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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 30, 2006
    Location
    Washington DC
    Posts
    1,255

    Default SNAFU- The post you've all been waiting for- THE WWW between Hot Mess and Mr. 43

    I'd like to thank all the people who PM'd me over the past three weeks! I'm in Disney World right now on my graduation trip, so I'll try to make this post as detailed as possible considering I'm supposed to be in the park in 45 minutes!


    The Wacky Wiccan Wedding. May 1, 2010. (For the previous, only slightly horse-related thread, click here)

    So, LTF and Mommy-LTF leave Nashville on Friday and drive to Atlanta in Mommy-LTF's new VW convertible. This convertible is pretty much the smallest car I've EVER seen, and I should mention that I have a pretty extreme claustrophobia problem. So, I spend the 5 hour car ride sort of having an anxiety attack. Of COURSE, Mommy-LTF wants to chat about my love life; you know, because we're going to a wedding and she doesn't pass up any moment these days to give me a *hint hint*

    Most. Miserable. Car. Ride. Of. My. Life. Up til that point.

    UNTIL the next morning. We picked up the bride's mom and drove 2 hours to the B&B where the wedding was being held. So I'm sitting in the back of this tiny car. And it's raining, so the top is up. But wait! We get a call from the bride about 30 minutes into this trek, and she needs underwear. Apparently something about having only ONE PAIR since the trailer caught on fire (yes. Do the math there. Sorry, I'm not responsible for puke on keyboards). So off to Walmart we go. (At this point, I'm thinking a liquor store might not be a bad idea, either). My mom, being the fabulous person that she is, picks up a bunch of sandwiches thinking that probably nobody has thought ahead to eating before the ceremony.

    Okay, so we finally arrive at this cute little Bed and Breakfast in backwoods GA. It's actually really cute and green and surrounded by mountains. After the 2 hour car ride where I was trying to be approximately 50% of my size, I decided "hmm, I'm going to sneak over there to that big open field for 5 minutes so I can stop having a panic attack and get ready to pretend I'm REALLY HAPPY about this whole situation!"

    Nope. I'm immediately bombarded with hugs. And then chaufferred into the porch to hang out with a bunch of this chick's friends who are smoking and acting completely unconcerned about the fact that this wedding is in 2 hours. I'm all "shouldn't we be like, getting ready or something?" And Hot Mess laughs and says to everyone else "Don't worry, she's a Libra."

    Then I figure out WHY nobody is getting a move on. If you remember, the wedding dress burned up in the trailer fire. So, it's 2 HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING and WE STILL DON'T HAVE A REPLACEMENT DRESS.

    Luckily, Hot Mess's dad is a Methodist Minister. He, like my mom, has brought reinforcements. One of the ladies is this really stereotypical southern lady who has decided to take matters into her own hand and found Hot Mess a dress to wear. Has she tried it on prior to an hour before the ceremony? Nope, but whatever.

    It fits. It's actually kind of cute. Disaster averted.

    So we're getting ready in the room that my mom paid for, and I"m hearing more background on this story than I knew previously. Apparently, Mr. 43 still lives with his parents, who told him about a year ago that they were going to cut him out of the will if he continued to date Hot Mess. So he told his parents that they broke up, and they (nor anyone else in his family) have ANY idea as to the existence of this blessed event. And after they get married, they aren't going to live in the same trailer. (which is a different trailer since the last one caught on fire. Also, they had 8 cats, lost 4 in the fire, and now are back up to 7).

    So we're ready to start. There wasn't a rehearsal dinner or anything and nobody has told me exactly what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm thinking "I'm pretty intelligent. I bet I can just wing it."

    So the ex-husband escorts me down the aisle where I stand, in the rain, watching the most... interesting... ceremony. They couldn't find anyone *legit* to marry them, so they had two of their friends reading the ceremony off of a handwritten piece of notebook paper, and nobody in the audience could hear anything. There's all sorts of candle lighting and really REALLY obvious sexual symbolism, but aside from the bride tripping and breaking a bunch of glass halfway through, it was actually kind of romantic. (Of course, all the "your body is a sensual chalice" stuff was kind of making me a little sick). My only job was to hold this broom so they could jump over it.

    Ceremony over. The photographer (who is a friend with a digital camera), starts taking pictures. And I check my phone to about 4 voicemails from people in Nashville who are alerting me to the fact that my city has, well, become a river.

    At this point, I'm starting to feel a little queasy.

    Yes, Thank you COTH. I was fine for the wedding, and then got sick around Derby time. Karma or the Wiccan gods were not smiling on me as I spent the rest of the day praying to the porcelan gods.

    And my mom ended up footing the bill for everything involved in this wedding except for the food.

    The next morning was our return to flooded, raining, still MONSOONING Nashville in the little convertible. I'm sick. I'm claustrophobic. The interstates have turned into rivers. COTH and SUBK (who is my aunt, if anyone hasn't figured that out yet) are the only ways I'm getting updated on anything going on at home. I get reports that the interstate exit right near my horse is the worst flooded in the city. So then I start freaking out about that.

    Anyway- Elvis is fine. (And by "fine," I mean "not drowned") and the moral of this story is... something. I'm just not sure what.



    Oh, and I apologize profusely, but due to the circumstances, I neglected to take pictures. I keep waiting for them to show up on Facebook, but I get the impression that this was more of a Myspace crowd.


    Also, for all you business people, there is a super opportunity for someone to start selling toothbrushes in White County, GA.
    "My shopping list is getting long but I will add the marshmallows right below the napalm." -Weighaton



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov. 30, 2006
    Location
    Washington DC
    Posts
    1,255

    Default

    P.S -Sorry that's so long!
    "My shopping list is getting long but I will add the marshmallows right below the napalm." -Weighaton



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2008
    Posts
    3,280

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LearnToFly View Post
    Also, for all you business people, there is a super opportunity for someone to start selling toothbrushes in White County, GA.
    Well if that doesn't say it all right there!

    LTF, have a wonderful day at DW and thanks for the update! I'm MOH in a wedding this weekend that I'm afraid might be just as adventurous (minus the wiccan stuff as bride is a presbyterian minister). Sigh....



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2002
    Location
    recent FL transplant from IL
    Posts
    7,174

    Default

    I missed this originally.

    But thank you.

    That was awesome!!!

    And enjoy your Disney vacay!!
    "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2010
    Location
    Arlington, VA
    Posts
    259

    Default

    Mmmm, subtle snark: more of a Myspace crowd. ;-)

    I guess the power of Hot Mess and Mr. 43's love sent torrents through the southeast.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 23, 1999
    Location
    South Coast Plaza
    Posts
    20,480

    Default

    Priceless.
    EDDIE WOULD GO



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2006
    Posts
    3,381

    Default

    LOL. Great morning read.
    Quote Originally Posted by barka.lounger View Post
    u get big old crop and bust that nags ass the next time it even slow down.

    we see u in gp ring in no time.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,064

    Default

    Thanks for the update. Have fun in Disney.

    Please join myspace so we can have pictures.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 4, 2007
    Location
    Crossville, TN
    Posts
    1,162

    Default

    Fabulous Thank you for sharing, I am sure you had such an awful day!! Pictures please!!!!



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default

    My most memorable wedding moment was the white trash wedding.
    - Down by the river with fake grass carpet isle, metal multi colored chairs, free range chickens and the unmowed grass.
    - Music provided my the guy in the tree with a boom box before he fell out
    - Groom was a 28 yr old out of work lawn mower repair guy from trailer in next lot with fewer teeth than the bride's 3yr old child by other guy (one of 3)
    - Groom's mother is tweety bird t-shirt and spandex shorts
    - Groom's brother in camo
    - Ring bearer and flower girl fell in river
    - Bride and Groom were in formal wear but bridesmaid wore hot pants
    - Marriage lasted two weeks.

    I'm a bridesmaid in two weeks and they picked out a tiny strapless short bright blue dress with 4 1/2 inch gold pumps. I am 5'11 with out heels.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,064

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by smilton View Post
    I'm a bridesmaid in two weeks and they picked out a tiny strapless short bright blue dress with 4 1/2 inch gold pumps. I am 5'11 with out heels.
    Where is the wedding? Las Vegas?

