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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2002
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    Calera, AL
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    Default Near deaf SO anyone?

    Mine had some kind of horrid fever when young that caused partial deafness. We've been together for 14 years and in the last six months it really seems to have escalated.

    If he's across a table from me he'll just look at me and nod which is not the appropriate response. I'll say, "You have no idea what I said, do you?" Most the time he doesn't. He's just trying to get by. I get annoyed because if he'd just ask, I'd say it again. He reads lips pretty well or can "hear" if he's really listening.

    Sometimes if he can't hear me, I talk louder. He still can't hear me so I talk even louder. He gets mad and says I'm yelling at him.

    I'm like WTH? We have so many fights about this - him: "I don't know anything about that", and me: "I TOLD you yesterday (or last week/month/whatever)", him "I never heard that."

    He's driving me crazy. I've know it was a problem from the beginning but, wow, it's ramped up here lately.

    Between that and his snoring, I sometimes want to club him.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2009
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    Northeast Ohio, where mud rules your world...
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    Default

    oh geez, I soooo wish my father would just get a hearing aid. Over the years, his lifestyle has beat up his eardrums and he says that everything is muffled.

    " I don't need a hearing aid. It's just that everyone mumbles. They don't speak clearly!"

    so frustrating. This is one of those ailments that I don't understand why people don't get help for. If you can't see, you get glasses. If you lose your teeth, you get dentures. Why let your pride get in the way of enjoying life around you?

    Is his hearing loss something he can remedy but won't?
    ...don't sh** where you eat...



  3. #3
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    Aug. 12, 2002
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    Calera, AL
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    Default

    I don't really know. He says he's left with tinitus. Over the last six months, though, it's gotten so much worse.

    He says he's had a hearing aid (when he was a kid - 35+ years ago) and hated it. He won't go back to a hearing specialist. Like they haven't changed in all that time! I'm about to make him go to one. He just doesn't realize we'd get along so much better if we actually heard one another.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 29, 2010
    Location
    Hertford, NC
    Posts
    725

    Default

    My DH is deaf in one ear. Aftermath of being in Viet Nam and then coming home to a long career as a heavy equipment operator. I always accuse him of not listening to me (which he usually doesn't...lol) But I think it is his hearing as well. I must learn to be more patient with him. But I dread the next few years of TV and stereo being at 20 plus decibels. He probably won't get a hearing aid either, but i might gently suggest it.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2003
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    Default

    my parents drive me nuts. Both have siginificant hearing loss and both spent quite a bit of money getting themselves a set of hearing aids each. Neither of them wear them.
    I find it so frustrating to talk to the them. In fact, they're outright rude. They know they need hearing aids and they have them, and yet they continue to force people to have to repeat what they say over and over. And it's not like my parents are young. They are in their 60/70's.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 19, 2001
    Location
    Pacific NW
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    Default

    Not all hear loss can be helped with hearing aids. If your spouse says he can hear you but can't make out what you're saying, make sure to look at him when you talk and don't put your hand over your mouth. Yes, it's a pain for you. It's even more of a pain for the person who can't make out what you're saying. It doesn't take long asking people to repeat themselves before they quit speaking to you because it's just too much trouble.

    I'm sure you don't need to ask me how I know this. Yes, I've seen a Dr. I've had surgery. Twice. I could go on to try a cochlear implant, or Mr. Kestrel could turn his head when he talks to me so I can read his lips.

    Hearing aids often just make the background noise louder, but don't make it any easier to understand what someone is saying. I doubt that all these hard of hearing people are doing this to you just to be rude. Sometimes things can be improved and sometimes they can't. Sucks to be you and have to tolerate them. Sucks to be them even more, because they have to put up with you when you're only concerned with your own little self.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
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    Default

    I was completely deaf for 11 months at two and since then partially deaf.
    I compensate so well most people can't tell, but I really only hear about half the words, have to infer the rest.
    As a student, I had to spend time after each lecture with my BF, going over his and my notes, to be sure I was not missing anything.
    Hearing aids don't help, they make sounds louder, but I can't tell what is said, especially if there is other sound, like in a restaurant or a movie with background music.

