The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst ... 234
Results 61 to 70 of 70
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Nov. 9, 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd. View Post
    Andrew my old sweetheart! Anything for you:

    It was a dark and stormy night. No wait. In the Paleozoic era, "Indoors" consisted of the big three; Washington, Harrisburg and Madison Square Garden, NYC. Tack Room judging took place during these three horse shows, and it was serious business. Big Farms had rich velvet tack drapes, hauled out just for the big three. A time was set aside for assigned judges, imperious men, top hatted, in full mourning dress with clipboards in hand, to peruse each stable with it's owner hovering nearby.

    GM's tack room was a vision to behold. Thick black velvet drapes were drawn just so with gleaming snaffle bits. Soft track lighting accentuated a small mahogony table...a lovely old hunt whip it's centerpiece. Surely it would take first prize!!

    Now, nearby the the glamourous equine event, there stood a popular shop called "The Pleasure Chest", replete with an array of gargantuan marital aids of a startling pink colour not found in nature. BNTs, grooms and riders alike, flocked to Ye Olde Dildo Shoppe in great numbers throughout the week, if only to bask in the pink glow and rhythmic hum of the above mentioned apparatus [es].

    ....but there was one glorious phallus that eclipsed all others. As if Melville's great white whale had been beached on the shores of The Pleasure Chest [and dyed a grotesque pink], we stood in awe and wonder over the massive thing for hours on end. The Moby Dick of...well, dicks.

    The night of the tack room judging had come. The tall, stern men with clip boards moved slowly through the burnished drapes and shining bits. As they neared the beautiful Hunterdon, GM joined them on their sedate walk to his tack room. The group peered through the velvet curtains...and there, spot lighted on the table where the hunting whip once lay...A MIRACLE!!! The whip had been removed and in it's place...THE GREAT PINK!!! Oh! How it shown with glistening oils and seemed to positivly writhe with pornographic regalness!!!

    The solemn arbiters of taste did not so much as blink, and God bless him, neither did GM. The wonderous whale was barely acknowledged!! How could this be?! Ah, wounds of Christ..LOOK at the thing!!! One can only guess what notations were made upon those clip boards that fateful night. I like to think declarations of adoration and descriptions of awe and glory were transcribed in those ledgers. One can only hope.

    On a lighter note..Mr. Darby and Stewart were found crouched in a nearby feed stall, gasping for breath...with suspicious wet spots on the crotch of their trousers. One must draw one's own conclusions.

    Times and traditions in the horse world shift and change, much of the old grandeur has been lost; But for one brief shining moment, there was a gigantic shocking pink dildo in the Hunterdon tack room.

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! (LOL TIMES A MILLION)

    Blitz <3 & Leap of Faith <3

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Nov. 9, 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Racetb*Aefvue Farm*Biziz Ltd. View Post
    Screw it..You youngins' to COTH haven't read the Fear and Loathing I'll hijack the thread and give you another:

    In fond memory of Mike Cohen:

    "It was a dark and stormy night. No, wait. Sussex County Fair, many moons ago. The fine denizens if Mike Cohen's Lotus Farm were stabled next to an Arabian Farm for the duration. The shining red tack drapes complete with glowing lanterns, eclipsed our sad little h/j set up and hurt our eyes all week. Rivers of Heineken could not dull our senses to the noise and garish trappings next door. Ensconced in the A-Rab stalls, there lived what I can only assume was "THE ALL TIME UNDISPUTED CHAMPION IN HAND TWO YEAR OLD A-RAB OF THE WORLD!". He was owned by a corpulent bottle blonde woman, clad daily in a tight angora sweater with what I thought, in the days before breast augmentation, were two hunt caps shoved up inside it. She was a proud woman..proud of her undisputed champion, whom she bridled up and brought forth to pose in front of the Lotus tackroom and our esteemed trainer Mikey EVERY FIVE MINUTES for a week, to be ogled by his many crazed admirers. Finally, merciful fathers, was Sunday. We had only the Grand Prix with Dreamy Sam, and could leave this freak show and make our escape in the Grateful Dead stickered Lotus van. About noon, Mikey, in his usual stance..rocked back in his director's chair, Tarreyton hanging from his lips, NY TIMES in front of his face, festooned with cigarette burns and the ubiquitous Heinekin lodged between his legs...began to stir. JUST THEN, our blonde friend rushed into view, blinged A-Rab show bridle whirling like a disco ball in her red lacquered fingertips. Mikey leaned back in his chair with a resigned sigh and some mumbled Bronx phrases not worth repeating. The fiery steed was brought out to a large group of admirers for his final pose..WHEN SUDDENLY, the brute reared straight in the air!..his bit catching on the proud owner's sweater and pulling it right off her Dolly Partonesque midriff. No bra..and those weren't hunt caps shoved under there..Mother of God they were HUGE!! As the fiery steed tore across the show grounds, mohair sweater flapping from his bridle like a banner of victory ...the owner stood frozen in place, unaware of the mountains of astonishing flesh heaving in the sun. At this point, several A-Rab admirers stopped staring long enough to warily drape something over the startling bosoms..but the crazed women threw them off and tore screaming [still topless] across the showgrounds to retrieve her undisputed champion. Mikey, at this point, had tipped over in his chair..and was staring heavenward from a pool of beer soaked newspaper hysterically screaming "THERE IS A GOD!!!!!"
    AHHHHAHAHAHAH!!! another hilarious story. i think this one and the GM dildo story is my favourite.

    i love this thread ! it should be published, it would be a great book!

