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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Default Oh fun! Family drama! *eyeroll*

    Well, I finally get some personal issues on Off Topic Day!

    My mother and I have a tumultuous relationship to say the least. Things have been going well for the past year almost so I decided to visit her (she lives in OK) while I went to Arabian US Nationals to braid in October. Cool, right? I thought about waiting to tell her but got excited and told her last month. Well, she immediately wants to book the hotel using her Wyndham discount, wants to book the car, wants me not to have a car the whole time, whatever. I go with it since I am cool to save money and tell her I will book it in the next few weeks.

    She calls, I am out of area so I call her back and leave a message to go ahead and book the hotel, I will send her the money. I don't hear back (with the exception of fwd emails) for over a week, maybe two weeks? I'm not worried, it's still over 2 months from when I am leaving. The I get an email saying that she is tired of my irresponsibility, that I can't be depended on and she will be in Arizona the exact same time frame as I will be in Oklahoma. I email back saying that was too bad and enjoy the visit, I will make other plans.

    Then! A few days ago she calls, I do believe a few cocktails under her belt, says hi and demands to know what my plans are. I told her I thought she was going to be in AZ, she says she just got back, turns out her and her husband got into it and she went to AZ right then (as well as taking time to email her snitty email to me). She is also LIVID that I will not just change my plans back to the original ones she canceled. Calls me names and hangs up. Ookkayyy.....

    Then I get the email about how I am an awful daughter, how "we" (she never says "I" when mad but instead says "we" to try and sound more important) just want to have a good relationship but I always ruin it, and goes on about how she is still angry about how I spread my grandparents ashes ten years ago. Then, she posts a nasty on my business Facebook about if everyone knows about how awful I behaved with my grandparents ashes! I delete and block her from my business Facebook but leave her on my personal one.

    Well, I get an apology letter and an inquiry into what happened to my business Facebook as it is gone. I explain that I do not allow family squabbles on my business page and that I blocked her. She retorts that she did no such thing and that I am trying to make her feel guilty for me "losing" my business Facebook. Like I got fired from it or something? Just weird.

    I actually copied and pasted the notification for her to see and told her to ask my sister or one of her friends if it was still there since she didn't believe me. Haven't heard a word back yet.

    SHEEEESH!!!!!!!!! Please tell me someone else has nutso family issues too?????
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 27, 2000
    Location
    Southern California - on a freeway someplace
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    9,753

    Default

    Sometimes I think people remember two versions--one version when they're drunk and another when sober. Maybe it's like they said in the 60's--whatever drugs you used while studying for the test you should use when you take the test...

    My father had this aunt. Somehow he became the helper of the family, even tho we lived across the country from almost everyone else. Periodically, he'd get a panicked drunken call for her saying that she had some sort of medical issue and was going to die or something. So, he'd change plans, book a plane ticket, and then call her to say that he was coming on xyz date. By then she'd be sober and not even remember calling him in the first place. So, he'd cancel the reservations, only to get a call the next time she was drunk, asking when he was coming.
    The Evil Chem Prof



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
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    32,121

    Default

    yeah, but not quiet up to that level - or entertaining.


    I just got the deadbeat BIL who tries to scam money from us, erm, I mean 'borrow', but he has yet to make good on a few other things.

    This is the husband of my SIL, so her parents are still sticking to him even though he got close to losing the family home - for a second time....

    Oh well, the holidays should be interesting!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Default

    Yes, there certainly seem to be the drunk and the sober versions. Gah!!!!!!!
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 29, 2010
    Location
    Tennessee
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    27

    Default

    Woooo...your mom sounds like a zinger! It sucks and I offer nothing but absolute sympathy. My mother is also a nutter, but I've learned to deal with her in such a way that nothing she does really effects me any more. I do, however, have a crazy ass S-I-L story (that I'll try to make as short as possible).

    DH and I knew each other for ten years, but only dated officially for about six months before we decided to get married. I went to college with both he and his younger sisters, was in the same sorority as the girls (twins) and hung out with them occasionally but I wouldn't call us friends. Acquaintances maybe.

