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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 21, 2009
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    19

    Default My backyard riders barn has bmorphed into a show barn (Or 'You kids get off my lawn!)

    I don't know whether to consider this a vent or just indecision as to how to react to the situation. (Actually I will break it up and tackle the indecision first and anything with an astrik is a vent- No I didn't say it but I did think it after the fact as I was driving home)
    I have boarded at the same local stable for eight or so years (the stable has been there since at least the 60's all the locals remember it being there since forever)
    For the most part it was a pet horse - Dobbin that I bred myself type barn and the boarders were about 80% housewives or professionals with a smattering of absentee owners and people showed here and there.
    Two or three years ago the owner put up a new barn and then a dozen or so hogher level horses showed up and a series of trainers which turned over several times.
    Fine- It's a big place I'll just stay on the homier side of the barn out of the professionals way. Which I have done for the most part since my Tevis aspirations are years behind me I don't think that I have much of a common ground with the trainers and their clients anyhow. Lots of nice borders on my side.
    In the past year or so the nice owners that I knew have left one by one and suddenly in a group.
    Now it seems to be 90% high level horses (ridden by trainers and trainers assistants and groomed to within an inch of their life by private grooms and assorted lackies tha I didn't think really existed outside of the movies) and only 10% animals owned by us mere mortals.
    I have for years shown up in blue jeans and walking shoes to turn out and groom my horse. Most of the owners did the same.
    Yesterday one of the 20 something year old assistant riders with uber horse X on a lead looked at me as if I were lower than the stable muckers and said something like "This horse kicks" Traslated by the tone of her voice to mean "I'm more important than you - yeild you peasant."
    Granted I was there at my leisure and she was working however I don't think that I should have to go to my trailer and put on the boots and breeches costume for a simple groom and turn out.
    All these horses are not leaving any time soon (Although they may - they landed like a swarm of locuts they may leave just as quickly) in the meantime I don't want to be made to feel uncomfortable tending to my own horses.
    I don't want to become a doormat but I will have to interact with them and the friendly side of the stable is getting smaller and smaller.



    Things I 'wanted' to say to assistant trainer but instead just slunk out of her path
    VENT!
    *I own my horse. You are riding someone elses.
    *My husband over there in the torn jeans had a horse(along with two friends) in training with Stephan Peters in the dark ages. You see this Klimke t-shirt I'm wearing -you were in kindergarden when we cliniced.
    *I've loaded up and evacuated horses pricier than uber horse X during wildfires because the owner would rather buy a mercades or sports car than a truck and trailer like a real horseman would have (Ironic how the owners are always there for the return of 'Hans the warmblood' but can never be found during the evacuation)
    *My nag can jump a 5' embankment from a boulder bottomed streambed without batting an eye so I am not realy impressed with Uber horse X and how he can clear a 3'6" jump in a mancured ring. (Let's load up and take a three mile jaunt in Wildwood Park in Thousand Oaks and see how handy Uber horse X,Y,Z really is.)
    *Just because I am riding my horse bareback in a bitless bridle doesn't mean my horse doesn't know what to do when I put the double bridle on.
    *Assistant Trainer who sneers and snubs I have tack that I bought new that is older than you are.
    *I don't blame the horse and trade up. I improve myself first, the horse second.
    Last edited by Venture22; Mar. 17, 2009 at 01:56 PM.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2007
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    Napanee ON
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    Default

    Your responses sound exactly like the "I'm more important than you - yeild you peasant." attitude you were disgruntled about in your post.

    So it's ok for you to have attitude but not them because they are "20 something"?

    You seem very sensitive, don't take things so personally. The horse probably DOES kick.


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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
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    11,372

    Default

    People hate change, I get that. And maybe you ARE just venting...but your post sounded kind of like reverse snobbery....or maybe some kind of subconscious insecurity? I dunno.

    Is it POSSIBLE that she was just giving you a heads up and not intending to be rude at all?

    Would it be possible to introduce yourself to these folks?

    I have been accused of being "cold" when I was rather intimidated by a group and just kept to myself. I'm not. I just didn't really see the need to go out of my way...but maybe they've seen you around, you've not made an effort and they are kind of intimidated by YOU?

    It just seems like maybe there's a solution here...or maybe no need for one at all?

