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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2003
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    Ontario, Canada
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    94

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    I have spoken to the coach about the 13/15 yr olds who love to lock my 10yr old in stalls and trailer... she's 10, small for her age and can't get out. I have walked in on them holding her in the air and not letting her down... laughing like crazy... my daughter laughs too... what else is she to do... what if the cool kids won't play with her....

    I told the coach that enough is enough... she does not like it... she said that she will deal with it.

    I should hope so because I think that this and other things going on are being driven by jealousy... every barn has a wiz kid that just does well at many levels... my daughter does well... I think this is why...

    Now I can understand that maybe it's hard for them when a pipsqueek has a great show day... but she has her off days too and has just as much right to show as the older girls...

    Last show, they were practicing together the day before the show as usual, and would not read my daughter her dressage tests because they said that it would not be good for her. While they did all theirs and she had to watch and wait for her turn. One of the grooms said that they did that to "mess her up"... As a result she got all 1st places... (not that I think ribbons are important but in this case.. I had to smile to myself...)

    They have gone so far as to clean her pony's stall properly... I mean for days and days... at all... poor little guy.

    I am so angry at these kids... I would say that they're brats but they're really not spoiled.. most of them have to work off their lessons... but this is still not right for them to be like this to a little kid who thinks that the sun shines out their butts...

    Anyone have expereince or advise on this?
    Sipping my Coffee... while I hold the pony in the wee hours of morning... ahhhhh... That\'s the life....



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2003
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    94

    Default

    I have spoken to the coach about the 13/15 yr olds who love to lock my 10yr old in stalls and trailer... she's 10, small for her age and can't get out. I have walked in on them holding her in the air and not letting her down... laughing like crazy... my daughter laughs too... what else is she to do... what if the cool kids won't play with her....

    I told the coach that enough is enough... she does not like it... she said that she will deal with it.

    I should hope so because I think that this and other things going on are being driven by jealousy... every barn has a wiz kid that just does well at many levels... my daughter does well... I think this is why...

    Now I can understand that maybe it's hard for them when a pipsqueek has a great show day... but she has her off days too and has just as much right to show as the older girls...

    Last show, they were practicing together the day before the show as usual, and would not read my daughter her dressage tests because they said that it would not be good for her. While they did all theirs and she had to watch and wait for her turn. One of the grooms said that they did that to "mess her up"... As a result she got all 1st places... (not that I think ribbons are important but in this case.. I had to smile to myself...)

    They have gone so far as to clean her pony's stall properly... I mean for days and days... at all... poor little guy.

    I am so angry at these kids... I would say that they're brats but they're really not spoiled.. most of them have to work off their lessons... but this is still not right for them to be like this to a little kid who thinks that the sun shines out their butts...

    Anyone have expereince or advise on this?
    Sipping my Coffee... while I hold the pony in the wee hours of morning... ahhhhh... That\'s the life....



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 8, 2002
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    9,922

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    call their moms?

    _____________________________
    "It takes a whole lot of testosterone to wear a beret and not look fruity"
    **
    PMU foals- better than you think!
    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

    My CANTER blog.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2001
    Location
    Lexington, Kentucky
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    This is a respect issue, period. Those kids do not respect your daughter.

    If the coach does not deal with it promptly and properly, I would suggest you either approach the other kids directly with the old "Golden Rule" lecture or talk to their parents.

    Also, sit your daughter down and explain to her that the older kids' version of "playing" is borderline abuse and that she should under no circumstances tolerate it. Once she stands her ground they might start treating her better.

    I was a pipsqueak and I was tortured by older, larger kids when I was young, and if I only knew then what I know now...

    "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."
    -Louisa May Alcott
    "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." ~ Jack Layton



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2003
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    3,010

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    Wow. Move. There is no excuse for picking on her pony, even if they don't like her. I would have a hard time believing that the coach or barn owner (i.e. the ADULT responsible) didn't notice the faliure to clean the stall. Kids will be kids, but they should never be allowed to touch her, or confine her.

    On the other hand, talk to some of the kids. Make sure yours isn't being a bad winner out of your hearing. I've seen that too. Child is perfect around adults, then when they leave turns into monsterkid. Not that yours is, but check just to be sure there isn't a cause for this behavior. (not an excuse, but a cause.)

