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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 1999
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
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    37,058

    Default Dog in Elk

    From some unknown bb:

    > > Anne V - 01:01pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1318 of 1332)
    Okay - I know how to take meat away from a dog.
    How do I take a dog away from meat? This is not,
    unfortunately, a joke.
    > >
    >> AmyC - 01:02pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1319 of 1332)
    Um, can you give us a few more specifics here?
    > >
    > > Anne V - 01:12pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1320 of 1332)
    They're inside of it. They crawled inside, and now
    I have a giant incredibly heavy piece of carcass
    in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and they are
    NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of
    them is snoring. I have company arriving in three
    hours, and my current plan is to
    1. put up a tent over said carcass and
    2. 2. hang thousands of fly strips inside it. This
    has been going on since about 6:40 this morning.
    > >
    > > AmyC - 01:19pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1321 of 1332)
    Oh. My. God. What sort of carcass is big enough to
    hold a couple of dogs inside? Given the situation,
    I'm afraid you're not going to be able to create
    enough of a diversion to get the dogs out of the
    carrion, unless they like greeting company as much
    as they like
    rolling around in dead stuff. Which seems
    unlikely. Can you turn a hose on the festivities?
    > >
    > > Ase Innes-Ker - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1322 of 1332)
    I'm sorry Anne. I know this is a problem (and it
    would have driven me crazy), but it is also
    incredibly funny.
    > >
    >> Anne V - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1323 of 1332)
    Elk. Elk are very big this year, because of the
    rain and good grazing and so forth. They aren't
    rolling. They are alternately napping and eating.
    They each have a ribcage. Other dogs are working
    on them from the outside. It's all way too primal
    in my yard right now. We tried the hose trick. At
    someone else's house, which is where they climbed
    in and
    began to refuse to come out. Many hours ago. I
    think that the hose mostly helps keep them cool
    and dislodges little moist snacks for them. Hose
    failed. My new hope is that if they all continue
    to eat at this rate, they will be finished before
    the houseguests arrive. The very urban
    houseguests. Oh, ghod - I know it's funny. It's
    appalling, and funny, and completely entirely
    representative of life with dogs.
    > >
    > > Kristen R. - 01:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1324 of 1332)
    I'm so glad I read this thread, dogless as I am.
    Dogs in elk. Dogs in elk.
    > >


