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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
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    35

    Default What should my student do?

    So my student is having a problem and she wanted help from me. So we''ve been working with her horse all winter and we are REALLY excited for the summer. So the horse is going 3 foot medal the first of may. But we really need a small schooling show before then. Well we found one but here's the problem. My student and her dad are very close and her mom wants to do more non-horsey activities with her. So a couple weeks ago her mom scheduld a little 2 day drive for them. But we totally forgot about the litte 2 day drive and it's the same weekend as the schooling show, and we've already sent everything in. So my student wanted to know if she should try to make the vacation later or skip the show. The horse has been indoors all winter and really needs a low-key show before the first rated one. So should she skip the vacation and do the show or just skip the show?
    thank you all so much



  2. #2
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    Feb. 14, 2009
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    Virginia
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    621

    Default

    She should talk to her mother.



  3. #3
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    Feb. 5, 2008
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    Bluffs of the Broad River
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    Default

    This is a family matter. You need to encourage the student to approach her mother in a mature way.

    I assume the student is a child or a teenager. If this is the case then you need to tell the student that it is up to her and her mother. And I would suggest you encourage the student to stick to her original commitment.

    Does that mean no warmup for the horse? Why not find another kid who needs some miles to show the horse. Or why dont you take the horse and just hack around and play around in warmup. Have your own 'mock show' at the show without getting in anyones way.
    There are stars in the Southern sky and if ever you decide you should go there is a taste of time sweetened honey.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2008
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    4,585

    Default

    Agree that this is a family matter. She needs to talk with her mom. When she and her mom decide what the best idea is, they can let you know.

    On the chance she can't make the show, can't you just take the horse and jump it around a warm up class?



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
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    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
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    11,480

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by eqwarmblood8 View Post
    So my student is having a problem and she wanted help from me. So we''ve been working with her horse all winter and we are REALLY excited for the summer. So the horse is going 3 foot medal the first of may. But we really need a small schooling show before then. Well we found one but here's the problem. My student and her dad are very close and her mom wants to do more non-horsey activities with her. So a couple weeks ago her mom scheduld a little 2 day drive for them. But we totally forgot about the litte 2 day drive and it's the same weekend as the schooling show, and we've already sent everything in. So my student wanted to know if she should try to make the vacation later or skip the show. The horse has been indoors all winter and really needs a low-key show before the first rated one. So should she skip the vacation and do the show or just skip the show?
    thank you all so much
    By any chance, are mom and dad divorced? If so, that is going to add some complexity to the situation. The time-sharing thing can get difficult if you have one parent signing the kid up for activities that conflict with the other parent's interests or wishes.

    Either way, the vacation was scheduled first and if you want Mom to continue supporting the horsey activities, personally I'd either take the horse and jump it around yourself, or just find another venue to go to on another date. If the parents are going to lose the entry fees because you sent in the paperwork without clearing it with them first... you are going to have to apologize and and perhaps offer to make it up to them somehow. (Or, depending on the age of the child, perhaps the kid can take some responsibility for "not remembering" they had another commitment.)

    Good luck.
    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 11, 2003
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    3,589

    Default

    Gads, do not get in the middle of that one. If I was her mother and her trainer was starting to suggest changing our 2 day vacation I would be MEGA pissed off. It's a different story if the girl, unprompted, has that discussion with her mother. Mothers know when the language coming out of their kids mouths has been influenced. You need to say to the girl that she needs to work this out with her parents, but that if she chooses to go on the road trip with her mom you will work something out to take the horse to the schooling show. At the end of the day if she has to scratch - big deal - there are always other shows and maybe she won't do as well at the medal show as she had hoped, but there is always another month, another year.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 2007
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    Beyond the pale.
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    I always figured that a wise parent will encourage their kid's passions and not try and make them conform to the parent's idea of what the kid should do. A wise mother will attend the show with her daughter, suck it up and be happy the daughter has an engaging activity that may just keep her away from sex and drugs for a few years.
    A harpy b*tch mother who is fighting with the father over who gets the most time with the kid will make her go on the 2 day driveabout and wonder why her daughter is sulky and not enjoyable.

    OTOH, a smart kid and her mentor will take into account whether the mom is wise or a harpy, because the kid has to probably live with her for a while yet. Its best not to get on a harpy's bad side.
    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF



  8. #8
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    Mar. 19, 2004
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    Earlysville, VA
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    Wow, I was going to suggest that the daughter discuss it with her mother and father and try to work out a compromise.

    And then I read your last post and you are calling the mother names?! I would hate to think that attitude is being transmitted to the daughter
    \"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.\" Anne of Green Gables



  9. #9
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    Oct. 2, 2007
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    No Skeezix, that's ME calling the mom horrible names or not, depending on your read.

    The OP was quite polite and will no doubt find a wise way to handle it!

    (PS- about that lump in my cheek...?)
    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF



  10. #10
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    Mar. 19, 2004
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    Earlysville, VA
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    Woops--got you two mixed up!!!!
    \"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.\" Anne of Green Gables



  11. #11
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    Dec. 6, 2003
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    Horse Country, USA
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    Default

    I would suggest you encourage the student to talk to her mother without pushing either side. This is because the right decision totally depends on the mother-daughter relationship. In a situation like this, my mother would want me to go to the show. That's just our relationship and my mother's personality. Now, if you took my best friend's mother (before we were grown and living away from home), her mother would be very, very hurt by her daughter choosing the show and would likely have forbidden it. Because you don't know the intricate details of the mother-daughter relationship (I would guess), you don't know what the best solution is. If you encourage her going on the vacation, the mother might be upset to learn that her daughter missed a show. If you encourage her going to the show, her mother might be furious. You just don't know and therefore shouldn't push either side.
    <><



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2003
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    1,888

    Default

    Given that the mother planned the trip before this show came up, I hardly think it's fair to the mom to call her a harpy for planning an activity that she hoped would be fun for her and her daughter. The child had plans with her mother and should honor that commitment. A wise parent teaches her children that when they make plans, they stick to them even if something they think might be more fun comes up later.

    The OP should stay out of the conversation entirely.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
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    35

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    Thank You all for the replies. My student did talk to her mom about it and her mom said that she should go to the show. They have rescheduled the vacation for next weekend. The girl talked to her dad before we sent in the entries, and her dad forgot about the trip too. But everything is all right, we're going to the show this weekend and then she's going on the vacation next weekend. She may also do something with her mom on sunday!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2003
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    Virginia
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by eqwarmblood8 View Post
    So the horse is going 3 foot medal the first of may. But we really need a small schooling show before then.
    With such tight timing, I think you should be glad ANYTHING works.



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