    Predjudice is a poor substitute for thought.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 1999
    Location
    Tuscaloosa, Alabama
    Posts
    11,209

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    Are you for real?

    Are you really intimating that your daughter - who obviously doesn't have to work for her lessons and who is at a barn where there are "grooms" and who is naturally "gifted" and obviously coddled by her overprotective mother - shouldn't have to endure the regular standard torture of childhood and adolescence?

    Give me a break! It happens to the best of us.

    You've said your peace, to the trainer, etc., so just back off. If she begins to complain to you that she is being picked on, or if she begins to not want to go to the barn, etc., then I think it's appropriate for you to step in again.

    Regarding the pony's stall, you typed that they have gone so far "as to clean her pony's stall properly" when I think you probably meant "not clean." You should address this with the barn manager, but you should also not be reading more into it than what is apparent. Has the stall been immaculate up until a certain timeframe and now it's not?

    Can you say they are maliciously doing things to your horse/daughter with great certainty? Do you know for sure they're not cleaning his stall just because of your daughter?

    Is your daughter kind to them? Does she behave well and appropriately? Do you think maybe you are over-bearing and that you actually are the reason the children don't like your daughter?

    Not meaning to jump down your throat but your post reads very Horse Show Mom to me.

    Robby

    Take me to the river, drop me in the water
    http://community.webshots.com/user/rbjohnsonii
    When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2001
    Location
    Lexington, Kentucky
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    Robby, I love you to death, and I am certainly far, far from being a "horse show mom" but if this was happening to my daughter I da#n well sure would be finding someway to teach the older kids some respect.

    Just because it happened to me when I was a kid does not make it excusable. And I do not think any caring parent should sit idly by while their child undergoes the "regular standard torture of childhood and adolescence."

    My daughter was emotionally attacked by a Queen Bee when she was in elementary school and I gave her a choice, either stand up for herself or allow me to step in. She stood her ground against this girl and her posse and they never touched her again.

    No, not allowed. Sorry.

    "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my ship."
    -Louisa May Alcott
    "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." ~ Jack Layton



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug. 20, 2003
    Posts
    505

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    ummmmm kids do not respect other kids because that kids mommy told them too. I don't condone this type of behavior, but your daughter is the one who has to speak up if she is upset about it.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2002
    Location
    Saskatoon, SK, Canada
    Posts
    2,516

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    if the coach will not make it clear that this behavoir is not appropriate- MOVE MOVE MOVE>

    As a kid who was in that position (not so much physically but i was always being made fun of- had blankets stolen right off my horses back, tack destroyed etc. I stood up for it- but the barn never ever laid down the law.

    Yes kids need to stand up for themselves but at the same time- this child is 10. These kids are older and if the situation is not being remedied by her OR the barn owner/coach it is time to move. IE if your kid was being bullied at school (which is what this is) and the principal/teachers refused to help in this situation (ie changing kids out of classes, having a talk with the kids doing the bullying etc- laying down the law- keeping a closer eye) you would move your daughter from that school.

    move her and let her enjoy being a rider again.

    Texas CSHA basic Approved stallion
    http://neVar12.tripod.com/riding/texas.html
    Qualified Saddle Fitter with the S.M.S.
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2003
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    159



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2000
    Location
    Washington, D.C., U.S.A.
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    I agree with Robby and Sweetnlo... This IS about respect... but your daughter will not get it by having you, or the trainer, or the girl's mothers step in. She will only get it by sticking up for HERSELF.

    They wouldn't read her her dressage tests? Why should they? (I admit, it would be nice of them to include her but...) she's ten, she can probably read them herself.

    They didn't clean her pony's stall properly? Again, she's 10, if her pony is not getting proper care, SHE should fix it, or you can talk to the barn manager about what you're paying for and what you're getting.

    I had a student once, whose mother stepped in to protect her daughter at EVERY turn. Not dangerous stuff, just normal childhood stuff. Her daughter, as a result, was the most insecure unconfident child I have ever known... her mother has set her up to be such a failure because she never had the kid learn what she can do for herself.

    I'm not saying that's you, but think about it. It's one thing if they're putting your daughter in dangerous positions... its another if she has to put up with plain ol' teasing.

