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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2007
    Location
    Valencia, CA
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    663

    Default Married People... Do you ever have crushes?

    Okay so I'm not married yet, but I will be in August. I find myself having a crush on a guy at work. He is just so nice and cute, and we flirt at work and it's fun. Let me say that I would NEVER act on it and am completely faithful to my fiance. We are human beings and we can't control being attracted to someone, but I can't help but feel a little guilty for feeling this way. Are there any other girls or guys out there who get this feeling from time to time?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2003
    Location
    Windward Farm, Washougal, WA- our work in progress, our money pit, our home!
    Posts
    7,528

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    Absolutely! Fairly normal, but seriously set boundaries for yourself...no texting, private calls, lunches, working late, etc. Commit. That is marriage, hard work, daily maintenance, and commitment to one other person.

    I have had "crushes" in the 10 years that Mr. CC and I have been together--ranging from "boy, he's cute" to "what if", but I love my man, and won't risk our life together to act on a silly crush.
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Posts
    3,975

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HorsRdr477 View Post
    Okay so I'm not married yet, but I will be in August. I find myself having a crush on a guy at work. He is just so nice and cute, and we flirt at work and it's fun. Let me say that I would NEVER act on it and am completely faithful to my fiance. We are human beings and we can't control being attracted to someone, but I can't help but feel a little guilty for feeling this way. Are there any other girls or guys out there who get this feeling from time to time?
    If you're doing anything you wouldn't do with your fiance in the room, you are being inappropriate, imo.

    A little crush, ok, I've been there... but not flirting.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2000
    Location
    Out of the loop
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    2,929

    Default

    Oh, gosh, yes! So has Mr. CH (in fact, I had a girl-crush on one of his crushes once, LOL! Very impressive and crush-worthy lady!). We are only human, and schoolgirlish attraction to someone is perfectly normal.

    As already said, your behavior is where your focus should be. Feeling crushy about the cute foxhunter whose horse I'm hired to massage is fine. Looking forward to seeing him and enjoying our chats at each appointment is fine. Fantasies are fine. Overt flirting or any moves toward any sort of affair (physical, "emotional," whatever) = not fine. (I personally think a little flirtiness is OK if both parties know it's not serious or meant to lead anywhere.)

    If you would invite your SO to any meeting with your crush, you are fine. If you can share your crush with your SO and he can share his with you ... well, Mr. CH and I do that and we celebrated our 20th anniversary this past fall.
    Equinox Equine Massage

    In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me invincible summer.
    -Albert Camus



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2010
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    2,374

    Default

    Finding other people attractive is not akin to having a crush in my book. I personally have no interest in considering anyone outside of my marriage. And like one poster pointed out, if I wouldn't do it or say it in front of my husband, I should not do it or say it at all. Cheating does not "just happen". It has a beginning. This is typically an "innocent" smile or brush up against someone. You always have a beginning - and the clothing is on...my philosophy is to not allow a beginning to occur, and if I sense one could occur, put the brakes on ASAP in both the physical as well as in my mind.

    If you are not married yet, but are already thinking of another man like this, do you know why? Are you nervous about marriage? If so, that's pretty normal. I'm not suggesting anything is wrong with you - I'm just asking if you know why you are having these feelings - my advice would be to explore whatever is underneath the desire to flirt, with marriage so close. It may be nothing of concern or it may be something completely unrelated to the relationship.

    I hope this helped.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2007
    Location
    Valencia, CA
    Posts
    663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye in the Sky View Post
    Finding other people attractive is not akin to having a crush in my book. I personally have no interest in considering anyone outside of my marriage. And like one poster pointed out, if I wouldn't do it or say it in front of my husband, I should not do it or say it at all. Cheating does not "just happen". It has a beginning. This is typically an "innocent" smile or brush up against someone. You always have a beginning - and the clothing is on...my philosophy is to not allow a beginning to occur, and if I sense one could occur, put the brakes on ASAP in both the physical as well as in my mind.

    If you are not married yet, but are already thinking of another man like this, do you know why? Are you nervous about marriage? If so, that's pretty normal. I'm not suggesting anything is wrong with you - I'm just asking if you know why you are having these feelings - my advice would be to explore whatever is underneath the desire to flirt, with marriage so close. It may be nothing of concern or it may be something completely unrelated to the relationship.

    I hope this helped.
    Of course getting married and officially being "off the market" is nerve wracking. It's like I'm saying goodbye to my youth and really becoming a grown up (I'm 30). Perhaps I'm trying to subconsciously get something out of my system. Who knows? I will say that my job is at a restaurant, so it is naturally a laid back and playful environment where everyone jokes and flirts with each other.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 19, 2001
    Location
    Pacific NW
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    3,964

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    SInce we're not dead, I think crushes will happen from time to time.

    I have had one crush in our 33 year marriage. I guess only one because I've found so few men that compare well to Mr. Kestrel.

    DH is somewhat prone to crushes. Since he is so easy to read and truely socially dense, I'm nearly always aware of the crush before he is. I have decided that I am not willing to be tolerant of him behaving in a way that could lead his crush to look for more. If he wants more, he needs to leave me first, as I do not like to share when it comes to husbands.

    I do think it is fair to tease him, so he does know that I know. He is also aware that he needs to keep himself out of any situations where something more could happen, because as I said he is clueless and could end up over his head. Several women have told me to my face that they find him adorable, which I do too.

    He is also very aware that if something were to happen with someone else, he will find his belongings on the porch and all the locks changed the second I find out.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    May. 5, 2006
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    3,106

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    Yes, I think it is fairly common. I know I do, and I am sure my husband does as well. We would never act on it though, but a harmless crush is no big deal.
    Sheilah



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2010
    Location
    Franconia NH
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    419

    Default




  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 19, 2009
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    Default

    Agreed, I think it's common. I've had them too, but would never act on them. I'm sure my DH feels the same. It's normal to be attracted to other people, I think not feeling that way would be going against thousands of years of instinct hardwired into our brains to find the best possible mates



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