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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    809

    Unhappy SO Confused about College and School...Vent?

    Gah! I am SO FRUSTRATED with myself. I cannot seem to make up my mind on what I want to do. First I want to stay in school, then I want to leave and go home. Then I want to stay in school, and then I think about how much I would also love to leave, go work, and ride...ARGH!

    I'm pretty much going to fail the classes I have now (I had some REALLY bad emotional weeks, which meant I didn't make it out if my room to go to class..) I cannot decide if I should stay in school, and switch to another "college", i.e. the two-year part of the school, or go home and find work for the year and then go back next fall...I feel like I'm wasting my parents money by being here and not doing anything. I HATE my major, and really don't want to be stuck in classes that are pointless do not make me happy.

    I also really like it here, love the people, love the school, the location, ect. BUT, I have no access to horses, mine being at home, and cannot get onto the riding team until next year. I don't have a car, and the closest barn is a bus ride from school into town, then town to the end of the road, and then a mile walk up the road to said barn...and taking the bus is NOT the fast way to get anywhere...there is no way I'd be able to go up there during the week if I was going to classes.

    My advisor is USELESS and is NO help to me whatsoever...I've tried talking to her, and there's just no point to it. I don't know who to talk to to see if it would even be possible for me to go over to the 2-year school, and just start fresh. I don't want to go home, and be seen as a failure that's just another island bum that couldn't hack it at college. I don't want to leave and have to tell the few friends I have here that I'm going home. I don't want to be stuck here wasting my parents money and failing school, and I know I would never make it in classes that I loathe.

    So, sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it out, even if it is to cyber people that don't know and/or don't really care about my dilemma.
    "On the back of a horse I felt whole, complete, connected to that vital place in the center of me...and the chaos within me found balance."



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2003
    Location
    Cocoa, Fla
    Posts
    4,124

    Default

    Bite the bullet - get off you arse and go talk to your teachers to find out how you can fix the opickle you've gotten into.

    Switching colleges cause your failing? What makes you think another college will take on someone who failed their last semester?

    So you don't get bad grades FORCE yourself to study, do extra credit and pass those you have now. You're making excuses - Just Do IT!
    Sandy in Fla.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Virginia
    Posts
    719

    Default

    I did the same thing my first semester. Got a great big 1.54. Hated my school but guess what no one would take me after that so I stuck it out got better grades transferred to a school I liked and finished with a usable degree. Are you really discussing things with your advisor or are you up set that they aren't telling you what you want the hear?
    I had to stop the excuses and blaming my problems on things that I had some control over. Find something that interests you. Sorry you can't be with your horses daily but working full time I don't spend much time with mine and they live at home. If you don't get to work you won't be able to afford them later in life unless someone supports your habit for you.
    (obviously my degree is not in English)



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2002
    Location
    recent FL transplant from IL
    Posts
    7,174

    Default

    I hate to sound mean, but now is the time to put on your big girl undies & start fixing the mess you let happen.

    No more staying in bed having pity parties--get your butt up & go to class. It's paid for right? Might as well go now.

    Can you switch school advisors? My 1st one was a dip, but I changed to another I heard good reviews about from fellow students.

    I am sorry you have no access to horses or the barn, but that's life. Sometimes horses just aren't always able to be accessable 24/7/365. You are in school right now & that needs to be your focus.

    Perhaps as you start taking an active role in your school life, you will find a major or some classes you are interested in.
    "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 11, 2008
    Location
    In the middle of Texas
    Posts
    635

    Default

    Ok. I understand 100% what you're feeling and going through. TRUST me...been there, done that, back there again.

    I mean, look at my screen name! Sickofcollege...

    Everyone has a different situation (financial, family, emotional, health, etc.). For me, college has [B]not[B] been a very positive experience. It's just been one thing after another....

    When I finally moved away from home and into a dorm for summer school something really scary happened to me. I lived on the 13th floor of my dorm in a private suite/private bath. My boyfriend asked me to go to a party with him at his fraternity house. I started getting ready and decided to hop in the shower. Well, first thing I noticed was that the light wouldn't work. Weird. So, I picked up a flashlight and went in the bathroom to see what was up. Lightbulb was unscrewed and on the back of the toilet. I opened the shower curtain to find a naked man in my bathtub. I ran out of the room and down the hall. He managed to escape and get past security. I moved out the next day.

