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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2008
    Posts
    74

    Default how do you deal with a outsider?

    We have one girl out of 20 that makes life at the barn a living you know what. I'm not the barn owner but i want to tell her you, know you need to say something to her and her mom. Becuase its getting out of control. We get nasty notes from her and her mom if someone forgets to sweep, or if someone puts a pad on the ground and forgets to pick it up She's mean and rude to everyone she comes into contact with. Thinks she's god's gift to riding. Sweety your good but not that good!!!!!

    She's known by all the barn owner/ trainers in our area for the drama she causes.


    What do i do??? Do i tell the barn owner you got to do something? I feel as we're close enough to do that but i don't want to step over a line.

    So my question is what would you do?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Packing my bags
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    34,014

    Default

    she is making the barn you pay for to spend your precious free time a hell hole....speak up or move out...it's not getting better...

    I normaly would try to come up with a profile as to why Lil Suzie is acting this way, but I got a nasty head cold and don't give a rip! Reminds me of the Prima Donna in one of them cheesy horsey films...about a snaffle champ of some sort or another....

    Or is somebody the hired help? In that case, off with their heads!

    K, off to get my medicine...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2006
    Location
    Southeast Pennsylvania
    Posts
    2,755

    Default

    Guess I would sweep and pick up the pads. Doesn't sound mean & rude to me to be reminded to do things.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 13, 2005
    Location
    Columbus, OH
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    6,891

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dispatcher View Post
    Guess I would sweep and pick up the pads. Doesn't sound mean & rude to me to be reminded to do things.
    Reading comprehension please. The OP specifically said the notes were nasty and rude in nature, not polite reminders.

    To the OP, I would recommend saying something to your BO, but keep in mind that it's their barn and it's their call about how to treat the situation. I'd suggest to the BO that Drama Boarder needs to take her issues up with the barn owner, not fellow boarders, and that her unpleasantness has caused you to seriously consider relocating. Then it's in the BO's hands.
    ________________________
    Resident COTH saddle nerd. (CYA: Not a pro, just a long-time enthusiast!)
    http://twitter.com/jenlmichaels



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2008
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dispatcher View Post
    Guess I would sweep and pick up the pads. Doesn't sound mean & rude to me to be reminded to do things.
    i'd normally agree with you on this, but its not a 17 year old place to reminde people how to do things or when to do them. The way she has made everyone feel in the past month and half is just plain rude and wrong.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2001
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    over yonder
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    Quote Originally Posted by zippandrich View Post
    i'd normally agree with you on this, but its not a 17 year old place to reminde people how to do things or when to do them. The way she has made everyone feel in the past month and half is just plain rude and wrong.
    I am confused. Do you work at the barn or are you a boarder?
    Auventera Two:Some women would eat their own offspring if they had some dipping sauce.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
    Location
    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
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    15,813

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    I don't think you'll be stepping over any lines, if you go the BO and calmly and politely state your case. Tell her quietly that the girl and her mother are making you very uncomfortable (speak only for yourself in cases like this! ) with their comments and notes, and could she please mention it to them. That's it. Then sit back and see what happens. If nothing does, then think about moving. If something does, applaud yourself for handling a difficult situation diplomatically, and having come out on top.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2008
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RockinHorse View Post
    I am confused. Do you work at the barn or are you a boarder?
    just a boarder.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2000
    Posts
    22,461

    Default

    The child and her mother leave nasty notes for fellow boarders? Or do they leave nasty notes to the BO because the barn is left messy?

    The kid and mother may be true buttheads - I have no idea. But if they are paying boarders, then they do have the right to complain if they believe they're not getting value for their money.

    I haven't boarded in a long time - keep my horses on my farm now. But the barn is immaculate at all times so I kind of sympathize with a fellow horse owner who gets a little crazy about stablekeeping. When fellow boarders left things a mess at my old boarding barn it used to really tick me off to have to deal with their mess or clean up after them. But I'd just let the BO know what was going on and let him work out whatever he felt was appropriate.

