I suppose it really depends on your wants/needs in a relationship. How long have you two been together? How old are you? How important is it to be married and have children and how soon do you feel this needs to happen?
Ive been with SO for 7 years now. I love him, adore him, but will admit the wow factor comes and goes. And Ive noticed it takes different forms. Now it comes in the form of "wow hes so sweet playing with his neices" "wow its great of him to get out of bed at 2 AM and make a medication run to Walgreens for me" "wow he was able to make a perfect Xmas gift list for me of things I actually wanted without even consulting me, he really pays attention to me"
Wow, can't believe I'm the only one that said break up so far. Really, if he's just a boyfriend and you're already thinking he's dull and doesn't have "it" for you now, it's not going to get any better if you marry him. Dependable, shpendable. A life partner needs to have a little more than that, and your pros and cons read like a classified ad. If you don't have more to say (e.g. he makes me laugh, I can't wait to talk to him at the end of the day, my knees buckle with a slow kiss, I love his ugly 1980's loafers), just drift away. Just because he has all the qualifications doesn't mean he's the right guy for you. Now, tell us you love who he is as a person and I'm might hit option three.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucious
I really thought more people would say definitely break up! Maybe that's just because that's where my head's at - or else I wouldn't have even posted this poll. I just wonder if I'm going to be making a mistake. Seems like so many people have problems down the line because their mate betrays them on one level or another - and this guy is just not that type. (I know, how can I know at this early phase - but I do.)
For context, we're both about 30 and been dating since summer. So it's at that phase where you're going to become more serious or break up. He's wonderful in so many ways but I don't get butterflies. I just wish I did!!
My BF and I took nearly a year to get to the point where I am like "Wow. I am a lucky girl". He's kind of a boring person, although he does have a great sense of humor. He's a workaholic, but I am more okay with that than I thought. I say give it more time and focus on the good stuff and create your own wow factor.
I'm only in college so what do I know.. but I think if you're not feeling it now than you probably won't be later down the road. Yeah he looks good on paper but if you're always thinking about the "what ifs" or what else is out there then that doesn't make for a great start to a relationship. Just my .02
Im in a similar situation...been dating a few months...didnt have the wow factor from the start, but the guy is a good one.
Problem is....the last 2 guys i've been in serious relationships with werent "good guys" and apparently thats the kind I have sparks with. I think the whole thing about girls wanting bad boys is true, unfortunately. We want what isnt good for us. (But I believe it's all in our head, and we tend to over think things.)
For what its worth, I plan on sticking with my guy. I do love him, and at times feel sparks, its just not as intense as it was with the "bad boys".
Wow, can't believe I'm the only one that said break up so far. Really, if he's just a boyfriend and you're already thinking he's dull and doesn't have "it" for you now, it's not going to get any better if you marry him.
I have to agree.
its the wow factor that will get you through the tough times in a relationship... its what keeps you from going to bed angry at night, or from jumping the fence looking for excitement.
wow, doesn't have to be crime fighting or chippendale (unless thats what you're into ) Its your own personal wow factor and it doesn't have to be spectacular, or even describable, to anyone other than you.
no matter how dependable and steady eddie a person is, if you're not happy to see them come home, and if they can't melt your heart even when you're really flipping ticked, then you just might end up roommates, cohabitating.
Both my parents are doing this now, divorced of course and with others. Their new mates are nice, steady, etc, but both lack wow. Nothing stimulating at all. Its been 15 years now or so for both of them, and both my parents are miserable, just existing with someone else in the house. But both say the same thing, they're good people, yada yada, they'll never hurt me, I can trust them, blah blah, who wants to start over at my age, etc. But my parents are walking zombies, make any excuse not to come home, and if either of them were any younger they'd be philandering.
I made the mistake of staying with a guy that had no wow factor for way too long. Super dooper nice guy, worshiped the ground I walked on, indulged my every whim, a real knight, but was as exciting and interesting to me as a can of tuna. I tried to force the relationship to be exciting, took up all kinds of thrilling hobbies, drag racing, rock climbing, skydivving, fencing, etc. And what ended up happening was I started using thrilling hobbies as a reason to not come home on time, I threw myself into my work, I just hated being around him, did anything to avoid him. I let that drag on for years until he became so frustrated he self destructed. I wanted to end it for so long, but he was soooooooo nice, sooooooooo ideal. On paper.
The person you choose to live with must make you happy, not just fufill a list of requirements.
Life is too short to date men that don't blow your socks off.
Last edited by buck22; Dec. 30, 2010 at 09:40 PM.
Worry is the biggest enemy of the present. It steals your joy and keeps you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all... it’s like using your imagination to create things you don’t want.