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  1. #181
    Join Date
    Jul. 23, 2007
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    887

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Leena View Post
    I just saw this message..

    Actually I have a lot of pain and had to increase my meds to get a relief. What is really funny is when I ride, I barely feel the pain..so what do you guys think I try to do everyday...
    Fatigue is growing..The news are not good; I am scheduled for a scan to see where the disease has spread.

    What can I tell you about.. I don't change anything from now

    Here are a couple of pictures of my riding and you can see my nice bald head..I believe strongly that my riding is the best medicine, keeping myself away from all the drama about cancer, despite the fact I'll probably loose the battle..If I breath, if I ride, I am alive and happy to be !

    This is my 3 years old greenbean Telemann
    http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...os/Tlmann3.jpg

    With my 17 years old Canadian mare Surprise I ride occasionnally

    http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...otos/007-4.jpg
    http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...otos/015-4.jpg

    Riding again in the rain with my gray filly Shannon..I love rain..

    http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...photos/1-3.jpg
    Leena,
    I just read this whole thread and it could not have come at a better time for me. You are truly an inspiration!
    Please post as often as you can because I learn so much from you and continue to need to learn!

    How are you today? How are your beautiful horses?
    Adriane
    Happily retired but used to be:
    www.ParrotNutz.com



  2. #182
    Join Date
    Aug. 26, 2003
    Location
    Joliette, QC, Canada
    Posts
    4,286

    Default

    Hello Adriane, (and everybody !)

    Well, my situation is as mentionned, pain is growing. In april doctors told me it has generalised, it was a carcinomatose peritenoal, pushing on my diaphragm, so I could feel breathless.
    After severals visits to research department, an MRI and other scans, I had a pretty good picture. The metastase is pushing on my stomach and is invading the diaphragme on my left side. So that was in april.

    I receive chemo every week, low dose of taxol, so it is 2 weeks on a row, then 1 week off simply because I can't tolerate a lot of toxicity. we still have 2 other cocktails we can use but more toxic, so the challenge is just to help me gaining a few months.

    Today, or these days, the pain is really hard, all my left side is pretty much attacked.

    Never mind ! I decide not to change anything again..I breath, I can walk then I ride and that is it !

    These are the last pictures taken so this is from the horse's mouth, so to speak !

    It is not easy, I have some bad days, especially when I decide to increase the pain meds..I figure this is always tough..Then anxiety come up, all sort of questions..Well everyone knows what cancer and finality is all about !

    When I start that journey, I figure I would live this experience with serenity and happiness, takes this last opportunity to learn something on this earth.

    I found the joy. I found that special spirit of joy on my horse. Actually my grey filly is such a joyfull horse; she taugh me about joy, how strong it is and how she would show me.

    this was a magical experience.

    You know those spooky horse, full of energy, that we, as rider, try to control with the reins, the legs, and the seat...And more we try, more they tense up..

    I have learned to relax, to put my hand on the neck and she just went as a daulphin, teaching me what dressage was all about. This 4 yrs old filly showed me I was a nut and I have been walking so far away from me, away from that joy all my life.

    I want to thank my horses, my greenies to teach me so much about their true nature.

    For the next months, my strong will is telling me to go for it, to sit down and learn from the horse. I figure if I can live my last moment this way, that will be "fantastique".

    That is about it for now ! On one pictures, You can see what I look like..I just wish this smile will last sooo long !
    Élène

    Fighting ovarian cancer ! 2013 huge turnaround as I am winning the battle !..
    http://esergerie.wordpress.com



  3. #183
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2004
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    19,746

    Default

    God bless you and keep you safe. You are an inspiration to all, even your horses obviously.



  4. #184
    Join Date
    Apr. 3, 2005
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    965

    Default

    It's always great to read your posts Elene. You have such a beautiful and uplifting spirit and my thoughts and prayers are with you.



  5. #185
    Join Date
    Jul. 23, 2007
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    887

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Leena View Post
    Hello Adriane, (and everybody !)

