Winston Churchill was a master at verbal repartee. I love it when lady Astor said to him "If I were your husband, I'd put poison in your tea" and he responded with "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it".
Sometimes I'm at a loss for what to say to dumb stuff that comes up more often than not. Things like "You look so tired/frazzled/whatever"...
Anyone been asked dumb questions and had a clever retort?
I'm a total smartass. Most don't appreciate it. Unfortunately I love a good retort, by me or anyone else.
I think it's because I was bullied in middle school. I'll never forget the first time I talked back. This girl was talking smack and I said something along the lines of, "You've graduated to full sentences now, congratulations!"
Online gaming didn't help my tendency either, that's a world where smartassery is wholeheartedly endorsed, and smack-talking elevated to an art form. I once had these guys implying I must suck at a certain game because I'm a girl, and I replied, "I didn't know you used your d**k to push the buttons."
The stupid statements like "Wow, you have a lot of freckles!" are usually met with, "OMG, REALLY?! Why didn't anyone tell me?"
I got "fired" as a tutor, in high school, for some of the football players. (I tutored English).
The quarterback was the archetypical vain, dumb jock. What led to my "dismissal" was the session in which he called me "stupid", and I returned fire with, "Hey, I'm not the one failing my native language. So who's the stupid one?"
I was, until 2002, pretty must self censoring. Then I got cancer and found out I might die before I have the chance to say what I really was thinking. Now I am awful. A real smart-ass at times. When recently told I was a major bitch, I said, "Wow, thanks, I wouldn't want to be a minor one." She shut right up. I hate dumb people.