    His sister, I'll call her Katy, is a notorious drama queen/center of attention type. She cries over Prada (not joking). His sister Lucy, is a little more laid back but still very much a follower of her twin sister. Both sisters claim to adore their brother and expect flowers and extravagant gifts on their birthdays (their father has been out of the picture since they were little and he kind of took over) but in the four years that he's lived in another state, neither of them has visited, ever, and if they even remember his birthday they'll send him an e-card.

    I've met them both and hung out with them occasionally but they're not my type. That's fine, I'm always nice. I accept that they're part of the package and having had a crazy mother growing up I can respect that sometimes family is just nuts and you have to deal with them anyway.

    Due to the fact that Katy was getting married and had to be the center of attention, we opted to keep our engagement quiet for a few months before making the announcement. We didn't want a big fuss, didn't want a big wedding, and decided to just get hitched at the courthouse without inviting any family. We live several states away, it's not a short trip, and none of them had ever visited so we didn't see the point.

    During this time, Katy was living rent free in the house her brother owned, and had been for four years. All she had to do was pay the mortgage and the bills when he put the money in her account. (Don't even get me started on how wrong this situation was.)

    She and her fiancee decided to buy a house, and didn't want the one that she was living in at the time. Fine. No problem. It would have been nice to have a little bit more warning than a text message the day you move out, but whatever.

    Katy and her fiancee are having a massive wedding, and hundreds of parties leading up to it which we were never invited to. Katy invited my little sister, actually, but didn't invite me to a single thing.

    Katy stops paying the mortgage and the bills on the house, and pockets the $10000 over several months for the wedding. We had no idea bills were being unpaid until we dropped by for a visit and found final notices stacked on the mantle along with a house full of trash, a fridge full of food that had gone bad, and every single item she decided she just didn't want anymore. It took us a full week to clean the house out and we're still digging out from under the debt she put us into.

    I'd have buried her at this point, but the DH is a bit too soft for his little sisters, and doesn't write Katy off completely.

    Oh hey, we're pregnant, yay! Having a baby, yay! Katy was miffed that she wasn't the first one in the family to have a baby. Then she was angry that we weren't having a girl, because she'd already picked out cute outfits for a little girl. Did Katy ever offer so much as a congratulations? Nope. Did she attend the baby shower? Nope. In fact, the only baby gift we got from Katy, I know for a fact her mother bought and put her name on.

    A month after the baby is born, Katy and Lucy haven't returned the phone call about his birth or come to visit even though they have an open invitation to do so. We travel to Katy's home town to visit some of my relatives. One of my aunts throws a little get together party for my relatives to meet the baby so that we don't have to travel all over the state. Katy isn't invited. Why isn't Katy invited? Because my Aunt doesn't know who she is. Has no idea she lives nearby. And, oh yeah, the party is for MY BLOOD RELATIVES.

    Katy, finds out about the party several days later, and sends the DH a scathing e-mail about how we're now disowned. Yep. She disowned an infant because we didn't invite her to a party and we 'knew she lived down the street' and that she has no idea why he would be mad at her for anything. She and Lucy 'un-friend' me on social networking sites, the usual disowning.

    He explained to her that we have no idea where she lives as she's never told us, that he has $10000 reasons to be angry with her that he somehow got over before, and that not inviting her to that party was the equivalent of us disowning her for not inviting us to one of her fiancees families bbq's. Does she get it? Nope. Its totally our fault that she's been forced to disown us.

    At the wedding we were the only family not given seats in the family row. She didn't speak to either of us even though we stood next to her for pictures, and her nephew is almost a year old and she's never met him.

    I would kick her in the face, given the opportunity.

    I completely sympathize with the whole 'family drama' plight.
    “Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of Solitaire. It is a grand passion.”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
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    Default

    Oh wow, that sounds like my mother!!! Congrats a year late on your baby boy!!!
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2004
    Location
    Medford Oregon
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    918

    Default

    I have found limiting the time I spend with family like that the better. I will still visit but I very carefully control the time and manner with which I contact and spent time with them.