    When I got hearing aids, I could hear the waterfall sound of using the bathroom, which I could not hear before.
    I was in a public restroom and for a moment it was very embarassing, until I realized everyone could hear themselves too, not just me and it was ok after all.

    Hearing aids outside are helpless, all you hear is the wind whistling all the time, covering other noises.

    Those of you living or interacting with those that can hear some, but not that good, may need to learn to be patient.
    I think that you need to keep bringing up that those with hearing loss need to be evaluated, because there may be other going on that needs to be addressed.

    Most companies that sell hearing aids today give you a month to try them, money back guaranteed.
    Can't hurt to try.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2002
    Location
    Calera, AL
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    Default

    Thanks all. Bluey, thanks for that info.

    It's not like I don't think he can't hear me, but I think he won't go seek treatment since he did 30+ years ago and it didn't help. Stuff has improved since then, right?

    It's just a little aggravating because if I try to get his attention and he's not looking at me, he says I yelling (though I've been trying at lower levels that he didn't hear). I see every day how he misses what people are saying. We work together and he gets by but he does miss a lot.

    What could cause this to get so much worse in the last six months?



  9. #9
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    Jan. 27, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    Not all hear loss can be helped with hearing aids. If your spouse says he can hear you but can't make out what you're saying, make sure to look at him when you talk and don't put your hand over your mouth. Yes, it's a pain for you. It's even more of a pain for the person who can't make out what you're saying. It doesn't take long asking people to repeat themselves before they quit speaking to you because it's just too much trouble.

    I'm sure you don't need to ask me how I know this. Yes, I've seen a Dr. I've had surgery. Twice. I could go on to try a cochlear implant, or Mr. Kestrel could turn his head when he talks to me so I can read his lips.

    Hearing aids often just make the background noise louder, but don't make it any easier to understand what someone is saying. I doubt that all these hard of hearing people are doing this to you just to be rude. Sometimes things can be improved and sometimes they can't. Sucks to be you and have to tolerate them. Sucks to be them even more, because they have to put up with you when you're only concerned with your own little self.
    well I'm not sure if this little charming snippet was directed at me or not, but I'll address it anyway. Yes my parents are being rude. They both have hearing aids. The hearing aids work well for them, and are comfortable (I guess as comfortable as hearing aid are).

    I think you need to step back and have a reread of my post. I was talking about my parents not you. I am familar with my parents situation, not yours, and I was reflecting on thier situation NOT yours. Is that clear now? And frankly your comments are rude, just as my parents refusal to wear their hearing aids when hearing aids work for them is rude.



  10. #10
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    Jun. 20, 2009
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    Northeast Ohio, where mud rules your world...
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    I completely concur that hearing loss is more frustrating for the person with it than for the people trying to talk to that person.

    I guess my frustration with my father stems not from dealing with his hearing loss but with his intense pride about getting it looked into. He has never had his hearing checked by a proper audiologist and I don't see him doing it any time soon. Add to the problem that my father is starting to have memory loss. So he either can't hear what you said or if he did, he can't remember it anyway. getting old sucks...

    So let me ask this question of those with hearing aid experience. The hearing aid amplifies everything to the same degree? I don't know a lot about hearing but I have to assume that if you are an adult that has had hearing loss for some time, you would have to retrain your brain to "tune out" the background noise. Or is it more like a microphone and a recording that picks up the loudest sounds and amplifies them and you never get used to that?

    When are they going to invent the inner ear, ear drum transplant? I would love that for my father.
    ...don't sh** where you eat...



