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View Poll Results: What should I do?

Voters
130. You may not vote on this poll
  • Just let it ride. Bless your heart.

    2 1.54%
  • Say something to her.

    15 11.54%
  • Say something to the BO.

    91 70.00%
  • Smack her with a stick.

    22 16.92%
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Results 1 to 20 of 49
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2009
    Posts
    146

    Default Any advice? Update Page 2

    Posting under an alter because it is a sticky topic.

    Would love some opinions.

    Setting: Smallish, private facility. About 25 horses, mostly trail and pleasure riders. Not a riding school. Huge outdoor riding space. Small indoor available.

    Background: I was told when I moved in that the indoor arena is always free for anyone to use. I was welcome to bring outside coaches in but not allowed to close the arena off. Not a problem.

    Now the problem: There is another boarder there who gives a few lessons a week to adult re-riders on her older dressage horse. She never posted when she was giving the lessons and a few times when I showed up to ride (in the evenings after work), she was giving lessons. So, I rode around them.

    Then she started really fussing about wanting the arena *just* for her lessons. The she started being rude when I wanted to ride. She was expecting to have sole use of the arena 3 evenings a week. I never knew when she was coming out, and half the time when I was expecting her to, she didn't.

    Things evened out a bit over X-Mas because people were on holidays.

    However, now it looks like we will have an issue again.

    She has blocked off use of the arena (for sure) one night a week. No biggie. However, she most recently she started making a fuss that my coach comes out to give lessons a couple of nights a week. These were not nights she usually taught and I am not expecting to have sole use of the arena. There usually is no one else there those nights.

    To complicate things further, she has also now started to take it upon herself to INSTRUCT my part-boarders how to ride *MY* horses if she is there when they are riding. ARGHHHH. I know she thinks she is wonderful, but she's not someone I want 'helping'.

    I love the barn and everyone else has been absolutely fantastic about 'sharing' and respect. I just don't know what to do about this one person.

    COTH people often have great advice and I am sure this is a situation others have run into. How would you suggest I approach this? Just with her? With the BO? What should I say?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 26, 2004
    Location
    Suburbs of Cleveland, OH
    Posts
    522

    Default You make it SO hard!!!

    lol - I REALLY wanted to check the "Smack Her With a Stick" choice, but chose what I thought was the best option in the end.... Talk to the barn owner about it. No one should be meddling with your horses and the arena is there for everyone to use. If this woman is doing both, then the BO needs to be informed.

    BUT - if the BO doesn't help tame the situation - smack her with a stick!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2000
    Location
    Youngsville, NC
    Posts
    2,534

    Default

    Politically incorrect person that I am, I would have already ripped her head off the first time she tried to run me out of the ring.

    However, the best way to approach it is with the barn owner. And I would have my boarding contract in hand, because I'm assuming it doesn't say anything about giving exclusive use to another boarder for lessons or any other purpose, correct?
    'Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.'
    - Pablo Picasso



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2005
    Location
    Strasburg, PA "Just west of Paradise"
    Posts
    3,969

    Default

    I would talk to the BO.

    She may have an agreement with the BO that you do not know of.

    Also all of these expectations that you have I am sure that they are in writing in the form of your contract and written barn rules, correct?

    Many times in boarding facilities it's all those unwritten expectations that cause the most trouble.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2005
    Location
    Strasburg, PA "Just west of Paradise"
    Posts
    3,969

    Default

    The use of the alter as you say suggests that the woman giving the lessons is on here, the BO is or some boarders are. This is just your passive aggressive way of getting others to correct your problem?



  6. #6
    Join Date
    May. 28, 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,284

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 7HL View Post
    The use of the alter as you say suggests that the woman giving the lessons is on here, the BO is or some boarders are. This is just your passive aggressive way of getting others to correct your problem?
    Huh?

