My latest laughworthy advice came to me from my BF's grandmother (who lives in a highrise and has not worked a day in her life)
We were discussing the farm i am buying... she said to me
"well my friend has a horse, and she lives in the city. she keeps her horse on the outskirts and rides just on the weekends. You could do that!" me: no, i couldnt because i ride 6 days a week. it's more convenient and economical to keep my horse in my backyard. GrandmaWell, that's rediculous! you are so young! you dont have time for that! you should put off riding until you retire. (and the woman was dead pan serious)
i dropped it. no sense fighting with someone elses grandma... but really?
A coworker, an Asian immigrant, once thought that, in all seriousness, that I kept my horse in the alley behind my apartment building, in the middle of the city. Yes, that would work really well....
The same lady once was horrified to overhear me describe my father's long standing battle with the groundhogs in the pasture and plans to trap/shoot them. Apparently in China, a beloved children's cartoon character is a groundhog, and her reaction was as though I suggested we ought to murder Mickey Mouse.
Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares Crayola Posse: sea green
Mighty Rehabbers Clique
This one recently, which just about made me cry. We were discussing what happens when you can no longer keep a horse due to financial reasons, and said horse does not exactly have a line of people waiting to own her.
"Why wouldn't you just send her to auction and think that everything turned out OK and she had a loving family?"
Not that said horse is going anywhere any time soon.
And then there was someone else who tried to tell me that I should punish my horses for misbehaving by spanking them on the butt, much like you might spank a child. This person knew nothing more than the front end from the back end.
I often get advised by my dad that I should put seatbelts on my saddle so I don't fall off so much.
Not that I do fall off much...but he went to one of my first shows which happened to be a jumping derby and I managed to fall off both days. So now I think he has the impression that I fall off every time I ride. This is despite the fact that he went to an event of mine a couple of years later in which I not only stayed in the saddle but finished in the top 5.
Happiness is the sweet smell of horses, leather, and hay.
So now I think he has the impression that I fall off every time I ride.
Five years ago I came off my thesis advisor's horse, leading to the pelvic fracture misadventure I've posted about before on COTH. This spring, I came off a school horse during a random whirl&duck spook. Both were total freak accidents not caused by any lack of skill or negligence on my part.
The horse people in my life said 2 falls in 5 years, you're doing pretty good.
The non-horse people think I fall off all the time. Another prof in my department said I need a new hobby and asked if I have considered getting a dog instead
Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares Crayola Posse: sea green
Mighty Rehabbers Clique
Way back when I still danced (in my teens), my ballet teacher thought it was horribly expensive to keep a horse. It is, but not for the reason she thought. She said, "Well, doesn't it cost you a lot to feed it? I mean, they eat meat, right?"
I love my mother-in-law, but this incident put a bit of a dent in our relationship...
She lives in the town where our state fair is held, so when we showed our mini gelding there, she had to come watch. That was sweet, even though she insisted on hanging around when I was prepping him and couldn't understand why I wouldn't be interested in checking out the rest of the fair.
When it came time to load up to leave, the afternoon was extreely hot, so I asked her to hold our aging toy-sized dog and keep her out of the hot truck.
We were loading mingus into a one-horse trailer that did not have room for a person to lead the horse in; normally not a problem...one of us would stand outside toward the front, pull the lead rope through one of the windows, snap the trailer ties on and unsnap the lead. (I know...not safe, but we were lulled into complacency since this horse trailers so well).
Just as mingus (our horse) was stepping in, mother-in-law came around the back of the trailer, startling him. He leaped backward, yanking my husband's arm against the trailer window frame. Keith let out a few choice words but kept hold of the lead, as mother-in-law screamed -- "Let go of the horse! Just let the damn horse go!"
Yeah, right. Crowded fairground, open to the parking lot and the busy road...
Then I noticed she wasn't holding the dog. I asked where she was. "Oh, I put her in the truck so I could help you load mingus."
My in-laws are pretty hilarious most of the time, too. One of my favorites was when I bred my Trakehner mare, and they wanted to know which of my geldings was the father. I explained to them that my "boy horses were all neutered" and that I had purchased semen from a stallion in CA. They asked, wasn't that a long drive, and couldn't I have found a male horse closer? So I explained that I didn't take the mare anywhere but the vet clinic, the semen was shipped. "Shipped?" they asked, "How?". "By FedEx," I said. And they were completely shocked and revolted that FedEx would agree to such perverse shenanigans, and that somewhere, sometime, their packages could be travelling across the country next to semen.
My husband pulled a pretty good one a number of years ago. I took him on a trail ride with me (not a common occurance, he's not really a rider) and we rode past someone on a tractor cutting hay. "Oh no, they're cutting that hay way to early!" he exclaimed. Everything seemed pretty kosher to me, so I asked what he meant. "Well, it's still green!" Apparently he thought that grass in hay fields somehow dried itself before being cut.
This isn't horsy, but years ago I was farm sitting for friends and remarked to my dad that it was kind of weird to pick eggs from under a chicken and have them be warm. (Now, having been raised a city girl, I was used to cold eggs!) So my dad said, "That can't be good for them!"
When I was still working in the former Soviet Union, we had an independent council of experts that had to decide certain things. It was a great group and we chatted a lot while getting the work done. At one of our meetings, I announced that I was buying (my first) horse. So, one of the council members said: "But why? You already have a car."
It took him but a moment to realize what he had said and we all had a great laugh. Most of the FSU is less than a generation away from living in a village.
I took a 5 year old to one of her first shows. 2,9 jumper class. She was great, brave, smooth, jumped well etc.
My then (non horsey) fiancee was there watching (this was fairly early on in the relationship, after a while we both decided it was better if he just stayed at home). I came up to the bleechers after my trip gushing about how great she had been on course.
My fiancee asked if I won, I said no, I wasn't in the ribbons and so he felt compelled to tell me "Don't worry, all you have to do is ride faster then the others in the next class!"
The best "advice" I ever got from a non-horsey person came from my mom. She worries terribly about my riding (or I should say, about me falling off when I'm riding). As I'm warming up at a show for my 4' jumper class, she smiles at me and tells me to be careful and "Hang on!"
DH and I are still chuckling over that one. We're wondering what, exactly, was she thinking I would hang on to?!
Mom had an auditor come to her job the other day and saw a picture of me on a horse. He asked about it.
"Its my daughter riding her horse."
*in complete shock and awe*"you have a horse?!"
"and they are... pets?"
"yes, they are pets"
*in even more awe*"in my old country only kings and rich people have horses!!!!!"
Did you know, today is yesterdays tomorrow and what you would leave for tomorrow you should do today? I am pro-Slaughter
My husband is non-horsey but possesses an abnormal amount of common sense, so I don't expect weird comments or advice from him. However, when I told him how anxious I was to geld my weanling colt he said... "why not just keep him a stallion. Then you wouldn't have to pay anymore expensive stud fees."
Oh Thou Great Enabler I have one mare, it's not like I have an active breeding program or anything.
Why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?
~ Dave Barry