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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2007
    Heaven on Earth--Sonoma County, CA

    Default "And I, like an Alzheimer's patient, think candy corn, corn that tastes like candy "

    OK, so for the non-Lewis Black fans out there, is a line from a joke about how every year he gets suckered in to eating candy corn, because he can't seem to remember how bad it is.

    I was thinking of this joke the other day, when I caught myself in the throws of doing something I know better than to do, and I thought for the next Off Topic I would share my shame, and encourage others to do the same:

    I will no longer buy pants that don't fit, because they don't come in my size. I'm 6'0 tall. I have to buy long length pants. Regular length pants do not fit me. Period. I look like I'm wearing waders. But I'll be in a store, and see some cute pants, and try them on. They won't fit. I'll ask the clerk if they come in longs. They almost never do. So then I'll think, hey, I wonder if the next size up will be longer?

    And so I'll put on a pair of pants the next size up, and they will appear longer. Now that's because they are so loose in the waist that I look like a 17 year old boy (what, the pockets aren't supposed to be halfway down your thigh?), and I'll think, well, close enough.

    And I, like an Alzheimer's patient, will buy pants that do not fit, and the first day I wear them, I spend the entire day hiking them up and being uncomfortable, and driving my husband insane, because for some reason he's not a fan of plumber's crack on his wife and the mother of his son. The song "Pants on the Ground" ain't funny when it's you, folks.

    So I resolve here and now, to only buy pants that fit. That come in long length, and to not believe that somehow one size up will miraculously work, despite all evidence to the contrary.

    OK, there's my confession. Next.
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    May. 23, 2005


    Nothing about Alzheimer's is funny.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2009
    Aiken, SC


    Oh i love lewis black! especially the candy corn joke haha. AND I understand all about the pants thing, because I know how you feel! I am tall with a long leg, and have a v hard time finding pants that fit properly
    Live, Cherish, and Enjoy every moment.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 2001
    Greenville, SC


    LOVE Lewis Black's candy corn rant.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2006


    Can I have an olive rant?
    No matter how often I eat olives, I don't remember until AFTER I put it in my mouth that I really really DISLIKE them! Am I just plain dumb or a sucker for punishment?

    I have never heard Lewis Black's candy rant~ I'm off to you tube it~ sounds funny!

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