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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2004
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    Ft. Lauderdale, FL
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    1,096

    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd. View Post
    "Engaaaage your crotch!"
    RACETB, dahhhhhhhhhling you must share the "PINK STORY!!" with those who weren't privileged to have been there or herd the story!!!!!
    Aefvue Farm Ft.Lauderdale



  2. #42
    Join Date
    Apr. 6, 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
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    2,889

    Default

    Andrew my old sweetheart! Anything for you:

    It was a dark and stormy night. No wait. In the Paleozoic era, "Indoors" consisted of the big three; Washington, Harrisburg and Madison Square Garden, NYC. Tack Room judging took place during these three horse shows, and it was serious business. Big Farms had rich velvet tack drapes, hauled out just for the big three. A time was set aside for assigned judges, imperious men, top hatted, in full mourning dress with clipboards in hand, to peruse each stable with it's owner hovering nearby.

    GM's tack room was a vision to behold. Thick black velvet drapes were drawn just so with gleaming snaffle bits. Soft track lighting accentuated a small mahogony table...a lovely old hunt whip it's centerpiece. Surely it would take first prize!!

    Now, nearby the the glamourous equine event, there stood a popular shop called "The Pleasure Chest", replete with an array of gargantuan marital aids of a startling pink colour not found in nature. BNTs, grooms and riders alike, flocked to Ye Olde Dildo Shoppe in great numbers throughout the week, if only to bask in the pink glow and rhythmic hum of the above mentioned apparatus [es].

    ....but there was one glorious phallus that eclipsed all others. As if Melville's great white whale had been beached on the shores of The Pleasure Chest [and dyed a grotesque pink], we stood in awe and wonder over the massive thing for hours on end. The Moby Dick of...well, dicks.

    The night of the tack room judging had come. The tall, stern men with clip boards moved slowly through the burnished drapes and shining bits. As they neared the beautiful Hunterdon, GM joined them on their sedate walk to his tack room. The group peered through the velvet curtains...and there, spot lighted on the table where the hunting whip once lay...A MIRACLE!!! The whip had been removed and in it's place...THE GREAT PINK!!! Oh! How it shown with glistening oils and seemed to positivly writhe with pornographic regalness!!!

    The solemn arbiters of taste did not so much as blink, and God bless him, neither did GM. The wonderous whale was barely acknowledged!! How could this be?! Ah, wounds of Christ..LOOK at the thing!!! One can only guess what notations were made upon those clip boards that fateful night. I like to think declarations of adoration and descriptions of awe and glory were transcribed in those ledgers. One can only hope.

    On a lighter note..Mr. Darby and Stewart were found crouched in a nearby feed stall, gasping for breath...with suspicious wet spots on the crotch of their trousers. One must draw one's own conclusions.


    Times and traditions in the horse world shift and change, much of the old grandeur has been lost; But for one brief shining moment, there was a gigantic shocking pink dildo in the Hunterdon tack room.
    __________________
    http://community.webshots.com/user/racetb

    *Save The Prairie Dog*
    \"Jean Louise, stand up. Your father\'s passing.\"



  3. #43
    Join Date
    Sep. 14, 2000
    Location
    Goochland, VA
    Posts
    8,555

    Default

    Racey, I hope you have that story saved somewhere so all you have to do is cut and paste it at every new request!!!
    Laurie
    Finding, preparing, showing and training young hunters, in hand and performance.
    www.juniorjohnsontrainingandsales.com



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2008
    Posts
    18

    Default

    I remember Don proudly wearing a strap-on on the outside of his pants at Harrisburg one year. It had to be around 72 or thereabouts. Was that when this happened with George?



