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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008
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    Default Barn drama spinoff - lesson student drama

    I don't own a horse, so I have never gotten into the barn drama as it's understood here, so for me, it's usually my fellow lesson students - the ones who, like me, don't own horses and only ride once or twice a week. You'd think our ability to irritate each other would be low, right? Wrong.

    1) The Leech. She REALLY loves your lesson horse. As in, hangs around his head murmuring sweet nothings in his ear while you're tacking up, fretfully comments on the fact he's been used in a lesson already today (ie, you are contributing to his abuse), and frowningly attempts to micromanage your every move, from grooming on up.

    2) The Omnipresent Teen. A member of the horse-owning set, inexplicably underfoot during the largely-non-horse-owning set's lesson times, drifting moodily through the barn to visit her horse, her friend's horse, the trainer, the bathroom, the outdoor ring, the indoor ring, the ring of Saturn...

    3) The Teacher's Pet. Self-explanatory. I secretly like this type, as I can sometimes catch a guilty rest while she charges to the front of the line yet again.

    4) The Mini-Morris. Will teach anyone, anywhere, anytime. Can be differentiated from genuinely kind and helpful people by habit of drawing others' attention to your flaws instead of suggesting a better way.

    5) The Nostalgic. Rode at another barn, a better barn, in Shangri-La. Oh, those were the days. The days before the expulsion from Eden, the days of Camelot, the days of - well, you get the idea.

    6) The Self-Effacing. Shucks, she's nothing much. No, she rode as a kid and wow, she's just so out of shape and crappy now as an adult and gosh, who can find the time to ride... And then you see her ride, and you're so bummed afterward that even your school horse feels bad for you.

    7) The Fearless Child. Distinctive call: When are we going to jump? When are we going to jump?


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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 19, 2009
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    4,466

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    LOL totally! I'm a once a weeker right now and I think that those types of personalities are so strong, its hard not to get sucked in. Add to that they for the most part they're teens and well, I'll just say I'm glad at the barn I was at I only had to see a lot of them once a week!


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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2009
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    Out West
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    Quote Originally Posted by vacation1 View Post

    6) The Self-Effacing. Shucks, she's nothing much. No, she rode as a kid and wow, she's just so out of shape and crappy now as an adult and gosh, who can find the time to ride... And then you see her ride, and you're so bummed afterward that even your school horse feels bad for you.
    This is hysterically funny!


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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    Don't forget the ones who don't want to be there, but mama does want them there. Unhappy pouting spratlets who sulkily two-point around while Mom watches every move from ringside and smiles whenever they pass...
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
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    The rocky part of KY
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    How about the 6) Self Effacing variation - the Apologist? Says she's a terrible rider and boy howdy is she ever, but she knows enough to be apologizing to the poor horse for every chuck and jab (while everybody else winces)?
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2008
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    Western NY
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    LOL!



  7. #7
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    May. 7, 2009
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    I teach and I know everyone of the kids mentioned above, but I was also an English major and with writing talent like that I HOPE you plan to attend college for a degree in journalism!!!
    Kim
    If you are lucky enough to ride, you are lucky enough.


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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,736

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    I like the self-effacing rider.

    When I was a teenager, and we all knew everything about riding at the barn, there was an old black man who took care of our tack. We'd hang it on a hook, John would clean it and hang it up on our hooks...life was good at a full-service barn. John was just a guy who cleaned our tack, I liked John but he never spoke of himself at all. One day, a really old lady (who knew God when he was a corporal) rode up to the barn on a big 5-gaited Saddlebred (we knew nothing of gaited horses, they were somehow beneath us hunter/jumper weenies). The lady asked, "Would you please get John for me." There was no answer but, "Yes M'am". John came out (John also knew God when he was a corporal) and the lady asked, "John, would you please try out my new horse?" "Yes Miss Sally" John said and he helped her off and literally vaulted on the horse! Our eyes opened up bigtime! He then rode this lovely horse in the ring...Wow! I'd never seen a 5-gaited Saddlebred who really knew what it was doing...And John was riding! The lady looked at us and said, "John and I were raised at the same farm, he worked for my father and John's father was my family's slave. John was one of the top Saddleseat riders in Virginia back in the Teens & 20's" John came back from riding, we were all cheering him...he was one of us! Actually, we were working on being one of him. This bunch of know-it-all teenagers had a real life's lesson that day. I learned it's fun to be the "Aw shucks" rider sometimes...you learn a lot more and it sure pisses of the DQ's.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 2, 2006
    Location
    Dallas, NC
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trakehner View Post
    I like the self-effacing rider.

    When I was a teenager, and we all knew everything about riding at the barn, there was an old black man who took care of our tack. We'd hang it on a hook, John would clean it and hang it up on our hooks...life was good at a full-service barn. John was just a guy who cleaned our tack, I liked John but he never spoke of himself at all. One day, a really old lady (who knew God when he was a corporal) rode up to the barn on a big 5-gaited Saddlebred (we knew nothing of gaited horses, they were somehow beneath us hunter/jumper weenies). The lady asked, "Would you please get John for me." There was no answer but, "Yes M'am". John came out (John also knew God when he was a corporal) and the lady asked, "John, would you please try out my new horse?" "Yes Miss Sally" John said and he helped her off and literally vaulted on the horse! Our eyes opened up bigtime! He then rode this lovely horse in the ring...Wow! I'd never seen a 5-gaited Saddlebred who really knew what it was doing...And John was riding! The lady looked at us and said, "John and I were raised at the same farm, he worked for my father and John's father was my family's slave. John was one of the top Saddleseat riders in Virginia back in the Teens & 20's" John came back from riding, we were all cheering him...he was one of us! Actually, we were working on being one of him. This bunch of know-it-all teenagers had a real life's lesson that day. I learned it's fun to be the "Aw shucks" rider sometimes...you learn a lot more and it sure pisses of the DQ's.