    Lots of people use alters when they're trying to be discreet about something, when they have a potentially embarrassing topic, or yes, if they know other COTHers in person. OP was simply asking for advice on the best way to handle a situation.

    COTH people often have great advice and I am sure this is a situation others have run into. How would you suggest I approach this? Just with her? With the BO? What should I say?
    Nowhere in that did I read "Please correct my problems for me!"

    ETA: Argh, that situation doesn't sound pleasant, good luck handling it. I voted talk to the BO. From what your post said, it's the BO's decision/rules that allow the arena to be shared, and disallow people from "claiming" it. Just make sure that when you approach BO (or the crazy arena lady) about it, that you do it in a non-confrontational way. Don't make them think you're just whining, but that you feel you have a legit reason to be concerned.
    Last edited by talkofthetown; Jan. 9, 2009 at 11:21 AM. Reason: adding



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 27, 2007
    Location
    Behind the Orange Curtain
    Posts
    9,694

    Default

    Just because you don't KNOW someone at the barn is on here doesn't mean they aren't, as I'm sure the OP well knows. That's why people use alters.

    Absolutely speak to the BO/BM. This is a change from your original oral agreement. If the BO/BM made an agreement with this boarder for exclusive use of the arena the other boarders should have been notified.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 14, 2005
    Location
    Just east of Short Hill Mtn.
    Posts
    2,696

    Default

    So you haven't said anything to her yet? You're a better person than me. If the arena isn't "closed" for her private use by the BO, you have every right to be there. Chat with the BO to reconfirm your rights (and hers), and then if she fusses let her know you've had enough of it and you have every right to be there, in the indoor that you pay board to have access to, at the time that it's convenient for you to ride. If she still gives you grief, then smack her with a stick. Seriously -- she's not worth your stress. Clearly she's got control issues. You just need to make it clear that you're not within her realm of control.
    "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucious
    <>< I.I.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2003
    Location
    Cocoa, Fla
    Posts
    4,230

    Default

    When addressing a problem you need to gather facts.
    So start by writing down concerns against what you previously experienced then go talk to BO.

    Other posters are correct as BO may or may not:
    1.) Know what is going on
    2.) Approve what is going on
    3,) Know that it is bothering you (and perhaps others?)

    Good luck. There is always someone stirring the pot.
    Sandy in Fla.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2005
    Location
    Strasburg, PA "Just west of Paradise"
    Posts
    3,969

    Default

    Lots of people use alters when they're trying to be discreet about something, when they have a potentially embarrassing topic, or yes, if they know other COTHers in person. OP was simply asking for advice on the best way to handle a situation.
    I don't see anything embarrassing in the OP's post. Or sticky even.

    We all use alters in some form, we are not required to use our real names ae screen names, give email address out to everyone, post where we live or keep our horses.

    Individuals may be personally embarrassed that they can't deal with it themselves. Often times it is the hopes of people that use the form of complaining that the word will get back to the offending party or others that know about the situation. With the use of an "alter" they can say "it wasn't me" if confronted.

    There has been nothing said or confirmed that what was expected by the OP was anything more then assumptions on her part. She didn't say the BO and her have an oral agreement or written agreement about use of indoor. Are the use of indoor rules written and or posted for all? Or is it some loose agreement? Since the offending party has been by all accounts giving lessons for some time, does her and the BO have an agreement. There is nothing said whether the re-riders are coming in from the outside. I would think if that is the case there is some liability issues involved. Most BOs would require that releases be signed. This is why the OP needs to talk to the BO. If she doesn't like the BO's answer maybe she needs to look elsewhere?



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 7, 2005
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,174

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sleepy View Post
    Politically incorrect person that I am, I would have already ripped her head off the first time she tried to run me out of the ring.

    However, the best way to approach it is with the barn owner. And I would have my boarding contract in hand, because I'm assuming it doesn't say anything about giving exclusive use to another boarder for lessons or any other purpose, correct?
    DITTO. Then smack her with the stick.
    If you cannot set a good example, at least serve as a terrible warning....