  5. #45
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 1999
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    4,294

    Default

    I have had a craptastic two weeks. I think this is the first time I've laughed out loud. THANK YOU!!
    Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. - Gandhi



  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jul. 12, 2001
    Location
    Carlsbad, California, USA
    Posts
    759

    Default

    Ahhh, Darling Race, you have captured and recounted the glory of the Garden and the heroes of the past. Such glory! Such Fun! Let's return!
    Standing Just The Best, More Than Luck & Lots of Luck www.tishquirk.com



  7. #47
    Join Date
    Apr. 6, 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    2,889

    Default

    LOL!!! Yes Laurie..It's in the "FEAR AND LOATHING "...We'll throw them all up again soon. Though it won't be the same without Erin the ex moderator screaming bloody murder at me. I miss that girl.
    http://community.webshots.com/user/racetb

    *Save The Prairie Dog*
    \"Jean Louise, stand up. Your father\'s passing.\"



  8. #48
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2004
    Location
    Ft. Lauderdale, FL
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    1,096

    Talking BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks Andrea :-) what a way to start off my day!!!

    It would be hilarious if we could recreate this and post it on youtube heheheh.....

    Hi Laurie and Tish great seeing you here
    Aefvue Farm Ft.Lauderdale



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2004
    Location
    Ft. Lauderdale, FL
    Posts
    1,096

    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd. View Post
    LOL!!! Yes Laurie..It's in the "FEAR AND LOATHING "...We'll throw them all up again soon. Though it won't be the same without Erin the ex moderator screaming bloody murder at me. I miss that girl.

    We sure could get her going couldn't we LOL... she was such a shrinking violet LOL
    Aefvue Farm Ft.Lauderdale



  10. #50
    Join Date
    Jan. 22, 2000
    Location
    Coastal South Carolina :-)
    Posts
    3,948

    Default

    I didn't just LOL at your story, I just snorted~ like a little piggy! Our boss at the Stampede wound up with a giant pink strap-on tied to the grill of his dually one night. There are still pics floating around somewhere....
    Crayola posse~ orange yellow, official pilot
    Proud owner of "High Flight" & "Shorty"



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Jul. 14, 2004
    Location
    Virginia. We Do Ponies!
    Posts
    11,821

    Thumbs up

    Race needs to publish a book! It would be a HUGE seller!!!!!!!!
    Randee Beckman ~Otteridge Farm, LLC (http://on.fb.me/1iJEqvR)~ Marketing Manager - The Clothes Horse & Jennifer Oliver, Equine Insurance Specialist



  12. #52
    Join Date
    May. 14, 2008
    Posts
    686

    Default

    Dear.....God.....can't.....breathe.....trying....n ot....to...laugh! Work people too serious to understand......

    That is HYSTERICAL!!!



  13. #53
    Join Date
    Apr. 6, 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
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    Default

    Screw it..You youngins' to COTH haven't read the Fear and Loathing stories..so I'll hijack the thread and give you another:

    In fond memory of Mike Cohen:

