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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
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    18,472

    Default Every Christmas I Consider Divorce...

    Am I the only one?

    Something about it. Its cold outside, the kids are off school, hes off work. It's Xmas. He annoys me. And then...every year.. He pulls some sort of Epic Asshat Scene.

    Today it involved disappointing a small child for no good reason. He is a bit of a social retard but at xmas seems blissfully unaware that he is being an Asshat.

    Every year.

    And every year I think... I dont have to do this!! I could, after the kids unwrap everything, take him out on the porch and tell him to pack a bag and leave. I dream about it. I plot out my life as it will be after he leaves. It sounds heavenly.

    Does anyone else fantasize about this while you are wrapping presents?!!!
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2008
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    4,536

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EqTrainer View Post
    Am I the only one?

    Something about it. Its cold outside, the kids are off school, hes off work. It's Xmas. He annoys me. And then...every year.. He pulls some sort of Epic Asshat Scene.

    Today it involved disappointing a small child for no good reason. He is a bit of a social retard but at xmas seems blissfully unaware that he is being an Asshat.

    Every year.

    And every year I think... I dont have to do this!! I could, after the kids unwrap everything, take him out on the porch and tell him to pack a bag and leave. I dream about it. I plot out my life as it will be after he leaves. It sounds heavenly.

    Does anyone else fantasize about this while you are wrapping presents?!!!
    not anymore........I got rid of him!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2009
    Location
    Northeast Ohio, where mud rules your world...
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    1,366

    Default

    ummmm....no, I am veeeeerrrrrrrry lucky to be perfectly matched to my hubby. But it takes work, we have had our tough times but we are in a really great place together in our lives.

    You, on the other hand, are not.... take stock of your life and make a choice. Can you live a different life? Support yourself and the kids? Come to an amiable departure? Then move on. Nothing says f'ed up adults than children living in a loveless marriage. For nothing else, do it for your children so that they have a chance to grow up around healthy relationships.
    ...don't sh** where you eat...



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2010
    Posts
    598

    Default

    No... in fact the winter makes me feel more cuddly and affectionate than normal... and I like those moments where my guy and I meet eyes over the family laughing, chatting, acting like drunk idiots, etc. A "Yeah, the family's a little nuts, but we wouldn't trade this for the world" kind of thing.

    If you weren't exaggerating to be funny, maybe you should talk to him, you sound really frustrated!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Dutchess County, New York
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    4,042

    Default

    EqTrainer -- thanks for your words of support on my thread (lyme) -- now I'll offer you some

    I think anyone who's been married has thought of divorce at some point or another! I go to this women's group, and the facilitator of it has this philosophy that everyone is doing the best they can to take care of themselves, given their beliefs at the time.

    So, your husband is doing the best he can to take care of himself, given his beliefs. That he takes care of himself by acting like a jerk may well be true. If it is possible to figure out why he's acting that way, why acting that way makes him feel better in some way, if might allow you to have some sympathy for him . . . or not. But at any rate, thinking this way has been helpful in my marriage, so I pass it on.

    The holidays can be a stressful time for anybody -- good luck getting through yours!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2004
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
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    19,611

    Default

    Aside from one of my kids dying, divorcing my husband would be my worst nightmare. Which tells me what I already know. I have a good one. Having a bad one is worse than not having one at all in my opinion. Only you can make that decision but life is awfully short. That said, don't do it on or ever within a few days of christmas if there are kids involved. Unless of course you fear for your safety.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 10, 2010
    Location
    NE PA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    My DH works on merchant ships. He is gone half the time. Here 3, gone 3 weeks. By the time i miss him he is headed home, by the time I am ready to throttle him, he is leaving. AND...... he sends his paychecks right to the checking account
    I do miss him tonight but other than that, if he was home all the time, I would seriously be divorced by now.

    So, to answer the question, YES, I have thought about it every year from one angle or the other.
    bad decisions make good stories



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
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    Default

    Oh gosh, I should have clarified... It's like a crazy passing fancy that I have every year. Its like the seasons changing LOL oh look, its spring again! Look, its xmas and I'm dreaming of divorce! Or maybe just of being single.

    Musing out loud, not planning to call an attorney monday. But thanks to everyone who is offering their support, you are all great!
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  9. #9
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    Jan. 26, 2010
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    5,640

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    EqTrainer--I'm glad it's just normal thoughts we women have toward men, and not something terrible. I have those thoughts ALL of the time, not just at Xmas.

