I've never gone to counseling, being rather introverted, I'd say I talk to my horses more than I talk to a lot of people in general. (I guess I spill my guts online and use the internet for therapy. )
But I'm thinking it might be worth a shot. I still harbor a tremendous amount of guilt regarding Dan's death... there was nothing anyone could have done to change the outcome but I still somehow feel responsible. I try not to let it weigh on me, as I know it is irrational to some degree, but it is still there.
I'm glad you started this thread, as clearly there are many of us who are still trying to work through this process. It is nice to know there are others dealing with the same things I am.
We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.
FlashGordon, yes, I do find it helpful, but I have a ways to go...
My problem is that I "stuff" all of the feelings so that when I want to cry (e.g., I am alone), I cannot! Maybe I should watch a few tearjerkers?
This happens to me, too - glad I'm not the only one. I've actually turned on the radio in the car a couple of times to start a good cry - nothing like a sappy country ballad to get me crying. (In large part because Rebuff seemed most content with country on the barn radio, so now it reminds me of him.)
I do seem to cry at 'inopportune' times, which stinks...especially since most of those times are at work. My mother actually calls them "thought bombs" - those things that trigger a sudden crying jag out out of the blue. Ironically, my mother IS a therapist, and she's assured me repeatedly that this is perfectly normal and to just go with it. As many here have said, just escape to the ladies room (or your car, which I personally like) and have a good cry. Then mop up and carry on.
A little update. I rented a few tearjerkers from Netflix and watched one last night. It really got the tears flowing! I started thinking about how much I miss my girl Chutney and it really did feel good to cry. Now I feel like everything is more "at the surface" - I am going to watch another sad movie tonight!