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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2008
    Location
    Fort Worth Texas
    Posts
    18

    Default Thinking about buying a horse

    I don't know where to post this , just I just felt like talking about it, which I am sure some of you can relate to. I am thinking about buying.... i haven't owned my own horse in 13 years or so. Sold the last one because I just couldn't afford it anymore. Now we are very stable ( ha ha ) and can afford it, so its been pulling at me to get a horse. I am riding for someone ( pro bono) and my dh can't understand why i don't just keep riding for her( about 6 horses a week +/-) . Its something I can't explain, just that I want my own horse to do my own thing with... MY horse.

    Can anyone else relate?

    I am looking at a horse right now and I think he might be " the one". He is a diamond in the rough, but he is what I am looking for, and my my $$ range. He is green but a SAFE green, he is 6 and so mellow you can barely get him to trot, much less canter.... but I have high hopes for training and a little fitness that he will come around.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2008
    Location
    Surrey, UK
    Posts
    254

    Default

    I can totally relate. There's a huge difference between riding other people's horses and riding your very own - and that's why I found my guy. I had to explain it to DH in music terms, since that's what he understands, but eventually he got it and we found Jules.

    I can never ride as well on someone else's horse as I can on my own. I think my riding starts to lack emotion when I lease, and that's a huge deal for me.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2002
    Location
    recent FL transplant from IL
    Posts
    7,174

    Default

    What are your husband's concerns? Are they financial? I can see that. In his eyes you are getting ride cheap (or free) with little or no liability. If any of those horses get hurt or sick you aren't paying their bills for vet or lay up. Now if you actually owned a horse, you'd be paying for it. Maybe he's worried you'd get back in & wouldn't be able to afford it. I'd try speaking with him further to see what his concerns are.

    I am also coming from the experience of years of not having my own horse & now I have 2. Truthfully I enjoyed riding a variety of horses. I guess I don't have any urge to have to ride "my own" horse. I am happy riding whatever I am riding.
    "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2002
    Location
    way out west
    Posts
    3,239

    Default

    I completely understand because for me it's not just about the riding. It's about the bond, and it's really complicated if you bond with someone else's horse because you don't have control over that situation. If you get too attached, there's a big risk. If it's your own horse, you can safely give it your heart.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2006
    Posts
    117

    Default

    Nows the time to do it.
    I know how you feel, i was about to sell my horse this spring but I just couldn't get myself to do it. Its that special bond that you have and the friend that is always there for you no matter what. I really say I cannot ask for a better best friend. A lot of times its the only thing that gets me out of the house because he depends on you and needs you.

    Just make sure before you dive in again that you will be able to support it, there is nothing worse than buying a horse and then having to dump it because you cannot afford it. It may take some cutbacks in other parts of your life but the rewards are worth it. HOpe it works out for you!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec. 1, 2007
    Location
    Gettysburg, PA
    Posts
    2,645

    Default

    I can totally relate. I was at the same point at one time in my life. Leasing just wasn't the same. It is a buyers market, so it is a good time if you are set to afford it. Remember though, it is an addiction and all of us will enable any thoughts of adding a second horse, getting a pony for a child, a hubby horse etc
    Epona Farm
    Irish Draughts and Irish Sport horses

    Join us on Facebook



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2004
    Location
    Catonsville, MD
    Posts
    6,919

    Default

    marinewife, I've been leasing for years, and am about to buy the horse I've been leasing. It's a big step, and a scary big responsibility, but if you know what you are doing, and have your resources (financial, time, and family support / cooperation) lined up, then go for it. You can get all the enabling you need on this board, that's for sure.
    I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
    I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09




  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug. 7, 2005
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    2,543

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by saddleup View Post
    I completely understand because for me it's not just about the riding. It's about the bond, and it's really complicated if you bond with someone else's horse because you don't have control over that situation. If you get too attached, there's a big risk. If it's your own horse, you can safely give it your heart.
    There you go..well said. It's kinda like choosing marriage to "the" one rather than just dating, playing the field.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 20, 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    265

    Default

    i know exactly how you feel! i leased a horse for a year and trained her. then the owner asked if i wanted to buy her because she knew i was looking but then wouldn't agree on price with me. so then i started an eager search and found my man! now we have a wonderful bond after being together for 3 months. there is just no way to explain it but having your own is so much more rewarding. i was scared to death when i bought him about remembering to schedule farrier apts, worming, etc. it all just comes together somehow and he is a happy little man. mine too is a 5 year old greenie-quiet as can be though! i've even taught him how to bow and give me kisses on demand! good luck!
    be kind to your horses mouth!



