessons free-lance style.

    I am truly sorry for what you are going through. Please allow your friends and family to help you. Be honest about your needs. People are usually willing to help when they know what your specific needs are. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.



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