    I was taken in by my Grandmother after my Mom passed away. She was super controlling, scared of everything and felt I should be afraid too. I think in the end she wanted an emotional replacement for my Mom and I couldn't be that. Needless to say we didn't get along. After I was grown and moved out I still visited her when I was in the area (usually holidays) and called once a week, but that was it. I stayed all day one day during my trips there and then left at night. She seemed satisfied and it kept the bickering to a minimum.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
    Posts
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    Default

    There are some families that get more than their fair share of drama, that's for sure.
    I have a family member, another maudlin elderly drinker now, but way back in the day he could be pretty mean when he wanted to be.
    I remember a family friend telling me all about how it would be a good idea if this family member could invest in a home that I could live in at school, I get to hear this great story about what a great investment it could be etc. etc.. And while I'm nodding and agreeing, at the same time I'm thinking No effing way will this family member accept this suggestion coming from ME, the s**t will hit the fan and I'll get told off as a greedy little whatever. So I suggest it might be better coming from the family friend and never hear another word about it, until, stupid me, several years later we rent a home on acreage with a couple of other homes, the whole mess for sale at a reasonable price, and I suggest that it might be a good investment.
    I got torn a new one, invoking several generations of family who would never have thought of such a thing as to expect to have a house bought for them. I even got the letter back, all marked up, detailing every failing of my life to date, but the problem was that I still couldn't see where I had said "buy this property for ME".

    Ah well, time was my revenge as the property became hugely inflated in value and I could say, "told you so, look at all that money you could have had".

    And nowadays I limit my interaction, which is sad but I really have to do it to keep my sanity.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,913

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    Golly Twotrudoc...you need to talk to your doctor about removing that bone from your head that makes you give a damn about pleasing your psycho mom...a definition of crazy can be expecting a different action this time than you've experienced the last 20 years. Write the woman off, send a Christmas card..and if you really feel nice, a birthday card.

    Pamperedponies..you've made a common mistake. You see your sister-in-law as the problem. She's not a problem at all, she's fine. Your husband is 100% of the problem. Once you married, YOU were his family, his sister became his relative. You take care of/protect your family from everyone else. He allowed his wife to be treated badly, he allowed his wife's life to be impacted negatively by a relative. Your husband is at fault. If he didn't give her the money, this wouldn't have happened. You hid your marriage to keep his psycho relative happy, how screwed up is that? He's a big boy, get his backbone and balls working and have him tell the brat and show her behaviour towards him and his wife will not be tolerated...then actually do it. If he won't protect you and think of you first, you didn't marry a man, but a wimp.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,618

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    Trakehner-I seriously love you. If you make housecalls I have a list of people for you to visit and tell off.

    Like the MIL of a friend who when she and FIL were told that FIL had terminal cancer MIL comes in the house (in front of FIL) and says "My husband is dying, and what's going to become of me"--accompanied by some of the kids comforting her sorry a$$. Bet you can't guess how long poor FIL lived can you?

    Some people make everything all about them, and like you said nobody can use you unless you let them.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
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    7,243

    Default

    i had to do what a friend called "poison control" with my mother.

    I was sick all the time, having lots of trouble breathing. I finally had to simply cut her out of my life...and you know what? I haven't used a single one of my inhalers, nor been to the doctor since.

    And what is with the crazy ones that use "we" instead of "I"????
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2006
    Location
    Chicagoland
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pamperedponies View Post
    I would kick her in the face, given the opportunity.


    I am not laughing because your story is funny, but because I've said the same thing about my brother's wife. I won't even get into the details, but one day I received a particularly nasty and evil email from her at work. The situation surrounding the email was already stressing me out so badly that when I read it I burst into tears, right there in my office. My boss ended up sending me home - she personally knew my SIL, and knew exactley the kind of angst she was bringing down on my mom and I. SIL decided a few days later that we needed to have a family meeting and I literally told my mom that if I had to be in the same room with her I'd punch her in the face. And I meant it.



  13. #13
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Thanks, Trakhener

    The "we" thing is a (failed) way of showing strength and (false) unity I think. Then they can say "It's not just ME you are hurting/angering/disappointing, it's ALL OF US". Which is a bunch of hooey and everyone knows it.

