Hi All, I've been reading this forum for a few months now and decided that I want to see what you all would do in my situation.
I've had my current horse for about 2 years and although we have been doing pretty good and making small progress, I think she is too much horse for me. Recently I've been too nervous to ride her and my trainer has been doing all of the riding and I would ride a lesson horse to keep in shape. I was hoping that with some time and training she would become a horse that I can ride and show. But she spooks and jumps and I can honestly say my riding skills are lacking and I don't always stay on. My parents say sell her and get another one that is more older and better trained. The trainer is doing a good enough job and she is progressing, but I am not sure how long it would be before I am comfortable riding her on my own. I hate the idea of selling her since I have become attached to her over the last 2 years, but my parents are suggesting we sell her because they don't want to see me get hurt.
So, would you keep the horse in training and hope that she gets better or would you try to sell her to a more experienced rider and get a "school master"? TIA
up the hill from the little river (that floods alarmingly often)
Work with your trainer and see if you can find your horse a home with a rider who appreciates her unique characteristics (lol) and will give her a good home. Then go find something that can challenge you but not scare you.
Sorry to say but your parents are probably right on this. It could be a very long time to never when you truly feel comfortable on this horse and it will be very difficult for you to progress on a horse you are nervous with. Its good the horse is in training so it will be easier to sell. Good luck.
Your parents are giving you great advice, plus they seem supportive about finding you a more suitable horse. Riding should be FUN and it you are not having fun with your horse, then you move on. Get your trainer to sell the horse for you.
You know what? You will become even MORE attached to a horse that you can really bond with by sharing experiences both on the ground and in the saddle. I know you feel an attachment to this horse now, but I think you will be surprised at how much more attached you will become to a new horse that you are not afraid of riding. My advice would be to start looking for that future partner. Good luck.
You can become just as attached to a horse that is a pleasure to ride.
There is a woman at my barn who bought her first horse a couple of years ago because she fell in love with her. It's a small, fairly flighty mare whose only relaxed moments occur in her sleep. The woman who owns her is a timid advanced beginner who always looks like she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown every time I see her riding. Despite two years of pro rides, weekly lessons (and a barrel full of every "calming supplement" on the planet... the mare is simply too much horse for the job she's been asked to do. The woman won't sell her because she is very attached, but you can see her frustration as she watches the others in the barn progress and do fun things like gallop around on the outside course, while she is having to screw up her courage to leave the indoor arena to even try to trot around one of the outdoor rings.
Your mare doesn't sound dangerous, just more horse than is suitable for your current level of riding. I'd sell her to someone who loves that type and can ride them well, and get yourself something that is happy to give you an enjoyable and safe ride.
********** We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
I've been in the same boat - had a Thoroughbred mare that was too much horse and remember riding in the outdoor ring while everyone went outside for a hack around the field and being too nervous to join them. Riding is supposed to be fun - the next horse I bought I watched being ridden by a 15 year old in an open field, I got on him and within 10 minutes was cantering up a hill feeling completely safe. He will be my forever horse - kind, fun, can do anything or given the opportunity is perfectly happen to stand in the ring with me on him while I tell people how wonderful he is. Life is way too short, and horses are way too expensive to not enjoy the horse you own.
SO many of us have been there with the wrong horse. Even us adults with years of riding under our belts have ended up like this! It's just something that happens for millions of reasons.
She'll make a wonderful horse for somebody else and you'll end up with the right horse for you. She'd be happier with a mom that can handle her quirks and you'll be happier with a calmer horse that you can be the rider you want to be with.
West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
Originally Posted by ChocoMare
You might even be able to do a trade with someone who's looking to move up. Have a good sit-down with Parents and Trainer
This is a terrific idea! I'll bet your trainer has clients who are on the lookout for a move-up horse who wouldn't be intimidated by your mare's antics. Perhaps a swap would work, with one that's got a steady Eddie that s/he's outgrown?
If not, I would still sell your mare, even if it leaves you "horseless" for a while. You've already access to lesson horses, so no worries about your riding skills deteriorating while in the horse search. And I can tell you that they will deteriorate if you keep your current mount.
