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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    24,078

    Default

    So long, farewell, it's time to say goodbye.....



  2. #42
    Join Date
    Sep. 22, 2010
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    1,205

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    I'm not a trainer or a BO, but my trainer/BO has very high standards when it comes to the boarders she allows the privilege of boarding at her facility. I feel lucky to be there and I make a point to always bring a positive attitude to the barn, volunteer when I can, clean up after myself and not participate in gossip. My horse isn't a problem horse but he does find interesting ways to injure himself and she has treated him for me without charging me because we have a great relationship with excellent communication.

    If I were unhappy with the quality of service my BO was providing, I would leave. Which I did, in June - to the place I am now. If this girl is really so displeased with your quality of service, why is she still there? My guess is because she's a narcissistic child that you will never be able to please and shouldn't waste your time trying. It's your barn, your horses, your rules. I would certainly be civil in letting her know that she will need to find a new facility, but offer suggestions and give her a fair amount of time to find a new place, probably the notice you require a boarder to give if they are leaving, would be appropriate. But this is your barn and your life, and I would certainly make every effort to maintain sanity and happiness.

    Amy

    "I decided I am going to live, or at least try to live, the way I want,
    with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure."



  3. #43
    Join Date
    Jun. 2, 2009
    Posts
    1,258

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    I get the impression you have not been in the boarding business for very long. Remaining professional throughout the course of running a business is key to gaining a good reputation. Being professional also means not being two-faced and talking about her nastily to all and sundry. If you would like this boarder to leave then tell her politely and in a business-like manner that her boarding at your barn does not seem to be working out therefore you are giving her one months notice to move. Simple as that.



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6,458

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BOAlter2010 View Post
    Is a letter best, or trying to discuss it in person? Sticking a letter on her stall door seems kind of cold, but then discussing it in person could get unpleasant.
    It doesn't have to get unpleasant depending on how you handle it. It is always best to deal with people directly, leaving a note on the stall door will not have a positive outcome. And, if you do not learn to deal with people directly then you will always have a dysfunctional barn. Treat people calmly, matter of factly and unemotionally - even if they are not capable or behaving the same way in return.



  5. #45
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Trails and woods
    Posts
    1,584

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    Speak directly to the person. I hate confrontation and will try to avoid it at all costs!

    I can be a bit dense about things. I would much rather someone confront me directly than through email, letter, or just avoiding it!

    Discuss it with boarder. Learn from it what you can. It isn't so bad once things are out in the open....
    Life is too short to argue with a mare! Just don't engage! It is much easier that way!

    Have fun, be safe, and let the mare think it is her idea!



  6. #46
    BOAlter2010 Guest

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    Actually I've been in the boarding business for about ten years. I've never had to deal with this type of situation before, so I guess in general I've not done too badly 'vetting' potential boarders.

    Far from talking nastily about her to all and sundry, I posted under an alter because I need advice but can't exactly go to local barn owners and say "hey, I got a problem over here, how would you deal with her? By the way she might be calling you soon!" The only people I have discussed her with who know us are the other boarders who brought the problem to my attention in the first place.



  7. #47
    Join Date
    Jun. 2, 2009
    Posts
    1,258

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    Quote Originally Posted by BOAlter2010 View Post
    Actually I've been in the boarding business for about ten years. I've never had to deal with this type of situation before, so I guess in general I've not done too badly 'vetting' potential boarders.

    Far from talking nastily about her to all and sundry, I posted under an alter because I need advice but can't exactly go to local barn owners and say "hey, I got a problem over here, how would you deal with her? By the way she might be calling you soon!" The only people I have discussed her with who know us are the other boarders who brought the problem to my attention in the first place.
    Well she won't be calling me as I doubt I live anywhere near you, however yes I understand the sentiment and if she did call then I'd deal with any and all situations as they arose, not wait till things got ridiculous and tense with the only option but to give her notice. Usually if you keep on top of any unsatisfactory issues, and discuss them as they arise, it makes life a whole lot easier for everyone concerned. Once in a while there's the very occasional person who is firmly stuck in their ways and they will never integrate so these are the ones who need to be moved on, but I've found over the years that good communication can halt someone heading for a train-wreck in life midtrack. In my experience, most boarders are actually quite pliable.

    BTW I wasn't accusing you of speaking badly about her. I was simply commenting that it makes for better working relations if you don't.



