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  1. #1
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    Oct. 2, 2001
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    Default Is it rude to BYOB?

    My husband and I got into an argument over me BYOB'ing to his family's get-togethers. They do not drink- they're not morally opposed to alcohol (although some of them are Southern Baptist...) they just choose not to. My family has a signature drink for every holiday. Alcohol allows me to tolerate being around his family. Is it rude for me to discreetly bring my own drinks? He says it is, I say its not. Any rules that apply?



  2. #2
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    Feb. 18, 2001
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    Nope, I don't think so. How is it any different than bring your own Coca-Cola to a house of Pepsi drinkers?



  3. #3
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    Depends on how the hosts feel about it. If they would prefer, whether in deference to those guests who are morally opposed or "just because", to keep the occasion alcohol-free then it's rude. If they don't care, then it's not.



  4. #4
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    Oct. 22, 2003
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    VERY rude. Rude enough I would not invite you back.

    By bringing your own drinks you are pretty much telling your hostess her hospitality is lacking. They have chosen not to serve booze. Live with it.

    In my mind it's no different than saying "I don't like what you're serving, I'll stop and get something on the way so I can avoid your menu"

    Unless an invitation specifies "BYOB" or you have some justification for bringing your own booze ("I need it" does not count) it's really, really rude.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



  5. #5
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    Aug. 19, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by littleum View Post
    VERY rude. Rude enough I would not invite you back.

    By bringing your own drinks you are pretty much telling your hostess her hospitality is lacking.
    Wow! I disagree. When I am a dinner guest, I generally bring a bottle of wine as a gift to the host/hostess. Is this rude? Are there never any other people at these events who might enjoy a drink, even if the hosts do not partake? If they are not opposed to drinking, I don't see the issue. Personally, I think I'd do this to test the waters: I'd bring a bottle of sparkling/non-alcoholic cider, as well as a bottle of the real thing and present them to the host/hostess. If they choose to serve them, you're golden. If not, you might want to reconsider if you're offending them and skip it next time.

    Oh, and failing all else, I see nothing wrong with a flask and a few trips outside "for fresh air" if necessary, but that's just me
    Please don't sabotash my conchess.



  6. #6
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by littleum View Post
    VERY rude. Rude enough I would not invite you back.
    It hasn't worked yet with his family, dangit!



  7. #7
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    Jun. 1, 2002
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    Default

    Do you bring your own bottle of wine for you and only you to drink? Bringing a bottle for the entire dinner party to share is different then bringing a bottle for yourself.

    I'd say very rude, you don't have to drink alcohol. Hiding booze in your purse and sipping from of it is more of "I'm a drunk" then being rude so I wouldn't suggest that either!



  8. #8
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    Aug. 28, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by littleum View Post
    VERY rude. Rude enough I would not invite you back.

    By bringing your own drinks you are pretty much telling your hostess her hospitality is lacking. They have chosen not to serve booze. Live with it.

    In my mind it's no different than saying "I don't like what you're serving, I'll stop and get something on the way so I can avoid your menu"

    Unless an invitation specifies "BYOB" or you have some justification for bringing your own booze ("I need it" does not count) it's really, really rude.
    www.destinationconsensusequus.com
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by enjoytheride View Post
    Do you bring your own bottle of wine for you and only you to drink? Bringing a bottle for the entire dinner party to share is different then bringing a bottle for yourself.
    I used to do this- if I brought beer I would bring plenty for everyone, same with wine, at Christmas last year I even brought stuff for champagne punch. Every time I've been the only one to partake.



  10. #10
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    Oct. 22, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haalter View Post
    Wow! I disagree. When I am a dinner guest, I generally bring a bottle of wine as a gift to the host/hostess. Is this rude?
    Different issue, though. The OP states the hosts *choose* not to serve. It's known the hosts do not drink.

    I've been to events where the hosts do not themselves drink but serve for the guests.

    Big, big difference when the hosts choose not to drink AND choose not to serve. Take the hint.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



  11. #11
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    Aug. 19, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duramax View Post
    I used to do this- if I brought beer I would bring plenty for everyone, same with wine, at Christmas last year I even brought stuff for champagne punch. Every time I've been the only one to partake.
    So you're drinking it all by yourself, but you're not drinking it all by yourself, right?
    Please don't sabotash my conchess.