    Blitz <3 & Leap of Faith <3

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2006
    Constant State of Delusion


    OMG, I just cracked up at my desk, and got caught playing around on the internets by my boss!

    but it was worth it, just to read the last 2 stories that Superpony quoted- I hadn't even seen the rest of the thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Martha Drum View Post
    ...But I don't want to sit helmetless on my horse while he lies on the ground kicking a ball around without a bridle while Leatherface does an interpretive dance with his chainsaw around us.

  4. #64
    trauts Guest


    Said to a boy, although I don't know if I have it exactly right:

    "you ride like an ape in heat sitting on a tree limb"

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Sep. 14, 2000
    Goochland, VA


    Quote Originally Posted by GotSpots View Post
    I believe I saw LaurieP in the crowd when he dished this one out to a rider at Morven last fall - Laurie can correct me if I've mangled it, but something like:

    "You're an excellent student. It makes you look like you're a better rider than you are."
    Yes, he did, and it means that even though you may not be a great natural talent, if you are a good student and can LISTEN and then perform what he has told you to do, you can become a very, very good rider. He will also tell you that he would rather have a student with desire/ability to listen, than a natural talent.
    Finding, preparing, showing and training young hunters, in hand and performance.

  6. #66
    MacaroniNoodle Guest


    I've lurked here forever, and I had to join just to throw in my two:

    After reducing one woman to tears, he turns away in disgust and announces, "You have to break eggs in order to make an omlet."


    There was a boy riding in one of his clinics who just wasn't getting it for whatever reason. George is kinda just looking at him, contemplating, when he notices the horse's bit-

    George: "What bit is that in your horse's mouth?"

    Boy: "A Happy Mouth Bit."

    George (recoiling): "Happy hands make for a happy mouth."

  7. #67
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2008
    Snohomish, WA


    GM pink story is fabulous as is A-RAB!! OMG

  8. #68
    Join Date
    Mar. 17, 2004

    Default Yes, one I always remember, from his video "The Science of Riding"

    Quote Originally Posted by lauriep View Post
    Yes, he did, and it means that even though you may not be a great natural talent, if you are a good student and can LISTEN and then perform what he has told you to do, you can become a very, very good rider. He will also tell you that he would rather have a student with desire/ability to listen, than a natural talent.
    It's AT-IT-TUDE, not AP-TI-TUDE that really matters.

    God bless GM, may he never retire.

    I finally got to see him in person, about 6 years ago, in Saint Louis, and sit and watch him give a day's worth of group lessons.

    It was a hot July day, and one of the riders, a teenage girl, walked her horse over to the fence during a lesson, so that her mom could hand her a water bottle. George did NOT look kindly on this. He said, "Those soldiers in Iraq, now I'm sure they could use a drink of water, but you can WAIT!"..... up until then, I thought that he might have mellowed with age. Overall, he was much nicer than I expected, esp. after hearing about his reputation for years.
    What's the scoop?

  9. #69
    Join Date
    Dec. 10, 2005


    Quote Originally Posted by palmettoshorty View Post
    Sadly, the Camden Equestrian Center closed. So now they're having it at the T.E Garrison Arena in Clemson.
    **RIP Kickstart aka Char 12/2/2009**

  10. #70
    Join Date
    Sep. 12, 2001


    __ /\

    "Use your BRAINS, people!"
    "Is that BLONDE hair under your helmet?"
    "This saddle makes me feel like I'm kneeling in church. Do I look like a church man to you?"
    "Not even Bill Gates can buy a seat."

    (Plus more I can't think of ATM... )

Similar Threads

  1. Quotes you`d rather not hear!
    By denny in forum Eventing
    Replies: 287
    Last Post: Feb. 11, 2009, 08:22 PM
  2. How to do quotes, bold, etc.
    By Janet in forum Help Forum
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: Mar. 23, 2006, 11:28 PM
  3. Horse related quotes, sayings, proverbs?
    By M. O'Connor in forum Favorites
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: Nov. 16, 2003, 04:55 PM
  4. Trainer Quotes
    By Jaysee in forum Off Course
    Replies: 126
    Last Post: Oct. 28, 2002, 05:47 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts