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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
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    3,956

    Default Snappy answers to stupid questions

    Winston Churchill was a master at verbal repartee. I love it when lady Astor said to him "If I were your husband, I'd put poison in your tea" and he responded with "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it".

    Sometimes I'm at a loss for what to say to dumb stuff that comes up more often than not. Things like "You look so tired/frazzled/whatever"...


    Anyone been asked dumb questions and had a clever retort?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2000
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
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    1,782

    Default

    All the time. . . but sadly, they generally come to me about 10 minutes too late!! :-)



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
    Posts
    1,688

    Default

    "That's what your mom said"
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
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    3,956

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pookah View Post
    All the time. . . but sadly, they generally come to me about 10 minutes too late!! :-)
    I have the same problem!!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Location
    You must never go there, Simba.
    Posts
    3,449

    Default

    Sometimes people say I'm mean. Shocking right? To most of those people I say "I'll try being nicer when you try being smarter."



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2004
    Location
    central New York State
    Posts
    2,845

    Default

    I am usually pretty darned quite with a retort. One I used the other day was


    "It must take a lot of energy to maintain your big ego".



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug. 11, 2008
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    3,669

    Default

    I'm the ultimate smartass at the office. My boss HATES me in meetings. He can always count on me to point out the irony in any situation.
    Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
    Witherun Farm
    http://witherun-farm.blogspot.com/



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2010
    Posts
    598

    Default

    I'm a total smartass. Most don't appreciate it. Unfortunately I love a good retort, by me or anyone else.

    I think it's because I was bullied in middle school. I'll never forget the first time I talked back. This girl was talking smack and I said something along the lines of, "You've graduated to full sentences now, congratulations!"

    Online gaming didn't help my tendency either, that's a world where smartassery is wholeheartedly endorsed, and smack-talking elevated to an art form. I once had these guys implying I must suck at a certain game because I'm a girl, and I replied, "I didn't know you used your d**k to push the buttons."

    The stupid statements like "Wow, you have a lot of freckles!" are usually met with, "OMG, REALLY?! Why didn't anyone tell me?"



  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 16, 2001
    Location
    Alaska. Not in an Igloo.
    Posts
    8,993

    Default

    I used to bother with a snappy retort.
    Now I try to be as mean as possible without them catching on. Its not so much a career change I need as a medication change
    Seig Heil Polo Shirt!



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 29, 2003
    Location
    Manchester, MI
    Posts
    1,375

    Default

    Yo Mama.

    That's pretty much all I can muster after a long day of hating Christmas and being grinchy. I'm usually so good...a natural born smartass with great retorts.

    But a lame "yo mama" is all I can do.
    Maybe tomorrow....
    Come to the darkside...we have cookies.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
    Posts
    5,329

    Default

    I got "fired" as a tutor, in high school, for some of the football players. (I tutored English).

    The quarterback was the archetypical vain, dumb jock. What led to my "dismissal" was the session in which he called me "stupid", and I returned fire with, "Hey, I'm not the one failing my native language. So who's the stupid one?"



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
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    You must never go there, Simba.
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    3,449

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pirateer View Post
    I used to bother with a snappy retort.
    Now I try to be as mean as possible without them catching on. Its not so much a career change I need as a medication change
    Have I told you lately that I love you?



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2008
    Location
    Florida, USA
    Posts
    779

    Default

    I'm actually usually SO quick to come back with something.. that most people just walk away.

    My brother always starts saying something "smart" (aka stupid) then looks at me and says: "you know what, I take that back... you're going to kill me if I finish that thought/sentence/comment".

    My best friend always tells me that she wishes she could be as quick as I am... She'll call me and be like: "AAHH.. I SO needed your come-back today..."
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug. 10, 2008
    Location
    Canton, GA
    Posts
    887

    Default

    I was, until 2002, pretty must self censoring. Then I got cancer and found out I might die before I have the chance to say what I really was thinking. Now I am awful. A real smart-ass at times. When recently told I was a major bitch, I said, "Wow, thanks, I wouldn't want to be a minor one." She shut right up. I hate dumb people.



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