  8. #48
    Join Date
    Oct. 29, 2003
    Location
    Ocala, FL
    Posts
    1,931

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    I agree that it sounds like your decision is obviouss - you are not a good fit for each other. What I would not do is leave a letter or put anything other than your request for her to leave (if needed) in writing. I have no idea if she is trulynuty, but if she is, you could end up with a law suit and your letter would most likeey put you in a bad position.

    Good luck - it's not usually as bad as you think it will be to have this type of conversation, and putting it off is worse than even a blow up. Also remember, that you DO have control of how the conversation will go - you can always end it if it is getting nasty. Just walk away if you need to. Stay professional and realize that probably NOTHING you say would change her or get her to understand, so make it more your goal to just get her out of there with a minimum of fuss.
    Last edited by witherbee; Oct. 19, 2010 at 10:35 AM.



  9. #49
    BOAlter2010 Guest

    Default

    Nope, quite a ways away judging by some of your other posts!

    I have tried VERY hard to keep 'on top' of her issues.... I told her from the get-go that I would be happy to discuss any problems with her and I have accomodated her turnout requests, changed his feed, blanketed him when asked (admittedly I believe his blanket got left off twice since the barn help is not blanketing anyone else yet), kept him in if it rained, even changed stalls (which meant cribber-proofing a stall to the tune of about $200) because the horse next to him was being "mean", etc. If I had morning appointments away from the farm I got up early to personally clean his stall, stuff like that.

    Now, I suppose that is being TOO nice, but I really have no problem going the extra mile for a horse and owner if it is reasonable and within my power. I have had quite a few demanding boarders, they would come to me with requests and I would consider them and accomodate them to the best of the farm's ability (sometimes involving a compromise) and I have always been able to make them happy in the past so I didn't think there was any reason the same would not be true in this situation. I even have no problem with the fact that she ASKED for me to put her horse out with my mares and foal, I don't expect someone who has boarded all their life to be fully cognizant of the intricacies of farm management.

    It's that with all her prior requests being met (the last one before the turnout in the mare field was the stall change, probably a month ago), she has now started complaining to the other boarders about things like the size and footing in the jump field which was here when she arrived, so now I know that it actually is going to be impossible to make her happy. And that development, coupled with a request that I don't feel I can safely/wisely accomodate, brings me to this point.

    Thanks for listening, and thanks everyone for the advice! I am just going to nicely tell her that I can't accomodate her turnout request and since I don't want her to be unhappy with her horse's situation I feel it best for her to find another barn and if she moves before the end of the month I will be happy to refund her unused board.



  10. #50
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2006
    Location
    Albany NY
    Posts
    5,521

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    And don't forget to emphasize that she does have to be gone by the end of the month, and if she's not, don't accept any more board. (ahead). For example, if she moved on the third, accept three days board before she left. If you accept another month's check, she'll stay.

    I also wouldn't specifiy the turnout as the reason. I would say "I feel I can't accomodate your needs/I feel I don't have a facility appropriate for you/I don't feel comfortable..." Keep it about "I" feel, "I" want, etc.

    Good luck. You seem to have evaluated the situation in a healthy way. Not easy, I would think.

    I am not a BO, but a boarder, with a bit of a high maintenance horse, and this thread served to remind me how important it is for me to be aware of how he might impact the BO and her farm, and what I can do at every opportunity to make my presence there be a positive, happy event. Cheers!
    Airborne? Oh. Yes, he can take a joke. Once. After that, the joke's on you.



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Jun. 17, 2002
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    996

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    Quote Originally Posted by BOAlter2010 View Post
    Actually I've been in the boarding business for about ten years. I've never had to deal with this type of situation before, so I guess in general I've not done too badly 'vetting' potential boarders.
    Contract and rules in place? If so is there a stipulation for how much notice you have to give when asking someone to leave?

    It is NOT your job as a BO (or wife or friend or ?) to make everyone happy. It truly is impossible. If you have a contract and rules in place - she knew them coming in.

    Boarding is not a horse business. It's a crazy people business with horses thrown in to muddy up the water!



  12. #52
    Join Date
    Jun. 2, 2009
    Posts
    1,258

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    Yes she sounds like the "Once in a while there's the very occasional person who is firmly stuck in their ways and they will never integrate so these are the ones who need to be moved on" kind of a person.

