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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2006
    Location
    Clemson, SC
    Posts
    822

    Default I've had enough being nice! tell me someone else has dealt with this

    So this is a vent more than anything but its really ruined my day off.

    What I though was my best friend has grown distant since dating .. GDW.. It happens in relationships and I let it fly. We've had many talks about settling down, kids, marriage and we joke a lot that its the reason we never dated each other. We are both too restless for the ol' ball and chain. Well GDW is a bit crazy, checks his phone when I text or call, lies about a lot of pointless things, not to mention has failed the nurses exam 3 times and has no desire to better herself to pass or do something else in life. I think you see where I'm going, I don't like GDW and find her lying and trashiness unbearable.

    Well "bff" cheated on GDW, I knew didn't care bc I thought the whole relationship was a short joke anyway. And don't ya know it the stupidity of Christmas .. He proposed.

    I'm just pissed, and did give him a piece of my mind last night. I didn't threaten to spill the beans, but I let the mistress know and wouldn't be surprised if she did, she's a mutual friend who feels the same as I do. We are in a very close knit group which I'm uncomfortable with to start off with, and everyone talks behind each others backs. I'm the outspoken don't care one, but have played nice for the sake of my SO who is blind (or ignores) the reality of the relationships in the group.

    I realized I've isolated myself and probably my SO in the process but I don't think I care anymore. I can't support lies and backstabbing and have been waiting for a long time to give GDW a piece of don't ef with me.

    Thanks for letting me vent! I'm going back to my hermit cave with my dogs and horses who aren't trifflin
    Zippos Kryptonite (Reno) 05' AQHA
    Little Miss Understood (Indy) 01' Appaloosa
    The Unturned Stone (Chase) 11' AQHA
    ~ Rescue Mom to: Hope, Ciara, Charlotte, Ace, Knox



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2010
    Location
    Moved to VA
    Posts
    85

    Default

    City Ponies...I am like you, outspoken, blunt and to the point when I had several friends that we all would get together and talk. My story is a bit different....One of my good friends was lying for her very best friend who they have been bestest buds since middle school, high school and adult hood, that she was having an affair and if her bff husband called, she would lie for her. Well, our other friend saw nothing wrong with this, herself being as she termed a "free spirit" and if it didn't hurt anyone why say something? Me, I think it is a disgusting display. So, I said something one day, no one was getting the more subtle hints of me getting up when she would talk about the latest tryst between them, what was said, when the hubby found out, etc.

    Now, we all don't speak. So you have to pick your battles and stand by your convictions and morals and decide what is right and what is wrong and if your willing to draw that line. I have NO sympathy for a woman, nor the man, who have an affair behind the other spouses back.

    Good luck, it isn't a good place to be and I am with you, would rather have my critters and good honest husband....
    "Promise me you'll always remember: your braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." By Christopher Robins to Pooh



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug. 28, 2007
    Location
    Triangle Area, NC
    Posts
    6,723

    Default

    i'm having trouble following your story as the characters are not clearly laid out.
    you are a chick and your bff is a dude?
    he just proposed to his GF even though he's been cheating?
    you joka alot as to why you never dated eachother?
    hon, you loff him. go tell him.
    www.destinationconsensusequus.com
    chaque pas est fait ensemble


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,293

    Default

    Petstore-City Ponies has a SO.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2006
    Location
    Clemson, SC
    Posts
    822

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Petstorejunkie View Post
    i'm having trouble following your story as the characters are not clearly laid out.
    you are a chick and your bff is a dude?
    he just proposed to his GF even though he's been cheating?
    you joka alot as to why you never dated eachother?
    hon, you loff him. go tell him.
    Nahh. Really not like that. 3 of 4 of my closest friends are guys, 2 of them happily married and I did date both of them early on as well.

    I don't believe in cheating. Period. Nor do I believe in lies in relationships, GDW (gold digging wh#*@) does nothing to contribute to the world .. She's one of those that needs a Darwin award bad - not just for her wasting valuable air but for the blatenly stupid things she does. Ie: let's breed a boxer to a husky cuz it kayootttt and they love each other. She doesn't know what to do when someone faints-- yes this is your nursing student folks.

    I've said my mind, told my one good friend in the group what went down and told her if she didn't want to be seen with me I understand. Told my SO I'm going to be anti-social for the sake of my sanity and let the truth come out the hard way.. It will eventually and let them fail on their own.
    Zippos Kryptonite (Reno) 05' AQHA
    Little Miss Understood (Indy) 01' Appaloosa
    The Unturned Stone (Chase) 11' AQHA
    ~ Rescue Mom to: Hope, Ciara, Charlotte, Ace, Knox



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2006
    Location
    An American Living In Ireland
    Posts
    5,658

    Default

    These things have a way of working out. She is not a friend of yours but he is. You have spoken your mind to him and that's all you can do. I didn't always make the best decisions when younger and sometimes my friends said as much. But most said what they felt and were there when things went pear shaped. Because that's what friends do.

    So be mad at him but stay his friend if he means something to you. I too always had more males as friends but also had a couple of GF's that meant ( and still do ) the world to me.