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2008
    Location
    Fort Worth Texas
    Posts
    18

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Giddy-up View Post
    What are your husband's concerns? Are they financial? I can see that. In his eyes you are getting ride cheap (or free) with little or no liability.
    Definately he has financial concerns..... but they are not well founded. Its more like gun shy. We were married young( 18&19) and I continued to have a horse , and then began to live beyond our means and had to sell my horse which was at the time, the horse of my dreams. While I am sure he would RATHER dump money into something else besides a horse( oh say like his current hobby of eating out to the tune of 600 a month or more), we have zero Debt, no car payment, 2 stable incomes and a large sum in the savings.
    I kinda look at it as I could spend hundreds of dollars on shopping or salons, but I don't! i buy most my clothes at the goodwill, and i get a pedicure like every 4 mos. Seriously , though ,I think he would HATE for me to get a horse to only have to sell again, because he loves me so much he would never want to see me sad like that again..... Mostly I believe its the time it would take... away from the family and him. He is very possessive of our time together, however , this will also be the first time we have done full care board, not self care, so again he has nightmares of being REQUIRED to go to the barn daily, most days 2 times a day and sometimes 3 or 4. Again , I will be going to the barn when he is at work, like I ride now.

    PLUS with my own horse , I can ride the way I want, dictate ground manners, go to a show when I want, or clinic when I want.. all with out having to approve it first with someone.... give it a warm bran mash with carrots and apples... someone nailed it on the head for me,I just don't bond when I ride a horse that isn't mine. I just can't put my finger on it.

    I do feel a little scared..... what made me realize I had to sell my last horse was because it was self care, but I coouldn't get out to the barn in a winter storm, and my husband had to go to work ( Marines) and I couldn't even get out to the barn to feed him or clean his stall for a few days. I used to have nightmares that I forgot I owned a horse and would finally go see him and it would have been weeks that I had forgotten about it. It leaves a pit in my stomach just thinking about the horrid situation I had put him and my self into.

    But that was years ago, and now we CAN afford it, and I DO have time!



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2004
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,722

    Default

    I definitely can relate. I bought my first horse ever last year, at the age of 32. I wanted one my entire life, but time or finances got in the way. I part leased, full leased, and still wanted something that was "all mine" so to speak. I had him barely 6 months when he injured himself in the pasture requiring stall rest and a long rehab, and I am still happy to have him and spend whatever time I can with him.

    I say go for it and keep us posted!



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb. 10, 2007
    Location
    SE Wisconsin
    Posts
    2,277

    Default

    I know JUST how you feel! Tiki, the horse in my user profile, is permanently retired due to arthritis in his hindquarters (mainly stifles, but some hock involvement, too). He's loving the pasture puff life, but I want another horse that I can show. I'm currently leasing a Trak/Tb cross (coincidentally what Tiki is!), and he's a sweetie, but he's not mine.

    My trainer and I are having a rough time finding the right horse; it's discouraging, but I hope it will ultimately be worth it!

    Good luck to us both!

    Kim
    I loff my Quarter horse clique

    I kill threads dead!



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2002
    Location
    recent FL transplant from IL
    Posts
    7,174

    Default

    If you looked it over & know you are financially secure to afford it and he's only holding back cause he's being selfish (which it sounds like he is cause he's worried how it's going to affect him), then you need to decide what a new horse is worth to you. Is getting your own horse worth potentially ticking off your husband & rocking the marriage boat? Or is he the type where he talks a big game, but if you do it anyways he'll smile & go along with what you want? Only you know that.

    Have you explained that having your horse in a full care barn is very different from having to do self care? You get to show up, ride, pet & leave. The chores are handled by the barn staff.

    ps--what if you stop going out to eat with him?? That will save you $300 a month (your share) & maybe even more if he won't go by himself.
    "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 5, 2007
    Location
    Chestertown,MD
    Posts
    384

    Default Does your name mean 'semper fie'?

    Does it mean you are married to an active marine? If so, where will you be in 2 years? Can you afford to move the horse? will you move the horse?

    just asking and raising a few questions
    Pao Lin



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Posts
    4,343

    Default

    I half leased for a long time before buying Niki. It's nice having my own horse, but my freedom with her is balanced by my responsibility for her. She costs a lot of money- some necessary, some guilt.

    Notably- my SO was like your husband, but now he sees Niki as a pet and loves her very much. Frankly, if I tried to sell Niki, he would not let me. LOL.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 13, 2006
    Location
    At the back of the line
    Posts
    4,016

    Default

    I was 40 before I got a horse of my very own. Then I lost him. I was totally at sea for a few weeks then Id ecided to get another. I wanted to take my time and look around for a while but Its hard going to a barn where everyone of a certain riding level has a horse but you have to ride whatever the barn has. Not complaining mind but its different. So I found a good deal and wrote the check. And another. And another.