    Well, my situation is as mentionned, pain is growing. In april doctors told me it has generalised, it was a carcinomatose peritenoal, pushing on my diaphragm, so I could feel breathless.
    After severals visits to research department, an MRI and other scans, I had a pretty good picture. The metastase is pushing on my stomach and is invading the diaphragme on my left side. So that was in april.

    I receive chemo every week, low dose of taxol, so it is 2 weeks on a row, then 1 week off simply because I can't tolerate a lot of toxicity. we still have 2 other cocktails we can use but more toxic, so the challenge is just to help me gaining a few months.

    Today, or these days, the pain is really hard, all my left side is pretty much attacked.

    Never mind ! I decide not to change anything again..I breath, I can walk then I ride and that is it !

    These are the last pictures taken so this is from the horse's mouth, so to speak !

    It is not easy, I have some bad days, especially when I decide to increase the pain meds..I figure this is always tough..Then anxiety come up, all sort of questions..Well everyone knows what cancer and finality is all about !

    When I start that journey, I figure I would live this experience with serenity and happiness, takes this last opportunity to learn something on this earth.

    I found the joy. I found that special spirit of joy on my horse. Actually my grey filly is such a joyfull horse; she taugh me about joy, how strong it is and how she would show me.

    this was a magical experience.

    You know those spooky horse, full of energy, that we, as rider, try to control with the reins, the legs, and the seat...And more we try, more they tense up..

    I have learned to relax, to put my hand on the neck and she just went as a daulphin, teaching me what dressage was all about. This 4 yrs old filly showed me I was a nut and I have been walking so far away from me, away from that joy all my life.

    I want to thank my horses, my greenies to teach me so much about their true nature.

    For the next months, my strong will is telling me to go for it, to sit down and learn from the horse. I figure if I can live my last moment this way, that will be "fantastique".

    That is about it for now ! On one pictures, You can see what I look like..I just wish this smile will last sooo long !
    Elene,
    Thank ou for posting again.....you are helping me greatly with my own fight of pain which is no where near yours.....but reading your obvious joy when you ride through your illness truly helps and inspires me!! Bless you and keep us posted on you and your girls. I 'also, am blessed with a mare.
    Adriane
    Happily retired but used to be:
    www.ParrotNutz.com



  6. #186
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2001
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    4,368

    Default

    Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts with us. I hope your horses keep bringing you peace.



  7. #187
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2001
    Location
    Cullowhere?, NC
    Posts
    8,618

    Default

    Elene, you are ... something special! Beautiful woman, beautiful horses!
    "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

    Spay and neuter. Please.



  8. #188
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2006
    Location
    An American Living In Ireland
    Posts
    5,658

    Default

    Lena,

    Loved the new pictures. The 3yo is such a lovely horse! As always thanks for the inspirtation you bring every time you post.

    Terri
    COTH, keeping popcorn growers in business for years.

    "I need your grace to remind me to find my own." Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars. This line reminds me why I have horses.



  9. #189
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,763

    Default

    Lena, you are an amazing woman and reading your posts on this thread has caused me to make serious and lasting changes in the way intend to live the rest of my life. I wish I could know you in person.



  10. #190
    Join Date
    Aug. 26, 2003
    Location
    Joliette, QC, Canada
    Posts
    4,286

    Default

    Sketcher, I am really happy !

    Fall is beautifull over here, so I hope for a couple of good rides. I have a scan scheduled next week to see how cancer has progressed. Really I don't need it to know, but this will be important since I want to get as much time I can, quality time.

    Terry, I knew you would like the 3 years old since he is anglo-trakehner..You have an amazing eyes !!!

    Lately, I felt really again better on my riding. I attempt a clinic with Margareth Dieckerman lately; I had one in early june and was working all summer the plan she gave me.
    Anyway despite I went through ups and downs, fixing some bad riding habits and also a lot of judgements in regard to contact..I did progress and since in my confidence.

    So the last couple of days I really had lots of fun. The 4 years old are stronger and more balanced, the 3 yrs old are well started and undergoing. I do much effortless. My pleasure is to see all of them at the gate when I come to the pasture, which means they like their training.

    My anxiety towards pain came off a bit..Pain is there but I barely pay attention during the day, just keep on moving the best I can.

    There is so many things I wish to tell all of you, but mainly I just focused on living every moment the best way, giving hope to other cancer victims I meet and keep on..Going forward.
    Élène

    Fighting ovarian cancer ! 2013 huge turnaround as I am winning the battle !..
    http://esergerie.wordpress.com



  11. #191
    Join Date
    Apr. 20, 2006
    Location
    Between a rock and a hard place, WA
    Posts
    1,341

    Default

    Lena,

    In all the pictures, but especially the most recent ones, you look so good in the saddle - congratulations on your journey and again, thank you for writing about it.

    Katy
    www.moranequinephoto.com
    "If I am fool, it is, at least, a doubting one; and I envy no one the certainty of his self-approved wisdom."
    Byron



  12. #192
    Join Date
    Apr. 18, 2000
    Location
    ~~~Virginia Horse Country~~~
    Posts
    6,855

    Default

    Dear Leena! You look wonderful with that radiant smile of yours showing so much joy and happiness. You are such a blessing to the rest of us who are following in your footsteps soaking up all the wisdom you share. I hope with the next MRI you will find the cancer has slowed down to allow you to enjoy the wonderful fall season and that you have the strength to keep on riding your greeenies and even the old mare!!
    God Bless You !! Love, Bernie
    http://www.talloaksfarm.net ---"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts." --- Winston Churchill



  13. #193
    Join Date
    Sep. 18, 2003
    Posts
    4,534

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Leena View Post
    There is so many things I wish to tell all of you, but mainly I just focused on living every moment the best way, giving hope to other cancer victims I meet and keep on..Going forward.
    And thank you so much for sharing with us. I love seeing your pictures of your beautiful horses and you with your beautiful smile.
    __________________________
    "... if you think i'm MAD, today, of all days,
    the best day in ten years,
    you are SORELY MISTAKEN, MY LITTLE ANCHOVY."



  14. #194
    Join Date
    Jul. 23, 2007
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    887

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Leena View Post
    Sketcher, I am really happy !


    There is so many things I wish to tell all of you, but mainly I just focused on living every moment the best way, giving hope to other cancer victims I meet and keep on..Going forward.

    It is not only cancer victims you give hope too. You give us ALL hope and teach us how to best live our lives!!
    Adriane
    Happily retired but used to be:
    www.ParrotNutz.com



  15. #195
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2002
    Location
    Dungeon of the Ivory Tower
    Posts
    20,394

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    Every time I think, "This is so hard," and I tense up, I think of you, Elene. And I think, there is a way to do this with lightness and joy, because Elene has told you so.
    www.specialhorses.org
    a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues




  16. #196
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2009
    Posts
    8,527

    Default

    Jingles for a fantastic Fall Season in the saddle ~ you continue to be an inspiraton to all ~ Jingle Jingle Jingle & AO ~ Always Optimistic ~
    Zu Zu Bailey " IT"S A WONDERFUL LIFE !"



  17. #197
    Join Date
    Nov. 23, 1999
    Location
    South Coast Plaza
    Posts
    20,401

    Thumbs up You inspire me.

    You inspire me, you make me cry when I read your sad FB posts and you make me laugh when I read your happy ones. But no matter what, you are truly and inspiration.
    EDDIE WOULD GO



  18. #198
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2006
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    3,585

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    Élène, I appreciate your sharing yourself and your journey with us like this. Truly, you are an inspiration, and I offer you my humblest and most heartfelt thanks.



  19. #199
    Join Date
    Feb. 10, 2007
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    420

    Default

    You are a truely brave and inspiring woman.

    Paddy
    "Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done"

    ~Member of the "Addicted to Lessons" clique~



  20. #200
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2008
    Location
    Delaware Valley
    Posts
    1,615

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    Leena, you are brave and inspirational, and you have taught me a lot about horses, "truths" I had never thought about. You help people with cancer and you help riders who keep an open mind.



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