    But I would think it would be more appropriate to complain to the BO, rather than singling out boarders. It's the BO and BM's responsibility to ensure the facility is kept running smoothly - I'd think folks would want to simply advise them of the situation and then get back to enjoying their time with their horses. Hopefully eliminating any Hatfield/McCoy stuff or any barn drama.

    If the BO/BM continued to permit behavior or actions I found unacceptable I'd just move my horse.

    Lots of kids think they're Gods gift to everything. It's annoying but I vaguely remember brashly announcing to my family that I was going to be the first geologist/opera diva/eventer that won gold at the Olympics....and seeing their little knowing smiles. So I can't be too harsh on the annoying kid at your barn.

    Sorry you are having trouble - maybe you can talk to the BO and see if he can smooth things out. Good luck.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 12, 2008
    Location
    Middleburg, VA
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    557

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    Go to BO with those nasty notes in hand so that you have the proof. If they haven't been directed at you then it's not really your place unless the others and you present a united front.
    Proud Mama of a BOY rider



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2001
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    over yonder
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    Has the BO seen these notes? If not, I think they should be shown to him/her and see what he/she says.
    Auventera Two:Some women would eat their own offspring if they had some dipping sauce.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 22, 2007
    Location
    SE CT
    Posts
    1,042

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    There is no excuse for leaving nasty notes, HOWEVER, if I were a boarder, I would hate to have the luck to come in after certain riders, to use the cross ties for example, and find a pile of manure, hoof debris, and equipment lying haphazardly around. I would be a bit upset if it was an unsafe situation. I think this girl and her mother should be directing the complaints to the BO FIRST, if nothing is done, then perhaps they should move to a more pristine barn. Some barns are more casual than others. As a barn owner, I don't require my full boarders to sweep the (entire) aisle, BUT, they are expected to keep their items in their lockers, or hanging off their stall door bar, AND, quickly sweep up after they are finished grooming. Leaving a pile of manure is a total no-no.

    I would let the Bo see the notes, and see what happens from there.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2004
    Location
    Catonsville, MD
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    OP didn't mention manure.

    And everyone forgets to pick up an item or sweep a spot from time to time.

    And nasty notes, if they were in fact nasty, are really not called for.

    Definitely pass the notes along to the BO/BM. I'm certain that most BO's would NOT want one boarder making other paying boarders into unhappy customers. I certainly wouldn't.

    And particularly while this is getting sorted out, I would make certain that Princess and her mother don't have a serious and legitimate complaint about other boarders picking up after themselves. You don't want the question of your own habits to distract from your main complaint, which is the unpleasantness these boarders have brought to your barn.
    I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
    I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09




  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2006
    Location
    KS, USA
    Posts
    592

    Default

    The fact that you use the term "outsider" to describe the other boarders makes me doubt the veracity of your complaint.

    The other boarders, if they are paying boarders who pay on time, have a right to be there. They are not outsiders. They are boarders, same as you.

    The fact that they are 'calling' you on what may be non-compliance on your part to cleanup rules in the barn, should not be an issue - and wouldn't be, and couldn't be, if you made sure to sweep and put away your stuff.

    I feel strongly there's another side to this story, and possibly a justified one!



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
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    13,234

    Default

    I would say give the notes to the BO.

    It is hard to know what you mean by nasty. One persons nasty is another person's reminder. (In other words, some people get their nose bent out of shape by a simple note that simply says 'do not forget to sweep up after Dobbin'.)



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2006
    Location
    Southeast Pennsylvania
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jn4jenny View Post
    Reading comprehension please. The OP specifically said the notes were nasty and rude in nature, not polite reminders.

    To the OP, I would recommend saying something to your BO, but keep in mind that it's their barn and it's their call about how to treat the situation. I'd suggest to the BO that Drama Boarder needs to take her issues up with the barn owner, not fellow boarders, and that her unpleasantness has caused you to seriously consider relocating. Then it's in the BO's hands.

    I said nothing about polite reminders. That reading comprehension thing goes both ways

    OP was not specific. She just wrote that the notes were nasty and rude --no mention of what the words were that made it nasty & rude.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
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    9,538

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sdhaurmsmom View Post
    The fact that you use the term "outsider" to describe the other boarders makes me doubt the veracity of your complaint.