    I can totally understand not wanting to be uncomfortable at the barn though...
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 23, 2008
    Location
    Hartford, CT
    Posts
    56

    Default

    That last one should be on a bumper sticker.

    The economy may flush out the high-rollers. Did you see the letter elsewhere in this section about the letter from a client to her trainer?

    I watched a similar thing happen to my old lesson barn. It had been the home of a therapeutic riding program, then became a casual lesson/boarding barn and then they decided to shift it to an Arabian show barn. There was a "rich boarder/regular folks boarder" vibe for a while. Then, I developed a fun autoimmune condition and had to stop riding.

    In the few years that I was in treatment, the barn sold, the new owners re-modeled and then went full-boat Arabian show barn. When I was there last summer for a look-see before the stock market tanked, even the lesson horses there were Arabians. No more ponies for the kids, even.

    I wonder how they're doing these days.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 16, 2003
    Location
    MI USA
    Posts
    7,434

    Default

    You are allowing the attitude, clothing, presumed cost of horses they lead, to affect you. It is called intimidation, out in the herd. If you LET the long-legged girl in pricy boots and breeches (Costume SAYS "I AM a Horse Woman") then you lose.

    Stand up tall, KNOW that YOU ARE GOOD. Be the BOSS MARE who does NOT NEED to PROVE HERSELF. Project ATTITUDE, CONFIDENCE, and move forward, yield ground ONLY if you feel like it. If you back off, Yep those pretty children will move right into your space!! They ARE wearing the outfit!

    You don't have to be nasty, but you also do not give ground unless you WANT to, being polite, or for some other reason.
    The warning girl said about kicking, can be returned with a "Thank you for the warning, do you have him under control?" Don't read more in the warning than is stated, makes you paranoid.

    You know what you know, have plenty of horse experience in your background among the NAMES. That means you are not REQUIRED to back off. Stand up straight, walk proud, act CONFIDENT, like how you RIDE!!

    You can only be intimidated or treated badly if YOU ALLOW it!! You pay board, same as they do. You are entitled to use the aisle, move around without slinking. You certainly don't want to be obnoxious like they come off like, but are not required to jump out of their way. Same priveledges of facility useage to both of you. If there is a conflict, actual words exchanged, or problems, the BO needs to be spoken to.

    So get your mind into another mode. Don't work on perceptions of what "They" think or are implying in looks or the words you exchange. Body language, perceptions are so often quite wrongly read by a person. If you feel intimidated, that colors what you hear with implications. "They" never actually SAID that or maybe even THOUGHT of remark appearing as such to you. Could just be a kicker warning about a really dumb horse, nothing more.

    The clothes and horses may cost a bunch. Does not make them better or skilled riders, handlers. Expensive horses are just as dumb, no-fun to work with, as many cheap animals. Just have a prettier face, bigger price tag. Still no fun to own, yet your horse IS FUN to have. Makes riding so enjoyable, barn work a breeze instead of just chores. All horses have holes, even expensive ones led by nose high grooms. Groom could be near-sighted, HAS to hold nose up to see!

    You are part of your surroundings, can control them to a great degree. Think pleasant thoughts, uplifting things, to make a better mood for yourself. One of those "happy thoughts help make a happy person" things of positive thinking. Stand up tall, be confident, quietly take charge of the barn mood for yourself. Quit scurrying out of the way, be the lead mare, quietly move them over instead of you, by changing your attitude and presence in the barn.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 21, 2000
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    4,988

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    Quote Originally Posted by Venture22 View Post
    Yesterday one of the 20 something year old assistant riders with uber horse X on a lead looked at me as if I were lower than the stable muckers and said something like "This horse kicks" Traslated by the tone of her voice to mean "I'm more important than you - yeild you peasant." .
    This is someone you don't know and they don't know you?....to judge them and then have such a long rant over this one exchange seems excessive?

    Just because people are at the same barn, doesn't mean they have to be friends....they are there for their horses and may really want to keep things civil but not go overboard....look at all the drama at some barns....you don't know what people's experiences have been.