    > > Anne V - 01:41pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1325 of 1332)
    It's like that childrens book out there - dogs in
    elk, dogs on elk, dogs around elk, dogs outside
    elk. And there is some elk inside of, as well as
    on, each dog at this point.
    > >
    > > Elizabeth K - 01:57pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1328 of 1333)
    Anne, aren't you in Arizona or Nevada? There are
    elk there? I'm so confused! We definately need to
    see pics of Gus Pong and Jake in the elk carcass.
    > >
    > > Anne V - 02:03pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1329 of 1333)
    I am in New Mexico, but there are elk in both
    arizona and nevada, yes. There are elk all over
    the damn place. They don't look out very often.
    If you stand the ribcage on end they scramble to
    the top and look out, all red. Otherwise, you
    kinda have to get in there a little bit yourself
    to really see them. So I think there will not be
    pictures.
    > >
    > > CoseyMo - 02:06pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1330 of 1333)
    "all red;" I'm not sure the deeper horror of all
    this was fully borne in
    upon me till I saw that little phrase.
    > >
    > > Anne V - 02:10pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1331 of 1333)
    Well, you know, the Basenji (that would be Jake)
    is a desert dog, naturally, and infamous for it's
    aversion to water. And then, Gus Pong (who is
    coming to us, live, unamplified and with a
    terrific reverb which is making me a little dizzy)
    really doesn't mind water, but hates to be cold.
    Or soapy. And both of them can really run.
    Sprints of up to 35
    mph have been clocked. So. If ever they come out,
    catching them and
    returning them to a condition where they can be
    considered house pets is not going to be, shall we
    say, pleasant.
    > >
    > > CoseyMo - 02:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1332 of 1333)
    What if you stand the ribcage on end, wait for
    them to look out, grab them when they do and pull?
    > >
    > > Anne V - 02:18pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1333 of 1333)
    They wedge their toes between the ribs. And
    scream. We tried that before we brought the elk
    home from the mountain with dogs inside. Jake
    nearly took my friend's arm off. He's already
    short a toe, so he cherishes the 15 that remain.
    > >
    > > Linda Hewitt - 02:30pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1336 of 1356)
    Have you thought about calling your friendly vet
    and paying him to come pick up the dogs and elk
    and letting the dogs stay at the vet's overnight?
    If anyone would know what to do, it would be your
    vet. It might cost some money, but it would solve
    the immediate
    crisis. Keep us posted.
    > >
    > > ChristiPeters - 02:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1337 of 1356)
    Yikes! My sympathy! When I lived in New Mexico,
    my best friend's dog (the escape artist) was
    continually bringing home road kill. When there
    was no road kill convenient, he would visit the
    neighbor's house. Said neighbor slaughtered his
    own beef. The dog found all kinds of impossibly
    gross toys in the neighbor's trash pit. I have
    always had medium to large dogs. The smallest dog
    I ever had was a mutt from the SPCA who
    matured out at just above knee high and about 55
    pounds. Our current dog (daughter's choice) is a
    Pomeranian. A very small Pomeranian. She's 8
    months old now and not quite 4 pounds. I'm afraid
    I'll break her.
    > > >
    > > Lori Shiraishi - 02:38pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1338 of 1356)
    Bet you could fit a whole lot of Pomeranians in
    that there elk carcass! Anne - my condolences on
    what must be a unbelievable situation!
    > >
    > > Anne V - 02:44pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1339 of 1356)
    I did call my vet. He laughed until he was gagging
    and breathless. He says a lot of things, which can
    be summed as *what did you expect?* and *no, there
    is no such thing as too much elk meat for a
    dog.* He is planning to stop over and take a
    look on his way home. Thanks, Lori. I am almost
    surrendered to the absurdity of it.
    > >
    > > Lori Shiraishi - 02:49pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1340 of 1356)
    "He is planning to stop over and take a look on
    his way home." So he can fall down laughing in
    person?
    > >
    > > Anne V - 02:50pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1341 of 1356)
    Basically, yeah. That would be about it.
    > >
    > > AmyC - 02:56pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1342 of 1356)
    "no, there is no such thing as too much elk meat
    for a dog." Oh, sweet lord, Anne. You have my
    deepest sympathies in this, perhaps the most
    peculiar of the Gus Pong
    Adventures. You are truly a woman of superhuman
    patience. wait -- you carried the carcass down
    from the mountains with the dogs inside?
    > >
    > > Anne V - 02:59pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1343 of 1356)
    the carcass down from the mountains with the
    dogs inside?
    no, well, sort of. My part in the whole thing was
    to get really stressed about a meeting that I had
    to go to, and say *yeah, ok, whatever* when it was
    suggested that the ribcages, since we couldn't get
    the dogs out of them and the dogs couldn't be left
    there, be brought to my house. Because, you know
    - I just thought they would get bored of it sooner
    or
    later. But it appears to be later, in the misty
    uncertain future, that they will get bored. Now,
    they are still interested. And very loud, one
    singing, one snoring.
    > >
    > > Lori Shiraishi - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1344 of 1356)
    And very loud, one singing, one snoring.
    wow. I can't even begin to imagine the acoustics
    involved with singing from the inside of an elk.
    > >
    > > Anne V - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1345 of 1356)
    reverb. lots and lots of reverb.
    > >
    > > Anne V - 03:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1347 of 1356)
    I'll tell you the thing that is causing me to lose
    it again and again, and then I have to go back
    outside and stay there for a while. After the
    meeting, I said to my (extraordinary) boss,
    *look, I've gotta go home for the rest of the day,
    I think. Jake and Gus Pong are inside some elk
    ribcages, and my dad is coming tonight, so I've
    got to get them out
    somehow.* And he said, pale and huge-eyed,
    *Annie, how did you explain the elk to the
    clients?* The poor, poor man thought I had the
    carcasses brought to work with me. For some
    reason, I find this deeply funny.
    > >
    > > (weekend pause)
    > >
    > > Anne V - 08:37am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1395 of 1405)
    So what we did was put the ribcages (containing
    dogs) on tarps and drag them around to the side
    yard, where I figured they would at least be
    harder to see, and then opened my bedroom window
    so that the dogs could let me know when they were
    ready to be plunged
    into a de-elking solution and let in the house.
    Then I went to the airport. Came home, no
    visible elk, no visible dogs. Peeked around the
    shrubs, and there they were, still in the elk. By
    this time, they had gnawed out some little
    portholes between some of the ribs, and you got
    the occasional very frightening glimpse of
    something moving around in there if you watched
    long enough. After a lot of agonizing, I went to
    bed. I closed the back
    door, made sure my window was open, talked to the
    dogs out of it until I was sure they knew it was
    open, and then I fell asleep. Sometimes, sleep is
    a mistake, no matter how
    tired you are. And especially if you are very,
    very tired, and some of your dogs are
    outside, inside some elks. Because when you are
    that tired, you sleep through bumping kind of
    noises, or you kind of think that it's just the
    houseguests. It wasn't the houseguests. It was my
    dogs, having an attack of teamwork unprecedented
    in our domestic history. When I finally woke all
    the way up, it was to a horrible vision. Somehow,
    3 dogs with a combined weight of about 90 pounds,
    managed to hoist one of the ribcages (the meatier
    one, of course) up 3 feet to rest on top of the
    swamp cooler outside the window, and push out the
    screen. What woke me was Gus Pong, howling in
    frustration from inside the ribcage, very close to
    my head, combined with feverish little grunts from
    Jake, who was standing on the nightstand, bracing
    himself against the curtains with remarkably
    bloody little feet. Here are some things I have
    learned, this Rosh Hashanah weekend:
    1. almond milk removes elk blood from curtains
    and pillowcases,
    2. We can all exercise superhuman strength when it
    comes to getting elk carcasses out of our
    yard,
    3. The sight of elk ribcages hurtling over the
    fence really frightens the nice deputy sheriff who
    lives across the street, and
    4. the dogs can pop the screens out of the
    windows, without damaging them, from either side.
    > >