    The other boarders, if they are paying boarders who pay on time, have a right to be there. They are not outsiders. They are boarders, same as you.

    The fact that they are 'calling' you on what may be non-compliance on your part to cleanup rules in the barn, should not be an issue - and wouldn't be, and couldn't be, if you made sure to sweep and put away your stuff.

    I feel strongly there's another side to this story, and possibly a justified one!
    I'm afraid I have to agree with the use of the term "outsiders". It really rings my alarm bells.
    If this is a public boarding barn then any notes need to be brought to the BO or BM and the matter sorted out by management.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 2007
    Location
    Beyond the pale.
    Posts
    2,957

    Default

    I really despise people who leave notes when they could talk to me in person with little or no trouble.

    If the OP has left a saddle pad or something in the aisle and this girl found it, she should take it directly to the OP face to face and nicely say "You dropped this in the aisle". Point made with no nastiness.

    Leaving notes when someone is actually available face to face just reeks of cowardice and backhanded nastiness, no matter what the content of the note. The only time to leave a note is if the offender is not available face to face. And then you leave the note for whoever is in charge, like the BO, not for the other boarder.

    Some barns have rules that no-one follows. I was at one show barn that people always left the grooming stalls un swept after they were done. So I wold come, sweep the stall and celan it up, put my horse there and groom. Generally I cleaned up after myself as well, but not always, since it appeared no one else did, and not always carefully. No one said anything until one day the BO strolled by and thanked me for cleaning the grooming stall after I used it. I was actually cleaning someone else's mess up before I brought my horse in. I told her that another un-named boarder had left the mess and I was just setting it right so I could use it. She thanked me again and said it was a rule to clean up after ourselves, but she would speak to the other boarders. And she apparently did, because the stall was more often clean than not after that. No note needed.
    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 7, 2009
    Location
    Cincinnati, OH
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    1,363

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by zippandrich View Post
    We have one girl out of 20 that makes life at the barn a living you know what. I'm not the barn owner but i want to tell her you, know you need to say something to her and her mom. Becuase its getting out of control. We get nasty notes from her and her mom if someone forgets to sweep, or if someone puts a pad on the ground and forgets to pick it up She's mean and rude to everyone she comes into contact with. Thinks she's god's gift to riding. Sweety your good but not that good!!!!!

    She's known by all the barn owner/ trainers in our area for the drama she causes.


    What do i do??? Do i tell the barn owner you got to do something? I feel as we're close enough to do that but i don't want to step over a line.

    So my question is what would you do?
    I am not defending Barn Princess and Mom when it comes to being nasty or unpleasant, because there really is no reason for that in a boarding environment. You're both paying customers, and uncalled-for nastiness just makes it miserable and uncomfortable for everyone.

    Regarding the notes, before bringing them all to the BO to complain about the nasty tone, be absolutely sure that there are not legitimate concerns being addressed in those notes. Barn Princess and Mom may lack the social skills to effectively communicate in a way that inspires others to cooperate, but that doesn't make them automatically wrong.

    For example, not sweeping up an area after it has been used, or leaving things lying on the ground. There are a couple of boarders at my barn who chronically "forget" to sweep after they've groomed their horse in the cross-ties. Even if there isn't manure left behind, there are dirt-clods from picked hooves, or piles of fluffy hair from a horse that has just been clipped or is shedding-out from the winter, and just the general dust and debris that comes from grooming a horse that chose to roll in a mud puddle while at pasture.

    Just don't play their game and fall into the trap of repaying nastiness for nastiness.
    Please copy and paste this to your signature if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a smack upside the head. Lets raise awareness.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb. 3, 2000
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    Nokesville, VA
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    Default

    I think it is appropriate to show the notes to the barn owner.

    But I think it is inappropriate to tell the barn owner that she "has to do something about it".
    Janet

    chief feeder and mucker for Music, Spy, Belle and Tiara. Someone else is now feeding and mucking for Chief and Brain (both foxhunting now).



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