Good advice from all - parents, trainer, and COTHers Sell and find a more suitable horse.
When you find your next horsey partner, you'll be amazed at how much fun you'll have, and how much better of a rider you'll become (and how quickly that'll happen). Having been in your shoes (green horse/green rider), I know how a 'green bean' can erode both confidence and rider progress.
And yes, you're attached, but just find a great home for this horse. It'll make you feel so much more at ease with this.
although we have been doing pretty good and making small progress, I think she is too much horse for me. Recently I've been too nervous to ride her and my trainer has been doing all of the riding and I would ride a lesson horse to keep in shape.
First of all, let me give you a fist pump cheer for being able to admit, "you know I've worked hard, but she is too much horse for me." There are several owners out there who'd rather place the blame on the horse, the trainer, the weather, the barn, etc. but you...instead of placing any blame, maturely said, "you know...she's too much horse for me."
If I was in your situation, I would sell her, and I would find a horse better suited to you. It's good that your trainer has been riding her to keep her in shape.
There's always a horse out there for someone. Just like there's the perfect horse out there for you, this mare could be someone's match as well
Best of luck with whatever decision you make.
If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
Originally Posted by talkofthetown
As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.
I agree, sell her. Find her a good home and then find yourself a mellow mount you can have a ton of fun with. Once a fear relationship with a particular horse has been established it is VERY hard to break. Even if she gets better with your trainer riding her, the second you ride her and have an unsure moment she will revert back to being fearful herself. Best of luck!
Thanks for posting this! I'm in a similar situation with mine. We've made a lot of progress and she's really wonderful...but it's so hard to see others out there doing all the things I'd like to but dont have a horse suitable or safe for. She was my dream horse...but my riding ambitions have changed and I think it's time to let her go be someone elses dream.
I'm in the opposite position as far as family though, she's my partner's favorite and he's very upset that I'd like to sell her!
I have a young friend who is in a similar situation, except for two key things:
1) She doesn't want to sell, she's smitten with the horse
2) She's already hit the dirt and been hospitalized multiple times because of this horse
Honestly, life is just ... too... short. There is NOTHING wrong with admitting you're overhorsed and not happy. Nothing.
In my friend's situation, myself and a mutual friend are seriously worried for her safety. The horse spooks and bolts over the dumbest/smallest things, stops at jumps, dumps her, tramples her... and she continuously makes excuse after excuse and goes on and on about how nice this horse is, when everyone else but her sees an oversized, flighty, unattractive, untalented, unathletic beast of a horse that doesn't give a rat's a*s about its owner.
It breaks my heart, and it frustrates me to no end, that so many people think it's "normal" horse behaviour to be spooky, to buck, to kick, etc. It's NOT. There are many, many horses who are affectionate, trustworthy partners who will go out of their way to babysit their riders and be good.
Heck, even some horses who have been badly abused/neglected are still gentle and easy to ride/handle - so what is the excuse of a horse who's had nothing but a good life and good treatment??!
Sell the horse. And for god's sake do NOT feel guilty about it.
I have recently been there, and the decision is a hard one to make. The fear issues only get worse. The resentment for someone else riding your horse will only get worse, and financially it doesn't make a lot of sense.
I would sell her now before you become even more attached, and put that money on a horse that you will be able to enjoy and bond with even more.
Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle
Well...I have also been there, and we DIDN'T sell. Caveat: my horse was not DANGEROUS, just far too young, green and hot at the outset for a twelve-year-old kid. It DID eventually work out and I had him fifteen years until his death, and we did get to do fun things, but it took a LONG time and a lot of stress for me. Also, it was a lot easier for me to quit "serious" showing and keep the horse than dump the horse and keep showing, emotionally speaking. Plus once he got over being gelded and grew up a little, he had a very good head on his shoulders, more than I probably gave him credit for. (His closely-bred 'cousin' Lucky is very comparable at age 8, if even more levelheaded, meaning if I get a shot at another OTTB from this female family I'm snapping it up.) If the horse is older and this is pretty much what you're going to get, selling and moving on might be better.