    Half of Riding is 30% mental ... no wonder there are so many bad riders http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gif



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 6, 1999
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    6,221

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    No way! My trainer would have never, ever, ever put up with that type of behavior in the barn. We were REQUIRED to treat each other with respect- ALWAYS. Heads would have flown down the barn aisle. I can't even imagine. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/uhoh.gif

    Kids will be kids? Horse manure! http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif Sure, kids will try anything, but that behavior needs to be curbed immediately especially since it is teens picking on a ten year old.

    Do you honestly think that a ten year old can stand up to a 13 & 15 year old? http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_confused.gif That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

    No excuses. I think the trainer needs to be the one to step in, since it is happening at her business. You can't allow a bunch of teenagers to impact your business negatively.

    GA Clique/Drafties Clique
    Help control the pet population- Spay and Neuter your pets!



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 19, 2003
    Location
    Palatine, Illinois
    Posts
    264

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    i dont think being locked in stalls and trailers is plain ol' teasing...

    also, there is a BIG difference between 10 yrs. old and 15 yrs. old, i dont think that you could a) expect a 10 yr old to be able to stand up to a 15 yr old OR b) expect that a 15 yr old is going to respect a 10 yr old attempting to stand up to them...

    i do think, though, that you should sit down with your daughter and have a talk with her about all of this, i.e. how she feels when they do stuff like that to her, why she lets them do it, does it bother her, etc...maybe it really doesnt bother her, in which case i would stay out of it...or maybe it does bother her and she doesnt know how to express that, and you could help her find a way to communicate that to the other kids...

    parents have to walk a fine line between helping and interfering...i know you only want to help, but make sure that your daughter wants the help first...
    __________________________________________________ ____
    The girl with the horse with the strangest name ever -- Caviar



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2002
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
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    2,830

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    What is your daughter's opinion on what is happening? How does she feel about it?

    "I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter" http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug. 6, 1999
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    6,221

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I have spoken to the coach about the 13/15 yr olds who love to lock my 10yr old in stalls and trailer... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And I forgot to comment specifically on this. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_mad.gif Kids "teasing" one another is one thing. Words can only hurt her feelings, but this poor little girl is being physically threatened. She could die by being locked in a trailer. How many times does this kid need to be locked up against her will before someone helps her. If she were my daughter, I wouldn't put up with it for two seconds. If the trainer isn't willing to stop the behavior immediately, then I would switch barns. I don't think the poster is a "horse show mom". http://chronicleforums.com/images/custom_smilies/no.gif She is a concerned parent. Period. I am a parent too and I sure as heck would be horrified if my child was being treated this way.

    GA Clique/Drafties Clique
    Help control the pet population- Spay and Neuter your pets!



  16. #16
    Join Date
    May. 13, 2002
    Location
    Ma
    Posts
    588

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    A bit harsh Robby. This is unacceptable behaviour and if I caught kids in my barn doing this, heads would roll and parents would be called. While all teasing can't be stopped and you can't police the kids every second, simple respect is a no brainer. My students have had to sit out of lessons for poor sportsmanship at shows. YOu can let kids fight thier own battles to a certain extent, then it IS a parent or coach responsibility to set the record straight.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 23, 1999
    Location
    South Coast Plaza
    Posts
    20,491

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    MOVE.
    EDDIE WOULD GO



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jul. 14, 2000
    Location
    midwest
    Posts
    10,749

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JSG:
    I have spoken to the coach about the 13/15 yr olds who love to lock my 10yr old in stalls and trailer... she's 10, small for her age and can't get out. I have walked in on them holding her in the air and not letting her down... laughing like crazy... my daughter laughs too... what else is she to do... what if the cool kids won't play with her....

    ?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    When you walked in and saw them holding her in the air what did you do?? Were they to have lost their grip on your daughter, and she fell to the ground, she could have sustained a horrible injury. It's one thing to be a kid and get hurt doing something goofy, it's totally different when someone else causes it.

    Was your point about the stall the fact that the other girls clean stalls in exchange for riding time and that they are not cleaning your horse's stall very well/at all?

    Taking your story at face value, as a parent I would speak w/ the coach and tell her/him what your concerns are as far as the safety of your daughter and the welfare of your horse. If things didn't change I'd be out of there.

