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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,418

    Default My Father Sent Back My Christmas Gift!

    And he didn't even tell me.

    I know that I don't have the best relationship with my family, but that's just downright rude! It really hurt my feelings. I feel rather devastated, frankly.
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 6, 2000
    Location
    Decatur, GA
    Posts
    2,568

    Default

    WOW He seems really angry. Sounds like there is a lot of water under the bridge with you guys. Can you call him and talk to him? Do you want to? Are his feelings hurt about something?
    “If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?”
    ? Rumi



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,345

    Default

    Wait, he sent it back to you? Or he returned it to a store? Those are a tad different.

    Look, I have a grandma who is 96, sharp as a tack but getting Old Lady Rigid in her thinking. The woman is getting a little persnickety and weird about accepting gifts. I think she enjoys feeling that she has some kind of control over the objects in her house or possession. She's always (understandably) thinking about not acquiring more crap as she eyeballs the end of her life and the disposing of her stuff that her family will have to do when she is gone.

    I don't know if your daddy is working along similar lines. Regardless, part of the gift giving "deal" is the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy. You give something to him you thought he'd like. You may hit the target, you may miss. Once you handed it over, it's his to enjoy (or not) as he sees fit.

    Truly, you'll spare yourself some angst if you ignore what he does with the gift.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,418

    Default

    I don't know if it's so much anger as it was that he didn't want what I got him. But instead of being nice and explaining that it wasn't his thing, he just sent it back without talking to me about it. I called him on Christmas night and he answered the phone, "WHAT Deb!" Nice. Merry freaking Christmas to you too. (I guess I caught him at the wrong moment, but still).
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,418

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Wait, he sent it back to you? Or he returned it to a store? Those are a tad different.

    Look, I have a grandma who is 96, sharp as a tack but getting Old Lady Rigid in her thinking. The woman is getting a little persnickety and weird about accepting gifts. I think she enjoys feeling that she has some kind of control over the objects in her house or possession. She's always (understandably) thinking about not acquiring more crap as she eyeballs the end of her life and the disposing of her stuff that her family will have to do when she is gone.

    I don't know if your daddy is working along similar lines. Regardless, part of the gift giving "deal" is the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy. You give something to him you thought he'd like. You may hit the target, you may miss. Once you handed it over, it's his to enjoy (or not) as he sees fit.

    Truly, you'll spare yourself some angst if you ignore what he does with the gift.
    It was a gift that I had sent directly from Apple. He had Apple come around and pick it up.
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
    Posts
    5,497

    Default

    How old is he, and is this curtness/rudeness typical? Or is it relatively recent? There could be a lot of explanations, none of which necessarily have to do with you. I know that doesn't lessen the sting of how he treated you, but there might need to be some kind of medical workup done.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 2, 2010
    Posts
    47

    Default

    well since your name is Cranky . . . maybe it runs in the family



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov. 9, 2004
    Location
    Elizabethtown, KY
    Posts
    2,689

    Default

    My family routinely returns or exchanges presents. If someone gets you something you won't use, why keep it around? Everyone has different tastes, and as someone else said sometimes you hit the mark sometimes you miss it.

    Have you tried to talk to him about it? I am not sure what the underlying cause of the strife between you and your family is, but it sounds like nobody is handling things in the most mature way possible.

    You might calmly mention that "I noticed that you had returned your Christmas gift. I was hoping it would be something you'd like or could use. Is there anything else I can get you that you might like better?"

    Try NOT to get emotional and say things like "I can't believe you didn't even tell me!" or "I'm sooooRRY that you didn't like it, I tried!" or other such accusatory or inflammatory statements.

    He may be acting like a jerk and returning it out of spite, OR he might have not cared for it and didn't want to hurt your feelings or didn't know how to address it. Sounds like you guys don't communicate well. It is up to YOU to try and change this by changing how YOU handle these things. You can't control what your family chooses to do or how they react, only how you react.

    If you handle yourself maturely and don't get emotional or hysterical, and they continue to be rude or the relationships do not improve, it isn't on you and you have to learn to let it go.

    Best of luck, and try not to let it ruin your holidays!
    Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. - William Jennings Bryan

    http://www.halcyon-hill.com



  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 21, 2004
    Location
    N. TX...just N.East of paradise...
    Posts
    2,026

    Default

    Well, that'll make future buying easy for him.....'none for you!' You'll save money and time that way.

    My dad is getting ME for his Xmas present....I'm visiting, and that's all he gets...he'll be sorry about that, too....
    "As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."- William James
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Proud member of the Wheat Loss Clique.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,917

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cranky View Post
    And he didn't even tell me...I know that I don't have the best relationship with my family, but that's just downright rude! It really hurt my feelings. I feel rather devastated, frankly.
    OMG...major drama queen behaviour.

    Get over it, quite being such a whiner. If you're devastated by a gift being returned, life must be really tough for you.

    Amazon has a great deal...if you recieve a gift via Amazon, you've got a button as a "gift receiver" where you can return the gift and the sender is not told it's been sent back....lots of other DQ's out there I guess.