  11. #11
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    Oct. 14, 2006
    Location
    Canada
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    Default

    One of my brother's is 86% deaf, he got meningitis when he was 6 months old and lost his hearing.
    I grew up making sure I looked at him when I spoke, kept my hands (or objects) away from my face, spoke clearly and carefully that it's now second nature to me. But when he first started dating his now wife, she would mumble and sometimes cover her face with her hand. I used to get SOOO mad for him that I stopped hanging out with them. (seriously? It's not like he hid the fact that he was deaf!)
    Eventually we had a conversation about it, and he told me that he appreciates my pit bull attitude in his defense, he's a big boy and can defend himself.

    If people don't speak clearly, he does really struggle. He wears hearing aids but they don't do much for him. He'll ask you to repeat yourself once or twice but if he still doesn't get it he basically ignores you.

    If my mom (yes, MOM not wife!) didn't make his hearing appointments for him, my bro probably wouldn't go! Unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done for his hearing, his ear drums were severely damaged, but technology is so advanced you never know what may happen. Trick/bribe/force hubby to go the hearing institute. Who knows what can be done for him?
    Last edited by Seriously_Hunter; Dec. 31, 2010 at 12:21 AM. Reason: spelling



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2007
    Location
    NY
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    Default

    For the TV I bought one of those headsets that ties into the TV. You can have the volume of the TV at normal and the person with the headsets can ramp the volume up. You can buy more than one headset so two people can hear it as loud as they want but the third can listen at room volume.
    Text captioning on TV helps too.
    Older folks seem to have a stigma attached to hearing aids. What sold my older family member on the new one was it is behind the ear but you cant see it in the ear. Really can't. And they have some snazzy ones with leopard spots on them, so they can be fashionable.
    She has tinnitus as well. Which works for her, she is musical and has relative pitch, but she went to the piano, found the "note" that her tinnitus is on so now she has absolute perfect pitch. She can hear a note and tell F sharp, etc



  13. #13
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    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
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    Quote Originally Posted by alabama View Post
    Thanks all. Bluey, thanks for that info.

    It's not like I don't think he can't hear me, but I think he won't go seek treatment since he did 30+ years ago and it didn't help. Stuff has improved since then, right?

    It's just a little aggravating because if I try to get his attention and he's not looking at me, he says I yelling (though I've been trying at lower levels that he didn't hear). I see every day how he misses what people are saying. We work together and he gets by but he does miss a lot.

    What could cause this to get so much worse in the last six months?
    That the hearing loss progressed so fast lately is why he should go to a doctor to be checked out.

    Hearing aids today are computer guided and made to supplement just the sounds and volume the testing shows to be missing.

    Now, to understand those sounds, the connections to the brain auditory centers have to be good, something that may not be, if they were not made, since those sounds missing just didn't create the right connections.
    The auditory center can learn once it is receiving the sounds, but just to a point.

    You just have to be tested and see what the audiologist thinks, if any of the new hearing aids may work.
    Some stop background noises to get the right sounds transmitted without "noise".
    They are very expensive, but if they don't work, you don't have to buy them.

    Oh, one more note, pun intended, text captioning is not worth the trouble, because you can't read and see all that goes on fast enough to make sense and it is tiresome.



  14. #14
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    Oct. 28, 2007
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    NY
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    Okay on the text captioning but I grew up watching a lot of foreign films so it works for me.
    And the audiologist said it takes time for your brain to "re-learn" how to hear with hearing aids, re-interpret what you hear to make sense of it.
    First time my grandmother tried hearing aids she said they didn't work. I think she thought she would be hearing the way she used to. No, it takes some brain re-training as others have mentioned.



  15. #15
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    Jun. 19, 2001
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    Pacific NW
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    There are different kinds of hearing loss. It can be related to the bones in the ear failing to transmit sound, damage to the nerves that conduct the sound received by the ear, loss/overgrowth of bone somewhere in the auditory system or numerous other problems. It can also be that at certain frequencies you can hear some things just fine, and not hear other frequencies at all.

    While hearing aids may help some, and cochlear implants can help others, and surgey can help a few more, many people are just out of luck in terms of any improvement. Often the loss continues over time, getting worse or changing with the disease process. Then the solution that you had doesn't work any more. A lot of progress has been made in medicine in the last 30 years, and some of it is in hearing research. But there still isn't a sure cure for many types of hearing loss.

