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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default Divorce and horses.

    Did your horses contribute to your divorce? Did you keep your horses afterwards?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,823

    Default

    Kept my horse, kept the horse trailer...ditched the wife.

    My horses did contribute to the divorce...they brought to me so clearly what a clueless and rather mean person my ex-wife was.

    I sold a mare I loved so I could get something "pluggier" so I could ride with my very timid rider wife...she had the attitude of "you must attend".

    Later, after having basically a beginner rider complaining about how I rode etc. I realized one day, "You know, life's too short to not enjoy myself riding"...and she was making riding a non-fun job.

    Kicked her to the kerb, didn't look back and it was a classic example of making me choose between riding with her or enjoying riding...She lost. Luckily, she hated kids, so no complicating drama that way.

    See ladies, you're not the only ones with this problem.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2004
    Location
    Catonsville, MD
    Posts
    6,891

    Default

    Trakehner, my (now-ex) husband complained to me about my adorable old gray cat Sam. I told him, "I had the cat before I had you, and if necessary, I will have the cat after you go." Turned out to be necessary. Cat lived almost 10 more years, have no idea where the ex is.

    I think that the way horses can contributed to divorce is that they are, like it or not, a very expensive manifestation of one's values. And our partners can respect those values (and us) or not respect 'em.
    I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
    I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09




  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default

    I have my own farm. (owned by me prior to marraige. Hubby lived in town) He did not contribute to horses financially. Hubby moved to farm because he said he liked the outdoors and farming. 6 years later suddenly has decided this isn't the life he wanted. Moved out today after saying some really nasty things about my character, abilities, and life. (of course it is all my fault that he misses single life and has already considered dating other people and last night was the first time anything was brought up). Prior to last night we were planning construction for a house in two months.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2004
    Location
    Rolling hills of Virginny
    Posts
    5,954

    Default

    Trak, completely off topic. Aren't you remarried now?

    I thought your wife got hurt and doesn't ride now, but she doesn't have a problem with you doing it.

    Simple prurient curiosity in asking, I freely admit.

    I didn't have a horse while I was married, but got one as soon as I kicked the ex to the curb. Best decisions I ever made.

    Smilton, sounds like the horses are just an excuse for him. He's obviously been planning this for awhile. It really has nothing to do with them. I'm sorry he's such a bum.
    The plural of anecdote is not data.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2004
    Location
    Catonsville, MD
    Posts
    6,891

    Default

    smilton, I'm so sorry. I hope that you are protected from him taking your farm or your horses. I hope he is self-supporting. Please tell us you have some kind of property agreement / prenup. Hugs.
    I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
    I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09




  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default

    Property is in my maiden name and under my mother so protect it with a signed form from the lawyer that it remains mine even if I marry.
    Yep thats kind of my feelings as well.
    Break up with hubby, valentines day and my 30th birthday in that order. Oh boy what a month.
    I'm creating a cupid voodoo doll.
    Other comments included that I was like hugging a man as I was in the barn so often in barn clothes.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 25, 2003
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    8,338

    Default

    ((hugs)) and glad everything is in your name.

    After 21 years of marriage my husband finally came to the conclusion (this week) that maybe horses were a good thing for me because they gave me so much pleasure .

    But having horses can be hard on a marriage because of the time and expense involved. I've always thought it worth it, but then again, I'm the one who rides.
    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
    Location
    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
    Posts
    11,465

    Default

    The first Mr. Lucassb was initially attracted to horses - I only found out later that he (secretly) considered horseshows were probably good places to do networking and social climbing. (Looking back, that is really quite funny.) After he figured out that in fact they were not his ticket to the social class he aspired to, he resented all (my) time, energy and money devoted to the horses and it did contribute to our divorce. Let's just say I don't miss him. And yes, I kept the horse...

    I did remarry and while my hubby doesn't ride, he is totally supportive and enjoys the fact that I have a hobby I love so much. In turn, I am happy to support his hobby which is cycling. Much better arrangement all the way around.
    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by arabhorse2 View Post
    Trak, completely off topic. Aren't you remarried now? I thought your wife got hurt and doesn't ride now, but she doesn't have a problem with you doing it..
    I was writing of my ex-wife...Mrs. Trakehner did ride and had a terrible accident...she loves the horses and that I ride. She'll come out the barn for Christmas parties and will give treats several times a year, other than that she enjoys the horse stories and other horse people in our lives.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 8, 2006
    Location
    B.C. Canada
    Posts
    1,919

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by smilton View Post
    Property is in my maiden name and under my mother so protect it with a signed form from the lawyer that it remains mine even if I marry.
    Yep thats kind of my feelings as well.
    Break up with hubby, valentines day and my 30th birthday in that order. Oh boy what a month.
    I'm creating a cupid voodoo doll.
    Other comments included that I was like hugging a man as I was in the barn so often in barn clothes.
    I'm sorry - it's tough no matter what. But take all those nasty comments and toss them where they belong in the garbage can. They mean nothing. I spent years feeling like I was ugly, unattractive and unwanted due to similar type comments from my ex.