    Things change suddenly, for the good and for the bad. If you have to sell for whatever reason, can you do it? Can you NOT do it if the market gets worse (god forbid) and you have to paid board on one for 12 months until it sells?

    If you really think you can afford the time & $ to care for one and DH comes around, nows a great time to get a great deal on one. Maybe you can even save one...
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2004
    Location
    Catonsville, MD
    Posts
    6,919

    Default

    In this economy, in this world, I think that every horse who goes to a decently reliable home is a rescue, or a rescue whose necessity has been prevented. All you have to do is read one report from New Holland about ponies w/ shipping boots and braided manes w/ kill stickers on their hips to know that it's a very precarious world for animals who are fragile, expensive to care for, and basically luxuries.

    (didn't mean to hijack, marinewife91)

    My honey is sometimes resentful of how much time I spend at the barn, but it helps that I've ridden all the time that I have known him, so he doesn't look longingly back to a time when I was home at 6:30 5 nights a week. Good luck negotiating the marital space for your passion. Horses are worth it.
    I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
    I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09




  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2008
    Location
    Fort Worth Texas
    Posts
    18

    Default

    Yes my husband is AD , with 18.5 years in. He is retiring in about 18 mos, so now we also have a stability factor we have never had before( which btw we moved every 4-5 years not 2 but I degress all services and MOS are different).We have bought a home , so I would gather selling that would be MUCH harder then selling a horse , which I could give to a good home if I had to with out much financial consideration( we are talking about a horse that barely hits 4 figures).

    Mostly he is worried about the time it will take away from us, but unless we suddenly become independently wealthy, we will always have to juggle our careers. Waiting will not make that any better.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    9,064

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marinewife91 View Post
    Yes my husband is AD , with 18.5 years in. He is retiring in about 18 mos, so now we also have a stability factor we have never had before( which btw we moved every 4-5 years not 2 but I degress all services and MOS are different).We have bought a home , so I would gather selling that would be MUCH harder then selling a horse , which I could give to a good home if I had to with out much financial consideration( we are talking about a horse that barely hits 4 figures).

    Mostly he is worried about the time it will take away from us, but unless we suddenly become independently wealthy, we will always have to juggle our careers. Waiting will not make that any better.
    If your riding now for someone else, why is he worried about your own horse taking time away from the both of you?

    Life..well, it will always be something. If not the horse, then something else comes along and messes it up your plans. Life does not go on according to schedule.

    If a horse is what you want and can afford it, then you can find a way to make the time for you and hubby.

    You are right. Waiting will not make it any better except waste precious time you can be spending with your horse.

    After moving every couple years for his career, you deserve it for yourself!

    I've had horse all my life and I couldn't imagine my husband not supporting me in my adult decision to have a horse.
    MnToBe Twinkle Star: "Twinkie"
    http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/f...wo/009_17A.jpg

    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb. 13, 2005
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    6,891

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marinewife91 View Post
    Mostly he is worried about the time it will take away from us, but unless we suddenly become independently wealthy, we will always have to juggle our careers. Waiting will not make that any better.
    It sounds like if anyone's in a financial and life position to buy, it's you. But since you asked for a discussion, let's bring up two issues that might be legitimate objections.

    Think about how old you are and what your life plans will be over the next 25 to 30 years. How old will you be when this horse is 15? 20? 25? Will you be likely to outgrow this horse's goals and then require another horse? Will you feel comfortable providing for its well-being during your retirement years, both in terms of finances and time commitment? Is there a possibility that this horse will outlive you?

    Think about how you'll handle it if this horse becomes pasture-only sound the day after you buy it or anytime thereafter. What options will you feel comfortable with in that situation?

    How will horses fit into your plans (or non-plans) for children or travel?

    Finally, while us horsepeople don't like to talk about it, some horsepeople DO end up divorced or estranged from spouses because of the time they spend with horses. Many of us are in marriages where the SO understands that the horses--and in some of our cases, having our OWN horse--is crucial to our mental health, and they're willing to sacrifice the quantity of time in favor of quality of time. But every relationship is different. You need to have some hard, honest discussions with hubby about whether he is willing to live as a horsewoman's wife for the next 1, 2, 5, 10, 15, 20, or 30 years. If you're riding +/- 6 horses for someone else, then you're already spending significant time away from the barn, so work that into the discussion so that he can gauge what his "new normal" will look like.

    There are no right or wrong answers to any of these questions, and you bet your booty that people here on COTH understand your longing to have one of your own. I know that every time I look into my horse's eyes, I know I made the right choice. And every time my DH sees me come bouncing home from the barn, he knows it was the right choice too. But "right" is different for every couple and every person.
    ________________________
    Resident COTH saddle nerd. (CYA: Not a pro, just a long-time enthusiast!)
    http://twitter.com/jenlmichaels



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