    Pictures of the first wedding you mentioned would be nice.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default

    No actually classy wedding in botanical gardens of a large city. I do have this urge to go poll dancing after the ceremony.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 27, 2006
    Location
    N FL
    Posts
    747

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by smilton View Post
    My most memorable wedding moment was the white trash wedding.
    - Down by the river with fake grass carpet isle, metal multi colored chairs, free range chickens and the unmowed grass.
    - Music provided my the guy in the tree with a boom box before he fell out
    - Groom was a 28 yr old out of work lawn mower repair guy from trailer in next lot with fewer teeth than the bride's 3yr old child by other guy (one of 3)
    - Groom's mother is tweety bird t-shirt and spandex shorts
    - Groom's brother in camo
    - Ring bearer and flower girl fell in river
    - Bride and Groom were in formal wear but bridesmaid wore hot pants
    - Marriage lasted two weeks.

    I'm a bridesmaid in two weeks and they picked out a tiny strapless short bright blue dress with 4 1/2 inch gold pumps. I am 5'11 with out heels.
    I would have paid to see that one!!!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 16, 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,335

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LearnToFly View Post
    Apparently, Mr. 43 still lives with his parents, who told him about a year ago that they were going to cut him out of the will if he continued to date Hot Mess. So he told his parents that they broke up, and they (nor anyone else in his family) have ANY idea as to the existence of this blessed event. And after they get married, they aren't going to live in the same trailer. (which is a different trailer since the last one caught on fire. Also, they had 8 cats, lost 4 in the fire, and now are back up to 7).



    Also, for all you business people, there is a super opportunity for someone to start selling toothbrushes in White County, GA.
    Gawd, I had such a crappy day, but it's all okay coming home to read this You took one for the (COTH) team. Well done!



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Nov. 30, 2006
    Location
    Washington DC
    Posts
    1,255

    Default

    You are all very welcome Hahaha. Also, the Harry Potter park says hello!
    "My shopping list is getting long but I will add the marshmallows right below the napalm." -Weighaton



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 23, 2009
    Location
    Paddle faster! I hear banjo music...
    Posts
    1,159

    Default

    completely exhausted but this made me laugh!
    "ronnie was the gifted one, victor was the brilliant intellect, and i [GM], well, i am the plodder."



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2005
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    1,660

    Default

    I was looking forward to this update....and have to say that's the funniest thing I've read all day.
    <3 Vinnie <3
    1992-2010
    Jackie's Punt ("Bailey") My Finger Lakes Finest Thoroughbred



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2005
    Location
    Chesapeake, Virginia
    Posts
    2,996

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by smilton View Post
    My most memorable wedding moment was the white trash wedding.
    - Down by the river with fake grass carpet isle, metal multi colored chairs, free range chickens and the unmowed grass.
    - Music provided my the guy in the tree with a boom box before he fell out
    - Groom was a 28 yr old out of work lawn mower repair guy from trailer in next lot with fewer teeth than the bride's 3yr old child by other guy (one of 3)
    - Groom's mother is tweety bird t-shirt and spandex shorts
    - Groom's brother in camo
    - Ring bearer and flower girl fell in river
    - Bride and Groom were in formal wear but bridesmaid wore hot pants
    - Marriage lasted two weeks.

    I'm a bridesmaid in two weeks and they picked out a tiny strapless short bright blue dress with 4 1/2 inch gold pumps. I am 5'11 with out heels.


    Also, thanks for the update OP! At least you know what NOT to have/do at your wedding.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Oct. 1, 2004
    Location
    Magnolia, TX
    Posts
    5,706

    Default

    Oh, that is too funny. Thanks for the update!! Sorry about your prayer meeting with the toilet. That always sucks.
    Jer 29: 11-13



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2008
    Location
    Alberta, Canada and South Australia
    Posts
    3,219

    Default

    ROFL! Awesome thanks for taking one for the team!

    P.



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