    A month later, I was at a party looking for my roommate and a large guy pushed me against the wall in a back hallway. He started to pull his pants down and I couldn't do anything..he had me pinned (he was over 6 feet tall and over 225...I was 5'7" and 120 lbs). My boyfriend was looking for me and came up behind this...I was crying and he could tell things weren't right. Well, my boyfriend took the absolute worst beating I've ever witnessed. He had extensive plastic surgery and a majority of his teeth are dental implants. We went to court and everything but it was very traumatic...and I felt helpless. The guy that did that tried to press charges on me...because I hit him in the eye with my high-heel. Judge laughed that one off...

    I'm not making excuses but my emotional/mental well-being means more to me than going to school for a semester or two. So, I chose to sit out because my grades were falling and I knew if I wasn't there mentally 100% that I couldn't do well. They'd probably continue to fall...

    I say take time off to recoup. It really does help. Be selfish--focus on yourself. Ride, work, enjoy family and friends, shop, sleep, watch movies, whatever...

    I went home for a semester and my doctors put me on all sorts of awful meds. I stopped those after a few months because they made me zombie like. I did, however, start riding again and my boyfriend realized how important it was to me. He ended up buying a really great little mare for me and she lives about 10 miles from my apartment

    I hate my major, too. I'm going back next semester with hopes of getting back to where I was my Freshman/Sophmore year...

    Best of luck!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2008
    Location
    Goshen NY
    Posts
    2,627

    Default Hay

    Can I just say something? Your college years are going to be remembered as the BEST years of your life...really they will be.

    I would discuss it with your parents and take a year or two off to work. When you actually get working, waking up at whatever time to get to work...you'll be wanting to get back to college - trust me!

    I went to Lake Erie College for two years, dropped out for two years and then finished up at Rhode Island Schoolof Design. There is nothing wrong with taking two years off to work BUT GO BACK!! The job market is just not as good without a college education.

    And, I'd go back for my masters if I had the dough in an instant!!!!!!
    Sorry! But that barn smell is my aromatherapy!
    One of our horsey bumper stickers! www.horsehollowpress.com
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  7. #7
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2006
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    759

    Default

    I hear you!!!

    I'm not in the exact situation, but I understand.

    My horse is at home, I'm two hours away, there aren't any barns on bus routes (and AMEN to the bus thing -- it takes me 5 HOURS to get to walmart and back by bus...5 HOURS!). I do get to ride on the equestrian team, but it's once a week, can't go out and ride any other time, and the horses are not my cup of tea (all girthy and stubborn) (Not to mention most of the girls on the team with me ride only on the team, don't have horses, and don't understand things like not tightening the girth when the horse is just standing around and warming up the bits in the winter).

    And school *is* hard. I'm used to flying through life, graduated high school with a 4.47. Here? It's so difficult just to stay afloat. But it *is* possible! All you have to do is stick it out for a year or so. If your school is like mine, you'll get to have a car next year....then keep your horse where you want! I promise, it will be worth it!

    PM if you ever need to talk ;-)
    To be loved by a horse should fill us with awe, for we hath not deserved it.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    May. 28, 2008
    Posts
    772

    Default

    UGH I know how you're feeling - I am pre-med and my friends is business and often we joke about how our life's calling is really to drop out of school and manage a Burger King . . .

    But you have to stick with it. I'm sorry you're having a rough time emotionally, that sucks. But your job is to go to class. If this were the real world, and not college-land, you can't take a day off because emotionally you're not feeling good - you will lose your job. Likewise with school - you will lose your "job" as a student, due to flunking.

    I would go to your advisors and talk to them about your situation. Look at your life - not just horses - is there anything you're unhappy with? Maybe your major isn't right for you - I was horribly depressed as a communications major because I didn't like my classes and felt like I didn't fit in with my classmates. Then I changed to pre-med and started being interested and liking my classes as opposed to dreading sitting through them. Sometimes it's just a question of finding what works versus what doesn't. If you do like your major, but you're just upset because you're failing and can't ride horses and etc etc poor you and so on and so forth, then you need to buck up or drop out. Stop wasting your money or your parents' money on something that is doomed for failure.