    I think I'm learning about men. Instead of expecting them to get it and do what is right, just tell them what you need them to do, and be happy when they do.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
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    4,083

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    Just remember that men are men. There are some things that just don't do all that well. As in why do they need instant replay? Because they forgot stuff they just saw. If they remember anything consider it a major coup and be grateful.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2008
    Location
    Florida, USA
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    779

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beentheredonethat View Post
    I think I'm learning about men. Instead of expecting them to get it and do what is right, just tell them what you need them to do, and be happy when they do.
    Words of wisdom right there... I might just have to right those somewhere... and repeat them OFTEN!!!

    EQ trainer- can't help much- not married...
    But I'd say I'd only start worrying if those thoughts happened more often than not. Doesn't sound like it's your case.. SO- best advice: Open a bottle of alcohol- any type will suit... and indulge
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
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    Second glass of Baileys going down right now
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2008
    Location
    Florida, USA
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EqTrainer View Post
    Second glass of Baileys going down right now
    Where is the "like" button when you need it
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!



  14. #14
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    Jul. 3, 2010
    Location
    Franconia NH
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    Default

    I have mostly thought of getting in the car and instead of going to work just keep driving far far away.....



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2003
    Location
    Windward Farm, Washougal, WA- our work in progress, our money pit, our home!
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    I hear you EqTrainer! This year, it was me going to a medical appointment on the 23--at 5:00pm. I left Mr.CC at home with a couple of requests--feed the dogs and bring the horses in their stalls. A trained monkey can open a stall door and close it. Well, not Mr. CC apparently. And that our barn is 38 steps from our back door? And that his mother is here, and we had to take her and the two kids (19 and 21) out to dinner?

    GRRRR... seriously, I had to come home from a painful medical appointment, toss on rain clothes/barn clothes, put horses in, change clothes all while trying to be charming to MIL/Steps, whilst Mr. CC sits on his ass. I almost threw a hissy. but.... I didn't. I thought evil thoughts which will send me to confession, but did not act on them.
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  16. #16
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    Dec. 2, 2002
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
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    Default

    I'm spending my first Christmas with my husband as a married woman (6th Christmas together), and would be lying if I said I haven't envisioned myself shoving his head (instead of the turkey) into the oven during a particularly brilliant moment of manly intellect.

    That being said, in all seriousness, as a child, I do remember the holidays being a particularly hard time for my mother. My dad left her when I was 10. Things got much better after that, and I often wonder if my childhood memories would have been different had she decided to "pull the trigger"...
    Here today, gone tomorrow...



  17. #17
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    Oct. 15, 2005
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    Chesapeake, Virginia
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    2,996

    Default

    Divorce, no.....running away from home, yes!!



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 20, 2008
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    625

    Default

    Yep, I sure have! Like the time he flooded the house with the washer. Or the time he flooded the kitchen with the dishwasher. Apparently, the dishes were "really dirty" so he put two soap packets in there to solve that dilemma. Guess who fixed all those messes? Yep, me!

    Really, the thoughts were between divorce or drowning him in the floods. The latter would have had more instant gratification.

    Thankfully, he really is the most wonderful man ever so I can laugh about it now.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
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    9,197

    Default

    Tax time for me, when I NEED all the receipts I've been trying not to nag him about. But it's really my own fault too, if I would sit down and do the books every week or month it'd be far simpler - but then that gets us to NEEDING those receipts every week or month. Our checking accounts now only have these horrid photocopies of the checks so I need the check register and I either can't find it or . . . Tax time for me.

    Xmas is usually pretty good, he cooks, buys gifts on Xmas Eve. But I know where you are at, yes I do.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2004
    Location
    Ontario
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    7,702

    Default

    It's the French in him!!!

    I seriously consider running away from home every Christmas. Why oh why does it have to fall all on the wife/mother to clean/cook/shop/clean again/wrap all the presents... What does he do? nothing... and he is retired. Oh, yes, he took the dog for a long walk in the country... came home, got on the computer and opened his book. Meanwhile, I was preparing food to take to friends tomorrow, baking some last minute cookies, had to prepare tonight's dinner too, clean the house (oh, he nicely lifted up and moved a few things so it would be easier to vacuum... never thought of saying "I'll do it!").

    Then went to bed at 9 pm while I started wrapping presents (which I just finished!). Argh... He does not wrap present, does not shop, just gets some cash or writes cheques... I think I want to come back as a man if I have a second life! One day, I WILL run away!



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