    Also, what is it with the family crazies who always want to have a "family meeting"? That is bull pucky. It is a staged event that gives the crazy access to rant and scream and accuse everyone there. Whatever.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2010
    Posts
    69

    Default Sighh..... you should meet my mom

    My mom can be a bit crazy/psychotic at times... Okay that may have been an understatement. My parents got divorced when I was a jr in highschool. It was a bad divorce (parents had been married for 25 years)- absolutely rough on everyone involved. Well all things considered, mom seemed to handle things fairly decently. Then I went off to college and the "poop" hit the fan. My freshman year wasn't too bad compared to my other years in college. I went to school an hour and a half away so it wasn't too hard to visit. I was also teaching some lessons and training a couple horses in my hometown so I would drive back about 3 days a week. This seemed to keep my mom from being too lonely- I have one older brother who had long since moved out of the house. I would occasionally get a phone call from her complaining that she missed me and that she was lonely. At this point I felt bad for her and had no problem fitting in a few extra visits just for her (although I always spent time with her anyways when I went home to teach lessons/ride).

    Then came my sophomore year.... This was the year she started losing it. Her phone calls became more and more frequent and she was becoming more and more upset. This was when she started to perfect the art of guilt trips. Now don't get me wrong, my mom has always been a master of being passive aggressiveness but this was when she fully came into her own. If I forgot to call her or missed a call because I was in class, I would get an earful. If I couldn't come visit because I had finals to study for, I would get an earful. All in all, sophomore year was bad but still nothing compared to the following years...

    Next came my junior year- this is when things REALLY got bad. I got engaged to the most wonderful man I had ever met (we had dated since highschool and I knew he was a keeper when he didn't ditch me because of my crazy mom). My mom liked him a lot and things seemed to calm down... well for about a week. Holidays were awful- I had 3 thanksgivings and 3 christmases to go to (my moms, my dads, and my inlaws). My mom HATED the fact that I didn't spend every.waking.minute with her. She started acting out- trying to get into big yelling matches with me (which didn't work out the way she wanted because I would just let her vent and not take it too personally). She started getting sulky, not wanting to go anywhere, not wanting to socialize with her friends, etc. The phone calls that I got while I was at school were no longer whiny but full out yelling/crying at me. It literally made me nausious when my mom would call because I knew I was in for a major guilt trip- even though I had nothing I should have felt guilty for.

    Then senior year. My husband and I got married. Long story short, the wedding (which should have been MY day) turned into something that I just wanted to get over with. My mom was pissed that I invited my dad and would not let me forget it. She threatened multiple times that she wouldn't come and tried to make me feel guilty for putting her in a situation where she would have to be in the same room as my father (did I mention at one point she put a restraining order on him because he went to the same church as her and she didn't like it?). Of course the restraining order had been dropped at this point and I was not about to choose sides.

    More screaming/crying but she also started throwing tantrums. Yes tantrums like a 2 year old. Stomping her foot, slamming doors, throwing things at me (a sandwich, her purse on multiple occasions, silverware, etc), locking herself in her closet, etc. It got so bad that I would get these phone calls where she would be so upset she was hyperventilating and saying "I can't breathe, I think I am going to pass out..." then she would hang up. So of course I would drive home (an hour and a half) and make sure she was okay. It was so bad that one time she had called me while driving and got so upset she drove off the road because she was hyperventilating. Of course someone pulled over (she didn't get in a wreck but the stranger was rightfully concerned since she suddenly veered off and screeched to a halt) and called 911. The fire department responded and had to give my mom oxygen because she was SO worked up.

    The sad part was that she openly admitted to throwing tantrums to try to get my attention/make me feel guilty. My brother had pretty much stopped talking to her entirely, so I felt like I couldn't completely cut her out of my life in case she REALLY did need help. It got bad enough that me and my husband were pretty much living with her, making sure she was eating and taking her anti-anxiety meds, etc. She threatened several times to basically run away and once she threatened to jump out of the car while I was driving on the highway (I knew she was always bluffing but it scared the bejeezus out of me and made me mad because she was doing it to make me feel guilty). When she was around other people (like my inlaws, her friends, etc) she acted VERY normal, happy, etc. She basically made it very clear that she was only getting upset for my benefit.