    Good luck
    Terri
    COTH, keeping popcorn growers in business for years.

    "I need your grace to remind me to find my own." Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars. This line reminds me why I have horses.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2007
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    315

    Default

    Better to tell him now, before it's too late. When I got divorced my friends all told me they never liked my husband, and I wondered why they didn't say that before the marriage. Speak now or forever after hold your peace is a good rule, IMO.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 15, 2003
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    5,034

    Default

    So, you weren't worried about telling on him until he made a decision you don't agree with? You didn't seem worried about the cheating until you realized you could use it to screw with them. He cheated. She didn't, right?

    Wow.

    What a friend.

    Mind your own business. He knows what she is. He apparently likes it. None of your business and the fact that you want to "tell on him" to break them up makes you sound like a teenage girl seeking drama.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    5,219

    Default

    gdw =?



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 2007
    Location
    Beyond the pale.
    Posts
    2,957

    Default

    lessee. City Ponies has a male best friend who has cheated on his girlfriend.
    City Ponies also can't stand cheaters. But apparently can't stand her best friend's girlfriend more. So she'll stay mum for him while he marries the bimbo?

    What is wrong with this picture?

    I wish just one of my so called "friends"or even one of my enemies, had told me that my hubby was cheating prior to our separation, because many knew. Would have saved me a lot of trouble and money. And I would probably still be friends with that person. As it was, I don't have time for the entire group anymore, and they all got similarily conned and scammed by my ex, when they remained friends with him. Their bad judgment on all counts, I figure.

    I have had good friends who I found out were doing stuff I really couldn't condone- one was the mistress of a married man and the other was a married woman dating the grocery bag boy. Once I found out they were participating in cheating, we really weren't friends anymore.
    So I would say your "best friend" probably isn't worth hanging onto, if you want to stay silent. Or you could do his new fiancée a favour by letting her know before they tie the knot, because,uh, usually this sort of behavior gets repeated.
    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 20, 2006
    Location
    wyoming
    Posts
    532

    Default

    My bf married two creeps over the years. I knew they were creeps (we're talking REAL creeps - abusers, users, bums, etc.) while she was dating them. But I also knew her, and knew that if I told her they were creeps and that she was crazy for dating/marrying them, I'd lose her as a friend, and then couldn't be there for her when her marriages crashed and burned. So I kept my mouth shut. For more than 20 years.

    She finally grew up and married a decent guy. But it wasn't because I tried to change her, because I knew I couldn't.

    It was more important to me to be her friend than to be right.

    Liz



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 2007
    Location
    Beyond the pale.
    Posts
    2,957

    Default

    yeahbut, Liz, your friend was not cheating on someone. She just had poor taste in men. Her, I could have sympathy for.
    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 20, 2006
    Location
    wyoming
    Posts
    532

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CatOnLap View Post
    yeahbut, Liz, your friend was not cheating on someone. She just had poor taste in men. Her, I could have sympathy for.
    I agree, cheating is different. But the choices are still the same. To tell, or not to tell. And what you choose will depend on whether you want to keep your friend as a friend - cuz telling will almost certainly lose that person as a friend. Maybe the person isn't worth keeping as a friend, so the right choice would be to tell. But that's an individual thing, so there can't be a one-size-fits-all choice. IOW, and IMO, just because a person cheats doesn't necessarily mean they are a worthless person. Maybe at that point in their lives, they are seriously mixed up. Maybe they wouldn't normally cheat.

    My friend was worth keeping, so I probably wouldn't have told. At least, overtly. I might have tried to figure out a way to let the cheated-on person know, if it could have been done in a way that couldn't have been traced back to me. And I would only have done it out of concern for the cheated-on person. (However, if I thought that my friend was likely to shape up in a short time, get her life back on track and stop cheating, I would have done nothing.)

    The OP seemed to have been motivated from anger or spite or something, not out of concern for the cheated-on girlfriend. IMO, wrong choice, wrong motivation.

    Liz



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2006
    Location
    Clemson, SC
    Posts
    822

    Default

    Your right I have no concern for her, but I do not believe he should be jumping in this boat based on lies.

    I think some of you missed it, I'm not using the cheating as a hold over his head. He knows I know, he knows my friendship with him meant I kept his affairs quiet bc it was agreed between us - at the time- that he was going to eventually move on from his relationship with GDW. And there was no point in breaking her little heart and making his life more difficult.

    He just got divorced this June from a cheating spouse which I held his hand through. I told him that if he doesn't tell her soon I will no longer be apart of his life bc its all lies. However I suspect someone else will.
    Zippos Kryptonite (Reno) 05' AQHA
    Little Miss Understood (Indy) 01' Appaloosa
    The Unturned Stone (Chase) 11' AQHA
    ~ Rescue Mom to: Hope, Ciara, Charlotte, Ace, Knox



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,293

    Default

    Actually, it doesn't matter if you try to tell a friend about their SO cheating or other nasty little details. Usually they don't believe you, or just get angry at you and keep doing exactly what they want anyway. I think a lot of times the person realizes the truth, but won't admit even to themselves until they have to.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



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