    You could have smiled and said "oh ok,thanks for the warning" and said hello, how are you?...maybe you did, I don't know...but you were out for a casual and fun day with your horse and ended up upset and resentful...you shouldn't be doing that to yourself....if people are truly rude, then ignore them and make sure you don't let them push you around or interfere with your horse time at the barn, but if this was it I'm sorry but your reaction was way over the top.
    "All life is precious"
    Sophie Scholl



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 29, 2005
    Posts
    2,625

    Default

    I thought your post was funny

    I see why you wished to say those thing but didn't... I sometimes want to do the same (but not in the horsey world but the man dominating field of construction).

    Hey- stick it out- maybe things will change once they get to know you more...



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2006
    Posts
    3,381

    Default

    What does her telling you the horse kicks have to do with what you are wearing? I apologized if I missed it.
    Quote Originally Posted by barka.lounger View Post
    u get big old crop and bust that nags ass the next time it even slow down.

    we see u in gp ring in no time.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 27, 2007
    Location
    Behind the Orange Curtain
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    9,694

    Default

    My response would have been "that's OK, I bite so we'll get along just fine."

    Truthfully, being at a barn with a mix (and being a pretty casual, backyarder type despite having a horse in training), I find that most of the "high rollers" are actually pretty nice. There are all different personalities, and some are definitely less congenial than others, but just because they don't say "howdy" and invite you over for a beer doesn't mean they are looking down their nose at you every minute.

    I think the best bet is just to be friendly to everyone- eventually all but the most stubborn types crumble under the power of a genuine smile



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    10,586

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ambrey View Post
    My response would have been "that's OK, I bite so we'll get along just fine."

    Truthfully, being at a barn with a mix (and being a pretty casual, backyarder type despite having a horse in training), I find that most of the "high rollers" are actually pretty nice. There are all different personalities, and some are definitely less congenial than others, but just because they don't say "howdy" and invite you over for a beer doesn't mean they are looking down their nose at you every minute.

    I think the best bet is just to be friendly to everyone- eventually all but the most stubborn types crumble under the power of a genuine smile


    I know it's possible to have snotty riders (like the girls on the equestrian team at my rather wealthy university--heaven help me, I never showed in hunter hair and my jacket was hunter green and OLD, the shame!) but I'm kind of struggling to see how you got all that out of "this horse kicks." That might just have been the trigger incident and the situation isnt' great, but believe me, I spend a lot of time around the "high rollers" in the sport I do now and it's usually those at the top who are in fact the friendliest when you get to know them.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 5, 2005
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    382

    Default

    I am sure that there has been more than one incident that has caused you to feel this way but the fact that you chose the example of a girl saying "this horse kicks" speaks volumes. I don't understand how "this horse kicks" could be interpreted so negatively as you seem to have done.

    I agree, I think you are falling into snobbism yourself. Perhaps you miss your old friends, perhaps you don't like change, perhaps they are sensing that you don't like them so they give an attitude back. You need to take a look at your own behavior. You can't change them, you can only change yourself.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 21, 2009
    Posts
    19

    Default

    I need to know how I should go about adapting to the change? Face it they have me out numbered.
    I could drag out the boots and breeches and put on every bit of tack just so but I've already been there and done that and I usually just trailer out to ride or hop on and ride off the grounds so I will be dressing up to show that I am one of them (not anymore-past that stage and it didn't last very long at that) and not ride with them or be seen for more than a short time.
    They are there to work so conversation and personal interaction among stable friends isn't there and I doubt it has the potential to develop with the new group.

    How do you get some respect from people who can buy what they view as bigger and better at the drop of a hat.


    Rhond7- Make it into a bumper sticker if you wish it is how I feel. You won't become a better horseman by getting rid of the problem and not correcting what caused the problem.

    Goodhors-Thanks. I needed to hear exactly that to feel not so small..

    Quote Originally Posted by kellyb View Post
    What does her telling you the horse kicks have to do with what you are wearing? I apologized if I missed it.
    It was the look before the statement. You can't really post a look.

    Upon reflection I suppose I have become the boarding version of the Backyard rider while still adopting the hiking shoes and t shirt of the endurace phase and Now I am surrounded by the minions of Hunter Riders.

    I do have the costume I've been there and done that and I didn't think that I have to put it on to not get treated like a second class citizen.