    And if you're thinking your goal in life is to be a horse trainer/professional rider, well that's fine and dandy. But think about it . . . what's going to happen if one day your horse falls, or bucks you off, or goes over on you, or any number of the crazy things that happens with horses, and you're injured to the point of not being able to ride, even for six months? What will be your source of income? What's your fallback? I have a tremendous amount of respect for riders and trainers that go out and work at their passion, not for the money but to do what they love, but they do need to think about the 'what ifs'. So often you see these girls come right out of high school and start riding professionally because they're doing what they love. But what are they going to do if something happens to them? In today's economy, people with a high school education alone are not hard to find, and those jobs are few and far between.

    TL;DR version: Suck it up, get yourself together and get your degree.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2006
    Location
    Clemson, SC
    Posts
    819

    Default

    I hear ya.. I'm similar to sickofcollege. Had a traumatic experience a week ago, can't get over it and don't feel safe here. My ex b/f - god bless him - drove 4 hours at breakneck speed to stay with me and make sure I was ok. It hit home he is the closest thing I have to support (and he's supposed to be an EX!!). I've decided I HAVE to transfer next semester, but having 75 credits and a 3.2 GPA it was a bit of an easier decision for me to suck it up and just finish already! - It's only taken me 8 years to get this far from the time I entered my first semester LMAO!

    I have applied to all colleges that are still accepting applications for spring in the areas I want to go. Now I just am paranoid, the school I am at now has given me SOO much aid with scholarships that I'm worried I won't be able to afford wherever I get accepted.

    I have been lucky enough to have a few horses here to ride, but they won't be wherever I go. I considered going back home with parents and MY horses, but due to the economy and the area they live in there are ZERO jobs, and I have truck payments and such to make. So even if I went to community college there, I would still be in financial debt.

    Well.... let's just say I completely understand. If you need a shoulder, I'm sure along with a few of other posters we're always here for a PM
    Zippos Kryptonite (Reno) 05' AQHA
    Little Miss Understood (Indy) 01' Appaloosa
    The Unturned Stone (Chase) 11' AQHA
    ~ Rescue Mom to: Hope, Ciara, Charlotte, Ace, Knox



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug. 11, 2008
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    3,783

    Default

    Ainsley, I think maybe the first thing you should do is look at changing your major. The 2nd thing you need to do is find friends who are doing well in their own classes, because that's a built in support group who will push you in the right direction.

    Its tough to be away from home and your horses and not be able to ride, my daughter is in the same situation. What has helped her through is that she has picked a peer group that are all focused on doing well in school and she is also aware that she is one of the lucky ones who will be graduating without debt.

    Talk to your parents as well. That's what we're for.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2003
    Location
    Norcross GA
    Posts
    1,994

    Default

    I struggled with the same thing. I wanted nothing more than to be at home, with my barnmates from home, riding my horse at home (although he was at school with me, I missed the whole "at home" part of my life). It got to the point that I was on academic probation, nearing being kicked out of school, and then would have had to found a school at home to transfer to. But, I didn't really want to transfer going into my Junior year so... I found a major/minor combination I liked, got super involved in community-oriented groups (Orientation Committee, Programming Board, Student Activity Advisory Council, etc) and started loading on the classes. I figured out that by taking 5 classes a semester, I would be able to graduate a semester early and be home doing the things I love with the people love.

    A week into what was supposed to be my final semester, I realized I reallllllly like my life up here now, and have decided to take some additional classes this spring -- delaying my graduation. LoL. It all works out in the end!
    TIMBERRIDGE SPORTHORSES:
    www.timberridgesporthorses.com
    --> Just Press Start // '99 Oldenburg
    --> Always The Optimist (reg. Simply Stylin) // '02 Thoroughbred



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2005
    Posts
    3,437

    Default

    The first thing you need to do is to meet with each of your teachers. Beg them to not fail you. Do whatever you need to do, including redoing failed work, submitting extra projects, and studying for many hours per day so you pass as many classes as you can. Don't skip any classes, exams or projects. Showing up is 90% of success.

    Tell your parents not to pay the spring tuition, if they haven't already started sending it in. If you can pass your classes, you may be able to transfer to another school where you would be happier. Taking a few classes at your local community college and living at home is an option. You can probably find some kind of a part time job and have time to ride if you do this.