    Major "So What" moment.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
    Posts
    3,815

    Default

    I often have to return or exchange presents that my husband gets me, he's really not very good at gift giving . I know it hurts his feelings a bit, but I also don't want him wasting money on something I won't use or wear. I've solved it 90% by just telling him what I want, so he doesn't have to be disappointed. I don't expect him to read my mind.

    HOWEVER, when he does get me something I can't use, I make SURE to thank him sincerely for the gift and the thought behind it. I think that's where your father messed up, he should have called or written to thank you for the gift, say he appreciates it and let you know gently that he can't use it, doesn't want you to waste your money on it and is returning it.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,345

    Default

    You sent your daddy something from Apple and he dissed it and you? Geez, you can slap my address on whatever it was and I'll be much more appreciate. I'll call you to thank you.... as a seque for some free tech support.

    See? PITA comes in all kinds of forms!

    Sorry your dad disappointed you. It sounds like you were trying hard and hoping for something different than you guys had in the past. Still, you did right to try! Don't forget that.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2002
    Location
    Area VIII, Region 2, Zone 5.
    Posts
    6,723

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Trakehner View Post
    OMG...major drama queen behaviour.

    Get over it, quite being such a whiner. If you're devastated by a gift being returned, life must be really tough for you.

    Amazon has a great deal...if you recieve a gift via Amazon, you've got a button as a "gift receiver" where you can return the gift and the sender is not told it's been sent back....lots of other DQ's out there I guess.

    Major "So What" moment.
    Have to agree with this. Also, please look up the definition of "rude." Returning a gift is not rude.
    Quote Originally Posted by Linny View Post
    Those martingales were so taut, you could play Ode to Joy on them with a comb



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    18,011

    Default

    That's nothing. My dad had Parkinson's which made it very difficult to do things with his hands. One year I bought him a quick connector sprinkler system...sprinklers, nozzles, the works. He kept the $2.00 quick connector and told me to take the rest back. I was a little pissed, but, OK, if you want a $2.00 present, fine with me!

    This was pre-Prozac, though. Him, not me. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    May. 1, 2010
    Posts
    231

    Default

    I'm not sure how old your Dad is, but is he tech savvy? I ask because the gift was from Apple, and maybe it was not his thing? Sometimes we have the best intentions as a sender, but the receiver doesn't need or want the gift. Did he want or need the gift from Apple?

    Perhaps you are putting too much emotion into his return.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2005
    Location
    between the mountains and the sea, North Carolina
    Posts
    2,936

    Default

    Last year my little sister took back nearly EVERY SINGLE GIFT we got for her. Seriously, all but ONE. One shirt that she liked. This year, my mom solved this problem (first year she's been like that) by asking her to write a list of exactly what she wanted. I like the element of surprise so I'm bad with lists, but this year she hasn't taken a single gift back. Not worth getting upset about - it's just a gift, or a few gifts.
    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 17, 2001
    Location
    Bryan,Texas
    Posts
    2,261

    Default

    Since your relationship with your father could use a little work, on both sides. I would try acting more mature on this issue and future gift giving opportunities. Do not repetitively bring this issue up.

    For future gifts, give him gift card to barnes & Noble or somewhere he frequently shops,...or a visa gift card that can be used anywhere.

    Or You could do a fruit basket of fresh citrus.....
    Do some research as to giving a gift that is more appropriate to his lifestyle/likings...



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2000
    Location
    Brookline, NH, USA
    Posts
    2,098

    Default

    ummm....I'm returning something my husband got for me for Christmas this year. I don't like it and won't use it, and I know it was not cheap...and by keeping it and pretending I like it, knowing my husband, I'll probably be given more just like it next Christmas, birthday, etc.

    I appreciate the thought and his effort very much, and let him know that. Fortunately, he is OK with the idea of me returning it.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,917

    Default

    I give me wife things and she doesn't use some of them...I sure wish she returned them.

    Kindle: "I've got other books to read first"
    Jewelry: "I'm not going somewhere I'd feel comfortable wearing a tennis bracelet/diamond/pearls etc."
    Theramin: "Just haven't had time to play with it" (and she hinted about this one)

    I'd much rather stuff be returned vs. just gathering dust.

    She gave me an alarm clock with docking station for an IPhone...I don't have an IPhone...it went right back...no hard feelings at all.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2010
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    2,352

    Default

    Are you offended that he doesn't like the gift you gave him?

    Would you rather he have kept the gift and not said anything?

    In your ideal situation, what WOULD have happened?

    When your father answered the phone with "what, Deb?!", what were the circumstances surrounding the call? Had you just called? It sounds from what you posted that he was irritated with you/tired of talking to you - do you have any insight as to why?

    I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but like many here, I have returned many gifts and I have offered gift receipts for many gifts I have given - if the person would rather have something else, I'd rather them have it!

    Is it possible that your relationship with your father is so bad that he is angry you gave him a gift at all? Perhaps he sees it as a way of you attempting to placate him, and he doesn't want to "fall for it".

    No matter what the reasons are, I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Try to step outside of your situation and view it from an objective POV, and perhaps it won't look so bad, and thus won't feel so bad.



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