    We can't "make" kids be friends with our own kids so the jealousy deal is just "life". On the other two counts you have a case. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

    SLW
    "The horse stopped with a jerk, and the jerk fell off."



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2001
    Location
    Northeast OH
    Posts
    3,102

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    I'm with Robby on this one. The girls at my barn are a very tight knit group, and we *tease* each other like that ALL THE TIME. I have been locked in more stalls then I can count http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_razz.gif and I am no worse for the wear. As far as "dying" because she was locked in a trailer or stall, I find that utterly rediculous for SEVERAL reasons. A: in this case, mom is so overprotective, what are really the odds of her being left there for days and days on end? Virtually nonexistant. B: TRAILERS ARE MADE SO YOU CAN GET OUT OF THEM FROM THE INSIDE. They have handles and DOORS for that very reason. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gif Jeez, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What do you think kids do in their spare time... play bingo and sip milk while nibbling on cookies and discussing Chaucer? They are KIDS for goodness sake. And YES, at my barn, the kids (ages 9-17) all play NICELY... but YEAH we lock each other in stalls and throw each other in water troughs and squirt each other with hose and such. Its part of the FUN of growing up!

    We had a mom at our barn who was very much like this. She felt like her daughter was the best rider at the barn, had the best horse, had the best horsemanship, best everything. She would absolutely FLIP OUT if ANYTHING happened to her daughter. Anything. Same for the horse. She begged me to clip his whiskers & ears, and when he was bad, she flat out refused to let me twitch him, put a chain over his nose, anything. He was being RUDE (NOT scared- he was pinning his ears back, snarking at me, threatening to rear), and when I smacked his neck, she had a cow. I said FINE, and told her to hold him. He proceeded to rear up, plow her over, knock her out, and give her a concussion. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gif Her daughter was very meek and insecure, because every time she was on the verge of having anything even remotely exciting or thought provoking happen to her, her mother would step in and start moaning and groaning or have someone else step in for her. It went to the point of her mother withdrawing her from school (CATHOLIC SCHOOL none the less) and homeschooling her. And taking the horse home. The girl is maladjusted and insecure.

    You said the kids tried to "mess up" your daughter's dressage test, but she regardless won all blues. I don't see why this is an issue. Clearly she wasn't emotionally crushed or scarred. And if showing up her friends makes her ride better (my friends are my toughest competition and we are alllllll super compeditive http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_razz.gif ). IMO, this is making a mountain out of a molehill.

    As far as that goes, it WAS just one isolated situation, and I'm sure your position isnt nearly this bad, nor will it approach such extremes. But STILL, it is good to avoid any situations like this. Unless your daughter is being forced into tears (if she is petrified, she is NOT going to laugh like you say, she's a LITTLE KID, she will cry if she's truly frightened), is avoiding going to the barn because she's afraid of the other kids, or is having other negative reprocussions, you have to sit down and ask yourself if it is really worth causing a ruckus. It might be upsetting you more then her.

    Alison

    *Whose cruel idea was it to put the letter 's' in the word 'lisp'???"



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2001
    Location
    MD, USA
    Posts
    4,822

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    I've gotta disagree with those who say it's okay or that it's the girl's own fault.

    There's friendly teasing and ribbing that everyone goes through before they're admitted into the club. But then there's bullying. From what was mentioned in the original post, this sounds a lot like the barn version of bullying.

    I have no idea why this 10 year old would be singled out for this kind of treatment. It could be any number of reasons. But, whatever they are, it doesn't make it right.

    The reason I say this is bullying is because they've held her up in the air and did not let her down when she got scared. They've locked her up. They've not done things they do for others (whether she should have her dressage test read for her or not is irrelevant if they do it for each other). Sometimes people do these kinds of things for a while until the newbie breaks into the group. But it sounds like it continues to happen to this 10-year-old with no end in sight.

    Unfortunatly, I don't really know how to deal with bullies. I'm not a parent and didn't really have to deal with it myself. My only suggestion is to consider finding another barn where the group isn't quite so clique-ish.

    There's enough peer pressure and crap going on at school. The barn should be a fun place.



    "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas A. Edison

    [This message was edited by dogchushu on Oct. 04, 2003 at 12:08 AM.]



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