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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
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    18,472

    Default Funniest Thing Your Kid Said At Xmas (baby haters need not open)

    Two things.

    We have a ferocious, lioness-like girl kitten named Heidi. She feels cheated because she cannot use her hands like paws. My 10 year old son on Xmas morning said "everyone got what they wanted except for Heidi (who was cleaning her front feet) shes thinking what the heck, I asked Santa for opposable thumbs but got left with these useless claws! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

    And LMEqT, who at the end of the day was wiped out and teary after being hit/startled by her brothers remote control helicopter and then could not stop sobbing "he spooked the happy right out of me!"

    I only enjoy Xmas because of the kids!
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May. 11, 2009
    Location
    Dairyville USA
    Posts
    2,979

    Default

    We were watching football in the den when one of the Mucinex commercials came on and my 7 year old nephew looks up at me and goes "Hey auntie, those are boogers. Seriously!" Then after meeting one of our hosts neighbors who is from Canada his little sister asked me "Auntie, does Richard speak Canadian too?"
    Michael: Seems the people who burned me want me for a job.
    Sam: A job? Does it pay?
    Michael: Nah, it's more of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.
    Sam: Oh. I've never liked those.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2009
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    2,196

    Default

    Two quotes from a 9 yo boy.
    1. After getting. Pair of Bushnell Trophy XLT binoculars. "I didn't know Santa made the really good stuff!!!".

    2. "Does Santa have to pay taxes?". No, I think Santa runs as non profit.

    Next.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    6,215

    Default

    A letter I wrote to my parents when I was 4 or 5: "I love you mom, I love you dad, Christmas is coming!"



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2003
    Location
    Nuevo Mexico
    Posts
    4,253

    Default

    My 6yo niece, who loves to learn about animals: "I think Santa is nocturnal."

    My brother, as a young child: "I'm half Jewish and half Christmas."



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
    Posts
    18,472

    Default

    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2004
    Location
    central New York State
    Posts
    2,847

    Default

    A number of years ago just before my youngest turned 10 (sh ewas born December 23) she asked my husband "dad, is Santa real?" husband dutifully said the parent thing and the whole "if you believe" speech.

    DD thought for a moment and then said to him 'dad you can tell me, I can take it". He nearly wet his pants laughing but told her. She pondered the impact and then said "...And the Easter bunny?"

    She just turned 17 and we still laugh at this. She was always so floored that "Santa" could write no neatly (I have horrible handwriting now b/c of all the typing" and the different wrapping paper etc. Ahh, to be a parent.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2006
    Posts
    7,395

    Default

    I'm just impressed that your son knows what opposable thumbs means!!

    Little FG is the queen of funny, nonsensical comments. The other day she told me we needed to buy Santa a ukulele, wrap it in green paper and leave it under the tree for him. I guess she thinks he's headed to a luau or something?!

    When I put her to bed Christmas Eve she said that I needed to go to bed when I heard the jingle bells and Santa saying "Chuck Chuck." I was like do you mean "Ho Ho??" She said "No Mom he says Chuck Chuck!!" Um...Ok....?!
    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2005
    Location
    Pottstown, Pa
    Posts
    120

    Default

    During Christmas dinner one year, my then 4 year-old son started singing Happy Birthday while my husband's family was reciting the religious grace they all know. I was mortified at the time and MY dad, who would have freaked had I done that as a child, told me that the birthday song is probably the only thing Nathan knew to do in a group and to cut him a break! I think it's hysterical now.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2006
    Location
    WNY
    Posts
    5,810

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FlashGordon View Post
    I'm just impressed that your son knows what opposable thumbs means!!

    Little FG is the queen of funny, nonsensical comments. The other day she told me we needed to buy Santa a ukulele, wrap it in green paper and leave it under the tree for him. I guess she thinks he's headed to a luau or something?!

    When I put her to bed Christmas Eve she said that I needed to go to bed when I heard the jingle bells and Santa saying "Chuck Chuck." I was like do you mean "Ho Ho??" She said "No Mom he says Chuck Chuck!!" Um...Ok....?!
    I still laugh about the "saving little brother from aliens" game and "does this mean she's a scientologist?" comment from FB! Your daughter sounds like an absolute riot, she must be such a joy to be around.



  11. #11
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    Jan. 31, 2003
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    18,472

    Default

    Chuck chuck?!!!!!

    LMEqT told me, in all seriousness, that santa claus simply must be a miniature human being!
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2006
    Posts
    7,395

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by amastrike View Post
    I still laugh about the "saving little brother from aliens" game and "does this mean she's a scientologist?" comment from FB! Your daughter sounds like an absolute riot, she must be such a joy to be around.
    LOL I think that was one of my all time favorite scenarios... she was pretending the wee FG was Baby Jesus and we had to save him from the aliens.... ha ha.

    Speaking of miniature human beings EqT, Little FG calls the elves the "7 dwarves."

    As you can tell, we've got our stories ALL mixed up at our house.

    She's definitely a piece of work.
    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
    Posts
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    Default

    Well in all seriousness, she may be on to something depending on her precocious views of organized religion ROTFLMAO!
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2004
    Location
    Sisters, Oregon
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    1,929

    Default

    Okay, I am firmly in the no children column but I am finding these quite funny and adorable!
    Kanoe Godby
    www.dyrkgodby.com
    See, I was raised by wolves and am really behind the 8-ball on diplomatic issue resolution.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 17, 2010
    Location
    Purcellville, VA
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    1,224

    Default

    My 2yo DD is obsessed with her little nativity scene she got for Christmas. Her favorite is "Baby Cheez-its" (pronounced chee-thits). She carries him around everywhere, and introduces him to everyone that gives her the time of day.

    ETA: She is also convinced that Mary is 'Baw-berry tort-cake' and Joseph is 'Tanta.'

    Agree 100% EqT, I totally only enjoy Christmas because of the little ones.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
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    Quote Originally Posted by EqTrainer View Post
    Well in all seriousness, she may be on to something depending on her precocious views of organized religion ROTFLMAO!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 11, 2002
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    The Cliffs of Insanity
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    This year after a particularly difficult day of dealing with naughty behavior we told our son (5) that Santa was watching him, and if he didn't shape up all of his presents would turn into underwear...

    So, as a joke we filled a box with new undies and set it out with Santa's gifts for him to open first... We had the camera ready... thinking we would certainly get some kind of funny reaction... But he opened the box, flipped through the underwear and looked up and simply said... "Santa brought me underwear... That was nice of him!". Totally anticlimactic.

    However... later on he was arguing with me over something trivial and then told me that he was going to call Santa and all I was going to get next year for Christmas would be UNDERWEAR!


    \"For all those men who say, \"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,\" here\'s an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it\'s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.\"-



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Dec. 26, 2008
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    1,075

    Default

    Holding up a present as I come into the living room my 7 yr old son exclaimed "Santa put me back on the good list!!"



  19. #19
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    May. 3, 2007
    Location
    Flagstaff, Arizona
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    1,330

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nlk View Post
    Holding up a present as I come into the living room my 7 yr old son exclaimed "Santa put me back on the good list!!"
    www.ctannerjensen.com
    http://ctannerjensen.blogspot.com/
    Equine Art capturing the essence of the grace,strength, and beauty of the Sport Horse."



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
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    Default

    At a friend's holiday party, their six-year-old son was showing all the guests the Christmas decorations. He knelt down by the tree to show us the manger scene and announced, "And this is Jesus' farm!"



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