    So what to do if someone you care about has hear loss? Encourage them to go to a good Otolaryngologist and audiologist at least once a year. If there is a way to make life easier, its worth checking out. But don't assume that hearing aids are a "cure" for the problem, because many people have bought them and been told they will solve the problem, but they really don't.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2002
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    Calera, AL
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    Sucks to be you and have to tolerate them. Sucks to be them even more, because they have to put up with you when you're only concerned with your own little self.
    Sadly, I'm not just concerned with my own little self (though the initial annoyance is that he "ignores" me), but we work together. I'm afraid it will affect his work. And before you ask, we don't live together or have co-mingled finances.

    I really don't get the irritation you're showing. "Sucks to be me and have to tolerate the"? I was asking for help - not bitching.

    Edited to say, maybe I misread your post.

    I wouldn't post a poor little me post. I just thought I might get some helpful suggestions.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
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    Trails and woods
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    My SO has had recent change in his hearing. He has lost a lot of his ability for speach recognition. It has been difficult to say the least. Even with him reading my lips and speaking clearly with even tone, he has trouble understanding me. It is rough!

    I can't imagine how difficult it is for him. I write things down that need to be communicated clearly. I keep conversations short.

    He has high end hearing aids. They are good, but they aren't 100%! He has hearing loss as a child from a very high fever. He is a candidate for cochlear implants. He sees a good ENT and audiologist twice a year.

    I encourage you to do that for you partner OP....write things down. Find a way to communicate...text, email, written note, computer! It can work. Just be patient and have a sense of humor.

    Losing speech recognition isn't fun...I am experiencing it as well!
    Life is too short to argue with a mare! Just don't engage! It is much easier that way!

    Have fun, be safe, and let the mare think it is her idea!



  18. #18
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    Jun. 19, 2001
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    Pacific NW
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    Sorry Alabama, not directed at you at all. My apologies. You seem to be concerned and supportive, who could be upset with that? I just find the attitude that was posted by someone else that people who can't hear are doing it on purpose, to be very self-centered.

    I know how frustrating it is to see someone you love missing out on things, and eventually giving up on trying to communicate. I saw it with my Dad. Now it is my turn to be the one who struggles to hear, so now really I get both sides. It really helps when people at least try to make an effort to help me hear, and don't just give up.



  19. #19
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    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    Yep, only it's me. Hearing impaired, been that way since birth. About a third loss in both ears.

    I wear a hearing aid most of the time (I can't handle two). You know what's annoying? Having to say "what?" eleventy-million times. Or "Hang on hang on hang on HANG THE FUCK ON!" when he starts talking in the living room, when I'm in the bathroom running the sink. I can hear him, but not the words, and he won't shut up and wait.

    That's annoying.

    I read lips. I explain, in detail, what works and what doesn't. He is pretty good about it, but sometimes I get so tired of saying "what? what?! WHAT??" that I want to punch a wall. I know it's just as hard for him sometimes, but...argh.
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl



  20. #20
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    Jan. 27, 2003
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    [QUOTE=Kestrel <snip>I just find the attitude that was posted by someone else that people who can't hear are doing it on purpose, to be very self-centered. <QUOTE]

    ok so I guess that lovely comment was directed at me. Where did I say that people who have hearing problems are doing it on purpose? I said my parents (literally my parents, not people in general) have confirmed hearing problems. They both have hearing aids that help them immensely. Conversation with them while wearing their hearing aids is nearly normal. Conversations with them not wearing hearing aids (which is all the time now) is extremely difficult and have led to some serious miscommunication and hurt feelings. How is wanting to effectively communicate with my parents self centered?

    I hope this post finally clears up my first two posts. I am not being self centered. I never said people don't hear purpose. I was simply communicating my experiences with my hearing impaired parents NOT the hearing impaired in general.



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