    "It was a dark and stormy night. No, wait. Sussex County Fair, many moons ago. The fine denizens if Mike Cohen's Lotus Farm were stabled next to an Arabian Farm for the duration. The shining red tack drapes complete with glowing lanterns, eclipsed our sad little h/j set up and hurt our eyes all week. Rivers of Heineken could not dull our senses to the noise and garish trappings next door. Ensconced in the A-Rab stalls, there lived what I can only assume was "THE ALL TIME UNDISPUTED CHAMPION IN HAND TWO YEAR OLD A-RAB OF THE WORLD!". He was owned by a corpulent bottle blonde woman, clad daily in a tight angora sweater with what I thought, in the days before breast augmentation, were two hunt caps shoved up inside it. She was a proud woman..proud of her undisputed champion, whom she bridled up and brought forth to pose in front of the Lotus tackroom and our esteemed trainer Mikey EVERY FIVE MINUTES for a week, to be ogled by his many crazed admirers. Finally, merciful fathers,..it was Sunday. We had only the Grand Prix with Dreamy Sam, and could leave this freak show and make our escape in the Grateful Dead stickered Lotus van. About noon, Mikey, in his usual stance..rocked back in his director's chair, Tarreyton hanging from his lips, NY TIMES in front of his face, festooned with cigarette burns and the ubiquitous Heinekin lodged between his legs...began to stir. JUST THEN, our blonde friend rushed into view, blinged A-Rab show bridle whirling like a disco ball in her red lacquered fingertips. Mikey leaned back in his chair with a resigned sigh and some mumbled Bronx phrases not worth repeating. The fiery steed was brought out to a large group of admirers for his final pose..WHEN SUDDENLY, the brute reared straight in the air!..his bit catching on the proud owner's sweater and pulling it right off her Dolly Partonesque midriff. No bra..and those weren't hunt caps shoved under there..Mother of God they were HUGE!! As the fiery steed tore across the show grounds, mohair sweater flapping from his bridle like a banner of victory ...the owner stood frozen in place, unaware of the mountains of astonishing flesh heaving in the sun. At this point, several A-Rab admirers stopped staring long enough to warily drape something over the startling bosoms..but the crazed women threw them off and tore screaming [still topless] across the showgrounds to retrieve her undisputed champion. Mikey, at this point, had tipped over in his chair..and was staring heavenward from a pool of beer soaked newspaper hysterically screaming "THERE IS A GOD!!!!!"
    http://community.webshots.com/user/racetb

    *Save The Prairie Dog*
    \"Jean Louise, stand up. Your father\'s passing.\"



  14. #54
    Join Date
    Sep. 14, 2000
    Location
    Goochland, VA
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    Default

    It's too bad Mikey is gone, as knowing HIM would add to the story just like knowing GM adds to the big pink's story!!
    Laurie
    Finding, preparing, showing and training young hunters, in hand and performance.
    www.juniorjohnsontrainingandsales.com



  15. #55
    Join Date
    Apr. 6, 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    2,889

    Default

    That it would Laurie... I miss our old Bronx Cowboy
    http://community.webshots.com/user/racetb

    *Save The Prairie Dog*
    \"Jean Louise, stand up. Your father\'s passing.\"



  16. #56
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2004
    Location
    New York, New York
    Posts
    69

    Default

    My favorite two are: (as I was riding thru a gymnastic) "Look at me ! Look at Me! You look like you have seen the face of God! "The other was a comment about another rider in the clinic: "She has the conformation, but does not have the concentration."



  17. #57
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2001
    Posts
    5,097

    Default

    I believe I saw LaurieP in the crowd when he dished this one out to a rider at Morven last fall - Laurie can correct me if I've mangled it, but something like:

    "You're an excellent student. It makes you look like you're a better rider than you are."



  18. #58
    Join Date
    Jul. 1, 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,449

    Default

    hahahahaha Racetb...you definetly need to write a book! That is a fabulous way to write a story! love it!! and too funny!!
    "If you are nervous you arent focused-if you are focused, there is no room for nerves!"




  19. #59
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2008
    Location
    missouri
    Posts
    1,158

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    since it appears that we old timers are apparently immune from being considered vulger...... ( the great gif of storytelling is a lost art), i will tell a story which is legend, but which i never actually heard the great man say. it is so in character, i know it simply has to be true.

    when observing a balky, frustrating and obviously in season mare, the comment was.... "that mare must be a lesbian, because she certainly needs a good licking"..............



  20. #60
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    Jun. 30, 2008
    Location
    at work and the barn...middle of nowhere PA
    Posts
    247

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fair judy View Post
    since it appears that we old timers are apparently immune from being considered vulger...... ( the great gif of storytelling is a lost art), i will tell a story which is legend, but which i never actually heard the great man say. it is so in character, i know it simply has to be true.

    when observing a balky, frustrating and obviously in season mare, the comment was.... "that mare must be a lesbian, because she certainly needs a good licking"..............
    Oh my! I am alternating between laughing and cringing!

    Yikes!!!!!



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