[drmgncolor]

If she's up to date on her board bill and can prove that I believe it's illegal to prevent her from entering the property. If you pay to be there how can that be considered trespassing?

Welcome to the state of NC.

Here it's considered 2nd degree trespassing if the ex-bf told her not to come onto his property again, but she does anyway. It's a misdemeanor. She can, of course,go to court and fight the charges and show proof that she has a paid reason to be there, that the horse is hers, ect... but that doesn't ensure she will win or get to take the horse.

Best to keep the dispute in a civil court and not bring on criminal charges too. Either way, she'll likely need to consult an attorney.

http://law.onecle.com/north-carolina...14-159.13.html

I am interested in hearing from our OP as to what course of action the ex-GF has decided to take.

[Jennifer Alcott]

...It is not an expensive horse and could easily be paid for but will not be. She owns the horse now and should not have to pay to get back. ...the horse is not in any danger except of being sold to someone else and if it is then she will be filing for the money lost I guess.

...she isn't bonded to the horse, it is more of principle at this point and a way of recooping losses somehow. Horse in question may turn out to be great for her; we won't know though until she gets her back and can have someone actually work her...

So let me see if I have this straight:

1) The horse is not in danger.
2) She is not attached to the horse.
3) She doesn't care enough about the horse to pay a meager sum for it, even though she is fully able to do so.

Here's my advice to her:

1) Don't use the horse as a pawn to attempt to get back at the ex-BF.
2) LET IT GO. Life is too short.
3) And most important of all, learn to make better decisions about who she gets entangled with. Men are a dime a dozen (and I do not mean that in a belittling way, I mean that there are TONS of nice guys out there)--don't waste time dating jerks. You lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

This may not be the most tactful way of putting this advice, but sometimes the truth hurts.

JTA

[dalpal]

If she's up to date on her board bill and can prove that I believe it's illegal to prevent her from entering the property. If you pay to be there how can that be considered trespassing?

It just isn't how the law works.....you must go to court and PROVE this infront of a judge....Sure, she would probably win, but she still has to prove her case. She can't just tell a sheriff's deputy, HEY, that bay horse over there is mine. If there is a dispute, then things have to be worked out legally.

[HungarianHippo]

Here's my advice to her:

1) Don't use the horse as a pawn to attempt to get back at the ex-BF.
2) LET IT GO. Life is too short.
3) And most important of all, learn to make better decisions about who she gets entangled with. Men are a dime a dozen (and I do not mean that in a belittling way, I mean that there are TONS of nice guys out there)--don't waste time dating jerks. You lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

This may not be the most tactful way of putting this advice, but sometimes the truth hurts.

JTA

Hear Hear! I got pretty disinterested in this person's drama once I realized this is about "principle" and that she has no emotional attachment to, or significant stake in the horse.

When in conflict, "acting on principle" rarely succeeds in enhancing or honoring that principle. It's just something you tell yourself to feel better about the pettiness and hostility you're engaged in.

Like someone else said, she needs to just get her paperwork in order (bill of sale, all of her cancelled board checks, vet & farrier bills) and file in small claims. And lose the anger.

[BabyGreen]

Man gives ring (horse) to woman he expects to marry. Relationship is broken off. Ring (horse) goes back to man.

Does the woman in this case think she has "earned" a free horse? What did she "pay" for it? The pleasure of her company, her good looks, etc., etc.?

Seems to me the right thing to do is to return such an extravagant gift if the engagement is broken.

(Some women think of relationships as jobs they should be compensated for, sort of like another kind of woman.)

[dalpal]

Hear Hear! I got pretty disinterested in this person's drama once I realized this is about "principle" and that she has no emotional attachment to, or significant stake in the horse.

When in conflict, "acting on principle" rarely succeeds in enhancing or honoring that principle. It's just something you tell yourself to feel better about the pettiness and hostility you're engaged in.

Like someone else said, she needs to just get her paperwork in order (bill of sale, all of her cancelled board checks, vet & farrier bills) and file in small claims. And lose the anger.

I agree...I did too. It's one thing to feel sympathy for a person who's beloved animal is in the middle of a broken relationship. But not the same when the person is just looking to reap the financial worth of the animal.

[anita m]

I would just go and take the horse back, papers in hand, with a police escort if necessary. Tell the police you are afraid for your safety.

[dalpal]

I would just go and take the horse back, papers in hand, with a police escort if necessary. Tell the police you are afraid for your safety.

Anita...go back and reread her post and the entire thread.....you can't just go get the horse and the sheriff can't just demand that the bf give her the horse without a court order.

[trubandloki]

Man gives ring (horse) to woman he expects to marry. Relationship is broken off. Ring (horse) goes back to man.

Does the woman in this case think she has "earned" a free horse? What did she "pay" for it? The pleasure of her company, her good looks, etc., etc.?

Seems to me the right thing to do is to return such an extravagant gift if the engagement is broken.

(Some women think of relationships as jobs they should be compensated for, sort of like another kind of woman.)

