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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May. 31, 2009
    Posts
    39

    Default friends vs riding

    lately, my friends havee been saying i am very mean and distant. they say that im not a good friend, and i never hang out with them. i try to tell them that im really into horseback riding, and that im at a horseshow almost every weekend. one girl in paticular really seems to dislike me, and weve been best friends for 2 years. I really want to become close with them again, but i love horseback riding, what should i do?
    he may hit a rail, but at least he wont break my heart <3
    Inside the rider u have become is a little girl who fell in love with horses, ride for her (;



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May. 3, 2006
    Posts
    11,568

    Default

    A few things to try and possibly in equal measure:

    Find friends that have more in common with you.

    Consider how you behave generally and how you engage with people who have different interests.

    Consider the feedback given already: mean and distant doesn't a horse rider make!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina
    Posts
    126

    Default

    When I was a girl and teenager I went through the same thing. I wish I could say that it gets easier to balance your sporthorse life/friends with the non-horse life/ friends but it's still a challenge. If you really love what you do you will find a way to include the supportive friends and leave the others to themselves.
    You know, everybody thinks we found
    this broken-down horse and fixed him,
    but we didn't. He fixed us. Every one of us.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2009
    Location
    Lower Saxony, Germany
    Posts
    200

    Default

    You want the Truth or something nice?

    My life turned out to be just and totally about horses! I have one friend who is not in to horses and thank good sometimes! Shes very busy with university so and I moved to a diffrent city but sometimes we meet for breakfast or go to the movies.
    I do not have loads of friends. I have few good ones and they all ride or are involved in the horse world. I know tons of people but sometimes it's getting lonley. But I would and will do it all again because couldn't live without horses in my life and I couldn't go with doing it the hobby way! I need it all: the shows the late nights and all the stress and trouble. Because in the end its so worth it.

    MAke plans stick with them and try really to stay in contact your friends. Call them text them and even if you are tired join them for a coffee. They will be happy about your trys and maybe they have fun to join you at a show....good luck
    And like Marlene dietrich once said: the friends you can call at four o'clock in the morning, they count!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 17, 2007
    Location
    Meadowview VA
    Posts
    2,196

    Default

    How old are you and what grade are you in? In my experience , this usually happens around 8-9th grade.
    I agree, find friends that enjoy the same things you do. Not easy, but it will work out in the end.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2006
    Posts
    166

    Default

    You have been given some very very good advice from the previous posters. One thing to think about though is are they really good friends to you ? Or are they just trying to control you by saying you are not a good friend? If you decrease your riding time to fit in with them will you be happy, will they treat you better? If they treat you better because you quit riding, it will most likely be temporary, and that is not true friendship. I know this is hard I have been through it myself, however in a few years you and your 'friends' will probably go your separte ways any way.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 26, 2008
    Posts
    1,073

    Default

    Honestly? they're not even worth the effort. I moved a lot when I was in elementary I learned early on not to even bother with the people who give you a this or that option. "If you spend recess with her you can't hang out with us" A lot of people learned really quick i didn't care to be bullied!

    In high school I had the same about horse showing. The ones that gave me a hard time got dropped from the radar. I still have the friends who still loved me even though I didn't hang out or party with them every weekend during the summer because of horse shows and every weekend in the winter because I worked to pay for my horse!

    Boyfriends included!!! They told me not to spend so much time at the barn....I said goodbye! I had one who was in the army who told me later I was high maintenance I laughed so hard because I'm the least high maintenance person around! Turns out he was talking about just getting to spend time with me! He would come home for surprise weekends and he would have problems just seeing me because of my schedule!


    Bottom line is this. Make sure your attitude is the same. that you haven't changed that, the thing people want to be friends with you about. Then sit down and talk to them A "this is who I am deal with it" type of conversation. If the really are your friends they'll deal, if not you would have fallen out sooner or later their jealousy just helped it happen now (yes they are probably jealous because deep down mommy or daddy never bought them a pony!)



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 1, 2007
    Posts
    496

    Default

    From your post you sound like you are a younger teen. This is normal dynamics between girls. My kids went thru it, my friends' kids went thru it.

    Non-riding friends also don't understand the time involved if you are competing. They find it hard to speak your language - blowing your entire weekend at a show is a foreign concept. You may also find that your barn friends don't really mix with your school friends if you've ever had them together at a party.

    But do try to keep your feet in both worlds. Hang with the girls/guys that make you feel good about yourself.

    Once you get into Senior High things change and attitudes mature (for the most part).

    Talk this over with a parent/relative/older teen friend/older teen barn mate.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2002
    Location
    recent FL transplant from IL
    Posts
    7,174

    Default

    Do you think you are mean & not a good friend? If you don't agree with your friends opinions then I wouldn't worry about it. If you want to remain friends, try to strike a balance & spend some time with them between shows. But if you don't care to remain friends there is nothing wrong with that either--personally I wouldn't want to be friends anyway with somebody who calls me mean & thinks I am a bad friend.

    Welcome to life & friends. Honestly you & your friends are probably coming up to a fork in the road where you are all growing up & interested in trying different things. You may not be as close as you once were a few years ago. You may meet new friends. You'll see as you age & changes in life, your circle of friends will vary as well.

    I have noticed some people use peer pressure on their friends. Why I don't know (control?). If you don't hang out 24/7 with them you aren't "cool". You are "mean". Ignore it. Hang out with them when you can or want to, but enjoy doing your thing as well (horses).

    And remember: true friends won't pressure or bully you into being their friend by making you feel guilty about doing something you enjoy.
    "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 3, 2010
    Posts
    403

    Default

    Its important to have balance in your life and there is more to life than just horses. Every once in the while take a weekend off from showing and go have fun with your friends. Its very easy to get burned out and tired of doing something without taking a break once in the while. In fact my daughters trainer takes her students skiing in the winter and mountain biking in the summer. Even she gets sick of horse shows sometimes and teaches them that they need to have other interests. She is an excellent roll model as she loves to do many things outside of horses.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2006
    Posts
    330

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TalkIsCheap View Post
    From your post you sound like you are a younger teen. This is normal dynamics between girls. My kids went thru it, my friends' kids went thru it.

    Non-riding friends also don't understand the time involved if you are competing. They find it hard to speak your language - blowing your entire weekend at a show is a foreign concept. You may also find that your barn friends don't really mix with your school friends if you've ever had them together at a party.

    But do try to keep your feet in both worlds. Hang with the girls/guys that make you feel good about yourself.

    Once you get into Senior High things change and attitudes mature (for the most part).

    Talk this over with a parent/relative/older teen friend/older teen barn mate.
    Agree with this! My senior year of high school this got better and now that I am in college it is way better. Also try to make an effort to hang out with your non horse friends when you can even if it is only for a few hours.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 10, 2009
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    557

    Default

    I have a daughter that is 16 and I can tell you it isn't always easy. To understand why a good friend might think you are mean you'd have to look at it from her perspective. You are her friend/best friend, she finds more and more you are not hanging out with her on the weekend, she feels left out, so she says you are mean and not a good friend. You will have to decide horses or friends sometimes - not everyone is going to understand your life choices. I know with my daughter she has riding friends, friends who go to other schools, and friends who are okay with the fact that she doesn't always have time to "hang out" on the weekends. My daughter is a really lovely girl but she hasn't had the time for a boyfriend, which I think she is finally becoming okay with, and her best friend has changed over time. As she has grown it has given her a different perspective on what a friend is and what her goals are. At 16 she has a plan and she has chosen friends who are on board and supportive of her plan. It won't always be easy but if you make it clear about your goals then you will find the best people to be around to help you with them.



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