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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2010
    Posts
    42

    Default removing...for privacy..

    Thank you for your kind words...I needed to hear that this am...she is loved and we've been telling her that every day and minute since. Peer pressure is such a terrible thing and we feel she fell into that as well... thank you all again!
    Last edited by OntheBuckle; Dec. 26, 2010 at 07:44 AM. Reason: privacy and words of encouragement from friends



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2004
    Location
    South Jersey
    Posts
    361

    Default

    So sorry for you {HUGS}. As a mother of a teenaged girl (who's now in college), all I can say is that they are very fragile creatures at your daughter's age. Try not to see her behavior as a reflection of her character. In time, she will mature and be able to use good judgement. Although her behavior is upsetting and disappointing, she needs your support and understanding. Some family counseling might be helpful. As long as she perceives (on some level) that her parents still love and care for her, you will all get through this, and she will come to appreciate your role as protective parents. Hang in there!



  3. #3

    Default

    Yes, be loving toward her, realize she did this for a reason, something in her is missing, maybe she doesn't feel loved. Be sure to still show her often that you love her, do not hold this against her.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr. 23, 2009
    Location
    Cali
    Posts
    8

    Default

    Those boys took my baby to an empty wooded lot at the end of my road.

    Nope, your sexually active teenager went willingly.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 13, 2009
    Posts
    776

    Default

    Your daughter needs to have enough information so that she can make responsible decissions. If instead, you restrict and punish, then she will rebell.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    2,732

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by petesperson View Post
    So sorry for you {HUGS}. As a mother of a teenaged girl (who's now in college), all I can say is that they are very fragile creatures at your daughter's age. Try not to see her behavior as a reflection of her character. In time, she will mature and be able to use good judgement. Although her behavior is upsetting and disappointing, she needs your support and understanding. Some family counseling might be helpful. As long as she perceives (on some level) that her parents still love and care for her, you will all get through this, and she will come to appreciate your role as protective parents. Hang in there!
    Well said.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 12, 2008
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    734

    Default

    Geez, I went to respond to your post & it disappeared!

    I feel for you, I'm the step mom of a 13 year old whose father is also a police officer. She's way more naive than I was at 13 and I fear for her.

    First of all, stop blaming yourself, you did nothing wrong-you are being a loving supportive parent. Kids don't come with a manual, you have to learn as you go.

    Although those boys were terrible to manipulate her, that's what stupid teenage boys do. I don't want to make light of it, but their hormones are out of control. You are right to bring humiliation & punishment whatever way you can so this doesn't continue into adulthood.

    Your girl has been victimized, plain & simple. Let her know the consequences of a stupid mistake. In this case pregnancy and possibly a horrendous life as a teen mother. Next time she might not be so lucky. Stupid mistakes can result in death. Fear helped control me when I was a crazy teen, don't be afraid to let her know the consequences of her choices and you are there to support her.

    Kids (all people actually) hide their decisions when they know they are wrong. Help her make the RIGHT decisions so she won't have to sneak, lie, etc.

    I know how tough your situation is. The best you can do is support her and let her know she ultimately is in control of herself, not her parents, not boys, no one. Bad decisions can ruin or end your life. Don't judge her mistakes, but let her know you're angry & disappointed and will always be there to help her.

    Good luck, I know I need it too!



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    831

    Default

    (Tankeryanker, I am so unbelievably sorry for your daughter. I hope it was a long time ago and your daughter has healed mentally and you are all in a better place, I can imagine nothing more horrific.)




    OP. Or you removed your post because you realised your post was going to cause train-wreck for the day.

    I was going to reply to the thread, then thought biting my tongue might be better. However, seeing it's been deleted.... well... Hopefully it's because the parents are as disgusted with their own behaviour as they are with their daughter's.

    I do feel sorry for the parents, and also for the girl but the OP showed up some real areas for concern.


    A quick recap:

    1/Daughter is 14. Parents have told her if she gets a boyfriend, the horses go.
    2/ Daughter basically not allowed to socialise with boys.

    Result? Daughter becoming infatuated with these mysterious boy creatures and has underage sex. With two boys.

    Mother *naturally* assumes that this is at once.

    Parents have thrown every legal thing possible at the boys (above age of consent, daughter under), resulting in potential 15 year jail term for at least one boy.

    Daughter distraught because she 'loves' the boy.

    Daughter probably under house-arrest forever.
    Daughter sent to counselling to rid herself of these unnatural and incomprehensible feelings.

    Parents apparently uncomprehending as to how slapping rules in place in place of educating child could possibly have ended them up in this situation.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2010
    Posts
    42

    Default

    Thank you so much for your comments...yes, we know we made mistakes...we are beating ourselves up over it. We are trying to cope best way we know how. I have found myself as one of those parents who thought it could not happen to me. She truly did not know what she was doing...just was seeking attention and she certainly rec'd it. We are doing all we can now to help her and ourselves. Post was removed because, well, I should not have aired her business and ours on the internet, I was just so distraught myself...and just needed to get it out to someone. Thank you all who are trying to understand and not judge, yes, mistakes were made by us as parents and by the child. I appreciate the kind words and support from those of you who are trying to understand my situation....hugs to all



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
    Posts
    9,301

    Default

    You've wound up at the top of the page now. As the parent of a soon to be 15 year old daughter there are quite a few things I worry about and evidently you've encountered some of them first hand.

    I am sure that you will find it within yourselves to work through this and come out with a solution that you can look back at years from now with no regrets. Prayers and best wishes for you and your family.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    17,486

    Default

    Ouch. Unfortunately that seems to happen frequently with overly restrictive parents. They are the kids who get to college and have no idea what to do with their new found freedom. Good parenting is learning to let go...carefully and appropriately.

    When my daughter was 14, she saw some stupid show or movie where the parents promised their kid $500 or $1,000 if the kid didn't have sex until he/she was 18. She, jokingly said, can I have that deal. I said, sure, let's make it $2,000.

    Funny thing is, she used that all through high school when she was pressured by boyfriends to have sex. She told them, no way am I giving up $2,000. How can you argue with that? One of the boyfriends (a rather precocious one) asked me if he could pay the $2K. When I said you know what that makes her (paying her for sex) he was quite embarrassed.

    One suggested that she lie and she said, nope my mother would just know.

    She actually ended up with more than $2K, we bought her first horse.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2009
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    1,688

    Default

    To the OP, rather than say "No boys", what about helping her to learn how to develop and practice having healthy relationships with boys.

    Family counseling could be helpful. But individual counseling for her is something I would consider. It was a terrible experience and one that could leave lasting scars for any future relationships.



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