    She eventually started dating again and now has remarried. She acts like nothing ever happened and now goes on her merry way. All I can say is she has a lot of nerve.
    Last edited by alterhorse87; Sep. 2, 2010 at 11:40 AM. Reason: spelling



  15. #15
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Oh, alterhorse I am so sorry you went through that. Kudos to your husband for standing by you during that in your new marriage! And BIG kudos to you too.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
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    OMG...life's to short to put up with these crazies.

    Run away...fast & far.

    If you have an SO/husband/wife...look at them, smile and say, "You will always come first...if I start to weaken, remind me of this"....and then block your poisonous family's phone number.

    If they call, hang up...very simple. If they mail you something, "Return to Sender"...don't play. They depend on you being "nice"...which is major personality disorder for "sucker".

    Run away...I'm sorry for people stuck with these families. My father was this way and once when I came back home after doing "a guilt trip" my ex-wife asked me, "Are you happier after you go there?"..."No" I said. "Then why are you going? You can't make them a happy family." Hmmmm, the little light went on...she couldn't see the beam in her eye (family wise), but she could see the mote in mine.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2004
    Location
    King, NC
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    1,881

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Trakehner-I seriously love you. If you make housecalls I have a list of people for you to visit and tell off.
    Heck woman, get in LINE! I have an entire family of inlaws that need the law laid down, starting with the younger generation who feel the need to reproduce but not the need to, you know, have any INCOME except what they wheedle out of their parents and their parents who get DH to work on their homes, etc by having a different sibling call and tell him how much he needs to do so & so.....

    Trakehner, I can offer beverages and am available to videotape the various confrontations for other COTHers to enjoy should you come and take over this chore for me!!
    Last edited by Chester's Mom; Sep. 2, 2010 at 12:25 PM. Reason: spelling. again. sigh.
    HaHA! Made-est Thou Look!



  18. #18
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Interesting way of putting it, Trakhener About the beam in ones eye.

    I cut my mother out of my life completely for years. This past year has been different with the exception of this series of incidents. Ugh. If I feel that there is not significant change in her hostilities I am more than ready to not have her in my life. Sad, but true. I am a big proponent of forgiveness though and will wait a bit.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug. 29, 2010
    Location
    Tennessee
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    Trakehner - My husband and I had that exact same conversation. He's completely on board, and although he didn't man-up at the first opportunity, I can appreciate that he was raised in a certain way and it took him some re training to overcome it. It took him that experience to grow some brass balls, but now he has them where myself and the kiddo are concerned. Including giving his mom a what for when she called begging HIM to make up with Katy.

    As for me, I was willing to let it slide in the name of family togetherness until she disowned the kiddo. Taking it out on me is one thing, I'm an adult, I'm not going to break, and really she and her opinion matter exactly zero to me. Once she included my son in the whole thing, however, she dug her own grave as far as anything between us is concerned. It should make Christmas interesting. I haven't kicked anyone in the face before, so I'm looking forward to it.
    “Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of Solitaire. It is a grand passion.”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson



  20. #20
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    Apr. 29, 2006
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    Yikes! My story is tame compared to some of these. My sister has been nuts for years. My mother (who I adore) has been trying to do everything to appease the little monster since she was 13 and ran away because I took 'her' horse to a show.

    My sister is now almost 40 and the latest round was when I went through a horrid divorce and she posted something really nasty on my fb wall along the lines of I totally deserved it. So I simply deleted her post and de-friended her.

    Her revenge? Telling my Mother that she would no longer be allowed to see her grandchildren (10 of them - that's nuts in itself!) unless I re-friend her and that she has NO idea why I would have deleted her. Rolly eye icon here.

    Suffice to say, she started talking to my Mom again as soon as she needed money, despite no longer being my 'friend'. Sigh.



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