    Quote Originally Posted by BOAlter2010 View Post

    Thanks for listening, and thanks everyone for the advice! I am just going to nicely tell her that I can't accomodate her turnout request and since I don't want her to be unhappy with her horse's situation I feel it best for her to find another barn and if she moves before the end of the month I will be happy to refund her unused board.
    I wouldn't mention any particulars when you give her notice. Keep it vague and to the point; that it isn't working out ... end of. If you give reasons, it gives her the opportunity to try to weedle back in there or be apologetic, so if you really do want rid of her then my advice is don't give *any* reasons.

    Best of luck! And thank goodness she isn't near me .



  13. #53
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2004
    Location
    Left coast, left wing, left field
    Posts
    6,839

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    I know this type and variations of it. BE CAREFUL of the distinction between chronic complainer and chronicly (sp?!) unhappy. In my experience there are more of the former.

    The distinction is necessary because the chronic complainer isn't necessarily unhappy! Depending on how you phrase it, something like "I don't feel I can accommodate your horse" or "I think you'd be happier elsewhere" might be met with tears and a lot of "Oh no I loooooooove it here! I didn't mean to make you think I was unhappy! Really, you're the best! Blah blah blah" -- along with a promise to be more positive, come directly to you with issues rather than beeyatching to everyone else at the barn, etc.

    Which will last a week/a day/20 minutes and you'll be right back where you were. So if you want her gone, and I think you should, have answers ready if she becomes very contrite and apologetic and snivelly.
    Arrange whatever pieces come your way. - Virginia Woolf

    Did you know that if you say the word "GULLIBLE" really softly, it sounds like "ORANGES"?



  14. #54
    BOAlter2010 Guest

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    Thank you for the reminder, because that would SOOOO work on me--and I really do suspect she's not actually unhappy, she's just one of those people. I'm sitting here thinking "well maybe she doesn't realize how she comes across and we can work it out" but my head knows that isn't how it goes.... I have a close friend who is married to a chronic complainer and I should know how it is. Healthy, plenty of money, time for hobbies, really no worries, and in the absence of substantive problems gripes about things like how those commercials on TV telling you how to get out of tax debt to ought to be OUTLAWED. "That's the problem with this damn country" etc etc.



  15. #55
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
    Location
    between the barn and the pond
    Posts
    14,495

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    BOAlter, you talkin' bout my husband???
    just kidding. Sorta.

    If you wanted it to work, you could work at it. But man, it's work. And some money costs too much.

    Send her on down the river.



  16. #56
    Join Date
    Nov. 6, 2009
    Posts
    2,436

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    I agree with all the others who suggest politely giving this boarder notice. You've done your part trying to accommodate her, but it seems like issues just keep cropping up. Some people are just like that. I don't give boarders notice very often, but I had a boarder like this in the past--she was a nice person and I liked her, but there always seemed to be a problem with her or her horse. Strictly from a business perspective I had to let her go because while my boarding fees aren't cheap they didn't begin to cover all the extra time and energy her issues/phone calls were starting to require.

    In your case, you also don't want to cross the line where you go past "individualized care" and drift into the realm of "unfair special treatment." I try not to ever offer a boarder something that I couldn't reasonably offer to all of my boarders. For example, no one gets to cherry pick paddocks, turnout companions, stalls, or tack racks.

    As an aside, over time I have gotten in the habit of almost never turning boarders' horses out with my own. You own the farm, so turnout decisions are your prerogative.



  17. #57
    BOAlter2010 Guest

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    Done, thank god. Ugh that was unpleasant.... totally civil but of course she was NOT happy. Suggested a barn that was okay with uncontrolled cribbers as far as I know.... they have several, and metal pipe fencing....



  18. #58
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2000
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    15,314

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    Quote Originally Posted by BOAlter2010 View Post
    Done, thank god. Ugh that was unpleasant.... totally civil but of course she was NOT happy.
    $20 says you'll sleep better tonight, and better still once her horse is off the property.



  19. #59
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    9,067

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    Quote Originally Posted by BOAlter2010 View Post
    Done, thank god. Ugh that was unpleasant.... totally civil but of course she was NOT happy. Suggested a barn that was okay with uncontrolled cribbers as far as I know.... they have several, and metal pipe fencing....
    Good for you!! And your boarders will be much happier.

    I take it you do not like the other stable owner??? (joking)
    MnToBe Twinkle Star: "Twinkie"
    http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/f...wo/009_17A.jpg

    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  20. #60
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2009
    Posts
    9,344

    Default Good Job ~ Glad you told her "Good-Bye" !

    Good ~ glad to read your update ~ everyone will be happier ~ Enjoy your nice barn ~
    Zu Zu Bailey " IT"S A WONDERFUL LIFE !"



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