I would not disagree if this woman had not been paying the board and upkeep on this horse all along.

[BabyGreen]

Board and upkeep covers the benefit she got from the use of the horse, just like a free lease.

Say he gave her a car--she payed for gas and oil changes and insurance--that's the price for the use of the car. That doesn't mean she "earned" ownership of the car.

I still say an honest woman would give the horse (car) back, as otherwise, she appears to be a prostitute.

[trubandloki]

Babygreen where do you draw the line on gifts given to you by someone? Is there a price limit of what you get to keep vs. what you have to give back to not get the prostitute label you use?


I always thought a gift was a gift. That means no strings. An engagement ring is not a gift as much as a contract.

[Amber_M]

I still say an honest woman would give the horse (car) back, as otherwise, she appears to be a prostitute.

This is the most off putting and intelligence-lacking post I've ever seen on this board.

[The Other Me]

If she's up to date on her board bill and can prove that I believe it's illegal to prevent her from entering the property. If you pay to be there how can that be considered trespassing?

She is up to date on board because it is free for two years, per contract.
If anyone asks you to leave property and you don't, it's considered tresspassing. Doesn't matter whether you've paid to be there or not. Crazy, huh?

[The Other Me]

I expected some hostility here. It's natural on this BB. Just hoping to hear from some people about how they recovered horses in this state.

The bf has been extremely abusive mentally since the relationship went south. According to other women that have been contacted that he has been in relationships with, he is also violent, and a heavy drinker. He is a master manipulator.
If you read some of the things he has sent to her, you would feel the same way she does. Heck, I never liked the man to begin with but now I am beyond furious.

The horse is certainly not being loved at its current location. She's not taking it from a wonderful situation. Not a dangerous one that we know of, but not a wonderful one either.

As mentioned before, he has other property that belongs to her. They were never gifted to him and he is also selling those items. He was given plenty of gifts and money that isn't being asked for back, those items were gifts. No one has emotional bond to this animal. I know it's hard for some people to see the potential in recooping a financial loss via an animal but the horse will absolutely not be sold by her to a dealer or less then suitable home. There is certainly a possibility that the horse would stay with her as well.

Please be kind in what you post here. This woman is going through a lot now. In the spirit of the holidays can we keep horrid comments like "prostitution" out of this.

[Anselcat]

The bf has been extremely abusive mentally since the relationship went south. According to other women that have been contacted that he has been in relationships with, he is also violent, and a heavy drinker. He is a master manipulator.

If you read some of the things he has sent to her, you would feel the same way she does. Heck, I never liked the man to begin with but now I am beyond furious.

I say this out of concern -- it may be best for her to forget the financial issues, forget principle, and just ensure her safety by not continuing to engage this man in any way. Her mental and physical health should be the main concern, with a guy like this. Is it fair? Absolutely not. But it may be wise. Some people live for conflict; right now he may be getting exactly what he wants.

Can she talk to anyone with experience with abusive people like this, to help her understand the dynamics that can occur in these situations, and how they can suck reasonable people into continuing, exhausting, non-winnable drama?

[The Other Me]

I say this out of concern -- it may be best for her to forget the financial issues, forget principle, and just ensure her safety by not continuing to engage this man in any way. Her mental and physical health should be the main concern, with a guy like this. Is it fair? Absolutely not. But it may be wise. Some people live for conflict; right now he may be getting exactly what he wants.

Can she talk to anyone with experience with abusive people like this, to help her understand the dynamics that can occur in these situations, and how they can suck reasonable people into continuing, exhausting, non-winnable drama?

We talked about it today, and family members are saying the same thing basically. Cut the losses and be thankful for her safety. Although I am worried that he may still try something. She has been blocking her email, but he is still posting things on sale ads etc. including her picture and quotes with her name.
He really is bad news.
I think she said something today about one of the popular horse sites like equinenow saying something in an email response back about her considering legal action regarding him using her picture. Don't quote me on that one though; I can't remember exactly what she said.

[pAin't_Misbehavin']

Man gives ring (horse) to woman he expects to marry. Relationship is broken off. Ring (horse) goes back to man.

On what planet? Woman keeps ring. And any other gift in her possession. Man keeps any gifts woman gave him.

Problem here is the giver kept the "gift(s)" so OP's friend has to prove possession.

But no, one does not return gifts after a breakup. And to ask for gifts back is tacky tacky tacky. The only possible exception I can think of is family heirlooms. Which, one might assume, is not the case here.

[dalpal]

On what planet? Woman keeps ring. And any other gift in her possession. Man keeps any gifts woman gave him.

Problem here is the giver kept the "gift(s)" so OP's friend has to prove possession.

But no, one does not return gifts after a breakup. And to ask for gifts back is tacky tacky tacky. The only possible exception I can think of is family heirlooms. Which, one might assume, is not the case here.

On mine....I broke off an engagement in my 20s and I sure did give the engagement ring back.....I didn't feel like it was fair to keep such an expensive gift when the promise was broken.