    Then I met a real man
    One who sincerely believes I am as lovely in a dress and makeup as I am sitting in the passenger seat of the ford pickup with my barefeet up on the dash covered in hay and smelling like I spent a weekend with horses and looking like I was rolling around in a sandbox for 3 days while he drives us home from an endurance ride - and spends everyday telling me so They do exist!!
    Quote Originally Posted by ExJumper View Post
    Sometimes I'm thrown off, sometimes I'm bucked off, sometimes I simply fall off, and sometimes I go down with the ship. All of these are valid ways to part company with your horse.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 1, 2005
    Posts
    673

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucassb View Post
    I did remarry and while my hubby doesn't ride, he is totally supportive and enjoys the fact that I have a hobby I love so much. In turn, I am happy to support his hobby which is cycling. Much better arrangement all the way around.

    I agree here. It can work out just fine if your mate does not ride..but they need to have their own "thing" and each needs to be supportive of the other.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2000
    Posts
    22,424

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by smilton View Post
    Moved out today after saying some really nasty things about my character, abilities, and life. (of course it is all my fault that he misses single life and has already considered dating other people and last night was the first time anything was brought up).
    I'm sorry. I had hoped your question wasn't a personal one.

    Good riddance and don't let the door hit him on the ass on the way out.

    Don't let him blame it on your life or your love for your horses. If he's a jerk, he'd be a jerk about dogs, cats, your weight, your hair, your parents - whatever.

    I eloped at 19 and am still married. We don't care where we are or how we live as long as we're together. We could live in a cardboard box and be happy as long as we could hold hands.

    You need someone like that and he's out there. Wave bye bye to jerkface, wipe your tears, and go hug your horses.

    Best wishes.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default

    He had multiple "own things". 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, golf, snow boarding, drag cars etc. Whatever whim hit. None have stuck. I'm guessing my whim time is up. He used to ride three days a week with me. Lost its novelty.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2004
    Location
    Rolling hills of Virginny
    Posts
    5,954

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Trakehner View Post
    I was writing of my ex-wife...Mrs. Trakehner did ride and had a terrible accident...she loves the horses and that I ride. She'll come out the barn for Christmas parties and will give treats several times a year, other than that she enjoys the horse stories and other horse people in our lives.
    That's what I thought, Trak. You've always spoken of your wife in such glowing terms, I figured it had to be a previous spouse.

    Smilton, good riddance to bad rubbish! As others have said, it would have been something, if it wasn't the horses. That's just the hook he chose to hang his unhappiness upon.
    The plural of anecdote is not data.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 13, 2002
    Location
    Azle, Teh-has
    Posts
    7,719

    Default I WAS engaged

    I kicked my indoor cat of 10 years with no front claws outside. She left for 3 days before returning.

    I delt with his two dogs that I hated. HATED!

    I delt with his instant gradification syndrome and tried to keep him in check as best I could without being that pushy mom type

    I delt with him always wanting to get on my training horses that were 1/2 broke (and he'd never ridden before)
    how many times can you answer the same question before blowing your top?

    I delt with his evil mother and grandmother

    I sold all my stuff and moved for him

    And then one day he tried to put a halt to some of my horsie goodness.
    And that was that.


    I can't express in words how happy I've been since I dropped the 'get married' idea.

    This Sat one of my friends and I are going to see "He's just not that in to you" : )
    http://kaboomeventing.com/
    http://kaboomeventing.blogspot.com/
    Horses are amazing athletes and make no mistake -- they are the stars of the show!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    May. 31, 2007
    Location
    Aiken, SC
    Posts
    4,696

    Default

    [QUOTE=arabhorse2;3869912]Trak, completely off topic. Aren't you remarried now?

    I thought your wife got hurt and doesn't ride now, but she doesn't have a problem with you doing it.

    Simple prurient curiosity in asking, I freely admit.



    PRURIENT INTEREST - A morbid, degrading and unhealthy interest in sex, as distinguished from a mere candid interest in sex.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
    Posts
    9,039

    Default

    [QUOTE=equinelaw;3870578]
    Quote Originally Posted by arabhorse2 View Post
    Trak, completely off topic. Aren't you remarried now?

    I thought your wife got hurt and doesn't ride now, but she doesn't have a problem with you doing it.

    Simple prurient curiosity in asking, I freely admit.



    PRURIENT INTEREST - A morbid, degrading and unhealthy interest in sex, as distinguished from a mere candid interest in sex.
    Isn't that, uh kinky?



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,823

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    Quote Originally Posted by purplnurpl View Post
    I kicked my indoor cat of 10 years with no front claws outside. She left for 3 days before returning. I dealt with his evil mother and grandmother
    Boy, you were really trying to make it work....but wasn't it an amazing release when you kicked him to the kerb?

    I sold my favourite horse, ignored friends (I learned one important thing...if they don't like your friends, they really don't like you either) and found myself giving up riding since it wasn't fun with her....

    Enjoy your freedom...life's too short to be unhappy, especially when you do it to make someone else happy.

    Poor cat.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Mar. 23, 2005
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    4,182

    Default

    Given that money is one of the leading causes of divorce, it makes sense that horses would often lead to marital friction - they take a LOT of money! They also take a lot of time, which can also make for more problems.

    The horses were definitely a contributing factor for me. I got them (though one of the two was mine going in), and most of the equipment. Actually, I still haven't gotten the papers on the baby signed over to me solely (we are listed as co-owners), so technically it's not over yet... Neither of us had the money to support the horses on our own, but I was willing to sacrifice more to keep them (that's not a value statement - I don't think I'm any BETTER because of it; it's just how things worked out). Now I just hope the current economy doesn't change my outlook...
    Proud member of the EDRF



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