  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duramax View Post
    I used to do this- if I brought beer I would bring plenty for everyone, same with wine, at Christmas last year I even brought stuff for champagne punch. Every time I've been the only one to partake.
    Okay, well, if no one's complained, then what's the problem? I'd just continue to bring enough for everyone, just in case, and then enjoy.



  13. #13
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    Mar. 10, 2009
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    Not booze, but I do take my own soda to my dad's. Everything they have is either alcohol (I am not much of a drinker) or it's the full-sugar soda. Not that I'm freaked over full-sugar, I just don't like the syrupy taste.

    So I take my own Diet Mountain Dew. I do leave it where anyone who wants some can help themselves, though. My 16-year-old nephew took me up on the offer today.



  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tha Ridge View Post
    Okay, well, if no one's complained, then what's the problem? I'd just continue to bring enough for everyone, just in case, and then enjoy.
    Wow, no.

    Her husband (it's HIS family) is strictly opposed to this. Mayhap the host/hostess (his family) has said to him to please handle it, but is actually not trying to be the naggy in-laws? Maybe they're really hoping she'll catch on and won't need an embarassing 'you really need to respect our wishes'?

    To me their wishes are 100% clear: they do not serve, AND they do not sample (even out of politeness) when it is brought. I think her inlaws are the ones being really gracious not making a huge honking deal out of this and hoping she takes the hint.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



  15. #15
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    I also think its rude especially in the tone of the original post "I need it so I can tolerate being around them."

    My parents and sister's family do not drink alcohol. When I visit them, I also don't drink alcohol, even though they insist it doesn't bother them. Its just one of those considerate things you do that builds character and makes the world a more civilized place to inhabit.
    Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
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  16. #16
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    It is not rude to bring your own alcohol. If that is what you want to drink and it is not at the party then bring it. Their is nothing wrong with drinking and I am sure if they had a problem they would say something. Your an adult do what you want. Just because they don't doesn't mean you have to do the same.
    However, I always bring a fifth or a couple twelve packs when I go to a party in the event someone else wants some. Which they always do.

    Relax and have a good time.
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  17. #17
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    Not alcohol because I'm not a huge fan of alcohol but we bring our own soda too. Grandparents don't usually get diet and when they do it's not the "good" diet. My favorite is Cherry Coke Zero so I bring some along with me. Just enough for me, I don't share. No one's ever said anything! I may ask if it would make them uncomfortable if I thought there was a problem but I don't see it as being rude. There are so many different drinks out there, I can't see a hostess choosing everyone's favorites!
    No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
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  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Duramax View Post
    They do not drink- they're not morally opposed to alcohol (although some of them are Southern Baptist...) they just choose not to. Alcohol allows me to tolerate being around his family. Is it rude for me to discreetly bring my own drinks?
    You are either rude or an alcoholic



  19. #19
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    Dec. 2, 2002
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    Default

    I once brought a bottle of wine to a friend's mother, who had graciously invited my husband and I to dinner. She made a funny face and thanked me quietly when I gave it to her, but didn't open it or offer any to the other guests. Turns out she has been sober for 30 years, and had been a pretty violent alcoholic before that. Sometimes the discreet "no alcohol" thing is a can of worms better left un-opened. I learned my lesson and now bring flowers or some type of kitchen good to dinner parties hosted by people I don't know well.

    Perhaps not particularly applicable to a family situation where you're more familiar with the guests, but also not a terrible thing to keep in mind...
    Here today, gone tomorrow...



  20. #20
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    Apr. 29, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duramax View Post
    Alcohol allows me to tolerate being around his family.
    I can relate to this

    No I'm not a drunk, I only rarely drink, yes I *can* behave sober, but my in-laws really annoy the daylights out of me, and I find a few drinks takes the edge off and I'm way less pissed off by their annoying habits. Better to be a little tipsy that a whole lot angry.

    The etiquitte thing is a bit of a toughie. I bring beer to DH's family gatherings where *almost* no one drinks it, but I'm saved by the fact that my BIL will also drink it. Now, it's only the two of us that will drink beer, but at least I can bring it to share. And the rest of his family does drink they just usually make brandy slushes, which I find disgusting.

    Quite frankly, the thing that always seems so odd in some of these situations is the family dynamic. My family, it would be easy to call them up and say "Hey, my spouse really enjoys a glass of red wine with [insert holiday main course]. Would it be alright if we brought some?" DH's family, well, there's no discussing aything with them. Just creates drama.
    "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
    -Edward Hoagland



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