    THE BACK YARD RIDER: Usually found wearing shorts and a sports bra in the summer; flannel nightgown, muck boots, and down jacket in the winter. Drives a Ford 150 filled with saddle blankets and dog hair. Most have deformed toes from being stepped on while wearing flip-flops. Has a two-horse bumper-pull trailer, but uses it for hay storage, as her horse hasn't been off the farm in 6 years. Can install an electric fence, set a gate, and roll a round bale, solo. Rode well and often when she used to board her horse, 5 years ago. Took horse home to "save money" and has spent about 50 grand on acreage, barn, fence, tractor, etc. Has two topics of conversation - 1) How it's too hot/cold/wet/dry to ride. And 2) how she may ride after she fixes the fence/digs drainage ditches/stacks 4 tons of hay.

    ENDURANCE RIDER: Wears Lycra tights in wild neon colors. The shinier the better, so the EMT's can find her body when her horse dumps her down a ravine. Wears hiking shoes of some sort, and T-shirts she got for paying $75 to complete another torturous ride. Her horse, Al Kamar Shazam, used to be called "you bastard" until he found an owner almost as hyper as he is. Shazam can spook at a blowing leaf, spin a 360, and not lose his big trot rhythm or give an inch to the horse behind him. Has learned to eat, drink, pee, and drop to his resting pulse rate on command. He has compiled 3,450 AERC miles; his rider compiled 3,445 (the missing five miles are the ones when he raced down the trail without his rider after performing his trademark 360. Over-heard frequently: "Anyone have Advil?" "Anyone got some food? I think last year's Twinkies went bad." "For this pain I spend money?" "Shazam, you bastard - it's just a leaf [thud]!"

    THE HUNTER RIDER: Is slightly anorexic and trying her best to achieve the conformation of a 17-year-old male in case she ever has a clinic with George Morris. Field marks include greeny-beige breeches and a baseball cap when schooling or mud colored coat and hardhat with dangling chinstrap when competing. Forks over about a grand a month to trainer for the privilege of letting him/her "tune" up the horse, which consists of drilling the beast until its going to put in five strides on a 60 foot line no matter WHAT she does. Sold the Thoroughbred (and a collection of lunging equipment, chambons, side reins) and bought a Warmblood. (Bought a ladder and a LONG set of spurs). Talks a lot about the horse's success in Florida without exactly letting on that she herself has never been south of the Pennsylvania line.


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  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 10, 2006
    Location
    Northern, VA
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    158

    Default

    Diplomacy is all fine and dandy, but come on now folks. We ALL know snobbery runs RAMPANT in the horse world. Just because our poster did not convey all inflections and facial twitches of said Snobby Girl, I think we can give her the benefit of the doubt that snobbery was quite plausibly present.

    That said, OP, I think we all also have experienced that need to walk a fine line between "I deserve to be respected, so don't expect to walk all over me" and "My horse lives here and I don't want to make his life or mine difficult". Unpleasant people are everywhere, even in a place populated with something wonderful like horses. She and the others like her will get tired of being snobby and you will get tired of being annoyed and things will get back to place of relative peace.

    Remember, its all about you and your horse time. He will remind you why going to the barn is great, even in the face of people who have forgotten what its all about.

    PS: Love your OP - hilarious!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2006
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    Southeast Pennsylvania
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    2,695

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    Quote Originally Posted by mybelle View Post
    Diplomacy is all fine and dandy, but come on now folks. We ALL know snobbery runs RAMPANT in the horse world. Just because our poster did not convey all inflections and facial twitches of said Snobby Girl, I think we can give her the benefit of the doubt that snobbery was quite plausibly present.

    That said, OP, I think we all also have experienced that need to walk a fine line between "I deserve to be respected, so don't expect to walk all over me" and "My horse lives here and I don't want to make his life or mine difficult". Unpleasant people are everywhere, even in a place populated with something wonderful like horses. She and the others like her will get tired of being snobby and you will get tired of being annoyed and things will get back to place of relative peace.

    Remember, its all about you and your horse time. He will remind you why going to the barn is great, even in the face of people who have forgotten what its all about.

    PS: Love your OP - hilarious!
    Yeah, I agree with this. Makes me wonder if some of those questioning the OP are twins of the youngster whose horse kicks!! If they think that is OK behavior, maybe it's because they do it themselves.....