    > > Anne V - 09:58am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1401 of 1405)
    What I am is really grateful that they didn't
    actually get the damn thing in the window, which
    is clearly the direction they were going in. And
    that the nice deputy didn't arrest me for
    terrifying her with elk parts before dawn.
    > >
    > > AmyC - 09:59am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1402 of 1405)
    Imagine waking up with a gnawed elk carcass in
    your bed, like a real-life "Godfather" with an
    all-dog cast.
    > >
    > > Anne V - 10:01am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1403 of 1405)
    There is not enough almond milk in the world to
    solve an event of that kind.
    ______________________________
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances. - ET



  2. #22
    Join Date
    Feb. 16, 2003
    Location
    MI USA
    Posts
    7,943

    Default

    I remember THAT story. It was just as funny the second time around, with the visuals it created. Looking out of the ribcage, all red, is my favorite. Thanks JB.

    [QUOTE=JB;3911112]From some unknown bb:

    > > Anne V - 01:12pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1320 of 1332)
    They're inside of it. They crawled inside, and now
    I have a giant incredibly heavy piece of carcass
    in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and they are
    NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of
    them is snoring. I have company arriving in three
    hours, and my current plan is to
    1. put up a tent over said carcass and
    2. 2. hang thousands of fly strips inside it. This
    has been going on since about 6:40 this morning.



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Mar. 29, 2008
    Posts
    3,059

    Default

    Hahahaha, Frank B!

    I was expecting to open that pic and gag, but that was hilarious!


    My dog almost got me in big trouble one time. I found her in the front yard during hunting season with what I thought was more deer parts. Upon closer inspection, I found the skin (hide, pelt?) with nails still in it, that one of my neighbors had hung up to dry and obviously meant to keep. I had to get rid of it quick, before the neighbor shot my dog and made a rug out of her!



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 1999
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
    Posts
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    Before we stopped letting the dogs run loose (they were getting into neighbor's garbage ) they would frequently come home with deer legs, tendons/ligaments still attached. It was pretty gruesome to see/hear them using the tendons as dental floss, only to have it snap back to the bone
    ______________________________
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances. - ET



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jun. 22, 2008
    Location
    Outside Ocala FL - Horse Capital of the World
    Posts
    6,193

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seven-up View Post
    My dog almost got me in big trouble one time. I found her in the front yard during hunting season with what I thought was more deer parts. Upon closer inspection, I found the skin (hide, pelt?) with nails still in it, that one of my neighbors had hung up to dry and obviously meant to keep. I had to get rid of it quick, before the neighbor shot my dog and made a rug out of her!
    My dad used to hunt, and had put the deer head into a gigantic cardboard box to take to the taxidermist. He thought he put it out of reach of our dog. . . but. . . the dog got it, and buried it! For 40 years I have had mental images of someone rototilling that back yard and finding that head!



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Mar. 23, 2008
    Posts
    338

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ajierene View Post
    In light of dealing with the Department of Natural Resources, you may find this amusing. I like to go to it every once in a while just to have a laugh:

    http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.asp
    I almost just pee myself



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