    Trakehner, Wow what a great story!! I could see it all. How wonderful! Do you have any other stories of John?
    I want a signature but I have nothing original to say except: "STHU and RIDE!!!

    Wonderful COTHER's I've met: belleellis, stefffic, snkstacres and janedoe726.


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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 7, 2006
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    Laurel Highlands
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    Great post, and Trakehner, great story!

    The ring of Saturn is killing me
    FMO:OMG I almost put my eye out hunting clique.


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  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2009
    Location
    east Tennessee
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    Oh, dear...I think I'm the apologist, only it's my own horse I'm constantly saying sorry to....

    Trakehner, that's a great story. In a similar vein, there was a guy who cleaned stalls and did other odd jobs at one of the previous boarding I was at. He was from Mexico, and his English was only so-so. A lot of people ignored him or treated him with barely disguised contempt because of the language barrier.

    My husband got to know him, and eventually we realized that he could really ride. So I gave him permission to ride my horse whenever he wanted, and every so often, he would hop up on her bareback and in a halter and ride beautifully.

    I always thought the trainer/owner should have hired this guy to help her train instead of wasting his talents on stall cleaning, but there was a powerful barrier of prejudice on the trainer's part.


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  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2009
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    Indiana
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    Awesome thread! Trakehner ~ what an amazing story! I would have loved to get a lesson or two from John, I bet he was a great rider.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov. 25, 2004
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    Greenville, SC
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    Quote Originally Posted by vacation1 View Post

    2) The Omnipresent Teen. A member of the horse-owning set, inexplicably underfoot during the largely-non-horse-owning set's lesson times, drifting moodily through the barn to visit her horse, her friend's horse, the trainer, the bathroom, the outdoor ring, the indoor ring, the ring of Saturn...
    I love the barn that I lesson at, but we've got THIS ^, only multiplied by 5. And they range from ages 9-13. I secretly call them the 'Horde.'



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 10, 2008
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    1,931

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    this is great, Trakhener your story made me smile!!

    And don't forget, the Nervous Nellie. She shows up dutifully every week, tacks up her old-as-the-hills school horse who has never even considered hurting a fly, mounts up, and promptly refuses to do anything remotely "scary," thus holding up the entire lesson. Jump at the canter? No way! That's too fast. Ride without stirrups? NUH-UH! The rest of the class gets to take a nap while she circles endlessly, trying to work up the nerve to get over a crossrail.
    Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

    PONY'TUDE



  15. #15
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    May. 6, 2006
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    rapidan,virginia
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    Great post, OP! You've nailed the characters at barns everywhere.

    And Trak, would that be the late great Miz Sally from Keswick? She had some lovely saddlebreds.
    "Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?" Sun Tzu, The Art of War
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  16. #16
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    Feb. 9, 2005
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    Ocala, FL
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    You forgot the "Talks the talk, but can't walk the walk". Will offer opinions on anything and everything.... from the qualifications of YOUR trainer, to the quality of your horse/the school horse, to suggestions for exercises to "improve" the school horse/your horse, to what saddle you should buy. Drops many names, knows everybody. Owns the best tack and boots, but can barely post a trot. Forget cantering - her sweet horse is "not ready". (having owned said horse for three or four years - a long retired OTTB.... not a mean or fast bone in her body...).



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2007
    Location
    California
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    I would add the National Champion!

    She's won like...everything! Therefore she knows exactly what she's doing. Of course NC isn't allowed to do more than pet her horse without trainer hovering, lest she screw it up. She's never ridden outside of either a lesson or the showring, can not groom or tack up or even tell you what tack her horse goes in. She doesn't really know leads or diagonals- that why the trainer puts people on the rail after all, to tell her these things when she's showing! - but it doesn't matter, because has she told you about everything she's won? Obviously she's better than you! But that's okay, she'll be nice and dispense advice while you groom/tack/ride your horse. You'll never win as much as her, not with that cheap horse, but it doesn't hurt to try!

    (Last place I worked at was full of these, kids and ammies. Oy. And yep, some of them were multi-national champions)



  18. #18
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    Jul. 14, 2006
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    LOL. There is a closely related cousin of the Fearful Child known as the Difficult Child.

    My barn has, as my trainer refers to her, the "redheaded devil child." She is an 8 year old girl who came to the barn after she had her previous instructors in tears and they would no longer work with her. My trainer said, "An 8 year old child have me crying? Hell no!" The kid randomly picks things to refuse to do in her lessons (like canter over ground poles tracking left, but tracking right is ok), even though she is fully capable of doing them. This has resulted in the trainers just ending lessons whenever Brattina decides she has had enough. Child has been heard to say things like "Daddy, if you're cold, I suggest you go wait in the car" and "OMG. My parents put me in therapy. I have no idea why--I'm NOT the one with the problem."

    BES
    Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares
    Crayola Posse: sea green
    Mighty Rehabbers Clique



  19. #19
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    Feb. 23, 2008
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    Oh these are precious. You should write a book, with little illustrations!


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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueEyedSorrel View Post
    Child has been heard to say things like "Daddy, if you're cold, I suggest you go wait in the car" and "OMG. My parents put me in therapy. I have no idea why--I'm NOT the one with the problem."

    BES
    Well, she is right, the parents need a whack with the Kohlrabi stick and return the favor to lil miss princess...
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



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