    When you are a newcomer to a barn, you need to act like you are new and show respect for the others whose home you are in



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2005
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    Northeast
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    10,778

    Wink

    Dear OP , your inferiority complex is showing.

    "This horse kicks" is not a put down. It is a "heads up". Could be she's been plastered, and is slightly uncool with dealing with the darling. A groom's life is not roses.
    Some riders change their horse, they change their saddle, they change their teacher; they never change themselves.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan. 21, 2000
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    4,988

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dispatcher View Post
    Yeah, I agree with this. Makes me wonder if some of those questioning the OP are twins of the youngster whose horse kicks!! If they think that is OK behavior, maybe it's because they do it themselves.....

    When you are a newcomer to a barn, you need to act like you are new and show respect for the others whose home you are in
    You have to be kidding....."If they think that is ok behavior" What to tell someone " my horse kicks?" So if the rider had just walked by and the horse had kicked the OP then the thread would be about how the rude 20thsomething evil satan friending on facebook hunter/show/dressage snob had not warned her and her evil untrained 6 million dollar warmblood was so untrained and out of control and she only shows at 2'6" at AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA rated supersonic shows in Winnipeg...

    So that is it then the girl was minding her own business and not interested in what the OP was doing or really who she was...and because she didn't show reverence she is horrible person? Give me a break ..completey warped self righteous and entitled attitude..
    "All life is precious"
    Sophie Scholl


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2000
    Location
    Connecticut
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    8,040

    Default

    I don't even deal with any of the drama anymore. Mr. Chief2 says it is because I am bombproof, but really, 99.9 percent of the dramas at boarder barns resolve themselves perfectly well if you just stay out of them. There will always be snarky people somewhere in the mix. My point of view is, I pay the bills in full on the 1st of each month and have for decades. I am going there for my horse, and leaving all of my problems behind me. I wear what I want (as long as it is safe around horses), I spend as much time as I want with my horse, and I care for him in the best manner I see possible. Beyond that, the roof could fall down around my ears, and I couldn't care less about it. There's always someone showboating or grandstanding, someone else demanding attention for things they could perfectly well fix on their own, and at least a few boarders with perpetual look-at-me syndrome. Who cares??

    If the place is right for your horse, providing good health, safety and great amenities, then continue on with boarding him there. Use the amenities, train to your heart's content or let him be a pasture potato if that's in the works. If the owners really don't want you there, they'll ask you to leave. Until then, assume you're not the problem, leave your own problems at home, and go enjoy your horse.



  18. #18
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    Feb. 19, 2009
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    as someone fairly new to the horseworld, I have to agree that there are some MASSIVE snobs out there who think that its their way or the highway. I ride at one barn that has super duper nice horses and I do usually feel a bit out of place riding a schoolie and lack of "fashionable" outfits. However, one thing I've done thats gotten me far is to just introduce myself and say hello to everyone. Or comment on how nice someone's horse is...trust me, little things like this go a looooong way with a lot of people.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2001
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    Almost Aiken
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    Default

    Just be who you are and let them be who they are. Who gives a rat's @ss who wears what? If your chosen barnwear bothers them, well, that's their problem not yours. If their insistence on what you apparently see as hoity-toity dress bothers you, well then that's YOUR problem, not theirs. Fitting in is more a matter of attitude than dress.

    Go do your thing, be civil, and otherwise ignore them. Life's too short to stress over that stuff.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2001
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    Los Angeles, California
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    3,466

    Default

    OP- Your turn may come when Uber horse X needs a ride to a show and they stand there looking longingly at your trailer while they wait for a shipper.
    Until then ignore them groom and ride your horse in what you want. It sounds as if you have a horse that actually 'likes' you (Horses don't scale cliffs for just anyone) and they are working with horses that merely 'obey' them.
    Besides-
    Do you really 'care' what they think?

    IMO You showed more class by NOT saying what you thaught than Trainer did by trying to make herself seem more important by belittling you.

    Anyhow if she were a good trainer the horse would have been focused on HER not another horse they might have a chance to kick. If the horse she was 'in command of' dismissed her as not worthy of focus well....horses aren't all that impressed by costumes now are they.
    Last edited by 5; Mar. 17, 2009 at 04:27 PM.



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