    Use every moment of the next few weeks to try to pass your classes. Most professors are willing to help, if you put out a huge effort. Passing your classes will make it so much easier to move on to something that you like better than your current school. In a few weeks, after you have passed your classes, you can start thinking about what you want to do.

    Good luck. School can be difficult and discouraging, but is a necessary evil of life.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    May. 18, 2007
    Location
    Norco, CA
    Posts
    923

    Default

    Hmm, okay, admission: I'm a "college" professor and have served as academic advisor to both grads and undergrads. So I'm always tempted to be an advisor when I see posts like this! Sorry in advance Good news: I'm also a former student, of three different colleges. Bad news: I gave up horses throughout my college and postgrad years. Good news: I went back to them as soon as I found a job, and I've never looked back. Even better news: I have been able to afford and have far more freedom to do more with horses in the ways that I want to with the job that I have been able to acquire through the degrees, than I ever could have done without them.

    I can't tell from your post whether you're in your first or third semester. But if its your first - all I can tell you is that it will get easier. And if it's your third - then you have the wrong major. And if your academic advisor isn't helping you - I'm really confident that there are other student counselling resources on campus that can; so please, go look for them. It sounds as though the college is NOT a bad match for you. In fact, there are many things you enjoy about it. So if its the major, and the fact that you miss things about home - including your horse and horse life - then get some good counselling on the major, and remember the horses are really not so very far away.

    Exam time approaching is always tough - don't make irrevocable decisions when you're stressed. And try to imagine (I know it's hard) five, ten, twenty years down the road and what this degree will bring you.

    Good luck!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr. 2, 2004
    Location
    Louisville, KY
    Posts
    3,155

    Default

    It's a tough choice, BUT something to bear in mind...

    It is far easier to stay in school then to try to get in later. If you were to just go ahead and fail your classes this semester, drop out, go home, chill until the summer, and then start applying again...guess what. Not really that attractive of a student to bring in.

    BUT if you stick it out, try to fix what you can now, build a reputation as the girl that had a rough first semester, but stood up, took responsibility, and bounced back...that will get you sooo much further.

    You have your entire life to work and ride... you only get 4 years to be in college.

    And even though it doesn't seem like it now...you will never get these years back, and you will wish you could. I couldn't WAIT to graduate when I was a senior...and now that I have been out in corporate america for 2 1/2 years, i would loooove to be back in college
    Strong promoter of READING the entire post before responding.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul. 16, 2003
    Posts
    2,987

    Default

    First off, get to the tutorial center and get help! Second, if you don't understand the textbooks, try getting some others on the same subject out of the library, skim through the material you're having trouble with, and work some problems. Sometimes a different approach can help.

    You frequently have to put up with some boring classes as prerequisites to get to the more interesting ones. Even if you do change your major, you may still have to put work into the ones you don't like.

    Right now, you don't have time for horses, even if they were available, you need to put as much time into studying as possible.

    Also, check if it is too late to withdraw, rather than fail. In some cases, if you have a medical excuse (including from a counselor), you can get a retroactive withdrawal. While it still isn't good on your record, it's not as bad as all F's. You may also be able to negotiate Incompletes with the instructor, but you need to ask *NOW* about it (then make up the work next term). Try to salvage this term without getting put on academic probation, and get these classes dealt with one way or the other. After that, take some easy general eds for a term, get your grades up, and then decide if you want to switch majors and/or schools.
    Stay me with coffee, comfort me with chocolate, for I am sick of love.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2000
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    12,670

    Default

    If your advisor is "useless", see if you can switch.
    If you haven't spoken to someone in the counseling services at your school, I strongly recommend it.
    As has been said, seek tutoring and speak to your professors. We don't bite. Honest.
    "It's like a Russian nesting doll of train wrecks."--CaitlinandTheBay

    ...just settin' on the Group W bench.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 9, 2007
    Posts
    686

    Default

    1) Talk to your teachers. Show them how much it means to you to pass your classes and get the best grades you can. They don't know why you're missing classes; you just aren't showing up and not turning work in. If you really want to pass, put forth the effort and do everything you can to make the grades. Ask your teachers for extra credit. Don't tell yourself that you hate a class. Sure they are difficult and challenging, but don't build up a block against something. That is never going to help you out. You just have to learn how to deal with those less preferred classes. Pass this semester. Remind yourself that you WILL pass.