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 4, 2007
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    2,991

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by arghhalter View Post
    Background: I was told when I moved in that the indoor arena is always free for anyone to use. I was welcome to bring outside coaches in but not allowed to close the arena off. Not a problem.
    I'd talk to the BO. Remind her of this, and ask if anything has changed. "And the reason I'm bringing it up is because I'm not able to use the arena as we'd agreed when I moved in. If nothing has changed, will you be able to clarify with (this other person) about it today? I'm here so I can work and ride my horse on my own schedule. "

    This isn't confrontational, and you'll find out some things: either things have changed, or they haven't, and whether your BO is in charge of her barn. You aren't responsible for settling disputes. The BO is.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2007
    Location
    Napanee ON
    Posts
    4,352

    Default

    I would smack anyone instructing people how to ride MY horse if I didn't give permission.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2004
    Location
    IA
    Posts
    4,145

    Default

    Ditto stryder!! Then smack her w/ the stick. Sorry CQ, I couldn't help it either.

    Oh yes, ditto Jealoushe, too! (I must be in a mood today.)
    A Merrick N Dream Farm
    Proud Member of "Someone Special to me serves in the Military" Clique



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul. 27, 2007
    Location
    Behind the Orange Curtain
    Posts
    9,694

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 7HL View Post
    I don't see anything embarrassing in the OP's post. Or sticky even.
    Nobody likes to see online that a barnmate has an "issue" with something they are doing. People use alters in the hopes that it will help them remain anonymous and keep the subject, on the chance she reads here, from recognizing herself.

    It's also accepted COTH practice when one is discussing a barn conflict.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2006
    Location
    Eastern WV Panhandle
    Posts
    1,246

    Default

    I would address the indoor arena use with the BO.

    I would smack her with a stick for instructing your part-boarders on your horses.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
    Posts
    9,507

    Default

    Another reason to dislike unwritten rules and "customary practices". They tend to change depending on how they are heard.
    Personally I really like the idea of smacking the co-boarder with a stick, but of course I voted to talk to the BO.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun. 17, 2001
    Location
    down the road from bar.ka
    Posts
    32,217

    Default

    Hey, for an alter post, this is pretty mild and not any kind of personal attack. Pretty concise actually.

    You have to go to the barn owner. Maybe they do not even know what's going on...and does wonder boarder/trainer have any insurance or is she included on the barn's liability policy? Or maybe things have changed?

    Been thru things like this and my sympathy to you. Once stuff like this goes unchecked, I have usually ended up moving.

    Constructively, you might suggest to BO a white dry erase board to keep track of lesson times if the ring is to be restricted.

    I would DEFINATELY mention wonder boarder/trainer is NOT to say word one to anybody on YOUR horse and if they won't tell 'em? Tell her you do not appreciate her coaching anybody on YOUR horse when you have your OWN trainer.

    Stuff like this gets started because of no written policies and nobody to enforce them...and once you get a barn busybody representing herself as a "trainer" it will only get worse unless it stops. NOW.
    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Apr. 15, 2004
    Location
    Sunny Sonoma, CA
    Posts
    1,292

    Default

    Is it a carrot stick?

    I also voted speak to the BO. Good luck.
    Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"



  20. #20
    Join Date
    May. 28, 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,284

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 7HL View Post
    This is why the OP needs to talk to the BO.

    I think that we all agreed on that point...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ambrey View Post
    Nobody likes to see online that a barnmate has an "issue" with something they are doing. People use alters in the hopes that it will help them remain anonymous and keep the subject, on the chance she reads here, from recognizing herself.

    It's also accepted COTH practice when one is discussing a barn conflict.
    I for one don't post complaints about my barn situation (under my regular COTH name), as I *know* that my BO/boss/landlord lurks. I really don't want to be caught gossiping about anything, or sharing their personal business, with an internet forum.



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