    2) Switch your advisor if the one you have currently isn't helpful. It happens. Talk to him/her about everything you've brought up here. Switching schools doesn't change your transcript. Besides, you love the school, location and people, right?

    3) If the healthiest thing for you after the semester is to take some time off to get a handle on yourself emotionally, that might be the best thing to do. Maybe you just need a short break. DO NOT just laze around. Any break means you're getting your life in order, organizing yourself so you can avoid collapse. Making schedules or practicing study habits. Talking to a doctor and getting counseling and/or meds. Whatever it takes to keep you on track.

    4) Horses are wonderful to re-center yourself and maintain your sanity, but they are a luxury. Have your reward at the end of each week to be going to the barn. Maybe turn the long journey into something effective. A slow bus means plenty of time for studying. Then you have a mile to walk/jog or bike even.

    5) Everyone is afraid of failure, but don't let that fear paralyze you. It can control you, it can overwhelm you - but remember. You have control of the brain that is telling you that. Don't wait until you feel like something to do it. It's not going to get easier the longer you wait to do something. If you, your family/doctor/whoever else is involved decide that it would be best for you to take some time off, your friends should be at least a little understanding. If not, they probably aren't worth it. And it looks like you're planning to continue a college education, so you're hardly "just another island bum that couldn't hack it at college."

    You are passing the semester, remember? And you're going to go back. You aren't a failure. You're going to have some horse time on the weekends, and you love the school you're at.

    ABOVE ALL, no matter how much of a cliche it is, your attitude is everything.

    I speak from experience. Think positive, and if you're feeling down, talk to somebody. Don't let that evil cycle repeat itself.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 21, 2006
    Posts
    1,006

    Default

    Another college professor here and a parent with a college age kid who has chosen to take some time off after high school.

    Guess i am going to say some strange things and some things like other people.
    1. See if you can finish out the semester sucessfully (that is with passing grades) - You should only do this if you are really willing to do the work that will be necessary to get it done (Think about it as a short term agony that accomplishes a specific goal and is then over) make an appointment with each professor and be straight forward and honest. Tell them that you would like to pass their course and then ask what you would need to do (even better if you can make a proposal about how you will get it done) Most teachers will make accomodations and adjustments for a student that really puts in the effort to turn things around.
    2. After the semester - I have found that sticking with it sometimes means pulling back... It may be that being in school right now is not for the best (or it may be) but make a real assessment of this yourself and then have an open minded discussion with your parents. You should have a plan about what you will do if it is not school
    3. Have a time schedule - when will you get back to school and how will you get your degree
    4. Think about how horses fit into your life - primary, secomdary, recreational only



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    809

    Default

    Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I'm just sick of not being able to make up my mind. It's driving me crazy, and I KNOW that I need to decide to do something, I just cannot seem to be able to do so. I'm going to try to go meet with someone tomorrow about switching to a different major. I'm in the College of Life Sciences and Agriculture as a Pre-Vet major right now...do NOT like it, lol. I want to switch to the 2-year applied science school, and do the animal science major. I'm going to see if I can withdraw from chem and bio and I'll just stick with psych and anthropology, and I'll just have some bad grades instead of an "F". But thanks again for the help!
    "On the back of a horse I felt whole, complete, connected to that vital place in the center of me...and the chaos within me found balance."



  20. #20
    Join Date
    May. 31, 2007
    Location
    Aiken, SC
    Posts
    4,696

    Default

    If you are told you cannot withdraw without getting an F since its past midterm--TALK TO YOUR PROFESSORS!

    Tell them the truth. You are depressed and barely getting out of bed. Its overwhelming. They are human and at the 3 schools I have taught at they did have the power to not fail you even after the stated policy date. Do what you need to do to protect your transcripts even if you have to cry.

    I taught study skills and orientation for a year and saw many kids in the same boat as you. You are not failing yet and you have a break next week and some time to breath.

    Those hard science classes are tough. Its gets easier. Get counseling while you are at school and its free. Find a new adviser to talk with even if he or she does not actually register you for school.

    If you need to take a semester off then do so. You can study for the someday science classes during your break. The average college degree takes 5-6 years these days. Lots of people have problems and younger people were burned out by the time hey got to undergrad school.



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